Woman appears

How are you dealing with or handling this aspect of your life?

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Anthony Simon
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Woman appears

Post by Anthony Simon »

In the "So, today I was looking at what women were wearing" thread. Anita asked a question, to which Kimberly Kael replied. I want to reply. But, I think I'm going to put that reply in a separate place.
Kimberly Kael wrote:
Anita wrote:We have asked the question on here before; at what point in the process does the woman appear?
Has there ever been a particularly satisfying answer?

For me the woman has always been there, lurking in everyone's peripheral vision where everyone could see her so long as they weren't looking too closely. At lunch I could stroll to a food counter downtown in a suit and tie, and the person taking my order would instinctively call me ma'am. Later they would they try to correct themselves and the disappointment I felt was one of the early cues that I would later need to change my life.
That first sentence sounds a bit like Heisenberg's uncertainty principle: the harder you look, the less you see (or that's my take on it). With me, I'd say the potential for the woman has always been there - like there's been an unresolved part of me that could go that way - and perhaps people have related to me a bit differently because of it. I always felt a bit of an outsider in men's changing rooms, for example.

Basically I have felt quite flattered when people have decided that what they're seeing is a woman, because really I wish I was a woman on some level. I think I've probably always wished I was a woman (or a girl).
While learning to feel comfortable with who I am, I did find it difficult to let go of four decades of memories of friends and family relating to me as male. There are still days when that reflex is there, and a mirror is actually helpful in rediscovering the woman in me.
It must be hard that (my sense is I'd find it terminally difficult) letting go of so much you're known yourself as. The other thing is, though frequently people make me out to be not much of a man, I am kind of proud of some of the things I've done as a man - like out of the classic "male" way of looking at the world. I don't think you can get rid of those sorts of experiences - like I would still feel myself "male" because of how highly I value these things in my life.

I definitely need to look in the mirror to remind myself. And actually I'm a bit amazed at what I'm seeing. Like I'm seeing this woman appearing there on a regular basis and I don't know what to make of it. This is a different sense of "the woman" appearing. It's evident to me that there's a new intensity and conviction to what I'm seeing (over the past couple of months).

My guess is it's some of the potential woman turning into "real" woman (or something like that). So this is "appearance of woman" in that sense.
The months leading up to transition were a constant reminder that I'd stood on the wrong side of the fence my whole life: every time I'd go out and use a public restroom men would start double-checking to make sure they hadn't used the wrong door, or would insist that I was in the wrong place. How right they were! I'm just sorry it took so long for me to figure it out.
With me and my potential to be a woman, I think I've sat on the fence my entire life. Now it looks like I'm coming down on both sides of it (ouch!).

I don't think men ever treat me like anything other than a man (though perhaps a bit "different") and women also treat me like a man for much of the time. But in the past few years there's been an ongoing trend where women treat me as though mentally I'm a woman (this has also paralled my dressing up). It's not like they've mistaken me for a woman physically, but they keep talking in my presence like I'm another woman. I've mentioned the occasion when one woman just instinctively talked to me as though I could have babies - but there are a number of other less extreme versions. I like it, feel satisfied by it.
Socrates: The highest wisdom is to know that you know nothing.

Bill and Ted: That's us, dude.
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Ginny Jones
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Re: Woman appears

Post by Ginny Jones »

Hi Anthony

I enjoyed your post and wanted to respond to a couple of things.
I definitely need to look in the mirror to remind myself. And actually I'm a bit amazed at what I'm seeing. Like I'm seeing this woman appearing there on a regular basis and I don't know what to make of it. This is a different sense of "the woman" appearing. It's evident to me that there's a new intensity and conviction to what I'm seeing (over the past couple of months).
I read this on the back of padding through the lounge in full finery, passing the mirror, getting out to the kitchen and realising that I hadn't done a double take on seeing myself in the mirror! You know that thing about us attending to what is novel - well I did notice once I got out into the kitchen!
But in the past few years there's been an ongoing trend where women treat me as though mentally I'm a woman (this has also paralled my dressing up). It's not like they've mistaken me for a woman physically, but they keep talking in my presence like I'm another woman. I've mentioned the occasion when one woman just instinctively talked to me as though I could have babies - but there are a number of other less extreme versions. I like it, feel satisfied by it.
This is a really good description of how it has been for me sharing an office with a group of women. Over time I am being inducted into this strange world that is becoming less and less strange! Dangerously so! I have had conversations recently about fasion where I have had to consciously edit what I have contributed as the source of that information was Marie Clare! The male in me was in spasm! I know , I know, I know ... and I've got to keep quiet!

It seems to me that one of our dearest wishes is to be recognised and when the world acknowledges our femininity - wow!

Hugs Ginny x
Anthony Simon
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Re: Woman appears

Post by Anthony Simon »

Ginny Jones wrote:
But in the past few years there's been an ongoing trend where women treat me as though mentally I'm a woman (this has also paralled my dressing up). It's not like they've mistaken me for a woman physically, but they keep talking in my presence like I'm another woman. I've mentioned the occasion when one woman just instinctively talked to me as though I could have babies - but there are a number of other less extreme versions. I like it, feel satisfied by it.
This is a really good description of how it has been for me sharing an office with a group of women. Over time I am being inducted into this strange world that is becoming less and less strange! Dangerously so! I have had conversations recently about fasion where I have had to consciously edit what I have contributed as the source of that information was Marie Clare! The male in me was in spasm! I know , I know, I know ... and I've got to keep quiet!
Well....I've been in situations with women where they try to impose a view of me as feminine as a kind of one up game. And there's also power games that go on in offices where like the ruling group tries to force you to fit into the ongoing group persona (female in your case) - and that may be at odds with where you would naturally go psychologically.

What I've been getting recently seems a much more consensual thing than that (and forgive me if I've misread your situation), where the women are genuinely responding to stuff they see inside me. It makes me feel very positive,whereas the stuff in the past, genuinely I've not been too happy with.
Socrates: The highest wisdom is to know that you know nothing.

Bill and Ted: That's us, dude.
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Ginny Jones
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Re: Woman appears

Post by Ginny Jones »

Anthony - I have to say that this feels consensual! They are responding to the femininity in me. I don't experience it as a power thing - I am being invited in. That said, I do have limits and I try to make sure i don't get drawn over that line! My impression however is that if I was - they would be fine with that! Now that I'm talking about this, I suspect that this has been a significant factor in me joining this forum!

Hugs Ginny x
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Azurielle
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Re: Woman appears

Post by Azurielle »

I've always seen myself as more of a baroness than a lady. ;)
''We are strong, yet we don't belong. Born in this world as it all falls apart.''
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