Stand out or Blend in.....

[Kelly]

A really interesting post on Lucille Sorella's blog http://feminizationsecrets.com/transgen ... stand-out/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; that struck me and thought a discussion here would be interesting.

[aside: yes, her blog is designed to promote product, I know, I know. That doesn't mean that there isn't occasionally a post that will strike a cord. Or there is a useful tip.]

Here is a partial quote:
"After all, what’s the point of wearing cute clothes, getting a fabulous haircut, or doing your makeup if nobody notices?
I believe it’s a natural feminine desire to want to stand out."

So much for flying under the radar!!

Personally, I have always thought that if I could just pass, not be noticed, and just blend in, then my outing would be a success. But, standing out (tastefully, of course) would be awesome; a real confidence boost.

Makes me rethink my attitude. Perhaps my goals are in fact limiting.

Kelly

[Davita]

At first I was that quiet little mouse hiding in the room full of people hoping not to be pointed out. Now that I am out and have been going out since 1999, I would like to pass and I mean "like." I don't even know if I do or not since so many people I interact with know and so they just have a prejudiced opinion same as me.

Now when I am fully fem, I want to be noticed and hopefully in a good way. It's only rarely will a stranger give me a compliment. I miss the days when we (all people) could talk more freely with a stranger to let her know she did good. I stand out, simple. I pass with some people and some I don't but it no longer controls my fun and my being comfortable with myself.

[DonnaT]

"After all, what’s the point of wearing cute clothes, getting a fabulous haircut, or doing your makeup if nobody notices? I believe it’s a natural feminine desire to want to stand out."

Is wanting to be noticed the same as wanting to stand out?

I don't think they are exactly the same. One can fix themselves up to be noticed, and yet blend in with others around them.

[Heather W]

I agree with Donna here. Women dress to please themselves and their SO if they have one generally. In doing so they also try to stand out yet for the most dress to fit the situation. It is tough to put into words but take a look at the women in public when you are out and about. They are dressed casualy at the grocery store for the most part yet their outfits are well coordinated and accessories and they don't mind when a gentleman give them a second look. A perfect example of this is what I saw last Saturday at Starbucks. There were probably 15 people there with the vast majority, including myself, were female. There were skirts, knee length and maxi, jeans, and shorts, which was what I had on. Still all were neatly dressed most with make up and jewelry on.

To me one of the most wonderful part of being a girl is the options we have. Even in a more formal setting we can wear slacks,a dress, short skirt,or a maxi and still blend into the crowd. Yes being noticed, standing out if you prefer, is fun and at the bar it can be fun but isn't more fun to be the one noticed yet still be dressed similar to the others?

[OliviaM]

Very interesting topic. In my limited experiences being out in public, I would like people to notice that I look good and I am dressed well. But I don't think I want to stand out as with people staring or pointing wether negatively or positively. A nice second look as a compliment would be great. So I think I am in the there is a difference between standing out and being noticed camp. Would the worst be long quizzical looks trying to decide if I am a man or woman?

[Kelly]

To me one of the most wonderful part of being a girl is the options we have.

I have expressed a similar sentiment in some of my very early posts. But for me it has been more envy rather than joy-of-the-experience. I have been so timid in my desire to pass that I consider just being part of the background as success.

Reading that blog post has me thinking I have set the bar too low. Why not enjoy more of the aspects of femininity I admire. And if someone happens to notice, great, the new standard of success.

So why so timid, I don't know. In part it is because of my lack of confidence in my fashion sense. My trying to understand what is age is appropriate; heck I am not even sure what age I am/could present 48, 54, 63?

And finally, what is over the line? an evening gown is clearly out of place in the coffee shop, but everything Heather describe clearly isn't. Yea, there isn't a clean demarcation, but I haven't yet developed the sense to yet discern anything other than the extremes. And I do a lot of 'field research' in coffee shops.

For the record, when I introduced this topic the "stand out" to me just means to be noticed, or notable. The evening gown in a coffee shop is standing out and nothing this gals wants.

Kelly

[Martha G]

I make a very attractive and passable woman.

However I would prefer to blend in rather than stand out!

[OliviaM]

Olivia made a short trip out this morning. Stopped at the ATM and Costco for gas. There was another stop planned, but traffic ment not enough time. It was early but there were people (women and men) at the pumps so I know I was seen but I concentrated on my pump. At the ATM, however, I had to walk around the building. On returning to the car, there was a bank cleaning guy standing there and he looked right at me with little reaction. But as I went passed him I did notice he took a quick second look. Noticed without standing out. Felt really nice.

Olivia

[Michelle Diane]

Many winters ago when I got the chance to go out dressed I always tried to be just another woman on the street. I remember one nice summers day I was sitting in All Saints church gardens I was wearing a lilac print dress with a white cardigan and white strappy sandles I picked my medium length brown wig some nice clipon earring and light makeup. When a couple of woman walked by and they both looked and whispered something to each other, I just ignored them until they came back and I thought Oh God they know. They came up to me and apologised for disturbing me but one of them, Kathy, loved my dress and wanted to know where I got it. I said it was just a M&S dress from their summer line, nothing special. We talked for a good 10 minutes until they had to go back to work. I still don't know to this day wether they knew and were being supportive of me or they thought I was just another lady out enjoying the summers sun.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I like to appear as the woman I would have been if I were born a woman. I try very hard to be a stylish woman of a certain age...

[Karen Ski]

In the beginning we all dress to stand out whether that is our intention or not. Too many girls go with too short a skirt, too high a heel, overdone make up, and generally way too busty! It is the nature of crossdressers we associate all that we see as feminine and we try to make that our "look". I can say that because I see it all the time and comitted the same sins myself. I look back at some pictures of Karen in her earliest days and all I can say is OMG! What the hell was I thinking? I toned the look down over the years and by the time I was 40 or so I learned to pass easily as a woman my age. I should add being 5'6" and 140 lbs helps a great deal there.

To me the real trick is to blend in yet stand out in the crowd. Heather put it well in her saying one of the wonders of being a girl is our choices. I have to agree and I always try to dress appropriately for the situation yet be the one that may catch an eye or two. It is hard to put into words but you all know what I mean. Go to a wedding and see the sea of LBDs yet there is one that catches your eye. It may be her blond hair or the necklace she is wearing or perhaps a pair of colorful shoes she chose rather than the requisite black sandals but you know her.

The next time any of you are in the LA area and see the stylish 61 YO brunette who catches your eye in that ocean of maxi dresses at the mall smile at her! Who knows maybe it's me!

[Linda S]

To me, it's about finding an outfit that's attractive and is appropriate for the circumstances. Whether I blend in or stand out really doesn't matter; if all of the other women in a given place also look good, that's fine. Or if I'm the only one, that's OK too.

For example, a very popular cool-weather outfit for even the most casual situations is skinny jeans or leggings with riding boots. I happen to find that look extremely sexy, which makes me feel confident and feminine when I'm wearing it.

BTW, I've noticed is that many CDs stand out because tend to dress too old. They dress according to outdated ideas of what they think a woman their age should wear, and end up looking like an old lady from the 1950s!

[Diana Michelle]

BTW, I've noticed is that many CDs stand out because tend to dress too old. They dress according to outdated ideas of what they think a woman their age should wear, and end up looking like an old lady from the 1950s!

In some ways you are right Linda. To many CD's associate the "June Cleaver" look epitomizes the ultimate of femininity and they see that as a way of showing the world "I am a woman!" That look died years ago that heavens. Not only is it impractical for many situations but uncomfortable, especially if paired with the underpinnings of that era. Couple that with the fact heels are not conducive to long walks through malls, parking lots, etc. some girls do come off as straight out of the 50's ! The other issue some CD's dress too young and when paired with gaudy jewelry and brassy blonde wigs they look like a trailer park diva. Obviously those girls dress to stand out!

I do like skinny jeans or leggings paired with riding boots and wear them a lot myself. They are comfortable, well as long as there is enough stretch in them , practical, and appropriate for a wide variety of circumstances. I have worn that look for shopping, running errands, having lunch with friends, and even just around the house.

[Jean Ann]

My second time out I got my makeup done at Merle Norman
in Lubbock Texas .
The makeup artist told
me that by wearing drab colors I really presented. as a CD
With good makeup and pretty clothes Ilooked and felt
much more Fe
much more feminine

[Starla]

Kelli -

Don' want to stand out in excess, maybe an occasional glance now an then. To let me know I've been noticed as female but generally blend in.