All my life's a circle

[Kelly]

That is a Harry Chapin song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yjxWfyxpqY" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;).

Seems apropos. The cycles of my life appear to be pretty extreme. Last summer I was in the thickest of a pink fog. Then, in the fall of the year it just went away.

It all went away, no desires to cross dress, no thought about "what would it be like...." In retrospect is was like falling off a cliff. For example, I went from posting here multiple times a day to not event visiting the haven for weeks on end. There was just nothing I wanted to talk about. And let me tell you, my nails are now mess.

In fact it was a month or 6 weeks before I even noticed the change. That got me to thinking. When the pendulum swings back (and make no mistake, I know full well that it will) just what is it that I want?

Well, surprisingly, that is easy to answer: to be feminine.

But the old think-o-lator just wouldn't shut off. Just what does that mean anyway. What does it mean to be feminine? To be girly? Or, to be masculine, for that matter. Have thought about these questions, have asked the internet these questions, gone to the library. Can't really get my arms around it; any distinction seems to be quite superficial.

So, I am throwing it out here. How do you define femininity/masculinity? And how are they meaningfully different?

Kelly.

[OliviaM]

Hi Kelly. First, I was wondering where you went and missed you. Second, this is real thinking question and I am still trying to come up with a reply to the Drab thread. I will have to read this one a few times and then think about it (without hurting my head) before replying. But I'll get there. Talk soon. Olivia

[Ralitsa]

I will just throw a few things out there to chew on.
When one says masculine or feminine, is that referring to physical appearance and the secondary sex traits?

Is one referring to actual physical differences in body dimensions, brain structure, hormone levels and the necessary influence these have on behavior?

Is one referring to cultural interpretations, perhaps stereotypes, traditional roles and expectations? Is it possible to distinguish the cultural historical influences from the physical? Is it even desirable to do so?

Are you just saying "to be feminine" because you don't really know what you want, but you are attracted to females?

Do you have specific interests or abilities that are generally defined as feminine, and so by extension you believe that defines you as feminine?

What is it that you really, REALLY want?? To be loved and accepted for who you are? To be treated with kindness? To be made to feel special and desirable? cuz honey that aint femininity that's humanity.

[DonnaT]

Feminine is defined as having qualities or appearance traditionally associated with women, especially delicacy and prettiness.

Plus there's looking feminine and there's acting feminine.

I like to define it as more than than the wide paint-brush definition of qualities or appearance traditionally associated with women, which is why I highlighted "especially delicacy and prettiness".

For looking feminine I prefer clothes with lace or ruffles, light and pretty, etc. For example, a black knee length skirt can be more feminine if it is pleated, or has a ruffled, pleated, or lace hem.

Along those same lines, I don't act feminine, and am not sure how that would be done.

[Stephanie H]

It is a projection of ones inner self. The state of mind that one has to project the desired image of being feminine. That be physical or body and spirit. Project yourself as you see yourself and you will be happy.

[Requal Jo]

As I sit here in Requal mode after having done the house hold chores to assist my wife, I find my self thinking about this post. I actually feel feminine at this time.

However, still at this time within myself I am still masculine as I am a male and this I do not wish to change.

So, simple, when Requal, I feel feminine and when I am I, I am masculine (as it goes with my employment and hobby).

[Noeleena]

Hi.
To be feminine or seen as feminine .

I am seen as feminine because i am feminine why because i dress and act in that way do i do a good show of being other than my real self as a person or is it im just a normal female to start with ,

Now im not talking about wether im like quite a few women who have had surgerys and like them have no womb and wether im sexy and look sexy or even feel sexy this for myself is about just being normal in most aspects of who i am as a person ,

many of us women dont feel feminine and sexy yet does that define us as being different from other women maybe in mens eyes it does , and yes it hurts us because we were not born with this full on we must look like a young girl of 16 all our life .

I have been told im very feminine and it was not about clothes makeup shoes and adornments , it was who i am in my manerisms how i interact with others and really it just comes down to be a female born with traits and part and parcel of being myself so how far back then does that go 67 years , and some times we dont grow into our selfs for many years , for myself it was normal and natural,

Now the ? ..... am i feminine all the time , am i when on the bulding sites working hard out looking like muckworthy and sweating no makeup and my lovely clothes , you can answer that one , from a males perspective looking at me i quess not so does my femininity define me all the time or is it there just theres more to life than being on show and how a male thinks we should be and look ,

Its there all the time just heres something that you can answer ,

April 19 th , we have our Band Concert coming up hopefully we will have about 30 members playing , as you know im the drummer and doing other percussion as well , okay im going to be working at it with some 18 peaces of music and playing maybe 3 instiments at the same time ,so the ? is will i be looking feminine and in uniform sorry wont be a sexy looking chick . my mind will be totaly on what im doing and making sure i get every thing right,

I wont have time to think about feminine any thing , sorry real life here for this kid no play acting just real life all the time .

Gee wonder what it would be like to act this feminine part , ...maybe not . no doubt id fail ,

...noeleena...

[Anthony Simon]

Last summer I was in the thickest of a pink fog. Then, in the fall of the year it just went away.

It all went away, no desires to cross dress, no thought about "what would it be like...." In retrospect is was like falling off a cliff. For example, I went from posting here multiple times a day to not event visiting the haven for weeks on end. There was just nothing I wanted to talk about.

You actually did a post in April last year (your "Peggy Lee" post) which seems kind of related:

When the night was over, all of the urges, all of the pent up desires which I have felt (and suppressed) for year - decades - were totally gone. I'm totally satiated. I wasn't immediately anticipating my next time out (though we did make some tentative plans). I am stuck by the feeling of the Peggy Lee song, "Is that all there is".

There is something there - the statement about you satiating your pent up desires of decades - which might suggest that this is not entirely cyclical.

I don't want to make too much of that, because I know, with me, when I've decided the thing has categorically gone away that's when I should be dressing up.

Not, I'm afraid, answering your question about femininity. But then, I kind of prefer to feel it rather than analyse it. Like the Heisenberg uncertainty principle about the closer you get to something, the less you see.

[Anne Bonny]

That is something that cannot be nailed down after 58 years I realized gender is nothing more than an intense feeling of being masculine or feminine. My sex is male, and most of the time my gender is masculine and has no desire to be anything else...but I shift when my feminine gender feeling intensifies and pushes the masculine feelings out of the way becoming prominent. When My feminine feeling is intense my desires also change and I want to wear feminine things, I am more submissive, and less aggressive not like a wall flower but I just want to go along. After 58 years that is all that I can tell you. sounds overly simplistic and lame but that is it. On you tube recently I heard someone saying there is a hormone that raises and when that happens ... well they are saying the intensity fluctuations are hormonal and when elevated we simply HAVE to dress! whatever is causing the intense gender specific feelings to rise does not really matter it serves as independent verification of what I have found to be true.

[Kelly]

Thanks all. Helps with the perspective: Know yourself and let everything else take care of itself. I'm probably overanalyzing things, which is my want, as usual.

The very fact that I am talking about all of this again is probably a sign that the real Kelly is getting ready to re-assert herself. I'm trying to sort things out so that she won't suffer so much angst.

Ha. Get that, I am talking about myself as if it is somebody else. Not to worry, its just metaphorical. I don't want to suffer the angst. Someone wise - I think it was Eileen, but don't hold me to it - once said something like 'there is a person behind that bra'. We are all just that - people.

A special thanks to Anthony. I didn't think that the Peggy Lee post was a year ago, but sure enough it was. My clear sky post (where I whined about the pink fog) was in January. My perspective of the cliff dive was off by several months.

Odd thing is, I was fairly active in the summer of '14. But indeed the activity dropped off around Halloween. Looked at some of my pre april and post april posts and do see a difference it tenor (oh, and I way too much fun in The Gaming Space).

As confused and conflicted as ever,

Kelly