When I came back from a therapy session early on my wife asked me how it went. I told her what we discussed and told her about me being asked if I was Jim or Julie. I answered Julie. From that instant my wife told me she sees me as a woman and she's not a lesbian so therefore we must split up. In a way, that was pressure to transition.
Another time I told her I had too masculine of a body to ever be able to pass. She told me I was wrong and that I'd be able to easily pass. More pressure?
When I have told my therapist I don't think I can do this she said she was worried I might slip into depression if I don't. When I told her I felt I'd never pass, she basically told me I was dead wrong.
As far as other TGs sending me those signals I'd say no. In fact I have been questioned in a way that they doubt transitioning is the right thing to do.
I find it interesting that the people who know me best seem to almost encourage transitioning but those in the TG community seem to question me on it.
I suspect those in the TG community tend to question you about transitioning because...
1. We know, either first-hand or from our friends, how long, expensive, difficult, and wrenching transition can be. Not to be undertaken lightly, for sure. In fact, I'd suggest that a person should be 100% sure beforehand, because many of the effects are irreversible.
2. We sometimes succumb to that most human of temptations, wanting others to be just like ourselves. Crossdressers want you to stay a crossdresser, and so on.
After I read your post, I'm very interested to know what you decided. Is it posted elsewhere, or would you tell us?
Thanks!
ps. As for what your wife and therapist say, I could only guess. Your small picture certainly looks passable, but that in itself is no reason to transition or not to.
I think Rikki's right Julie. Those who don' understand the path and what it takes to transition tend to go, "Oh just do it." I doubt it's that simplistic (their answers), but the point is still the same. Those not in the TG community don't understand all the decisions that have to be made.
As I said in my post. My wife was pressuring me to transition more than anyone else. I finally had to ask her to stop and finally stood the ground of I know who I am and I'm not a woman trapped in a man's body.
Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know I think Rikki is right on the money.
Find an oldie but goody... After recently coming back to the forum I'm really happy to find out that it is still a great place where nobody is pressured to do more than what they want to do. Still, it can be dangerous for those who may not have both feet firmly planted on the ground.
Chances are that for somebody who is unsure if they should live FT as a woman... they shouldn't do it. Very different than those who wish they could do it but their circumstances don't allow them to. Even so, the RLT has a good reason to be... if you really think that you should move forward and transition, try first living FT as a woman for at least several weeks in a row. Without changing into men's clothes to go to work, to go and attend a summon for jury duty, or visit the family, etc. If you are not willing to do EVERYTHING as a woman, how can you expect to go ahead and get hormones and later have surgery?
If you are not a woman... no amount of hormones and surgery will transform you into one. If you are a woman, living your life as a man will not make you less of a woman... your time will come. Don't confuse wanting to be feminine with wanting to be a woman. If you "want" to be a woman... chances are you are not one.
The only pressure I ever got to go further and transition and seek GRS came from within. IMO anyone who feels pressure to go further from a so called friend so reexamine that friendship.
The time is always right to do what is right
Martin Luther Ling Jr
I can not believe I did not answer this post when it was originally posted.
The first forum I was a member of many of the people were very good there. But some of those on the site that had, were in the process of or thinking about transitioning were very pushy. The general though from some of them was that a CD was just in denial of wanting to transition. It actually really made me look within and figure out who I was. I was not going to be pushed to do some thing I did not want to do.
Encouragement and support is great, but if someone is pushing you to do something you do not want to do, they do not know you and they are not your friend.
Site Administrator
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
Seeing recently some post about somebody being curious about the whole teansition/GCS, etc. I think that the phrase that better describes what I have learned in 20 years of interaction with cd/tg/ts people... you don't leave your life as a man and start living full time as a woman because you want to. Yo only do it because you have to.
Well said and thank you Gaby! You seem to have a true grasp on not only where you are in life but also an excellent insight to the whole question. IMO no one should or really can talk someone into transition, either it is the right step or it isn't. If there is an issue of pressure it is one people place on themselves as they mistake the pleasure of the simply wearing the clothes with being a woman.
"We may have all come on different ships but we are in the same boat now."
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
While there are the edges out there in the TG community same as anyone group I doubt that anyone can be persuaded, cajoled, or pushed into going further than they desire. First there exists a series of checks and balances involved with the obtaining of proper and legal HRT and it is there to try to make sure only those who are proper candidates for everything get there. Sure like any system things can fall through the cracks but in all the girls I have met who have considered or actually transition I have never met one I outright felt was there due to peer pressure. Yes I have met a few who for whatever never got through gender therapy which IMO should have transitioned but not the other way around. Secondly and perhaps more important I still believe that we as humans are self aware and capable of making the right choices given all the circumstances and parameters. Yes some may consider transition for the wrong reasons and run the potential of making a mistake but I still have enough faith in us to eventually weigh all the evidence and eventually make the right choice.
Remember Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did only she did it backwards and in high heels!
The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls and whispered in the sounds of silence. Paul Simon
I belong to a support group and we have the whole range from hetero CDs, one of them even brings his wife to some meetings, to a transitioning TS. I have never felt any pressure to go further than I felt comfortable with. If anything the advice I think prevails in our group is take it only as far as you feel comfortable. I know I have always lived by that and would highly recommend everyone else do the same.
Yeah an oldie but a goodie....2003. Yeah. We are all unique transition is not for everyone. I know who I am and I am fine just as I am. Might have my ears pierced, do have my hair longer and love it when enfemm having my own hair to style. Yeah it's a very personal decision that no one has a right to question. I am a man under all this pretty wrapping and I have no confusion about that but I also feel feminine at times and it is perfectly fine to be in my feminine area until my fickle gender decides to change back again and go to my male side. It's perfectly ok, and is just who I happen to be as a person.
I doubt it's that simplistic (their answers), but the point is still the same. Those not in the TG community don't understand all the decisions that have to be made.
