A Sister Says Goodbye - http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... php?t=9232
In memoriam, a new rank of Our Adopted Princess has been bestowed upon her.
Rest In Peace, Jennifer. - SL and Virginia
JenniferMu.(GG)
Moderator: KimberlyS
-
SilverLady(SO)
- Retired Site Administrator
- Posts: 5419
- Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2005 1:00 am
- Location: Strange Magic Hill (Virginia)
JenniferMu.(GG)
Ladies, I direct your attention to the following Announcement:
A Sister Says Goodbye - http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... php?t=9232
In memoriam, a new rank of Our Adopted Princess has been bestowed upon her.
Rest In Peace, Jennifer.
- SL and Virginia
A Sister Says Goodbye - http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... php?t=9232
In memoriam, a new rank of Our Adopted Princess has been bestowed upon her.
Rest In Peace, Jennifer. - SL and Virginia
SilverLady(SO)
- Native Motor City and Wolverine gal . . . GO BLUE!!
- Molon Labe - Saepius Exertus, Semper Fidelis - Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum
-
Proud Military Family - Navy, Army, Coast Guard, National Guard
- Native Motor City and Wolverine gal . . . GO BLUE!!
- Molon Labe - Saepius Exertus, Semper Fidelis - Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum
-
Proud Military Family - Navy, Army, Coast Guard, National Guard -
Absaroka
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3344
- Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 8:30 am
Thanks for posting that Silver Lady.
It's really terrible news. Were you given any information as to how she came to this decision? From what is written I am assuming she chose to kill herself rather than falling victim to an accident, illness, or evil ex boyfriend.
A lot of people here trying very much to be of support to her but really not that much can be done in such a serious situation as that via the internet.
I think of people I have known who have done this and if there was one thing I could say to them, it would be that I think they made a big mistake, that things were not as hopeless as they seemed.
Absaroka
It's really terrible news. Were you given any information as to how she came to this decision? From what is written I am assuming she chose to kill herself rather than falling victim to an accident, illness, or evil ex boyfriend.
A lot of people here trying very much to be of support to her but really not that much can be done in such a serious situation as that via the internet.
I think of people I have known who have done this and if there was one thing I could say to them, it would be that I think they made a big mistake, that things were not as hopeless as they seemed.
Absaroka
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
-
Carolynn
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 2754
- Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2003 12:52 pm
- Location: Oklahoma City area
- Contact:
Thats so damn sad SL!!! She was young with a potentially long and full life ahead of her. So sad!! She seemed an intelligent young lady, and had a lot of love and compassion to give.
Love, Carolynn
Love, Carolynn
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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Lucy Michelle
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 728
- Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 9:46 pm
I cant help but feel very sad. Others can probably write more elequently but this is my tribute. She came across as a kind, bright girl with so much promise ahead of her and will be missed here and by those who truely knew her offline.
My thoughts are with her family and friends.
Goodbye Jennifer, may you rest in peace.
My thoughts are with her family and friends.
Goodbye Jennifer, may you rest in peace.
Lucy xx
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KimberlyS
- Site Administrator
- Posts: 3309
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:01 pm
- Location: North Central USA, SD
This has taken me my great surprise. Jennifer had been in inspiration that the CDing issues could be worked through. And while the family changed things as I understood them seemed to be going well. Jennifer seemed to be a strong and holding force within her family. But like many things we often do not know what goes on that we do not know about. I know I learn much from her writings. May she now be at peace.
Site Administrator
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
-
Allena
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 144
- Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2003 1:43 pm
- Location: Humboldt County, California
I haven't been here for quite a while.
I got the email from Jenny's friend yesterday.
I will miss her.
We talked through email over the several years I knew her.
We exchanged photographs and I consider her to be one of my closest friends because of all we talked about and helped each other with.
I really don't know what else to say... this makes me very sad.
I hope her family are coping with the loss.
Mark
I got the email from Jenny's friend yesterday.
I will miss her.
We talked through email over the several years I knew her.
We exchanged photographs and I consider her to be one of my closest friends because of all we talked about and helped each other with.
I really don't know what else to say... this makes me very sad.
I hope her family are coping with the loss.
Mark
Allena... finally free!
-
Stephanie W
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 905
- Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:57 pm
- Location: Ontario, Canada
Goodnight little Princess, we'll miss you very much.
That's so sad to hear. Although she had some troubles in her life, she was an inspiration to many of us, and through her eloquent writings, it was nice to have known her. I just wish we could have done more.
No more pain Jennifer. Rest in peace sweetheart.
Stephanie
That's so sad to hear. Although she had some troubles in her life, she was an inspiration to many of us, and through her eloquent writings, it was nice to have known her. I just wish we could have done more.
No more pain Jennifer. Rest in peace sweetheart.
Stephanie
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Allena
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 144
- Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2003 1:43 pm
- Location: Humboldt County, California
I have posted this letter on two other websites I visit frequently, one of which Jennifer visited at my invitation. The site is Skircafe, and Jen met a woman there with whom she made a connection. This woman emailed me when she got her email from Jen's friend. The internet can be such a small place at times... so many connections to people we have never met, yet share so much with.
As I sit in this coffeehouse, I look around at the people sitting at the other tables, in the padded chairs alone, and outside walking by the large window. They are strangers to me yet we share relationships.
There are quite a few I can imagine I have with each of these people... we are in the same relative space geographically, those of us in the cafe are here to eat or drink while attending to personal business or interacting with others at our tables. We've all passed by the ladies attending the counter, and some of us have even interacted with these two employees, possibly even sharing a more meaningful dialogue than, "I'll have one of those", "That will be $3.54, please."... and so on.
Yet in this day and age, there is one relationship that lies hidden beneath the surface which may never be realized by either party. Today many of us share our lives, our thoughts, our dreams, our music, or our mental baggage with complete strangers over the internet. We go online and set up accounts, create profiles, post pics and meet new friends. Yet for all the personal information we share over these connections and the bonding that some relationships foster, we are most often still strangers in the physical sense.
Some day in the future, there will be studies and conclusions detailing the intricacies and impact of these online relationships. As we create more virtual places and ways to meet and talk, this new aspect of inter-personal communication has added a new element to the human experience. We have pushed and pulled, mashed and prodded this new thing into such experiences as Myspace, Facebook, YouTube and a seemingly endless amount of forums created and operated from within someone's own home.
I have enjoyed the internet experience immensely. I have met people who opened my eyes to the fact that perhaps I am not as unique as I once thought. I find people whose personal stories so well mimic my own that I take pause to look over my shoulder, expecting to see them standing there watching my every move. This is not unnerving so much as unburdening. Moments like these have given way to online friendships which have lasted years now.
One such relationship has come to an abrupt end. Sadly, I got the email today, or rather I received it yesterday and opened it today. It was from a stranger I had never met in person or online, yet we shared something special and through a simple email address our lives and the relationship they held in secret was finally revealed. This messenger, I will call Meggy, passed on the news that a long-time, online friend had committed suicide approximately one month ago.
Meggy said I was one of a few folks that our mutual friend requested she send notice of her death to.
I have shared emails with two other folks I know who were also on that list of our friend's, who I shall call Jen.
I met Jen at an online forum that deals with one characteristic out of the unending number that humans share. She came there, at the age of 17, looking for answers to an issue that troubled her. She came hoping to understand this issue and then with that understanding, maintain a relationship with a family member which was now painfully strained. She seems to have found enough there to keep her coming back over the years, although sometimes infrequently.
It appears that a small number of us on that forum took Jen under our wing and formed such long-lasting and personal relationships that four years later, Jen and I were still emailing each other on a regular basis. Jen and I shared many intimate details of our lives, offering advice, support, or just a good laugh when the opportunity arose. All this despite our age difference; I was 26 years her senior. She once suggested I was more like an Uncle to her... that made me feel special and very happy. In the end, I believe I learned quite a bit from her. I said this to her many times because I wanted to let her know that this online relationship was as real in a number of ways as the relationships I have with the people around me. As different and experimental as these online connections are, we have given reality to these relationships and the legitimacy that our letter-writing predecessors from years ago did with their 'pen-pals'. And in line from those days of PenPal letters, these online relationships can cover a significant distance in geographical terms; I live in California, Jen lived in Australia.
Throughout the day today I have had moments where I stopped what I was doing, to cry and mourn over Jen's death. For as virtual as our relationship was, even if someday in the future I were to find out it was all some elaborate internet hoax, the discussions I had with her over these years were a means for me to explore human nature from within the safety of this screen, my computer, and my home. The things we shared back-and-forth over the wires connecting our bits of land separated by so much water, were things I would normally have difficulty sharing with someone face-to-face. And therein lies one of the positive aspects of our online world... the ability to anonymously share intimate questions and details about life in a setting that, when we allow it, feels as real as the world we can reach out and touch with our fingertips.
The positive side of the internet does come with an alter ego. While I do believe that Jen was as real a person as she described herself, and that her troubles were as real as my own, there are those who seem to revel in falsehood and other mischief. During any given day, I see warnings about keeping personal data secure and out of nefarious hands. Despite revealing personal information to each other that we normally would not go about broadcasting on the streets of our own hometowns, we maintained a comfortable buffer in this relationship. While I offered her my real name, job and geographical location, I cannot be sure she did exactly the same;which would be a smart move on the part of any person especially the young. Over the years, we kept the names of our family members hidden behind the terms, father, mother, sister, daughter, wife. I decided to allow her the opportunity to reveal or not, any personal information she desired without pressure from myself. I never asked her where she lived, what her address was, where she worked, and so on. Yet, I do not feel this hampered our relationship in any way. In fact, this can be seen as an ingredient that is lacking in some of my other personal relationships with the people around me whom I can see and touch. What Jen and I had was a relationship that fostered an air of respect.
As the day passes, I find Jen still on my mind. I long to sit and wade through all our emails which I have saved, especially the ones with details I suspected I would refer back to in later writings to her. While this may appear strange to some, my saving emails, it arises from different details of my life;I have ADD/HD and I would forget too much information Jen passed on to me without these emails, and I am recently divorced. My former wife saw fit to mention my relationship with Jen during the divorce as if there might be something inappropriate about it. These emails would be my proof as to the appropriateness of our relationship. Now they are my connection to someone I will never meet in person; something I had hoped to do in the future.
There is a definite feeling of loss now that Jen is gone. Shortly after reading the email today, I found myself longing to go back and look for any small, or even glaring detail which I overlooked that could have alerted me to Jen's state-of-mind prior to her taking her life. I am grieving yet I am not bitter or angry at her for her decision. I wonder how the remaining members of her family are faring with her death. Her sister, mother and father are the only family I know of. Jen shared many details of her relationship with each of them and I feel I know a bit about each person, and so I care about what they are going through. I'm sure there is the added desire to be able to share my loss with those others who knew her so well. This feeling of disconnect from those real people in Jen's life does leave me a feeling of being the stranger in the shadows. It's like I am standing a respectable distance from her funeral service, longing to be shoulder-to-shoulder with those who knew her and loved her, yet knowing that to do so might be a great intrusion into their relationship with Jen. So I will stand on the periphery and cling to the happier times, the positive moments when we seemed to be two minds sharing an understanding through an incredible connection that borders fantasy.
As I sit in this coffeehouse, I look around at the people sitting at the other tables, in the padded chairs alone, and outside walking by the large window. They are strangers to me yet we share relationships.
There are quite a few I can imagine I have with each of these people... we are in the same relative space geographically, those of us in the cafe are here to eat or drink while attending to personal business or interacting with others at our tables. We've all passed by the ladies attending the counter, and some of us have even interacted with these two employees, possibly even sharing a more meaningful dialogue than, "I'll have one of those", "That will be $3.54, please."... and so on.
Yet in this day and age, there is one relationship that lies hidden beneath the surface which may never be realized by either party. Today many of us share our lives, our thoughts, our dreams, our music, or our mental baggage with complete strangers over the internet. We go online and set up accounts, create profiles, post pics and meet new friends. Yet for all the personal information we share over these connections and the bonding that some relationships foster, we are most often still strangers in the physical sense.
Some day in the future, there will be studies and conclusions detailing the intricacies and impact of these online relationships. As we create more virtual places and ways to meet and talk, this new aspect of inter-personal communication has added a new element to the human experience. We have pushed and pulled, mashed and prodded this new thing into such experiences as Myspace, Facebook, YouTube and a seemingly endless amount of forums created and operated from within someone's own home.
I have enjoyed the internet experience immensely. I have met people who opened my eyes to the fact that perhaps I am not as unique as I once thought. I find people whose personal stories so well mimic my own that I take pause to look over my shoulder, expecting to see them standing there watching my every move. This is not unnerving so much as unburdening. Moments like these have given way to online friendships which have lasted years now.
One such relationship has come to an abrupt end. Sadly, I got the email today, or rather I received it yesterday and opened it today. It was from a stranger I had never met in person or online, yet we shared something special and through a simple email address our lives and the relationship they held in secret was finally revealed. This messenger, I will call Meggy, passed on the news that a long-time, online friend had committed suicide approximately one month ago.
Meggy said I was one of a few folks that our mutual friend requested she send notice of her death to.
I have shared emails with two other folks I know who were also on that list of our friend's, who I shall call Jen.
I met Jen at an online forum that deals with one characteristic out of the unending number that humans share. She came there, at the age of 17, looking for answers to an issue that troubled her. She came hoping to understand this issue and then with that understanding, maintain a relationship with a family member which was now painfully strained. She seems to have found enough there to keep her coming back over the years, although sometimes infrequently.
It appears that a small number of us on that forum took Jen under our wing and formed such long-lasting and personal relationships that four years later, Jen and I were still emailing each other on a regular basis. Jen and I shared many intimate details of our lives, offering advice, support, or just a good laugh when the opportunity arose. All this despite our age difference; I was 26 years her senior. She once suggested I was more like an Uncle to her... that made me feel special and very happy. In the end, I believe I learned quite a bit from her. I said this to her many times because I wanted to let her know that this online relationship was as real in a number of ways as the relationships I have with the people around me. As different and experimental as these online connections are, we have given reality to these relationships and the legitimacy that our letter-writing predecessors from years ago did with their 'pen-pals'. And in line from those days of PenPal letters, these online relationships can cover a significant distance in geographical terms; I live in California, Jen lived in Australia.
Throughout the day today I have had moments where I stopped what I was doing, to cry and mourn over Jen's death. For as virtual as our relationship was, even if someday in the future I were to find out it was all some elaborate internet hoax, the discussions I had with her over these years were a means for me to explore human nature from within the safety of this screen, my computer, and my home. The things we shared back-and-forth over the wires connecting our bits of land separated by so much water, were things I would normally have difficulty sharing with someone face-to-face. And therein lies one of the positive aspects of our online world... the ability to anonymously share intimate questions and details about life in a setting that, when we allow it, feels as real as the world we can reach out and touch with our fingertips.
The positive side of the internet does come with an alter ego. While I do believe that Jen was as real a person as she described herself, and that her troubles were as real as my own, there are those who seem to revel in falsehood and other mischief. During any given day, I see warnings about keeping personal data secure and out of nefarious hands. Despite revealing personal information to each other that we normally would not go about broadcasting on the streets of our own hometowns, we maintained a comfortable buffer in this relationship. While I offered her my real name, job and geographical location, I cannot be sure she did exactly the same;which would be a smart move on the part of any person especially the young. Over the years, we kept the names of our family members hidden behind the terms, father, mother, sister, daughter, wife. I decided to allow her the opportunity to reveal or not, any personal information she desired without pressure from myself. I never asked her where she lived, what her address was, where she worked, and so on. Yet, I do not feel this hampered our relationship in any way. In fact, this can be seen as an ingredient that is lacking in some of my other personal relationships with the people around me whom I can see and touch. What Jen and I had was a relationship that fostered an air of respect.
As the day passes, I find Jen still on my mind. I long to sit and wade through all our emails which I have saved, especially the ones with details I suspected I would refer back to in later writings to her. While this may appear strange to some, my saving emails, it arises from different details of my life;I have ADD/HD and I would forget too much information Jen passed on to me without these emails, and I am recently divorced. My former wife saw fit to mention my relationship with Jen during the divorce as if there might be something inappropriate about it. These emails would be my proof as to the appropriateness of our relationship. Now they are my connection to someone I will never meet in person; something I had hoped to do in the future.
There is a definite feeling of loss now that Jen is gone. Shortly after reading the email today, I found myself longing to go back and look for any small, or even glaring detail which I overlooked that could have alerted me to Jen's state-of-mind prior to her taking her life. I am grieving yet I am not bitter or angry at her for her decision. I wonder how the remaining members of her family are faring with her death. Her sister, mother and father are the only family I know of. Jen shared many details of her relationship with each of them and I feel I know a bit about each person, and so I care about what they are going through. I'm sure there is the added desire to be able to share my loss with those others who knew her so well. This feeling of disconnect from those real people in Jen's life does leave me a feeling of being the stranger in the shadows. It's like I am standing a respectable distance from her funeral service, longing to be shoulder-to-shoulder with those who knew her and loved her, yet knowing that to do so might be a great intrusion into their relationship with Jen. So I will stand on the periphery and cling to the happier times, the positive moments when we seemed to be two minds sharing an understanding through an incredible connection that borders fantasy.
Allena... finally free!
-
Absaroka
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3344
- Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 8:30 am
Someone (not here in the forums but in f2f life) said something tonight that made me think of Jennifer.
This woman talked about picking physical fights with men knowing that she would come out on the losing end. Much later she realized that this was her way of letting everyone know how much she was hurting. She couldn't tell people how much she hurt on the inside, but thought that the cuts and bruises would at least let people know she was hurting on the outside.
I am not saying that Jennifer brought any of the abuse from her boyfriend on herself. He bears all responsibility for his actions. But it made me think. It was obvious from her posts here that Jennifer was in a great deal of pain. Much of that pain seemed to stem from her relationship with an abusive boyfriend and a good deal of family angst involving her fathers crossdressing as well as no doubt other undiscussed issues. But it would seem there was far more because it is also obvious to me now that she was in far more pain than was evident in her posts.
Others here have talked about having suicidal feelings. And perhaps these forums are sometimes helpful in sorting things out. But we are not therapists or clergy or anything else, we are just people out in e-land who in most instances do not even have any physical contact with other people here.
I guess what I am saying is that if others here are feeling as desperate and hopeless as Jennifer was in hindsight that please remember that this is an extremely limited resource and please make some moves in the real world to help yourself. We'll be glad to support you in this but this is after all the internet.
Absaroka
This woman talked about picking physical fights with men knowing that she would come out on the losing end. Much later she realized that this was her way of letting everyone know how much she was hurting. She couldn't tell people how much she hurt on the inside, but thought that the cuts and bruises would at least let people know she was hurting on the outside.
I am not saying that Jennifer brought any of the abuse from her boyfriend on herself. He bears all responsibility for his actions. But it made me think. It was obvious from her posts here that Jennifer was in a great deal of pain. Much of that pain seemed to stem from her relationship with an abusive boyfriend and a good deal of family angst involving her fathers crossdressing as well as no doubt other undiscussed issues. But it would seem there was far more because it is also obvious to me now that she was in far more pain than was evident in her posts.
Others here have talked about having suicidal feelings. And perhaps these forums are sometimes helpful in sorting things out. But we are not therapists or clergy or anything else, we are just people out in e-land who in most instances do not even have any physical contact with other people here.
I guess what I am saying is that if others here are feeling as desperate and hopeless as Jennifer was in hindsight that please remember that this is an extremely limited resource and please make some moves in the real world to help yourself. We'll be glad to support you in this but this is after all the internet.
Absaroka
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
-
Allena
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 144
- Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2003 1:43 pm
- Location: Humboldt County, California
That was very well said Absaroka, thank you.
Right before she took her life, my last emails with Jenny were discussing her moving back home nearer her parents.
It was hoped that her abusive former boyfriend would not follow and cause her anymore harm.
From the time Jenny set foot here in these forums, her life was to take a turn down some difficult paths. There were other issues she dealt with over time and each time I saw a brave and determined young lady working hard to make it through every one of them.
I have written elsewhere about how these internet relationships can be so different and difficult compared to the relationships we have had available to us over many years.
There is still much to learn about these online relationships, and the pain I am feeling over the loss of Jennifer is both familiar and alien.
I can sense a nagging desire to rush over to Australia and search out her family so I can find the means to relate my virtual Jennifer with their real Jennifer.
As real as I want her to be to me, she is much like my birth mother... a name, an image, and writings, but lacking the tangible form with which I can prove to myself she is real.
I miss Jenny so much, and I'm sure her family is dealing with a considerable amount of pain now. I wish there were a way I could reach out and offer my support to them.
Right before she took her life, my last emails with Jenny were discussing her moving back home nearer her parents.
It was hoped that her abusive former boyfriend would not follow and cause her anymore harm.
From the time Jenny set foot here in these forums, her life was to take a turn down some difficult paths. There were other issues she dealt with over time and each time I saw a brave and determined young lady working hard to make it through every one of them.
I have written elsewhere about how these internet relationships can be so different and difficult compared to the relationships we have had available to us over many years.
There is still much to learn about these online relationships, and the pain I am feeling over the loss of Jennifer is both familiar and alien.
I can sense a nagging desire to rush over to Australia and search out her family so I can find the means to relate my virtual Jennifer with their real Jennifer.
As real as I want her to be to me, she is much like my birth mother... a name, an image, and writings, but lacking the tangible form with which I can prove to myself she is real.
I miss Jenny so much, and I'm sure her family is dealing with a considerable amount of pain now. I wish there were a way I could reach out and offer my support to them.
Allena... finally free!
-
Danielle La Belle
- Account Deactivated at Member's Request
- Posts: 994
- Joined: Sat Aug 09, 2003 9:49 am
- Location: SC
There was a woman perched high on a bridge. Suddenly, without warning, she leaned forward and fell to her death in the black, icy cold water below. On the way down, in those fleeting moments, she managed to think of 10 things that she could have done to correct her situation. Too late for Jennifer but never to late for anyone that comes across this thread entry.
Reach out, touch someone and ask for help! There will always be "someone" that will help if you only follow through and ask. A life is a terrible thing to waste. We only get one that is reasonably proven. It is a test of our willingness to find a way through a complex world. I do not know the outcome. I can only act in the here and now.
Reach out to someone if you are in such pain that you cannot see the value of your life. Jennifer's ship has sailed! Goodbye Jennifer!
Hugs
Danielle Marie
Reach out, touch someone and ask for help! There will always be "someone" that will help if you only follow through and ask. A life is a terrible thing to waste. We only get one that is reasonably proven. It is a test of our willingness to find a way through a complex world. I do not know the outcome. I can only act in the here and now.
Reach out to someone if you are in such pain that you cannot see the value of your life. Jennifer's ship has sailed! Goodbye Jennifer!
Hugs
Danielle Marie
Make the most of every day!
