Does this part of who I am make me a woman?

[Anne Bonny]

Does this part of who I am make me a woman? Hum... being gender fluid and having a feminine gender which comes and goes from time to time...and which only makes up a lesser part of who I am... leading me to experience and enjoy feeling that I am sharing in some limited way a part of what is that exclusive realm of genetic women I would say (speaking for myself) that if I can say I am it is only in a very limited way. No, of course we are certainly not. But we certainly enjoy many of the things women enjoy. We feel many of the things women feel. We even share many interests women exclusively have. Mainly we are men who at times wade only in the shallows, or overlap but only in a small way. But...being who we are brings us into a very close bond with women in many ways that are greater than what most men will ever know or experience. I believe we understand more and share more in common with women than men will ever know who are not like us. When I am with and give a woman a hug...there is more in that hug than any man can ever give.

I suppose this is just another of my silly thoughts but thought I would share it.

[Stephanie M]

We all start off as female until testosterone is introduced to some of us. So maybe we just haven't forgotten who were when we started off.

[DonnaT]

What makes a woman a woman? Is it the clothes or is it their mindset.

If you believe you are a woman, then you are. If you believe you're a man presenting as a woman, then you are.

[Anne Bonny]

Hum....interesting view. When I begin to drift in the feminine direction...it is very intoxicating or enticing...enchanting...whatever the correct word would be...Yes what I perceive being a woman to be...that I am! yes I do feel I am so...but I am only a man feeling what I believe that to be. I have to wait a minute because I am not a woman so how do I know what that is? I am not sure I can know what that is, I could be right as in a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while... or not.

About all I can say in agreement is that I feel I am a woman when I flow to that part of who I am, so for me it is so. It is not the clothing the clothing may inspire us so that we find ourselves moving over to our feminine side. The thrill I may get when flipping through a magazine or through online pictures of women's clothing and shoes and my feminine self begins to stir and think...I like those or that and I want to have them for myself.

[Stephanie M]

I don't know why, other than the expectation of society, that we have to be one or the other.
It's like I said before I see myself as a hybrid, sexually I am a man and only interested in women or more specific one woman, personality I seem to be a mixture with both feminine and masculine traits. We have hormones from both sides running through our bodies and I don't think we should have to choose what we are and just be ourselves a unique individual that does what makes us happy. That is the route I've decided to take I am a human who just wants to experience certain things from both genders.

[BobbeH]

I myself say that I am a he/she for I am a male but now I dress full time in female clothes. I have given up on having relationship with women because of many bad experiences in marriage. I started out with men. Then moved to MO and found out gays were killed here in this small town (1974). So later after my third wife I decided it was time to stick with men. No luck so far finding a ltr but still hopeful. But I would never want to have lower surgery because I like what I have. I just want to be treated like a women is when out with a man.

[Heather W]

"Does this part of who I am make me a woman?" Interesting question Anne and IMO the only one who can answer that is you.

The old saying is "clothes make the man" but I think we can all agree that is nothing more than a stereotype. Being a woman is more than clothes or doing housework or cooking or nurturing or being soft spoken or ... Need I go on? Nor is it about acting masculine or feminine, whatever the heck that is. We talk about feminine or masculine traits as though they are mutually exclusive. I know many soft, sensitive men who are straight. Conversely I know strong, alpha type males who are gay. The same can be said for females and we all know that. I would have thought that in today's society the "traits" we stereotype for gender roles would be long gone, yet the seem to thrive.

Being a woman is something that comes from within. If you have to question does doing something or wearing something make you a woman then the answer is probably a resounding NO!

[Marissa Mae]

I wonder whether the phrase "gender is not destiny" applies here?

I should explain that I am personally no fan of that phrase, and I don't think it applies to me. I feel gender (my gender of choice, Fem, not nature's choice) links up with everything about me.

But I equally recognize there are some people in whom gender takes a back seat. To those people, in their life choices, gender is largely irrelevant—I would instance professionals of whatever sort, whose life is their work. To them, gender is truly not destiny. Also many feminists who are trying to get free of the gender trap, the narrow, restrictive "female role." They of course seek a life not determined by gender.

For me, on the other hand, and I suspect for many of us here, we want gender to be our destiny. We see life in terms of gender, and if I am at all typical, we see life more generally, I suspect, in sexual terms as opposed to, say, practical terms. Sexuality thus is the lens we see life through.

Thus the difficulty in communicating with someone who sees life in non-gendered, non-sexualized terms. We pretty much have to "talk their language," because they either have contempt for ours, or are completely baffled by how we want and need to speak.

In another sense, of course, we can all say "gender is not destiny," in that we've chosen the one that differs from ours. So that turns the question upside down.

Whew, that's sobering. Anyway here's to sexuality, and vive la difference.

Love, Marissa Mae

[Anne Bonny]

This is a question we should not even ask ourselves because nothing can make us a woman if we already are one. You see? I realize at times that I am a woman. Thinking back over years of my life from when I was a child, a teen, a young adult, mature adult and now a senior adult with a long history that men are not like we are. We have always been as we are inside and we have always loved the things that we enjoy and I find those who feel as I do and like what I like are other women. I also because I am gender fluid feel more like a man probably most of the time but I cannot escape the fact that I am not fully masculine and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, I am a whole person with dual genders that transition and flow back and forth.

[Stephanie M]

I've heard theories that maybe guys like us may have been a woman in our past life and that is why we are drawn to the feminine side. I don't necessarily believe in reincarnation but who knows?

What I do believe is, our bodies are basically a house for our spirits, and if we do live several lives perhaps we do carry things from our past into the next life. That could explain certain phobias and interests that we seem to have been born with. If it is true that our bodies are just houses for our spirits perhaps our spirit is genderless or a combination of the 2.

I do know if it wasn't for society we could live like this and never give it a second thought.