Are there any Mum's out there?

[Cathii]

On the 28th of September 2005 I came out to my mother. The circumstances in which I came out to her were not good as my youngest daughter had gone missing 2 days before and I was reasonably certain my ex-wife was responsible. My ex lives in Qld which is a very long way from Western Australia and would require my daughter who was 13 at the time to have transferred between at least 3 planes for the journey. An abusive phone call from my ex the day before confirmed that she knew of my transexuality and was plainly not impressed at my “change of lifestyle” as she called it.

I was petrified my mother would find out from my ex who can be quite vindictive so I asked the only family member that knew at the time, my sister, what I should do. She suggested coming out to Mum, telling her before my ex had a chance to. So that is how it happened.

On Tuesday this week, after being in girl mode for the entire day, which included meeting my eldest daughters boyfriends parents for the first time, and with Mum never having “met” Cathii, I decided to phone her and tell her that I would be coming around as planned, but that I would be in girl mode for the visit. Her response was not good, saying that she would prefer if I didn’t and that she didn’t understand any of this.

I have since sent her an email asking her to contact Penni SO (with Penni’s permission of course, thanks Penni) if she wanted to talk to anyone else, and perhaps get more information. I am not sure she will take up that option, which leaves me in a very awkward and painful position as I intend to go full time within the next 3 months (preferably sooner seeing as the whole office at my new job already know about my situation despite me not even having started the job yet)

The only other option I can see is sitting down and confronting her with the information and trying to make her understand that this is who I am. But I can’t see that option being very productive.

I need help! I don’t know how to approach this situation. Please if there any mothers out there of trans* children / adults how do I make her aware that after I go fulltime that is it, I can’t go back to boy mode for anything?

I love my Mum very much and have always been very close to her, I don’t want to lose her.

Cathii

[DonnaT]

I suggest you do as you intended, but take your sister with you for support.

The two of you together might get her to listen.

Additionally, if you can get it, the book "True Selves" may be helpful.

http://www.amazon.com/True-Selves-Under ... 0787902713

http://www.gendercentre.org.au/ppff_books.htm

Good luck.