Oklahoma Support group

[Wesley]

Apologies if this is being posted in the wrong section.

I am looking into the possibility of starting an new crossdressing support group in the Oklahoma city area.

Simular to the old Sigma Beta Tri Ess group.. If anyone is interested or has any helpful suggestions or thoughts, please contact me. . .

[Kelly]

Here is an Oldie for you

Well, I've never been to heaven
But I've been to Oklahoma
Oh, they tell me I was born there
But I really don't remember

Just came to mind when I read your post.

Heh, I wasn't born in Oklahoma, but was in Oklahoma City for some meetings once.

I can't help you, cause I'm far, far, away. But hope that you find success, interest, and your new group flourishes. I, for one, am rooting for your nascent group.

It is going to be hard work. Have you contacted founders of similar groups in other major cities to see what they did that worked (and what the did that didn't work)?

Kelly.

[Wesley]

Interesting update on the idea of an Oklahoma support group for crossdressers.

I had posted some notices in several places, here, Susans Transgender, and Fetlife. (Gold is where you find it)

In each case, I clarify that I am looking to start a support group for CROSSDRESSERS. . Got one reply here, one on Susans, and several admonishments on Fetlife. Those admonishments were that there was already a group . .Well, sorta. . It is a TRANSGENDER group. Almost ALL of the members identify as transgender as opposed to crossdressers.

I totally understand this. . . But a couple of things stand out:

CROSSDRESSERS are different than TRANSGENDER. . Crossdressers do not want to change their sex. They are happy dressing in the clothing of the opposite sex.

TRANSGENDER are individuals who WANT to change their sex. They crossdress as an adjunct to their desire to change sex.

The groups have different goals, aims and problems. . Granted, there is some cross over (if you will) but the issues are not totally the same. In fact, the old Sigma Beta group of Tri-ess that existed in the city basically died a slow painful death over that very issue. .

I am amazed at the level of pushback I got for just wanting to start a CROSSDRESSING support group. I still fail to see how someone cannot understand the differing needs.

I have given up on the idea of a crossdressing group in the city and am greatly disappointed. . .

Thoughts?

[Davita]

Wesley, see http://www.transequality.org/issues/res ... erminology. You and so many others are mixing up terminology. Just because the group is inclusive doesn't mean it doesn't have cliques and one specific to cross dressing. Consider joining the group until you can form yours.

[Jean Ann]

I live just across the river in Texas
There is a definate need for a group in this area
Perhaps a group somewhere between

Jean Ann

[Jean Ann]

Any new thoughts on forming a new group in our area ?

[Wesley]

Davita,

I am sorry, I refuse to play the game of ever changing terminology. Irrespective of contemporary phraseology, my central observation is this

There are a number of people, more generally male at birth, who have no desire to change their sex and enjoy or for whatever reason express a need to dress in the clothing of the opposite sex. Lets say "crossdressers", as that is the label I have choosen for my personal version of the affliction.

Many of those people, "crossdressers" have wives and other family members who, for which ever reason, do not understand the etiology of that desire, and frequently confuse the issue and as a result, believe that such individuals WANT to change their sex.

Many crossdressers have communication issues with wives and other family members, one of the issues that comes up, is if the individual WANTS to become a woman or stay a man.

There is another group of individuals who were born of one sex, but wish to change their sex. Those individuals generally are referred to as "transexual."

The two groups are not mutually inclusive.

My point is exemplified by your correcting me on terminology. CROSSDRESSING MALES often need a heterosexual based support group and others they can point to and say to a spouse, "See, there are others like me, who wear womens clothing but do not want to be a woman." or discuss other issues that occur in such relationships. The impact and understanding the differences between crossdressing and being transgender is often an important issue.

[Jean Ann]

Have you given the idea of a support group
In Oklahoma Amy more thought .
I would very interested


JAS

[Jean Ann]

Still hoping

JAS

[Wesley]

Jean Ann,

Its been some time since I last posted in this forum. However, I have given up any attempt to form or find a CROSSDRESSING group. I'd spent several years trying to find others that were either interested or participating in such a group. In that time, I found only one person in the state that was interested.

After my last posting in another thread, I find that irrespective of most everything else, nobody gives a damn about crossdressing. . . Either your are Transgender or you are nothing. Sadly, yes, that is how I feel. If you look at the responses I have had and the discussions as well, A couple of things stand out:

1. Even though this group is called Crossdressers-haven.com, the majority of the posts are related to Transgenderism.
2. Although I have received some positive commentary, it still seems that few or none really seem to care about Crossdressing.
3. I have put out feelers for others with crossdressing interest, and find essentially no one interested.
4. Even the discussion here seems to engender admonitions that I don't know what I am talking about.
5. I really don't give a damn anymore. I don't even crossdress much anymore. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

Thank you for you notes asking about if a CD group was found or being started. I would love it if someone did, but I honestly don't see it happening. I can't even get people to acknowledge that there are totally different support needs for Transgenders and Crossdressers. It's a losing battle.


Kindest Regards,
Wesley

[Diana Michelle]

Wesley I am truly sorry you were unable to put together a group in your area. I am sure it was not for lack of effort as one could feel the passion you had for this in your posts.

Going back to the dark ages I can remember the group I belonged to, the only one around in my area and it was located about 40 miles from where I lived. As I think back it was more of a social group than one of support and guidance. Remember this was the 1970s and there were at best a handful of places a girl could go and not be shunned or told to get and not come back. It gave us a place to go and express their feminine side, somewhere to be with people of like interests, and even had outings at those establishments that would welcome us. Then my life took a turn and well TBH I felt the need to follow my own path and lost touch with that group and the people there. Not saying that was good or bad but I was on to a new leg of my life and somehow that group didn't fit into that in my mind.

Now fast forward in reality close to 20 years and I found myself a widow with time on my hands and needing a purpose in my life. That group of long ago seemed to disappear however there was a support group in the local area and actually run by the woman who had been my mentor during my transition. Long story short I became involved with the group and was surprised by the changes over time. It was now 1999 and there were more places to go so the group's focus was help, support, and guidance. While attendance could vary from meeting to meeting, the group met every 2 weeks and there was anywhere from a dozen or so to as many as 40 attendees. Every meeting tried to have a speaker and those varied from a make up consultant offering tips to professionals who discussed the differences between the TG and the CD and the signs one may be one or the other. In other words it had grown from a social club to a true support and informational group. The subjects varied as the membership was mixed and the needs varied accordingly.

Let us fast forward yet again to today. I am no longer associated with that group as I have relocated but am involved with the local LGBT organization and many times sit in on the TG support group. I say TG group here because professionals lump the CD and what used to be transsexuals under a single umbrella. The group has a widely varied membership from the closeted CD to girls going through transition. Though as in any group there can be conflict at times all get along, no one is ever pressured to do anything they do not want or are ready for, and while they do host social events their main focus is support and education.

My point for the stroll down memory lane is times have changed and at least the support groups have as well. No longer is there the need so much for a social group but has been replaced for one offering information, ideas, and yes true support on a wide range of subjects for the wide range of individuals that fall under that umbrella of being transgendered.

Wesley I do not disagree with you the needs of the heterosexual CD are different from those of the gay CD or the true TG. However they can co exist and do in many groups as I have noted above. I do hope you do not abandon your dream but maybe take a bit of time to rethink the focus of the group. When one is doing an internet search you may want to place as many limiting factors in to narrow down the range of hits however if one is trying to find trying to put together a group of individuals of similar interests it may be best to start with the broadest parameters and then decide what factors you desire to limit. You may find while there are differences in what some individuals want or need there is a lot of similarity.