Where does it end?

[Stephanie M]

That's a question that I suppose is really hard to answer I'm sure most of us have evolved with our desires to cross-dress but what is the ultimate outcome of this?

I suppose some may evolve into full transgender desiring to transition fully, some may end up wanting to live full time in femme mode. So my question is for the older folks here did it stabilize at some point or does it constantly move forward?

I totally believe that I will never have the desire to transition or live full time as a woman, but how can you convince others that it won't get to that point especially when someone watched you evolve?

The hardest part of being like this is you can't really understand it well enough on your own much less explain it to other people.

[Diana Michelle]

Where does it end Stephanie? The only one that knows that is you and what is right for you is not necessarily right for anyone else. You say some live full time, some transition, and yes even some of us go all the way and have GRS. But the answer is that is the right path for us. The issue many in the TG community face is the world wants to lump us all into a single category, makes it simpler for them. The reality is we are all different, same as any group is.

For your personal journey Stephanie you go to wherever you are comfortable and happy. That is where it ends.

[Anthony Simon]

My instinctive response is the question is misconstrued. I just think it's something you can drive yourself up the wall by asking. I don't know the answer for myself and I don't think I would help myself by asking.

CDing (or whatever) is part of life and what I'm trying to do is live my life and be alright with myself and not muck other people up. Using that frame, it doesn't really bother me about where my CDing goes.

[Estefania]

Stephanie,

You are opening for a very interesting reflection.

If I go back to my teens, and try to imagine how my crossdressing might have evolved without the internet, I can't even think of fully dressing with make-up and hair and much less of going out enfemme. I thought that only gay man in drag shows or who were out soliciting did that sort of thing. (Yes, ignorance is not always a blessing).

But then I found out, through the internet, that there were others who were what I have always thought of as normal people living normal lives who happened to enjoy crossdressing. And I was reading about how they dressed up to go to meetings and events, travel, etc. And that made me want to do more, much more than what I had ever even imagined that I would be doing. I started the progression into what I was doing. Started in the chat rooms by getting a female name, referring to myself in feminine... Then it was time to go out the house, meeting others, etc, etc.

Here are two things I would like you to consider:
- Being in touch with others can provide a powerful attraction to try to imitate what they do.
- It can also make us discover who we really are.

I will not deny it. If you are ready to do it, all the going out and socializing, traveling, etc. can be a lot of fun. It is not "real life", but it is fun. When I say it is not "real life" I mean that you can't share with everybody in your life unless you are willing to be totally open about it with everybody (Which is not a bad thing at all, but it is not for all).

Discovering who you really are. Many may embark in this journey and end up realizing that deep inside they identify more as females than they thought. And they will then not be a crossdresser anymore. But for some others, you learn that regardless of anything else, you are happy being a man and would not become a female even if you had everything in your favor to do so.

One thing here is that crossdressing gets to a point where there isn't a lot of room for progression. Initially, sure, you start going out. Great! You go shopping enfemme. That's cool. Etc. There may be some things that you want to do, and you may get to be able to do them. And then what? There are only so many "first ball gown" to wear out. So many "first time to this/first time to that". And unless you are willing to fundamentally change the way you interact with the world on the every day basis, you kind of run out of mountains to climb...

Diana's advice is quite right. You and only you can know where it may end for you. My only advise is not to let it take control of your life. Don't lose ground. Enjoy it, but don't let it change who you are. Don't let what others will tell you that you should become.

Ah and about your question... How do you convince somebody that you will not end up living FT as a woman? Well, for starters, be totally honest with yourself and make that assessment. And if you don't want to follow that path, make sure they know it. Talk to them. Maybe slow down in your dressing. Focus on things outside your dressing and into what those around you want and need. Regardless, deep down you will not be able to take away that fear they have. But at least you can remind them that who you are deep inside doesn't change by what you may be wearing.


Gaby

[Stephanie M]

Where does it end Stephanie? The only one that knows that is you and what is right for you is not necessarily right for anyone else. You say some live full time, some transition, and yes even some of us go all the way and have GRS. But the answer is that is the right path for us. The issue many in the TG community face is the world wants to lump us all into a single category, makes it simpler for them. The reality is we are all different, same as any group is.

For your personal journey Stephanie you go to wherever you are comfortable and happy. That is where it ends.

I believe I'm at the point where I'm comfortable and happy, I just am having trouble explaining that this is as far as it goes. And I do have a little worry that it could go further, but I'm confident that I wouldn't let it because I would lose everything I value if it did.

It's hard explaining to someone that I'm fine with being a man most of the time and only have certain feminine feelings.

[KimberlyS]

Life in general is a journey not a destination. You are always going down a road making decisions on where to turn. Being TG is just a part of your life journey. Enjoy the journey.

[Joan Renee]

as for me i think no end in sight until the end. ive tried the purging stuff in the past. just to realize this is me. its who i am.

[Hanna]

Wow Stepahnie, Gaby, you gals could be therapists. Congratulations to you, and the wonderful advice.
It certainly is what I needed to hear.
And thank you CD-Haven.

[Stephanie M]

Hi Hanna yes I'm screwed up enough to probably be a therapist. lol

I've spent a lifetime trying to figure this out, and the biggest challenge still is explaining this to loved ones even if they are open-minded and accepting I don't believe I can fully explain this.

[Diana Michelle]

I believe I'm at the point where I'm comfortable and happy, I just am having trouble explaining that this is as far as it goes. And I do have a little worry that it could go further, but I'm confident that I wouldn't let it because I would lose everything I value if it did.

With those words you have answered your own question Stephanie. As I attempted to tell you before only you know where it will end and from the above quote I believe it ends where you are now for you. As for trying to explain is this as far as it goes? Rather than questioning is that all there is, celebrate what you have and thank God you may be one of the few who have truly figured this mystery we call life.

[Stephanie M]

Hi Diana, I think my question was confusing, it's not me that was questioning this, it is someone else.
I'm kind of lost on how to explain that in 5 or 10 years I'm not going to want to transition.

I do appreciate your input a lot.

[DonnaT]

For me, it ended as it began. That is, I've had no desire to live as a woman.

How do you convince someone of this? I don't know that my wife is convinced, and she's known my position since 1975.

You just keep repeating your position. Nothing else will do.

[Anthony Simon]

Stephanie, I'd say you're not going to go any further than being a CD. It's just an instinctive judgement, but I do feel it rather strongly.

[Stephanie M]

Thanks Donna and Anthony.

[Diana Michelle]

Stephanie none of us know where we are going to be in a year let alone 5 or 10 or more. As I said in one of my previous responses you seem to be where you want to be so that is the answer you can give that someone that asked. Tell them that as you see today it stops where you currently are.