Oops there goes the neighborhood

[AmandaD]

Amanda stepped out for the first time tonight while in full femme, (not in full makeup, but still looking good) She took a little drive before sunset, but while opening the driveway gate, she got seen by one of our neighbors. I shouldn't be too concerned as his step-father is in transition somewhere. The clerk at the liquor store didn't seem phased one bit and even said to have a good evening ma'am.

Feeling a little edgy

[Rikki]

you Go Girl! Wish I had the nerve.

Rikki

[Carol Ann]

Fear not as it has happen to me. When asked I simply say, " and your point is?"

[Anthony Simon]

If your neighbour has a conflict about his step-father, he'll probably have a conflict about you and won't talk for fear of having to deal with the conflict about his step-father.

[Anne Bonny]

I have one close neighbor, I inherited my mom and dad's home so this sort of very occasional contact has been going on for well over 30 years! Only in the last year or two have I started going out in the yard wearing feminine attire. I try not to when they are outside but I feel they have certainly seen me as I have sensed a change in relations...yeah they will wave when I am out en masculine attire, but I feel they have seen me. Hey. I have the right to be myself especially in my own home and outside on my own property!

So whatever their uninformed ideas are of my feminine side ... that's their problem not mine but I do hope some day they will come to the front door when I am dressed and I will answer the door openly so that we can clear the air and hopefully everything will go back to as it was before. How I dress and who I am should not be a problem for anybody, I am who I am.

[Ralitsa]

So Anne, maybe the problem is not "their uninformed ideas" but is rather discretion. Perhaps they feel as though you do not want to "be seen" when you are dressed as you prefer, and so they play along with that fiction, out of consideration to you and not wanting to put you in a potentially uncomfortable situation. It's just possible that your neighbors are gracious and understanding and choose not to see what they believe you do not want seen. After all, how the heck are they supposed to figure out what you're thinking, when honestly, you don't know yourself what you're thinking half the time. You've been struggling with this for years, did you seriously want to have this conversation with your neighbors 3 years ago, for example??????????
They are friendly when you are dressed in "guy mode", that means they still want to keep open some channels of communication. If you feel like they "know" then they do, but they probably are keeping their distance out of respect for your privacy. Why do you assume the worst, and think they wouldn't accept you? If they've known you for 30 years already, I can't imagine that your choice of fashion will, at this point, materially change their opinion.

[Diana Michelle]

So whatever their uninformed ideas are of my feminine side ... that's their problem not mine

Very well said Anne! The uniformed are only surpassed by the misinformed. Sadly the TG community is still saddled with the "Jerry Springer" syndrome as I call it, you all know what I am talking about. My advice to anyone who is going out and "seen" by the neighbors is smile and say Hi! Don't force the issue but I would be willing to bet most of you will find that they react positively and maybe not that first time but soon they will engage you in a conversation whether it be about the weather or whatever. Let the world discover we are just people, not the freaks we have been portrayed as.

[Anne Bonny]

Thanks both of you...

We are our own worst enemies and most of the problems we create for ourselves in our head. I suppose I believe gee...I am letting the neighbors down. They are elderly, knew my parents...and myself and now I have been living here since 2011 full time again after my parent's death in 2007 and January of 2011. They have I believe respect for well had respect for us all built up and now it is just my wife and I. But It would be wrong to believe in the deep south in nice homes for an elderly couple to not have some kind of difficulty taking me in as a neighbor starting to be out and visibly dressed in "opposite sex" or feminine clothing openly living next door to them. This is not San Francisco but the Mississippi Gulf Coast. Has to be rather difficult or disconcerting?

But as you say it is quite wrong for me to assume anything...and I should stop assuming and hope if they see me and I wave and greet them it will all be alright. It may not be of course but I keep the yard up and believe I am a good neighbor as always.

Obviously I have taken a lifetime to arrive where I am now... the past year or two and I continue to evolve. Obviously It is my hope that there is no problem and that I would feel completely comfortable anywhere on my property and that nothing has changed. That they would see me and continue to wave or occasionally knock on the door as has happened a few times over the past 5 years. The only thing I want is for them to not be concerned at all about my gender and how I am dressed and that everything will just be as it always has been.

This is an enormous step, I do jog every day in feminine clothing but they are not obviously feminine shorts and T shirt running shoes and ankle socks, with a sports bra underneath. Getting out is a huge step I have been to Walmart but in lady's jeans and polo and running shoes again not really that obvious. I am really battling my stupid mentality and fear but at least I am not drawing blinds and only dressing in private fearful of being discovered. I have answered the door wearing a dress several times to different people 4-5 different occasions. I cannot be sure everyone who states it's OK or does not matter really feel that way the new nurse and aid I wonder...but I can not let any of that bother me. Gosh, I have been open to the hospice staff...social worker, chaplain, Nurses, Nurse Practitioners, Aids, my sitter, several ladies online who are pen pals and probably out to well over 30 people and the list is growing. Gosh been a while but I even went through the Starbucks drive through wearing a dress, fully make up all of it to the 9's. But I have yet to go shopping or out for an outing in a dress or other feminine attire that will all come. After all my gender is not fully masculine, but it's not fully feminine either but a kind of a blend. At times in my head I feel what are you doing in a bra and a dress!? You have no real need for breast support...you know when you just feel on occasion it's just silly but such is the experience of having a gender that is fluid with everything shifting around a swirl of changing desires and emotions as things change. What a maddening life!



After years of struggling 90% of the problems are all in our own heads.

[Tracey D]

It actually is quite amazing how few people really care. I made the mistake of answering my cell one morning in the bathroom about 3 months ago and didn't notice it was a FaceTime call. I thought I ducked for cover in time. It was one of my coworkers, a tough marine guy. 3 weeks ago I made a joke about knocking off work early to go home and dress like Minnie Pearl. ..a joke I've made a hundred times in the past. He laughed and said to shut off the camera on the phone when in the bathroom in the future. I nearly died. Since then, he's never broughthought it up again and treats me the same as always. Amazing!

[Anne Bonny]

There is surprising support out there. But then...you wonder are they just being diplomatic or nice? Still I will take whatever I can from anyone and when it comes it is wonderful. Because I am careful who I bring into the inner circle so far I have not received negative comments or rejection.

[Ralitsa]

Does it matter if they are just being diplomatic or nice?? That's the whole point about living in a civilized world. It would be crazy to expect everyone to always agree with us or to be 100% supportive of each others opinions. We don't expect that, we only expect that people don't kill each other over disagreements on religion, politics, music, clothes, or the weather.
I'd be perfectly happy if everyone were always diplomatic and nice.

[Emily]

3 weeks ago I made a joke about knocking off work early to go home and dress like Minnie Pearl. ..a joke I've made a hundred times in the past.

Just had to laugh at that one... reminds me of an old song.

Not often you hear about dressing like Minnie Pearl these days, LOL!

There is surprising support out there. But then...you wonder are they just being diplomatic or nice?

Does it matter if they are just being diplomatic or nice?? I'd be perfectly happy if everyone were always diplomatic and nice.

I agree with Ralitsa - diplomatic... nice; doesn't matter. Just live and let live. I know that there are some that can't keep their snide comments to themselves, but those who can, does that constitute as some kind of support, even on the most rudimentary of levels? "If you can't say something nice..."