Sliding down the Slope

How are you dealing with or handling this aspect of your life?

Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn

User avatar
JoAnnDallas
Miss Golden Goddess
Posts: 992
Joined: Tue Dec 05, 2006 1:59 pm
Location: Fairfax, VA
Contact:

Sliding down the Slope

Post by JoAnnDallas »

I have my ears pierced and now my hair is down to the bottom of my ears. I suspect that a combination of my hair, ears, and being on hormones is why people are starting to assume I am a women, even when I am dressed as a male. I went this morning to buy some paint ans supplies at WalMart. I walked up the paint counter with a male T-Shirt, male jeans, male shoes, belt, and etc. The Lady behind the counter looked up and says, "Hi Dear, what can I get for you". I told her what I needed and she calls this male associate over and tells him, "Will you show this lady where the paint rollers are, while I mix the paint for her. I get my paint supplies, go back and get my paint and the lady associate say, "Hun, have a nice day and thanks for shopping at Walmart". So I push my basket to the front and select a checkout. Walk up and start to put the paint stuff on the counter. The checkout person is male and he reaches for the gallon of paint and says, "mam, I got the paint".
Carolynn
Miss Diamond Goddess
Posts: 2754
Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2003 12:52 pm
Location: Oklahoma City area
Contact:

Re: Sliding down the Slope

Post by Carolynn »

Does sound like you have already reached the tipping point. How might this affect your new job?

Carolynn
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
User avatar
Davita
Miss Ruby Goddess
Posts: 1589
Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2010 11:42 am
Location: Baltimore/Annapolis Metro area

Re: Sliding down the Slope

Post by Davita »

Hey, being a woman better not get you a cut in pay! And all that male attire on a woman doesn't mean a thing; it's when a guy is in all girl things...
{squeezes}
Davita
User avatar
JoAnnDallas
Miss Golden Goddess
Posts: 992
Joined: Tue Dec 05, 2006 1:59 pm
Location: Fairfax, VA
Contact:

Re: Sliding down the Slope

Post by JoAnnDallas »

When I did my face-to-face I did the interview with ear rings and long hair and they offered the job at the end of the interview. So they all saw me that way.
Carolynn
Miss Diamond Goddess
Posts: 2754
Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2003 12:52 pm
Location: Oklahoma City area
Contact:

Re: Sliding down the Slope

Post by Carolynn »

Cool. But just how did they seem to perceive you? I ask only because in our 3-D group with have had people get negative feedback after the job began.
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
Anthony Simon
Miss Ruby Goddess
Posts: 2343
Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2010 2:16 pm
Location: London, UK

Re: Sliding down the Slope

Post by Anthony Simon »

Personally, I'm inclined it's some mix of the physical changes and stuff that's happening internally. I've always been afraid of having bits of my "female side" show in the outside world - and can feel when the sort of "feminine vibes" arer flowing through me. What I've been particularly afraid of is that I'd go so far into the dressing up, the "being a woman", that when I went into the outside world I wouldn't be able to bring it back far enough to present an adequately "masculine" persona.

And I certainly experience the move from masculine to feminine and the reverse. So, when getting made up, I can see my face gradually accomodating itself to the feminine features I'm painting on - and when I'm getting out of the clothes the opposite kind of happens. Of late, the move from the masculine to the feminine has been quicker, more intense and, I like to think, more convincing. And when getting out of the clothes, there's more of the residue of the woman there and it takes longer to wear off. Like having got out of the clothes (and makeup) this morning, I just now looked at the mirror and thought "that's a man's face, but with a woman behind".

If like JoAnn you've committed internally to being a woman, that "woman behind" is always there and intense - so even though you're wearing men's clothes, the physical cues like the hair tell people they're seeing a woman.
Socrates: The highest wisdom is to know that you know nothing.

Bill and Ted: That's us, dude.
User avatar
JoAnnDallas
Miss Golden Goddess
Posts: 992
Joined: Tue Dec 05, 2006 1:59 pm
Location: Fairfax, VA
Contact:

Re: Sliding down the Slope

Post by JoAnnDallas »

Carolynn........I started my last job with ear rings in both ears. At first some had a little confusion with them but after they got to know me, it did not make any difference. The same with my longer hair. I feel that when I did the face-to-face for the new job in DC, that when they went out to discuss the interview, they could have easily came back and said thank you for coming, we will get with your recruiter. Instead they said, "We are very pleased with the interview and wish to make you an offer to come to work for us". There were six of them, so I figure that they must have taken a vote and at least four of them voted to hire me. The makeup of the interview team was one woman and five men. This means at least three of the five men voted to hire me. I do plan on making sure that my appearance will not affect my abilities to do the job they are seeking me to do. If someone asks why I have ear rings, I plan on telling this. Two of my most favorite TV stars wear ear rings. These are Mike Rowe and Mike Holms. If your not familiar with either of these men, Mike Rowe is the host of "Dirty Jobs" and Mike Holms is host of "Holms on Homes". So if these two can wear ear rings on National TV, I can wear ear rings in the office. I did this a couple of times at my old job and it seem to clear up the confusion.
Josephine (SO)
New Member
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue May 08, 2012 7:00 pm

Re: Sliding down the Slope

Post by Josephine (SO) »

oh ok, so now i am confused. Did you want to be precieved as a woman, or do you want to be perceived as a man wearing earings? I never know how to address a man that i see in womens clothing. I usually address him as if he were a she, but i do not know if this is what the person wants. I am a gg and new to all of this, i do want to be politically correct when i see a cder, can tell they are a man but just not sure how to refer to them, thus i often avoid eye contact. have a wonderful day, thanks josey
User avatar
Davita
Miss Ruby Goddess
Posts: 1589
Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2010 11:42 am
Location: Baltimore/Annapolis Metro area

Re: Sliding down the Slope

Post by Davita »

Josephine, sometimes I'm like you. I hope the person who's confusing me would give me just one more cue. Fer sure though, I am am fine with the person being whoever he or she wants to be however he or she wants to show us. Yesterday the only boy clothes I had on was my shirt, no one questioned if I was a guy. But in the same breath, my friend I met had no question I was a girl.

I asked my waitress just after I got my call that my friend was going to be late, "am I the only girl who's ever on time?" She didn't look at me funny and simply answered me. She knows both of me.

Hey JoAnn, I am hoping we can get together soon :) I'm always interested in how a person's perception changes after they are on the job for a few days. One thing I have learned over the years, I won't take a job at a place where people weren't smiling or doing some socializing when I go through the shop for the interview. I've made that mistake a couple times.
{squeezes}
Davita
User avatar
JoAnnDallas
Miss Golden Goddess
Posts: 992
Joined: Tue Dec 05, 2006 1:59 pm
Location: Fairfax, VA
Contact:

Re: Sliding down the Slope

Post by JoAnnDallas »

Josephine (SO)......At my new work place, I plan on making sure that everyone knows I am a male. I interviewed as a male and I used my male name. I also plan on making sure my dress is male too. Now away from work, I will let the person who address me address me as they see fit.
User avatar
Paula G
Miss Ruby Goddess
Posts: 1407
Joined: Mon Nov 08, 2010 6:40 am
Location: SE London, United Kingdom

Re: Sliding down the Slope

Post by Paula G »

I always want to be addressed how I am presenting, so if obviously trying to look female I want to be ma'amed etc. I guess if you can't tell then try to stay neutral.

However I did manage to confuse a couple of yobs the other day. I was walking through our local park to a birthday party at my Church, I was wearing women's jeans and denim jacket, otherwise all male clothing (if a little flowery) I was carrying a canvas shoulder bag and a pink carrier with presents in ( it was for a lady's 70'th birthday). One of the yobs was urinating in the park, I told that there are proper places for that, and that this wasn't it. Of course this offended his manhood (such as it is) so they tried to taunt me, and choose to call me gay. I was surprised how offended I was by this, but I decided to keep my cool and made like a swan.
Paula

Just because you don't believe it, that doesn't mean it's not true
User avatar
JoAnnDallas
Miss Golden Goddess
Posts: 992
Joined: Tue Dec 05, 2006 1:59 pm
Location: Fairfax, VA
Contact:

Re: Sliding down the Slope

Post by JoAnnDallas »

Paula G............I have started to notice that even in male clothing, I get mamied or if I'm with my wife, addressed as "Ladies". I guess it is a combo of my longer hair, ear rings (Gold studs), and the fact that I am on hormones. I have noticed my face and arms seem to have a softer feel. Also my five o'clock shadow seems to have gone away. What beard I do have seems to have gone all white, which adds to the illusion. We were down in Houston, TX visiting my oldest sister and we went out to eat. The waitress kept addressing us as ladies and my sister kept looking at me weird. She doesn't know about this side, yet.
Post Reply