Is My Wife Trying to Understand Me?

[Jamie Sue]

I know that for some of you this might relate, my SO has told me that she does not what to know about my CD'ing, she not happy with it at all, but at the same time she has not done or reacted about when I wear my outfits in front of her (Not much maybe a tank top with matching bra), I know that she love's me because she tells me all the time, but when it comes to me dressing up in front of her, (not full blown ), there is no reaction that I can tell. However for Christmas she bought me a man's shirt that was pink, she said that it match the colors that I have in the closet that I believed she never looked in. I guess the question is do you think that see is trying to tell me something? My Wife and I don't seem to be able to talk about my CD'ing. I would love some sound advise about how to advance from here.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, Jamie Sue -

You say your wife bought you a man's pink shirt for Christmas, because it matched your femme outfits? My opinion would be that she feels that if you wish to wear femme colors then it should be in men's styles, not women's. On the other hand, she may be trying to accept Jamie Sue but having a hard time buying her husband women's clothes.

I really think you should have a sit-down talk with your wife (the sooner, the better) and ask her these questions, and more. Remember, you need to keep the lines of communication open, be honest and confident in your answers, and be willing to compromise without giving in to ultimatums.

That's my read on the situation, anyway, and I hope this helps.



- SL

[Penni SO]

Hi JamieSue,

I think your wife is doing the best she can...in her way of meeting your needs.As she bought you the pink mans shirt ,I am thinking she is trying to meet you half way.
For example she might be thinking..o.k you like the softer colours women get to wear,then why not wear those colours in male attire etc.

I agree that you need to have a discussion with your wife,however maybe finding some information for her to read on crossdressing might be the first step...this way she can ask questions first,which then gives you an opportunity to be completely honest with her.

As she never say's anything when your partially femme,I'm thinking she maybe ignoring it in the hope that because you have'nt got a reaction,you may stop.

Also there is another answer to all this,she may not talk about it etc,because its o.k.
You will only find out how she feels,if you take the time to talk to her.

Goodluck,
Hugs Penny

[Jess(SO)]

Jamie Sue

Perhaps, and if you think it would help feel free to give her my email address. I only found out 5 months ago that my partner is a crossdresser, so maybe it will help if she feels that she can talk to somebody in private about how she is feeling, at the beginning I felt so alone, unable to use my normal channels of support, it's not the sort of thing you bring up over coffee with the girls.

Jess

[Gardenia_SO]

Hi Jamie Sue,

Yes, I think your SO is coming to terms with your CD'ing in her own way. It's really hard at first to accept, and by buying you a pink shirt in a man's style, she might have been making an attempt to make both of you happy. As SL and Penni have suggested, she might be more comfortable giving you a men's shirt in a traditionally feminine color.

My advice to you is to go slowly. Don't expect her to instantly be OK with your CDing, but you should expect her to make an effort to understand. It's about taking baby steps--get her used to seeing you in the tank top and bra first, and then gradually work up to makeup and wigs, etc. It's quite a shock at first.

Sometime you probably will need to talk about your CDing. It's going to come up either at a time when you're both really comfortable or when you're both frustrated. Hopefully you'll talk when you're relaxed and comfortable, since she's likely to be more receptive then.

One other piece of advice: when you guys are on a date or intimate, make sure you're in guy mode unless you're 100% sure that she's into you when your en femme.

Good luck! Keep us posted.

[Jamie Sue]

Thank you all so much for your replys, I can see what you all are talking about. Sometimes I lose track about how or what my wife is thinking , I do try to talk to her when I believe that she is willing (she started to talk to me on christmas eve about something to do with CD'ing but the phone rang and it was one of her friends she hadn't heard from in a long while and of course by the time they were off the phone hours later the moment was lost and it was past time for bed). I hoping that she will approach it again this weekend. I do follow the Baby step idea with everything I do now, so as not to push her away or isolate her. I'm still trying to come up with a way for her to at lease read the posts on this forum, but I don't want to seem like I'm forcing something upon her that she is not ready for or possibly not willing to do. Thanks again for all your wonderful comments and Jess(SO) for your offer of support to my wife . I'll keep you all updated as often as I can.

Jamie Sue

[Georgia(SO)]

I too think she is trying to accept this as best she can. For some, including myself, I had to work it out in my own head first before I could talk about it with my guy. It was really hard for me to picture him dressed, really hard to get my brain around the idea that this macho guy with the big bushy mustache dressed up as a very girly woman. I just couldn't make the two images work together.

Further, I was really afraid that I would do something stupid like just stare at him - something that would hurt his feelings. Perhaps this is what is going on with your wife.

I too think that her purchase of a pink man's shirt is probably a sweet, if off the mark, attempt to give you colors you like in attire that she's more accustomed too.

I don't, however, agree, with the other SOs ideas of you starting a conversation about CDing. The phrase "We need to talk" strikes terror in the hearts of gg's too! Sooner or later, the opportunity will present itself to discuss this. I promise you, just because she is not talking about it doesn't mean that it isn't bouncing around in her head. Since she didn't run screaming from the room, and her gift of a pink shirt to match your other things suggests that she is trying to wrap her brain around it, I would suggest you let her take the lead in conversation. That can take a long time to happen - I'll bet it was a year or more before I could figure out how to ask my guy about this.

-georgia(so)