Stand out or Blend in.....

[Martha G]

Personally, I have always thought that if I could just pass, not be noticed, and just blend in, then my outing would be a success. But, standing out (tastefully, of course) would be awesome; a real confidence boost.

Kelly[/quote]
Don' want to stand out in excess, maybe an occasional glance now an then. To let me know I've been noticed as female but generally blend in.[/quote]


Standing out tastefully would make me feel like a real woman.

My goal has always been to pass tastefully as a mature woman!

[Stephanie H]

I enjoy being the woman that I am and not someone who I am not. So, looking as natural as a middle aged women that I am is how I go about. Not boring, not flamboyant just me.

[Lacey Hadley]

My answer, It depends.

Just as GG's have the choice, us as CD'ers have the choice, to more or less blend in or more or less stand out. To begin looking at women dressing in all ways, we know that most if not all of us in 'guy' mode notice women of most any age when they choose to dress to stand out. For instance if a GG decides to wear heels be they shoes or boots, they know that these heels will make them that much more noticeable. Not just the look of the shoe or boot but how it makes their body look and if on hard floors the clicking sound of the heels. C'mon as guys, if we hear that lovely click clack sound of heels say in another isle of a shop or store we almost instinctively walk to want to get a look. Women know heels are feminine, sexy and empowering to them. They know that not just other gals will see their heels but that guys look and love the way heels make a body look and how a lady walks. Heck heels can make us as CD'ers look better and walk differently that is one reason why they are fun.

If a GG wears heels and a dress or skirt, and the shorter these items are the more the lady will stand out. Doing so, dressing as such is not right or wrong but how a GG may feel at that time. Dressing to look good, sexy and to stand out can be fun for them and again empowering. If a GG wants to wear heels but not stand out as much she may wear a not quite as tall of a heel, maybe choose a chunky heel or a wedge heel. She may wear a longer skirt or pants. Maybe tone down the look by wearing a simpler top and casual jacket or wear a sweater, a longer one at that. These pieces of clothes will back off the look heels give. If a GG wanted to blend in she will go casual and wear shoes or boots that will not attract much attention. Sadly today many natural girls dress like crap! Being lazy is not an excuse to blend in. But even at that the trend of many especially younger girls is going out and about wearing P.J. bottoms and oh say Uggs etc. PLEASE LADIES! you stand out like a sore thumb dressed as such and that is not in a good or even empowering way. It's not any easier to pull that 'lazy' look than to put on a pair of casual pants or jeans with a pair of nice booties, casual shoes or running shoes .

So for us as CD'ers, we can dress to stand out or to better blend in. It will be harder for most of us to be 100% blended in and passable so to speak, but we can learn to dress and d hair and make up to appear passable and in the daily rush of life go mostly unnoticed. But most of us will be read when we get deeper into interacting with others. But IMO fret not, passable means to me is not fooling any and all others at all times. Passing is about carrying yourself in a way that you will be treated as if you were a genetic girl. That is really our goal. We can't get into another persons head to know or to feel if they have 'read us' etc. But if we carry ourselves in a way to be treated as lady-like as we can that is as good as we need. Now if we wish to dress to stand out more, again nothing wrong with that. We as CD'ers should be able to enjoy the fun, the feeling and the empowering of dressing to stand out if that is how we each may feel at any given time. But! again be ware, YOU WILL GET NOTICED MORE BY HOW YOU DRESS AND ACT DRESSED AS SUCH! This may increase your chance of being 'read'. If you are ok with that, then GO HAVE FUN! If not, well before you step out in public dressed to stand out maybe you should stop and look at a mirror and see if toning it back down is more how you wish to feel at that time. Keep the look of high heels but maybe go a tad lower or like I said for GG's go chunky or wedge heeled. I LOVE ALL MY HEELS! But If I went out with my 6+ inch sky high platform pumps or boots I'm gonna be noticed and it does not matter how tall I am without shoes ( about 5'11"-6'0" for me) on. A GG wearing sky high shoes or boots even if she's say all but 5'1" will be noticed too. This is why if a CDer wants to dress to have fun but not be quite so strikingly noticeable can again find other dress shoes or boots even heels and blend the look of them with pants or a longer skirt/dress and /or add casual top with jacket.

But lets not forget make up. It's typically harder for us as CD'ers to look enfemme without putting on more make up than most GG's. But today's make up is more varied and better to help us pass in our facial looks and not look so much as if a classic painter plastered our faces with the stuff. Learn your COLOURS! For me my ex-wife trained me as a guy to know that I'm a winter. I'm fair skinned and as such powerful clothing colours look good on me (blues, greens, purples, deep reds, blacks etc) My make up will revolve around my fair skin and green eyes. A MATTE foundation is best IMO for the typical CDer. MATTE of a good quality foundation with the right shade of pressed powder works best for me. Doing my eyes to more blend in means not going wild with eye liner and with mascara or wild or bold colours in eye shadow. I'll go lighter on eye liner, keep my mascara simple and not go with any smokey look on eye shadow. I'll stick to pinks, mauves and purples to compliment my green eyes. To stand out, I'll go bolder with blues and greens in eye shadows and toy with the smokey eyes look. Lips? CDers staying in the lighter shades and natural lips colour shades in general look best especially for day wear or to blend in. Going wild with bold and deep coloured lip sticks can be fun but again you will stand out.

But all this starts with knowing your colours, be you fair skinned, tanned skinned, olive skinned, dark skinned etc. Learn the colours that work best for you in make up and clothing. That is what genetic girls typically have learned as they grew up to become adult women. For us guys we never were taught this growing up more or less. We have and are learning at a later age as compared to GG"s. Having a wife or SO who is positive and helpful to you, will move you along as a CDer.

To blend in or stand out! Neither is right or wrong. It all is what you wish to look like and how you feel at the time. The joy of crossdressing is the ability to play with feminine fashions, shoes/boots, hair and make up. It is all of that which lets the girl inside our male life come out to live and breath.

Oh and I did not even get to hosiery and tights. These items will do much in our blending or standing out but IMO hosiery especially for a male who CD's is a near mandatory thing if we choose to show leg. IMO even 9/10 GG's could use the appropriate hosiery as IMO most girls do not have the legs to look good without such. But it's more of a North American thing as from all I read and hear in Europe and Asia most women if showing leg wear a proper choice of pantyhose or tights. Funny as in N/A. many women today put on yoga pants which are as tight around their legs as pantyhose or tights are but are just thicker/heavier and IMO don't look so good as often because GG's will wear these as stand alone pants one can see through them to see their butts and see the panty that these girls are wearing. They can't be as comfortable to wearing a PROPER fitting pantyhose or tights of a better quality brand. No offence ladies but it's my 2 cents and I'm of an age when women wore pantyhose and tights with skirts and dresses and THEY LOOKED BEAUTIFUL! Feminine, nice legged and and none of them seemed to complain. For us guys even if we have good legs and I feel I'm blessed at having such we typically have more muscular looking legs. If bare skinned we can look more like GG's who may be track and field athletes or body builders. Hosiery helps to tone down the look and tights can help those of us who have real muscular legs.

Oh my look how long I've rambled on. Please ladies (CD'ers and GG'ers) forgive me taking so much of your time but I hope my thoughts helped.

[Hanna]

Good answers from everyone.
I was wondering how I should be dressed also. I would like to dress so I would get that second look.
Sometimes I wonder though, I am 6'2", and not always sure if the extra look is because I am so tall,or if they make me out, or because I look good. My response now is if I get the second look is to give a nice smile back looking them in the eye. If I get the same pleasant smile back, I know I'm good, either because I looked good and/or dressed nicely and carried my self well.

This past summer I was wearing a pretty short dress, with nylons and low heels. While I was shopping several ladies walked by, I got pretty nervous while trying on different cardigans.
The dress was short enough that if I bent over my butt would have shown. But it was a warm summer day and with the cardigan I didn't think I looked slutty.
So anyhow with that being said one lady came up to me and said "that's a really cute outfit"
I thanked her, smiled and felt like a million bucks.

[Anne Bonny]

I believe in following the herd in terms of what is current. I observe the women around me as a guide, those who are close to my age. What fits with the season, venue ... meaning around the house, out shopping or in public. If you get funny looks or noticed it is because what you are wearing is very unusual not so much that you are unusual because you are wearing clothing of the opposite sex.

The example I go back to happened when I was working in Illinois and went to a Walmart. What I saw was a very elderly wrinkled man about 75 or older, very thin, rather frail in a red dress and heels entering the store. Everyone else was in rather drab colors, jeans or slacks just average clothing. He stuck out like a sore thumb with neon lights over his head! Very in appropriate. As if a man and woman were entering a Walmart in a tux and sequined night gown. I mean if you don't care just know that you are definitely going to stand out and get looks.

Personally I prefer to dress appropriately for the gender I am currently in not to hide it's just I aim to dress as I would had I been born a woman, dressing as a man is second nature because I am a man. I think we have been kept from dressing for our other gender, or have felt we had to hide it so years of learning what works for us, and practice with make up and hair, etc which would all be second nature for us takes years of practice for us. As I persist gradually we are going to find our groove and our feminine style will become second nature to us it just takes time, commitment and dedication to our other self. I mean I am allowing my hair to grow longer and am learning about that because I owe it to Anne...my feminine self, she wants to look nice and a woman needs longer hair to look pretty and attractive and feminine...um...well that's not true I have seen some pretty, feminine and attractive women with hair as short as a man's but Anne wants longer hair while my male self is retired and can compromise with a longer style as long as I can achieve an acceptable masculine style. men wear pony tails and buns...true but we are compromising here...a length to the ear lobes...not quite chin length is about the right range I am aiming for.

Oh...Lacey ....very informative, thank you I had a friend help me determine the correct foundation for me...My wife was an Autumn remember hearing her talk a little about that because I am interested in it. I will have to make sure I wear hose when I wear a skirt or dress...I run 5K every day so yeah my legs are quite toned and rather muscular so tights may soften that...thanks and or panty hose may help to tone it down, but not with shorts on suppose...nah...

[Martha G]

As a woman I have the right to change my mind.

I originally just wanted to blend in, but now I think that I would like that second look.

After dressing in beautiful clothes, spending time making my self look beautiful in my makeup and developing my feminine gestures, why become a non entity.

Hey, look this woman over!

Cheers!

[Trudy]

There are ways to stand out and yet blend in as many have already stated. Like Martha I feel when I have gone to all the trouble of getting dressed, doing my make-up and hair and getting everything yes I want to be noticed. However there is a big difference between being noticed yet not standing out. A few weeks ago the BF and I went to a fundraiser for local charity he is active with. It was a "semi-formal" event, think wedding reception attire. He wore a gray suit and I chose a burgundy tea length dress with just a touch of cleavage showing. (Come to think of it that's about all I have is a touch of cleavage ) I wore gray metallic pumps and sheer nude hose, I also used the clutch purse that matches the shoes.

My dress being of color stood out in the sea of primarily black dresses as well as for being tea length as opposed to the mainly knee length dresses. Also most of the women there were bare legged and those that wore hose had black on so again I was different. Did I stand out and was noticed? Yes I was by both men and women alike. The men by their looks (Why is it men think they are so sly when they are eyeing up a woman?) and many of the women by their compliments on my outfit although a few did remark about me wearing hose. While I was noticed and stood in I also fit in as the dress was very appropriate for the function, venue, and time. Tonight we are going to the charity preview of the auto show here in Detroit. That is a formal event and I will wear a formal gown, navy with silver sequins. This is a function where all the ladies dress to stand out and be noticed although I doubt there anyone is going to give a 65 yo woman a second look.

So you can see ladies there are times and ways to stand out yet blend in as well, you just have to have the right circumstances and opportunities. For everyday be it going to the store or out to dinner I am happy to just blend in and not stand out, well maybe except for the BF. However I as well as any other woman does like to be noticed in a nice way.

[Debbie Jean]

You struck a "nerve spot" here, this is one of my favorite topics. Since I'm a relatively new member, I may have put this post unintentionally in the wrong place. If so, feel free to move it, I'll understand. Hope you have a lot of time, because here goes:

There is somewhat of a debate among us CDers about standing out-vs-blending in, not just here but on a lot of CD/TG sites. I think both groups are needed in the interest of advancing our "cause", I.E. being more if not totally accepted by society as a whole.

Here is why I say that. Several years ago I took some history courses at our local university, not as part of any degree program, but rather just because I had the time and the money and the interest. I took courses in American history, specifically 20th century social justice movements.

We started with the Women's Suffrage movement in the early years (pre, during and for shortly after WW1), followed on by the emergence of organized labor in the '30's and '40's. Google search "Minneapolis Teamsters Strike" to see some of the struggles my ancestors went through. These stories were re-told at family gatherings for many generations. The stories no doubt had a strong influence upon the person I am today.

We went on to study the civil rights struggles that happened during the '50's and '60's, followed on by the anti-war movements of the '60's and '70's. Finally we studied the Gay Rights movement, specifically the Stonewall Riots.

So, what does all this have to do with advancing our cause? Fair question. What I learned in all these studies was this:

It wasn't the "stand outs" alone or the "blend-ins" alone that achieved victory, but rather it was both groups working together and respecting one another, under enlightened leadership that got the job done. This was true of every movement or "cause" that we studied.

Now I guess I would call myself one of the "stand-outs". Some of my un-enlightened "blend-in" (friends?) have called me much worse. I can handle that.

So, the search lights and the binoculars are in play (figuratively speaking). I am scanning the landscape looking for that type of leader or leaders that will hopefully come from within the CD/TG community.

Will they come from the membership here? Will they come from another CD/TG site? Time will tell, but I am ready to fall in line and march with those leaders, whoever they may wind up being. I may have "book knowledge", but that doesn't mean I have leadership qualities, that is why I'm still searching for leaders rather than leading the march now. Yes I'm definitely the militant, in-your-face, exhibitionist kind of CDer. I don't deny it, I'm proud of it!

thanks for reading,
Deb

[KymmieL]

Even though I have never been out dressed. I feel that I would want to blend in with the other ladies.

Kymmie Lorain

[Paulette]

You struck a "nerve spot" here, this is one of my favorite topics. I'm a relatively new member, I may have put this post unintentionally in the wrong place. If so, feel free to move it, I'll und?erstand. Hope you have a lot of time, because here goes:

There is somewhat of a debate among us CDers about standing out-vs-blending in, not just here but on a lot of CD/TG sites. I think both groups are needed in the interest of advancing our "cause", I.E. being more if not totally accepted by society as a whole.

Here is why I say that. Several years ago I took some history courses at our local university, not as part of any degree program, but rather just because I had the time and the money and the interest. I took courses in American history, specifically 20th century social justice movements. . .

Now I guess I would call myself one of the "stand-outs". Some of my un-enlightened "blend-in" (friends?) have called me much worse. I can handle that.

So, the search lights and the binoculars are in play (figuratively speaking). I am scanning the landscape looking for that type of leader or leaders that will hopefully come from within the CD/TG community.

Will they come from the membership here? Will they come from another CD/TG site? Time will tell, but I am ready to fall in line and march with those leaders, whoever they may wind up being. I may have "book knowledge", but that doesn't mean I have leadership qualities, that is why I'm still searching for leaders rather than leading the march now. Yes I'm definitely the militant, in-your-face, exhibitionist kind of CDer. I don't deny it, I'm proud of it!

thanks for reading,
Deb

Thanks for posting!

Though I'm a private CD (transandrogynes het, I guess) I'm out to the 'net and family and Facebook, and I strongly agree! May I recommend Julia Serrano's "Excluded."

She makes a strong case for inclusivity among gender variant groups, as well as presenting the best explanation of who and what we are I've read.

[Martha G]

I am an older woman and dress accordingly.

I make an attractive and very passable woman.

Thus, I usually blend in and am accepted as a woman.

I prefer to blend in and not dress to attract a lot of attention.

The fact that I am accepted as a woman is just what I want.

[Bernice]

Since I have had two pretty unpleasant experiences being outed, I'd have to say that I absolutely positively always dress to blend, if venturing outside the home. Then too, I pretty much avoid getting close enough to other people within which to blend.

6 foot tall morbidly obese senior women do not generally dress the way I would prefer to dress, though I don't know if that is because most actually prefer polyester stretch knit pants or leggings or fleecewear, and combat boots, or if that is simply about all they can readily find at retail.

I love my knee-length full skirted dresses/skirts, but they pretty much stay home.

Hugs,

Bernice

[Emily]

Since I have had two pretty unpleasant experiences being outed, I'd have to say that I absolutely positively always dress to blend, if venturing outside the home.

So sorry to hear this - does not sound nice at all. But what exactly does it mean to be outed? Does that mean someone will actually say something out loud!?!?

It certainly does sound unpleasant and I really don't want to cause any negativity by asking this question, but I just can't imagine why anyone would even say anything... A strange look, or maybe a quiet whisper to someone nearby... but anything more that that is beyond rude and just plain mean.

Dress to blend, try not to attract any attention is my plan.

[Nicole Rose]

I try to dress to blend in also, so many different ways and situations on how to dress. if your going grocerie shopping some nice leggings, jeans, cami top, is nice, going shopping for clothes dress accordingly, you can look nice and feminine and dress really nice without standing out. Women and cdrsers who wear nice classy clothes and shoes can blend in just as easy as not, have to be confident in your appearance, plus dress your age, I'm 58 and I don't wear a mini skirt to go grocerie shopping lol. Dress with style and confidence and also blend in to what your doing at the time, Lots of great comments girls , HI LEXI

[Paulette]

Among some of us, there is an urge toward exhibitionism. This can be expressed by wearing age-inappropriate dress, extremely revealing clothes, or (frankly) dressing like a sex worker (or like one imagines them to dress).

Do you want to be outed, to be seen as what you are dressed as? Please don't! This gives all CD and trans people a bad rep. Don't do it.

It will also get you hurt or worse, if you are not very careful and in the company of those who will defend you.

Yes, you want to be loved and appreciated for who you are. We all do. But be honest, do you want to be punished? If that's what you want, it will happen!

Just be careful out there.