photo/video disclaimer

[Estefania]

It is very nice to be back to the Haven and reconnecting with old friends and making new friends.

I am posting this "disclaimer" because I believe that some of the people who didn't know me from before may have a wrong idea...

Other than the couple pics I have posted where I have light golden brown hair, all my other photographs are "old". Ranging from about 1998 to 2014. I have more older pictures than newer ones, as later on it was more important going out and doing things than just staying home for photo sessions. These days, I basically don't dress as a woman at all. If not for a quick break I had last month, it would be at least a couple years since the previous chance. This is because of family issues... will this situation change in the future? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not.

But as one who has "been there, done that" for many things, I'm happy to talk to others and hopefully somehow help them, even by just listening.

Anyway, I still enjoy posting my "old" pictures. By looking at them I can see what I was doing wrong and right, and also how I have evolved as an individual to a point where I am happy with who I am, happy with life.

Gaby

[Rikki]

Well, old or new, that avatar shot is the best! What a lady you are.

Rikki

[Anthony Simon]

I think your pictures are smashing and your content is good.

These days, I basically don't dress as a woman at all. If not for a quick break I had last month, it would be at least a couple years since the previous chance. This is because of family issues... will this situation change in the future? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not.

I'm one of those people who's really no good at uncertainty - Like the markets. In a way, even bad (well, not too bad) certainty is better for me than uncertainty. Because then I can plan.

[Estefania]

Rikki,

Thank you very much my friend!

Anthony,

Thank you! Well, I'm not really into betting. But if I was, I would bet that my dressing will never be fully accepted by my wife. So, I live with that certainty, but hope that I'm wrong! How about that?

Gaby

[Stephanie M]

I love your pictures. I still wonder if you're just joshing us and really are a genetic woman.
Just teasing you really do look good though.

[Anne Bonny]

I have tried several times to edge away completely from dressing. Now I am far too wise to throw everything in the garbage can, I just pull it all out and store it out of site somewhere safe the thought being If I am able to join the cis gendered then the following year I could drop everything off at good will.

Thing is one time I saw the psychologist, read the book, had a few sessions but after not even 30 days I was dressing again. This last time I went perhaps a month maybe two...was doing fairly well but gradually It just began to work it's way back.

I have tried a couple other times as well so I congratulate you on your ability to live without it. I just can't. I love it too much and am comfortable with who I am so I have decided to just let it be. My wife is well I am waiting for her to die and be out of her suffering, Alzheimer's. Our sons know but I do not push any of it on them, they want their father, I can sense that. But being effectively alone now I am free to dress whenever I feel I want to opt for that. And once my wife is gone If I am lucky enough to find a woman who is as accepting as our sitter or one of my wife's younger cousins that would be wonderful because I will be part feminine until the day I die. I am happy with that and very comfortable with who I am.

[Estefania]

Hello Anne.

I have only been back for a few weeks now, and it seems to me that based only on the postings you have made in these few weeks you have been making a lot of progress on your self-awareness journey and I congratulate you on that.

As it is very clear for anybody who has been in this path for a long time, while we share many things in common, we all are different. I can tell you that at some point I was close to believe that I could be a TS, that I would "make a good woman", etc, etc. It almost made me lose who I really am for chasing what others thought I could be. But I was lucky enough to realize that while I enjoy expressing myself and presenting as a woman, I am not one. That "masculine" and "feminine" are social constructs. That clothes are only clothes. Etc. I know and understand that my situation only applies to me, and I respect those who have already figured it out their own way, and those who are still looking for answers. As well to those who just live and enjoy who they are.

I just wanted to touch on one point which I may be misunderstanding in your post, but that I have seen as repeated by many others in the past.

I have tried a couple other times as well so I congratulate you on your ability to live without it. I just can't. I love it too much and am comfortable with who I am so I have decided to just let it be.

In particular the part about "and am comfortable with who I am". Like I said, it may not be what you had in mind, but I have read in the past similar phrases implying that those who don't embrace their "femme side" are either in denial or are ashamed of who they are. If that was not your intention, I'm glad. I'm not ashamed the least bit of who I am. Was I at some point? You bet! Took me a long time to get to learn who I really am, what is really important to me, how to integrate what is masculine and feminine into one single persona. So, in all reality, I don't "live without it". I am who I am every single day.

True, if my circumstances in life were different (Say, my wife "saw the light" and suddenly thought that seeing me in a dress was the best thing ever) I would enjoy spending a lot of time enfemme, it doesn't make me less happy to be spending my life en drab.

Again, if I misunderstood, my apologies.

*hugs*
Gaby

[Anne Bonny]

Oh no....there was nothing in that line. What you are able to do and who you are is perfectly fine. I am not ashamed of myself either why should we be? There are lots of women who dress and take on more manly personas and jobs we don't criticize them and in the same way men like us are also unworthy of criticism. As a whole, generally speaking women are so wonderful and wanting to be like them or feeling inside that we are like them and so we are as we are should not subject us to criticism.

I do not in any way believe you are not embracing or are ashamed of that part of why you are. I congratulate you because I think I would like to be able to step away from it too. Not sure if this is out of love for your wife who wants you not to enter an area which she feels is exclusively her territory while your is to be exclusively masculine and manly at all times. within a marriage I was able to resist it there were distractions we were busy going here and there etc...I did not do it as much but eventually I had to be able to some at home in private when our sons were not around and when she did not object. Without that constraint I no longer have any reason to resist I suppose.

We are all different it's not a competition and there is no right or wrong we are all unique individuals.

[Estefania]

Anne,

I am relieved. Wouldn't have been the first time I have been told that, which I hope explains why I'm a bit sensitive about the issue.

Thank you.
Gaby

[Estefania]

Thank you all for your nice comments about my wedding gown pic. I thought I would share a few more of the same session, so here are a few links...

Have a blessed and Merry Christmas!

Gaby

Yeah, usual attitude.. http://i.imgur.com/6vG6RKW.jpg

You can see the full skirt here... http://i.imgur.com/IrKmWcO.jpg

Some detail on the floral applique on the front/side. Dress had a rather short train... http://i.imgur.com/iEf3zHJ.jpg

One more showing the length of the train http://i.imgur.com/N65BfDo.jpg

[Anne Bonny]

The last two shots are the best ones...nice. Anne

[Estefania]

Thank you Anne.

[Joan Grey]

Old or new, you have some very beautiful photos!

[Estefania]

Thank you very much Ms. Joan!

Gaby