Welcome to the Member Spotlight

[KimberlyS]

Welcome to the Member Spotlight Thread!!! The purpose of this new thread that I have created is to give us a chance to get to know a selected member better by asking them to tell us a bit more about themselves. Members that are asked to be in the spotlight will have been members of the forum for at least six months and who actively participate in the forum and/or chat room.

I am still working out all of the details on how often, and when, we will have a new member in the spotlight, but I am thinking maybe monthly would be a good spacing. May start with more often and we will see how it goes. I decided to use myself for the first member spotlight so that members can get to know the person who has taken over as the new owner of the forum.

Below is a list of suggestions I will have a spotlight member look at to help them get some ideas of what to tell us about themselves.

If you are a CD / TG:

Tell us about how you got started or your early years.
What are some of your struggles? Or, fun times?

What helps you cope?
Tell us a bit about yourself now.
What is something not CD / TG about yourself.

If you are a GG or supportive significant other:

How did you find out?
How do you deal with it?

What helps you cope?
Something positive and/or negative.
What is something not CD / TG related about yourself.


The first Member Spotlight will be coming soon.

KimberlyS

[KimberlyS]

Hi I am KimberlyS. My name may be a bit strange with the "S" on the end. In searching for information on the fairly new internet I found a TG site (not this one) that was a bit pushy and full of trolls. I was desperate for information so stayed. They did not like me using a male name and pushed me to get a femme name. I finally said the first thing that came to mind, Kim. They told me that they already had a Kim and a Kimberly. So I put an "S" on the end, it stuck.

I started CDing when I was about 2nd-3rd grade with one of Mom's bras from the trash. I grew up thinking I was gay because I was a guy that liked both masculine and feminine things. It was not until the internet came about that I learned I was not the only one. I learned to absorb information on the transgendered topic. But, I also learned to figure out how, or if, it applied to me. My support, if you want to call it that, was a pushy web site full of trolls and a wife (now ex-wife) that ran hot and cold on the CDing topic like a roller coaster. I had no other support early on. I learned to figure out who I was and what I needed as a cross dresser mostly by myself. My ex could not deal with my CDing (and a lot of other things in life), so I finally got out of that situation. This allowed Kim some time on her own to discover who she was and spread her wings without the negativity of non-acceptance. I was able to go out as Kim several times a month and this helped me to be more comfortable with the person I am. Along the way I have found a phenomenal spouse who understands me and is accepting of who Kim is and lets her spread her wings but also keeps her in check, mostly.

One of my not so good femme traits is I like to shop and can be somewhat of an impulse buyer. I have WAY too many femme clothes for the amount of out and about I do. A good femme trait is that I have a very compassionate side. Kim makes me a better, and more rounded person, now that I accept her. I may talk about my femme side and masculine sides, but in reality they are both me. The masculine me is feminine and the feminine me is masculine. I am one of the same. No matter how I am dressed I am the same person. In my perception of a real world I would be a guy who could wear a mix of both masculine and feminine clothes based on my mood and need for the day. And, no one would care how I looked. But for now, when I am out in the world I present a masculine or feminine image most of the world can deal with. At home my images can be a bit more blurred.

Something about me you many not know, I live in town but I own a tractor and loader – which comes in quite handy when we get hit with a mid-western snow storm. I also love wood working but do not get a lot of time to do it.

kimberlys

[CathyAnn]

CathyAnn here. I started dressing very late in life just three years ago. Started out with my wife's panties with her blessing. She is very accepting and I can dress at home whenever I want as long nobody else is around.. Quickly got into Bras and stockings, then everything I can get my hands on. I'm deep in the closet and only three people know about my crossdressing and are very accepting. Two are close girlfriends and our daughter. some day, I hope to go out dressed but it's going to take awhile.

[PhylissH]

At little bit about Me.

Growing up in a small coastal Texas town, less than 2000, I had what I felt like was a fairly typical childhood. Little league, family vacations, mostly to grandma’s house for thanksgiving,
camping, fishing. Living on the coast dad always had a small boat so I was exposed to the boating world at a young age. I got certified to scuba dive when I was 14. There is something about being in, on, around the water, that I just can’t describe, I can’t imagine not being close to the ocean. Ever since I was old enough to understand working and money, I have had a job.
At age 11 I sold Christmas cards door to door for a couple years. At 13 I had my own lawn mowing, mower repair business, and also managed to teach myself how to sail. About that same time my dad bought a small shrimp boat and taught my brother and I how to shrimp. When I was 15 my Dad almost bought me my own Shrimp boat but, due to health reasons, his not mine, He decided against it. And ended up selling the boat we had. This was also about the time I actually started dressing.
After high school and two years of college classes I went to work doing chemical plant construction as an Instrument/Electrical technician. Working 12 hours a day for weeks at a time and going to school at night to get an Associates in Instrumentation. I loved the work but, hated the chemical plants. During this time, I had the chance between jobs to get my Captain’s papers and was teaching sailing and started delivering yachts on my days off. At twenty-five I decided five years of working on land was enough, so one day I quit, when I told the wife I had quit She asked what I was going to do. I told her I was going to go back to sea, so the next morning I went to Louisiana and got a job as a mate on a crew boat. It did not take long before I was working as a captain.
I spent many years working in the oilfield before taking a job on an oceangoing tug for a couple years before moving up to 3rd then 2nd mate on a small freighter. When that job played out, I went back to the oilfield only to get laid off in 2015 when the oil market tanked.
Unable to secure work as no one want to hire a sixty-year-old captain my friend who ran the local towboat operation for small pleasure boats put me to work. Shortly after going to work form him, he became ill and I was able to take over the business about two years ago now.

As I mentioned before, I started dressing around age 12-13. However, I knew in grade school
that I was different. I always thought it was so unfair that the girls all got to wear these really cute clothes and I was stuck wear jeans and a shirt. Like most of us I started by wearing some of my mother’s things, mainly pantyhose and bras and an occasional skirt. It wasn’t until Jr High
when spending the night with a friend who had an older sister that I got to actually dress for the first time. I don’t remember exactly how it came about but, I made a comment about his sister things hanging in the bathroom. He said he would put something on if I would and that was all it took. It only took a few moments before I was wearing panties, bra, pantyhose, and a cute little jumper. It felt wonderful. We had a couple hours to run around the house like little girls.
It would be several years after that before I had the chance to fully dress again. Of course, at that age I had no real idea what it was all about only that I enjoyed wearing girls’ clothes.
I did not no how to tell my wife before we got married, and of course purged what little I had.
Not knowing any better I thought the desire to dress would go way as I was married. NOT.
Of course, it got worse and I started wearing the wife’s clothes. It was not until about 7 years into our marriage that I finally had to tell Her. At first She was a bit shocked and asked all the usual questions… Was I gay etc etc. For many years after that I was able to dress at home but,
had to change before she got home from work. She did not want to know much about it or have anything to do with it. I finally convinced her to go to a couple’s councilor that was familiar
with crossdressers who was able to convince her that I was not doing anything wrong, and that
there was nothing wrong with me. Since then She has been more accepting. She still is not thrilled about my going out but, would rather know about it than have me going out without her knowledge. We have been together now for 36 years.

So many gurls say I don’t Pass, that is such a bad term. Most of us don’t pass. The trick is to present well with lots of self-confidence. I have been lucky I have not had any real negative experiences. I have been places where no one talked to me but they did not mess with me either. The funniest thing that ever happened was in FT Lauderdale. I was out with a couple
Other gurls, one of which was in the process of transitioning. I had rented a convertible, we were out to dinner and it was about to rain, no matter what we did the top would not go up.
We did everything the book said but, no luck. So we took it to the rental place and a guy about half our age immediately starting talking down at US dumb blonds. Good thing my friend was there because I wanted to clock the kid. We got the top up and went on our way.

Things I enjoy other than dressing up and going out are playing pool, collecting model trains,
And Ballroom dancing. My parents were great dancers and taught in their spare time so, I learned to dance while I was still in school. For a while I helped them teach very basic steps, so I had to learn the lady’s part. LOL.

[Eileen (SO)]

Hello, my name is Eileen, wife of a cross dressing husband.

We are the average couple, raising two children, we had our typical ups and down. After kids were grown and nearly 30 years together, I discovered that my manly man wore women's clothing. Actually, my clothing, which made it worse. He had left a message to what I though was another women on our shared computer. "Nice face", he wrote. Turned out it was to another CD. Of course, he's a pervert, gay, dating men or whoever. If he was actually cheating on me with another woman, it would have been easier to understand. There would have been a divorce, but somehow this revelation was different. He was on social groups for mutual support that I reluctantly read, at first. Then more non biased sources for information.

My stereotypical views of cross dressers was torn to shreds. Eventually I came to understand that my husband, father of our children, has been suffering with a desire for dressing feminine most of his life. Not all the time, some days more than others. That his secret was kept from me was also hard to take. Back in the 1980's, I wouldn't have married or stayed with a man that cross dressed in the first place. Like many of the ladies that post here, he thought the desire would go away after assuming the husband/ father role. Of course it never does.

I would urge every spouse or partner to consider that living with a CD, within certain limits, is a lot more fulfilling than a separation.
Before I go on, forgive me if I mess up pronouns now and then.
As a couple, we live as husband and wife, male and female. My husband's desire to dress female is kept from neighbors, friends, and family, with few exceptions. She has her friends, some of whom I've met, along with their spouses. Those evenings are quite fun.

Once I decided that this female was going to be part of our life, ground rules were set. Secrecy maintained as before I was aware. He can't be she when ever the urge hits. I married a man and expect to live with one. No hint of female in our bedroom, meaning, no bras, painted nails, nightgowns, or perfume, laying next to me.
We do enjoy a girls evening now and then. I can watch a mushy Hallmark movie with my girlfriend. I'm not watching alone and he gets to be a she in the comfort of home. Win Win!

I've helped her with make up and proper clothing. This was important, she can never again 'borrow' my clothes. Our closet space has diminished somewhat, and with asking before hand, we can share some items. Honestly, with no animosity between us about his dressing, this has brought us closer together. He no longer needs to hide some thoughts or emotions that might have given away his secret as before.

She has her forum to socialize on. I'm here to offer limited advice and gain further knowledge. We didn't want to be on the same forum so each of us can speak freely.

Kimberly asked for this spotlight to add something about myself not CD. Absolutely everything! I've never questioned my gender identity, wearing very casual jeans and denim shirts, I wouldn't try to use the Men's room or expected to be called 'Sir'. Although I do accept and try to understand my husband and others desire to dress femme, I still don't get it. To me, this is like a role play fantasy. I know I'm wrong about that, but I can't feel it any other way.

Eileen

[Karen Ski]

Hi everyone! I'm Karen Ski! Well actually just Karen but someone beat me to that so I added an old nickname to my user name here. Long story behind that nickname and how I ended up with it.

Probably like many of you I started out with my mother's clothes at around the age of 9 or 10. Being an only child I had no sisters to borrow from so I made due with Mom's stuff. Still I remember wishing I could dress like the girl's at school. It was the mid to late 60s and miniskirt and go-go boots were the rage but Mom was not one to wear anything like that. I admit to thinking I was the only one in the world with this fetish and would be damned to hell for it. It wasn't until I was in college after discovering the adult book stores I found out I wasn't alone in the world. That discovery opened my eyes and I started my search for others like me. I admit that search led to me some places I wish I had never gone but at other times it was quite rewarding.

My parents passed away while I was in college and being over 18 I needed no guardian still my aunt kind of took over the role of Mother Hen. It was one day she popped by my apartment to see how I was doing and she came face to face with Karen for the first time. What surprised me was while initially shocked she eventually took an "it is your life to live" attitude and became my mentor, guide to the mysteries of feminine finery and style, and in a way my first "girlfriend" as she was only 8 years older than I am.

After college I took a job working for the "Mouse" and relocated from the Detroit area to LA. What an eye opener! Not only were there girls like me but also places to go dressed. Granted just a couple back then as this was 1976 but it was something to do and somewhere to go besides instead of behind the 4 walls of my apartment. While Aunt Cheryl had taught me a lot over the years I really started to refine my look and style with the help of the girls I met.

Over the years I found more satisfaction being more a mainstream girl and settled on the professional woman look. How I loved the 80's and 90's with the power suit. Because we had flex time at work and had a day off every two weeks, working 9 hour days the other 9 I had the opportunity to explore the world as Karen. While many of my co-workers wanted either Monday or Friday as their day off for a 3 day weekend, I opted for Wednesday and that was Karen's day. I would go out in one of my skirted suits shopping, having lunch, even waiting until 5 or so and go grocery shopping like many business women would do on their way home. I can remember many a Thursday morning staring into the closet as I got ready for work and wishing I could grab a skirted suit, get dressed, grab my purse, and be on my way to fight rush hour traffic on my morning commute.

I many times thought of transitioning or just going full time but for a variety of reasons not the least of was fear I never did anything about it. It was shortly after my 56th birthday the company announced a restructuring and employees were going to be let go. Much to my delight I was offered a very handsome severance package and took it. Being single all my life and not being a showy type of person I had some savings and other financial resources so I just started working as a part time consultant with a company I had done business with over the years. I had several offers but took this particular one because the owner of the company was a friend and one of the "girls."

I remember sitting in her office one day and lamenting I couldn't come to work in a skirt and heels and she asked "What's stopping you?" The next day I showed up in a skirted business suit. Yes it drew a few stares but no one said a word. That simple question led me to start thinking and under the supervision of my doctor and with the the blessing of my therapist I started HRT and eventually went from living sometimes as Karen to full time as Karen to beyond.

I have since retired and am living whatever rest of my life I have as a woman. Yes I question why didn't I do this at an earlier age but I will say I am not going back for anyone or anything!

Having worked for the Mouse all my career not only have I been over the world but it has also given me the belief that just about anything you can imagine may be possible. Maybe that is why rather than calling us engineers we were called "Imagineers." I will admit there was very rarely a boring day at work. There was always a satisfaction to seeing something you worked on actually come to fruition. I also admit to being a big kid at heart and many times go to the park even today just to ride the rides and take in the whole experience. In spite of countless times being there and knowing full well what is coming I still get a scare in the Haunted Mansion and feel my heart race as you shoot down the flume of Splash Mountain!

[Davita]

What am I (last updated 2/6/2011)?

Let me start off with what I presumably am or should I say was? Let me iterate by saying I was diagnosed in early 2001 as "TG but undetermined." This is a fancy medical term for not being CD and not being TS. So what does it mean to me? I have a male body; I had an androgynous gender (but not any more); I am a cross dresser by behavioral norms; and I am straight by sexual definitions. To break it down, I have the parts that people say boys are supposed to have and I have no extras. I have not had any medical-tested evidence of my gender, but you kind of get a sense of self after awhile. From the Web, androgyny has been defined as either having aspects of both genders or having neither. At times, I feel genderless; at other times I need to express one over the other. As for cross dressing, it's primarily treated as a behavior rather than being something internal to the person. Lastly, people tend to group sexual preferences based on to whom people are attracted and which bodies those people have. This brings up one obvious statement. Sex, sexual preference and gender do not have to relate to each other and the whole gender and sex stuff are each shades of grey. And so to repeat what I said on the home page, I'm transgendered, but undetermined, and I'm okay. But then, maybe I'm transsexual -- you know -- I have that sense of self.

Where have I been and where am I now?

I have been out in the public since Halloween 1999. The first time I donated blood at the Red Cross, I went fem; I pretty much figured they wouldn't turn me away. From then, we had a long history at that location. Then I was only out to a limited few folks and, of course, out to the better half. I progressively added to the things and places I would go fem. I was actively maintaining a running diary of my times out and lessons learned. I felt I could prove to the newbies and scared girls that it's not impossible. Over the years working, I was traveling mostly alone as part of work so I would take those trips as times to get out in public and occassionally would go to a conference fem. As my job changed, I slowly came out to more folks there. I was traveling for work as part of various teams and eventually all the teams' members knew and at various times the whole team and I would go out after hours with me fem. All this without officially coming out. Lots of the office knew from being told by others, from seeing pictures of me, from going out with me to lunch, etc. I was out to other folks in the whole 95,000 person org. I officially came out the last year I worked because the EEO (by a long and different name) asked if I wanted to write up something for them; I came out to the 95,000. Life got a whole lot simpler for me after that. I was teleworking and when I went to the office, most times I went fem; I hadn't been in the office fem until I came out. Everyeone followed the rules and everyone was going with the flow. Some congratulated me for being so brave to have come out. I managed to help the org to update security policies making it easier for the other trans folk to go about their business without added hassles. For example, when fem, how close do you think my badge pic looked like me? Before the policy updates, I needed additional proof I was still me while the "normal" folk just showed ID alone. The EEO office looked over their presentations about working with the LGBTQ+... folks in the org and got feedback from me on some practical things that needed to be addressed.

I retired ummm the end of 2015 and I feel like I fell off the face of the earth. The after hours events have cut way back, but they are still my opportunities to hang with my buds while fem. I have a small cluster of friends that see me whichever persona I can show as. I can't always be fem since family events tend to goof up how much feminization I can get away with. My closest friends don't equate attire to gender; I'm Davita no matter what I am wearing. It's always interesting when I'm out with my office buds and other friends when they introduce me and I happened to be drab that moment. I'm either "D" or Davita depending on circumstances.

At home, I'm mostly fem dressed, but the better half won't call me anything fem. She is holding onto her "man," but has let up a lot on that concept. Life is plodding along and one day my in-laws might get to know Davita or at least of her. I have let an in-law to an in-law into my circle so who knows what folks know now.

When I'm not making an effort to be pretty, which is quite an effort, I like to play in my flower boxes. They can keep me busy all summer with weeding alone. Mulching takes a big truck and days to spread it all. We live in what was once a field so we have blackberries and all the critters that eat them. This morning I was looking at one of our foxes looking for breakfast. I feed the birds for Harry, our one year old fur baby, to watch. I was taking yoga and pilates classes at the county senior centers when I got to play with my elders and complain about my twisted body. Pain in some cases is no gain, but these pains mostly were a help. Red Cross is a visit every other week for me as a platelets donor. I get my "princess" time then since I am a two arm girl. They do pretty much anything I ask of them since I can't do it myself while on the machine.

Weeeeelllll that's me.

[Carolyn Summers]

I believe when I was 8 or 9 was when I started wishing I was a girl. I
remember every night when I went to bed I would fall asleep fantasising
about being a girl and wearing pretty clothes.

When I was 12 or 13 years old my older sisters would have me babysit for
them. When the kids were in bed asleep I would spend a little time trying
on my sisters clothes. This went on until I was 17 and no longer babysat.

It was when I was in college at age 19 that I discovered I was not the only
one in the world with this notion that I should have been born a girl. I
guess I was both relieved and amazed that I was not alone.

I was married twice and had two boys and a girl. During both marriages I
kept my dressing a secret and only dressed occasionally. Neither of my
ex-wives ever knew I dressed.

When I retired from teaching at age 60 I was able to dress more often as my
wife was still working. I would dress in the morning and some days I would
clean house and other days I would go do the grocery shopping and other
errands. By late afternoon I would be changed and have dinner ready. This
went on until I was 65.

After the second divorce my ex moved to Florida and I moved to a town about
35 miles away from where I grew up and taught school. I left behind all my
friends and started new as Carolyn. I have been living mostly as a woman
the last 10 years.

I was able to do this and still present as a father and a grandfather when
necessary. I always go and visit my kids and family and since I live too
far away for them to just drop in, I am free to live as Carolyn between my
visits which are about every six weeks or so.

The last ten years I have been living my fantasy. All my friends where I
live now only know me as Carolyn and have no idea I'm not a woman. At age
70 I took up ballroom dancing and have become quite good at it. I belong
to a group of women that meet once a month to play bunko at each others
house. I have hosted at least 4 times. During the last ten years I've
attended three weddings and a bridle shower as Carolyn.

So you can see how lucky I am to live the life of a woman and yet still get
to be a father to my three children and a grandfather to my nine
grandchildren. All of this without any hormones or surgeries.

I'm nearly 75 now and plan to continue living as Carolyn as long as my
health will allow.

Carolyn

[Melissa Mac]

I am Melissa and a CD. I have questioned from time to time if I am not more as I am sure some of you have but have come to be comfortable with who and what I am at the moment. I was raised by my grandparents for reasons I do not care to get into and was about 7 when I found a pair of Grandma's panties in the hamper. I was fascinated by the difference in them from my own underpants and for some unknown reason I had to try them. I was hooked! Over time I became more bold trying various items of hers.

Like most I was "caught" more times than I care to count by one or both of my grandparents. I was 14 when they told me they didn't understand why I was like I was but if I was going to be a girl sometimes I was going to be a "proper" girl and dress accordingly, that was 1988. Grandma did have some old fashioned beliefs as how a girl acted and dressed and to this day I still wear a girdle when in public and tend to wear hose when wearing a skirt unlike women of today.

In many ways I see Melissa as my "happy place" and while I enjoy all the time I spend as Melissa I do tend to go there when times are difficult or I need to think about things. I am out to some but keep Melissa hidden away from others. Well maybe hidden is the wrong word here maybe better put is I have yet to introduce her to some which may or may not happen in the future. I even had one friend who I showed Melissa to tell me if he didn't know the other side of me he would think about dating her. I would love to be out to more and even have the freedom to wear a skirt and heels to work someday. I know that while the day may come for some it will probably won't for me.

Like most I have questioned why I am as I am. I even went to therapy in my late 20s not so much to be "cured" but to try to understand why. My therapist got me to understand that some people just are CD same as some are TG and some gay while others are straight. I admit I still think about why me and not someone else then I realize that someone may be CD as well just closeted. IMO there is no right or wrong here instead it is just how some people are and I happen to be one of those people. There isn't a lot of difference between Melissa and my male side other than I feel Melissa is more outgoing and a happier person than her "brother." Will I ever go further than being Melissa part time I really don't know. I do know the more time I spend as Melissa the more time I want to and have reached a point in my life I really don't care who knows. Not like I am going to take an ad in the local newspaper announcing Melissa but I no longer fear someone discovering my "secret."

There is a small but active CD/TG group near where I live and credit that for my being as out as I am and always look forward to getting together with the girls and our outings. There are some places we have gone where we were we feel welcome, some with a "Well OK but hurry up and get out of here" attitude, and some where they have refused us service or in one case entry. There are some girls who want to make a scene when it is apparent we are not welcome my philosophy is just walk away and find somewhere we and our money is welcome.

Though I am far from a "holy roller" I felt something was missing in my life and found a church where I could worship and would openly accept Melissa. I have been attending services there regularly since shortly before the 1st of the year, well I was and will return to that once the opportunity presents itself again. I admit I was scared to death the first time or two but found they not only welcomed Melissa for who she was but accepted while perhaps not their thing it was mine and I was as entitled to it as they were to theirs.

Most are surprised to find out I am a semi accomplished chess and bridge player. Grandma and Grandpa loved to play both and not only insisted I learn to play but also be at least semi skilled in them. Been a bit since I played bridge and I hope like with riding a bike you may be a little rusty at first but it comes back to you. I do play chess with a few scattered across the country and am in the middle of 3 games right now.

Melissa

[Anthony Simon]

I got introduced to the idea of dressing up when my grandmother put me in a nightgown after I'd wet my bed when I was 4. I think it set me against myself - in that I liked it, but felt I shouldn't like it. So that was pretty much the theme of my CDing throughout my life.

I played Titania when I was 9 - which felt OK. I mean it felt OK playing a woman, sort of within my experience. But, as I went through school, I always got typecast (in read-throughs) and had to play girls. One time I got to play a guy - and that was just such a relief. Like I could feel myself in that.

And that has kind of continued - the sort of dual identification I have. In the last 7 years or so, it's intensified. That is there was a sudden jump when I really started experiencing myself as a woman when I dressed up - but, on the other hand I also kind of still experience myself as a man.

In the last several years, there's been numerous occasions when people (generally women) are talking to me and I can see they're relating to me as though I'm a woman. On the other hand, with these same women, there sometimes come occasions when they're relating to me as a straight man (with relief).

So, OK, I guess that's confusing. And yet I feel perfectly natural about it. To be some kind of in-between person, who sometimes functions as a man and sometimes functions as a woman - and it can flick from one to the other pretty quickly.

....

I'm rather a visual person. I did take photos for a while and really like staring at pictures and (particularly) maps.