Memorial Service

[Trudy]

A friend of mine recently passed away. Her request was t be cremated and no funeral but rather a memorial service to be held a local golf club she belonged to. I am going and I is Monday and I am in a quandary as what to wear? Do I need to wear a black dress or can I go a little more colorful? Believe me Nancy would understand. Also do I need to wear hose? If I wear black dress can dress it up a bit with some color? If I wear a black dress I was thinking of adding a yellow scarf and belt and perhaps my yellow pumps. Suggestions or ideas?

[Stephanie H]

Traditional black dress. However, I have over the past several years see other types of dress.
It colored skirts and many times slacks and a nice blouse.
Do not be overboard.

[Anthony Simon]

I know when I went to by dad's funeral (as a guy), I wore a dark grey suit. The men all wore some sort of dark suit with some colour or other in the tie. I have the impression there was a lot more variation in the women, with muted colours rather than dark and some flashes of colour in scarves etc.

[Karen Ski]

Sorry for your loss Trudy. When my aunt passed away she had requested a similar type of memorial service. As her closest living relative I went with a LBD wit black sheer hose and black pumps however I did brighten it up a touch with a red scarf. It wasn't a bright red but definitely added some color. I don't knowhow close you were to your friend but the black dress with the yellow scarf and belt sounds good in my opinion. Not sure about the yellow shoes. Personally I would go with black shoes. As for hose that is a personal choice in today's world. If it were me I would probably wear hose but go with a skin tone shade.

[DonnaT]

Sorry for your loss.

What to wear depends on how casual her friends are. At my FIL's funeral SIL wore a white blouse and black slacks while her husband wore shorts (I wore a suit and tie). Some of the people dressed casual while others wore what they wear to church on Sundays.

If it is going to be on the golf course, I'd suggest flats instead of heels, especially if it is on a putting green.

[Davita]

Trudy, sorry for your loss.

I agree with the flats and muted colors. I also know a pop of color not so bold will be fine. Hose? I wear hose based on temperature. Now silly me is wondering what about a golfing outfit? It seems your friend was an avid golfer and you're at a golf course. Wear a black arm band (or scarf) if you go the golfing route. Do you have other woman going to the funeral you can ask what they are thinking of wearing? Maybe you girls can do some kind of tribute to your friend.

[Deidre Taylor]

I would probably do the black dress Trudy although you might want to brighten it up a bit. Perhaps the yellow belt but I would leave the scarf at home and wear black shoes, if you go with heels take a pair of flats for just in case. As for hose it is up to you and how you feel you look without them. I personally would wear hose but probably a neutral shade and not black.

[Sarah Ann]

Trudy, deepest condolences.

What makes this a head scratcher is the unconventional location and format. IMHO, conventional funerals are afternoon formal black on black from hat to shoes by way of a dress or skirt/slack suit unless the family specifies otherwise, but this is a wild card. I'd try to consult with some of the other ladies going, who may be asking themselves the same question. A united front is good.

Besides dressy black flats, you might consider something with a full length wedge that can negotiate soft ground.

[Diana Michelle]

I have been to funeral lunches and memorial services at all sorts of locations over the years. I held the funeral lunch after the services for my second husband at a local golf club we belonged to. It was typical funeral attire obviously. I guess the true question here is what do you want to wear Trudy? Being a memorial service and not a full blown funeral I am sure people will being wearing everything from very casual to funeral style clothes. Wear what you are comfortable in and what you believe your friend would like to see you in. I do vote for at least taking flats if you don't wear them as a jus in case as believe someone already suggested.

[Eileen (SO)]

Dear Trudy,

Although this is not the usual venue for a wake, it is a memorial to the person passed. Deepest respect should be paid to the departed, condolences to family and closest friends. You should dress nicely in subdued fashion, not try to make a fashion statement. You don't need to go all black, subdued colors are fine.

Eileen

[Trudy]

I did follow everyone's advice and go subdued. I wore the LBD with a black belt, nude hose and black pumps. It was an indoor affair so the fats were needed. Now I have to face my own mother's memorial service. This time I feel the need to brighten it up as to celebrate her life rather than her death. I can mourn privately and in my way. I think I will do the LBD with the yellow accessories. I have already talked with my sister about this outfit and she says Mom would like that and is planning on something similar. Not sure when that will be, probably Friday. Have to ,make the arrangements this afternoon. Not planning on anything big as mot of her friends and family are already gone.