Where does it end?

[Angie G]

Ay 68 my dressing is pritty much static. And I'm good with that.
Angie

[Stephanie M]

Dryer sheets usually help with the static.
Sorry bad joke.

[Eileen (SO)]

This is a touchy subject, especially for a spouse trying to accept. For anyone having spent their life hiding this desire, how could they possibly know to what limit is enough?

Living female 24/7 is not fair to a wife that thought she married a full time husband. Keeping 'her' in the closet is also unfair. There is a balance where each partner can feel comfortable.

My husband gets femme enough time to satisfy but prefers to remain male for the majority of life. It's more than the certainty of losing our relationship, he really likes doing guy stuff as a guy.

If any of you figures out 'where this will end', please PM me. I'd like to know.

Eileen

[Lacey Hadley]

Where does it end? For me, life as a crossdresser does not end until I'm pushing up daisy's. I've come to terms over my years to the fact that crossdressing and my internal feminine side compliments my day to day male side, good, bad or indifferent. I have mentally beaten myself up over this many times. But if one is thoughtful, one soon then realizes that being a crossdresser and a male who has a feminine side that needs to express herself, is to then come to accept this all.

I'm not transgender in that I am not looking at becoming a full time transgender female. I am ok with trying to balance my day to day male side and life to my feminine side, her desires and love to dress in female clothing. I can happily come home from work and relax wearing a pair of high heels with my male clothes, pantyhose or tights on under my jeans so to speak and be generally comfy and have a touch of feminine pleasure while just being me. But I too can totally love, enjoy and the thrill of showering, shaving and doing my make up, putting on female under garments, pantyhose, tights or garters and stockings, a blouse and skirt or a dress be it all sexy or house wifey, put on one of my four same style but different colour wigs, earrings and other jewelry, then step into a pair of high heel pumps or boots and be 100% totally FEMININE!!! Feeling very pretty, girly, womanly and to some degree depending on how I dress even very sexy and ooh la la naughty.

I'm ok with keeping my feminine side to this. To once done then un-dressing and going back in drab as a regular dude. I have really worked over the recent years to get my make up done well. For me getting Lacey's make up more right really takes me to a very feminine and even sexy place.

Fully dressed as Lacey gives me a peace of mind that I'm not able to fully feel in drab. It is an amazing feeling of BLISS for me. But I do not feel a need to live as Lacey. I do need her as an outlet in my life and will never purge my vast collection of clothes, shoes, boots, wigs and cosmetics! I worked too hard to earn the money to splurge on Lacey and my crossdressing in general.

Over the years the only 'oddity' I find as I have progressed in dressing fully as Lacey and getting her look right is a strange feeling sexually of wondering what it may be like to be courted by a man. It's odd as in drab I am 100% heterosexual, I would have zip, zero, nadda desire to be with a man in drab. But as Lacey I find at times my mind may go there to the thoughts of what it would be like to be courted and treated like complete lady by a gentleman. Not just any thoughts of just being sexual but the whole nine yards of dressing for him, being picked up and given flowers and taken out on the town, treated like a true lady, yes including ending with some thoughts of a sexual nature. I guess maybe it is based on how I have dated women and especially based on my then courtship with my then soon to be wife, now ex wife. I guess dressed as a girl I wonder about being treated like the way I have as a man treated women on dates including my ex wife. I have no idea if I could or would do this en femme as Lacey, but it feels nice in my feminine mind.

Well that is sort of how I see my life as a crossdresser and the duality it brings to my day to day life. I know this, CROSSDRESSING AIN'T GOING AWAY! SO NO SENSE IN BEATING MYSELF UP! : Joy and Peace Out!

[Stephanie M]

This is a touchy subject, especially for a spouse trying to accept.

Yes and that's why I brought it up here.

It sounds like I'm a lot like your husband, except for even my male interests aren't necessarily the typical ones. I don't care for sports, but I love gadgets, tools, and politics has been a long time hobby of mine.

Most of the time I love going out with my wife in man mode, but would love to be able to go out on occasion dressed to a bar or something.

For me this is an escape from reality and I get to let out part of my personality. I describe myself as a hybrid where I'm kind of stuck between 2 worlds and enjoy many aspects from both and usually I can separate them.

[Emily]

I totally believe that I will never have the desire to transition or live full time as a woman, but how can you convince others that it won't get to that point especially when someone watched you evolve?

Where does it end? How do you convince others you like to wear women's clothes on occasion, but that THAT IS IT?

I suppose before we try to convince anyone else, we need to convince ourselves first. In order to convince ourselves, we really need to know ourselves. But in life, thoughts, attitudes, feelings can change over time... For years, I tried to convince myself that I was not a crossdresser even though I'd be in full makeup, clothes... Since then, I've learned to accept and I love it! I don't know where it'll end... I'm going to continue with this as long as I can, even though I'm not even sure what that means. One step at a time, right?

The only way to convince anyone else is to tell it like it is, the way you believe and perceive things to be at that time. When I first brought up crossdressing to my SO, I was happy to wear sexy lingerie and maybe a pair of stockings or pantyhose. For me that was it. But, people change... I need so much more than that now. A few years ago, the thought of transitioning never even crossed my mind, but I'd be lying to say that its not something that I have thought about in more recent times. Not that I ever would, but if my situation was different and maybe I was a bit younger, well then... who knows?

People change and you never know what lies ahead. You can be successful in convincing someone that OK, this is it... but the reality (as I've found anyways) that it doesn't necessarily guarantee anything. Just my thoughts on the matter!

[Anne Bonny]

Well...this is who we are inside...so no it never ends. Looking back over my entire life to this point at age 59, turn 60 in March....ugh....grand father....huge ugh!.... We cannot change who we have basically always been.

Correct it is not fair if your wife did not know this going into marriage and she has a right to set the limits and the rules.

My wife is no longer aware though I heard her actually say my name early this morning...gaw that sounded good! I cannot remember the last time she said my name...sad but true. Now it no longer matters. And once she is gone it will no longer matter, and If I meet anyone they will definitely know that if they are not fully and enthusiastically open and fully accepting willing to be supportive, willing to assist..enthusiastic and desirous of all of who I am then it will be best if we both keep on looking for someone. I will never again be constrained by thin and grudging tolerance...with the understanding that I cannot help who I am and this is not something I should be forced to hold in, to hide, or to deny because this is who I am...you cannot ask me not to breath...it is nearly asking me the same thing.

I willingly complied with my wife's feelings because I had hidden it entering marriage, But I will never place myself in that situation ever again...though I love my wife and she loved me and I am still caring for her and will to the end.

[Stephanie M]

The only way to convince anyone else is to tell it like it is, the way you believe and perceive things to be at that time. :

I promised my wife from the beginning that I would always be honest about this. And I have, I still believe I'm the hybrid that I described myself, the only difference being is my girl side expresses herself more. I don't foresee my guy side going away ever.

People change and you never know what lies ahead. You can be successful in convincing someone that OK, this is it... but the reality (as I've found anyways) that it doesn't necessarily guarantee anything. Just my thoughts on the matter!

That's true, but I'm confident that I'm not TG and never will be. And to keep from offending anyone I will say if you are TG I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, it's just not what I am.

[Stephanie M]

Well...this is who we are inside...so no it never ends. .

Maybe end wasn't the right terminology, we are all aware that this doesn't end, we don't wake up one day and say, I'm done with this.

I willingly complied with my wife's feelings because I had hidden it entering marriage, But I will never place myself in that situation ever again...though I love my wife and she loved me and I am still caring for her and will to the end.

I did that in my first marriage and obviously that backfired for me. That's why this time I'm totally honest about this and ask for her involvement sometimes, like helping me pick out clothes sometimes when I shop.

[Estefania]

I hope things have been improving for you. I hope your SO has been able to talk to others and/or read in the forum enough to see that there doesn't have to be a "progression". True, many will end up discovering that they need "more" than dressing up from time to time to be able to express who they are. But for many others that's just it. And even though they can move forward a bit, the core of their personality is male and they are happy with being who they are. Men who like to wear women's clothes.

[Stephanie M]

Hi Gaby yes things have improved in that area. Thanks for your support.

[Heather W]

Where does it end? It ends wherever you want it to. From the answers I have read here that truth runs throughout. Some are content to be a CD who occasionally dresses, some want more such as dressing everywhere except work, some such as myself go through transition and seek GRS. The answer is not cut and dry for us a group but it is for each of individually. Stephanie it ends when and where you say so.

[Stephanie M]

Hi Heather, I agree totally with your post.

[Eileen (SO)]

I'm wondering if my husband's progression is much the same as others here.

Now with a supportive wife, she has her own closet space instead of a box hidden in the garage. Instead of buying thrift store items, she catalog buys the right sizes and better fashions. No longer wearing anything that might sort of fit, she dresses very convincingly as a woman her age. Her make up skills are better now.
She goes to meetings about once a month and has personal time at home. We have a 'girls' night when I want to watch a TV movie that a husband couldn't stand.

At first, there was a big increase in femme time which was concerning to me. Her time has stabilized to some kind of routine, depending on free time. She believes that the end objective is growing more confidant in public, but safe places. There is no thoughts of living full time female, or even most of the time. No hormones are considered.
I'm still working on the confidence of a 'girls' shopping trip or dinner out.

Where does it end? After polishing some rough spots and increased confidence, we both believe that she is at her happy place as a woman. I'm quite fine with that.

Eileen

[Anne Bonny]

Don't think of it as being a progression. Think of this there is a part of who we are inside ourselves like a hermit crab on the beach...every time someone comes along we pull ourselves quickly back into the safety of our shell so that no one even knows we are there. Think about why. All of our lives we have had to hold a part of who we are and hide it out of sight because if we are seen or do come out we face people telling us you can't do that! We are judged, criticized, ridiculed, rejected and ostracized seen as repulsive people want to cringe because inside is a gender that varies from the arbitrary social conventions so we are not even seen as people as the wonderful people that we are inside but as sickening perverts who need to go hide under a rock somewhere.

But WHY!? That is not true...do we tell women to go crawl under a rock because of who they are!? Certainly not! We love them, embrace them and we want them to always be here with us! They are wonderful in our lives.

So what is the problem here? There are many many people in this world who are more like the other gender inside to one degree or another...What on earth is wrong with that!? Who is harmed by it? We are a threat to no one because we feel inside and perceive many things in the same way as the other gender that is around us. We should be fully loved, and embraced, and encouraged to come out of our shell so that we are simply free to be who we have always really been inside our heart and our being.

It may be we sway one way or another and have interests which vary along with our skill sets and inclinations that probably do match the gender we are supposed to be but our gender is so broad it also extends into much of what would be considered to be the gender opposite of ours. We cannot help that we are as we are...Why is it that no one can fully see this and understand?

So we enjoy many of the same things enjoy beauty and pretty things and clothes and being ... simply a lot of who we are and have always been all of our lives, yet we are also wonderful husbands too and partners. Why can't our partners hug us and love us fully simply for who we are at all times...isn't that what you desire as women? Of course you do and this is a large part of who we are! Imagine being fully loved and accepted but for only half of who you are!? Can't you see!? And this is the life we have been forced to accept and to live knowing half of who we are is supposed to go crawl under a rock somewhere especially when that part of who we are is a beautiful caring and loving person as beautiful and as caring and as loving as you are.

This is who we are....please accept us embrace and love us this is all we have ever wanted in this life. We are the same person you loved and married or are with as a partner because you really do enjoy who we are as a person.

Progression? I suspect the only progression will be what happens when we no longer have to hide. Will we dress more, will our make up skills improve and our choice of clothes and our hair styles...of course. But for most even myself we will still sway back into masculine attire as a husband or partner probably most of the time but you cannot expect us to not be who we are! We will always spend a lot of time in our expansive gender in our beautiful things and yes...just as you do our beautiful feminine side will expect to be able to go out into the world as freely as you do because this is who we are too! Is it fair to expect you to lock down and put part of who you are under a rock somewhere? You would not accept that! Not at all! So...when it is able...because there are people in our lives who we desire to have remain in our lives who would not be if they knew this other part of who we are...So if we choose we can continue to meet expectations...but where ever we can...we do want to be able to be free to be out in the world too...could be we have to do it far from our town on a vacation or not to go to certain areas where we live because we want to preserve certain relationships WE cherish...That is a personal choice, could be for some there will be absolutely no need for such limits and that would be an ideal world even so remember much of the time it is likely we will appear no different than what society expects of someone who is our birth sex.

Some will transition and marry or find a partner and live, we are all different It is a wonderful world we have a right to be who we are.

I am so glad that I am who I am....the rest of my life will be so wonderful because I am free to be....And those who truly love us will not want it to be any other way for us.

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It's simply about LOVE

What I am advocating is that we simply be allowed to be who we truly are inside completely, freely, unencumbered and without any hesitation, or reservation by those who love us the most.