less threatening?

[Ralitsa]

Most of you know that I go out all the time dressed in whatever I prefer that day. And I may have remarked before about how women seem more friendly to me if I happen to be wearing a skirt or dress. Well, it happened again. Last week, before going to Bulgaria I was in Janesville WI and went to a mexican place for dinner. I usually eat at the bar if I'm by myself, so I was at the bar looking over the menu and a lady came up and started talking to me. After a minute or so she invited me over to the table with her and her girlfriend. She is a Mary Kay consultant, and ostensibly the reason for her to introduce herself was to get my business for make up. (BTW, anyone in the Janesville area who wants some personal make up help, I'll give you her number.)

But we ended up visiting most of the evening, then going over to another bar before I really needed to go back to the motel and bed so I could make it to the airport next day.

Yesterday, after returning from Bg I met up with them again and we spent pretty much all day at breakfast, then shopping, then at their favorite local watering hole chatting. What seems really strange to me is that this would NEVER, EVER, EVER happen if I were wearing guy clothes. Also, this is not the first time it's happened to me either. The only explanation I have is that I must seem more accessible and less threatening when I'm wearing a dress. Is that a thing? that people in a dress seem safe? Is this somehow similar to women wanting friends who are gay guys?

Anyway, I love wearing dresses and I really prefer the company of women so this is a perfect situation. Probably I'm crazy to be questioning it, but I can't help wondering. Obviously it makes me all the more decided to continue my habits. It just seems counter-intuitive that women would be so much more accommodating toward me based only on my dress. It doesn't seem strange to me that guys are more likely to be jerks, so maybe that's just the difference between men and women?

[Davita]

Look back at all those folks that have approached you when fem. It may not be so much that you are more accessible rather they see an opportunity like the MK lady. It's also possible they know other transgender people and maybe you are looking like you need a friendly face to be with. Maybe to when you are dress masculine, you look kinda brutal or something.

Ya kknoooooooowwwwww...... Rather than guessing why the folks are coming to talk with you, ask them. Ask what attracted them to you and if you had dressed like a guy, would that have made a difference. Maybe you need a "guy" picture for reference.

Anyway, it's really nice you are having good contact experiences with folks.

[Carole Hill]

I do not often wear dresses when I am out en femme. I do wear skirts a lot. though. My experience has been that many women are
friendly, offer a smile and often stop and exchange a few words. This never happens when I am in male mode. I do not think that
many men are this interactive.

[Hanna]

I think you all have mad a good point. I have noticed the same. Kinda nice.

[Emily]

Maybe to when you are dress masculine, you look kinda brutal or something.

Sorry... I just kinda had to laugh at this a little bit, because me personally, when in male mode, this is the look I always go for, LOL! But I usually go for a completely different type of look while dressed en femme...

And what a great story, Ralitsa! Whether the MK lady was just trying to make a few $$$ or not and just genuinely wanted to spend time is awesome. I think most can agree that this would probably not happen to many of us in male mode.

After reading posts here, I am finding that most people (IE: women in particular) either don't care and pay very little attention to CDers, or go out of their way to be extra helpful and friendly. This is beginning to totally change my initial perception that women would scoff at us. I was always under the impression that we were somehow 'invading' their territory. At least that's what I've been led to believe. I guess what I am trying to say is that all you girls who share these amazing experiences is so good to hear; comforting in other words. Maybe it is because we appear less threatening, or maybe they can relate better to a CDer...? Either way... makes for some great stories & awesome experiences! Thanks for sharing, Ralitsa!

[Anthony Simon]

I think they were probably just interested to start. Curiosity. Then they decided they liked you - and there wasn't that pick-up vibe they normally associated with men.

So safe like that.

[Anita]

It’s great to read your story, Ralitsa. My experience of interacting with women when out in the world has been positive, for the most part. The feelings behind the conversations are unlike anything I ever experienced as a man.

If it’s working, I’m not being treated as a man; that much I know for sure. I've got 60-some years of experience with how people relate to me as a man, and what goes on here doesn't happen in that world. There’s an openness that doesn’t exist when I’m presenting as a man. It can be something as simple as talking to a sales clerk, and it has subtle stuff going on that isn’t there without the gal appearance.

I think that even if patronizing is going on at the beginning, the women I’m talking to begin to notice that talking to me is actually fun, and OK, and ‘normal.’ It’s like they’re expecting one thing, and they’re pleasantly surprised that they’re getting another instead. That’s one reaction that I’ve seen, and sometimes women even comment on it. I don’t have to think as much about what I’m going to say, as a gal—it’s like the script is there, and I just follow it. It’s one of the benefits I personally get when I present as a woman. I’m not as self-conscious.

[PhylissH]

To some extent I have experienced the same thing Maybe part of it, at least form the MK lady's view a women in a dress would being more feminine is more likely to by make up from her. I have noticed when at the mall if I am in a denim skirt, plain top, and sandals the make up people don't pay much attention to me. But if I am in a nice skirt or a dress they at least say hello/good afternoon or something to that effect.
I do think when one is dressed more Feminine others feel we are easier to approach.

[Requal Jo]

While I have not had your experience, as I do not go out dressed, I do agree that women tend to acknowledge these situations and make people feel relaxed and accepted very quickly.

[Diana Michelle]

Ralista all the opinions offered here have merit. For the most part women are friendlier in general particularly to other women, sisterhood to use a trite term. I am certain they had a bit of curiosity about you, your feelings and the whys. Obviously they didn't feel threatened by you which is something every women feels. Men can be threatening but women generally aren't, especially in a skirt and heels.