A Little Progress...

[Heather W]

I am nervous, but something I need to do.

As Diana told you go expecting nothing and take anything beyond that as a victory. I know when I first came out to my mother she had questions so expect that but she also said she would try to accept. Thankfully she did but remember to your mother did not give birth to a daughter in her mind but a son. Be patient and hope for the best but accept what she offers. If she is like all mothers she only wants what is best for her children. It may not be this Friday or the Friday after that or even the one beyond that but give her time and space and eventually it will all come into focus for her. Good luck!

[Emily]

Thank you, Heather.

You and Diana are both so very right. The plan was to talk to my mom this past Friday... didn't work, but I will be seeing her this afternoon. I have a feeling everything will be just fine... but yes, absolutely, the best victory will definitely be just having the talk.

Last week, I had a visit with another friend of mine... I told him all about Emma. He has been super supportive ever since... its been incredible! After I had the talk with my friend, we shared my news with his wife... she has been super amazing too! The love and support they have both shown has been beyond anything what I could have ever imagined!!!

[Emily]

Well, it's been a full five months since I last posted.

So much has happened in that time that I feel I really should change the title of this thread to: A LOT of Progress! I can't possibly even begin to describe all that's happened since then, but a quick synopsis:

Back around the beginning of this year, I knew it was my time to come out - I had been living as a closeted crossdresser for years. I always knew there was something more, but didn't quite understand it, couldn't really accept it or even grasp the concept. Call it misunderstanding, misinformation, naivety, whatever... the fact is that at the time of this original post, I had a much clearer understanding of who I was then I ever had in my entire life, and because of that came the burning need to come out... as trans.

My rather extensive circle of friends, family, acquaintances and even a few people at work now know me for my true transgendered self. Except for work, I present and live life as female every day. I've already informed HR of this, and they are behind me 110%, so that too will change very soon. I came out to my girlfriend in late April and since then, she has been extremely supportive and I know if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be where I am today. But, it hasn't been easy... It almost seems that for every positive, there is often a negative, but so far, overall... this has been an incredible journey, and I wouldn't change it! I can't change it. I simply cannot go backwards. I am who I am and so happy to finally be living my life my way. Almost everyone I told has taken the news very well, but even those who haven't are still there for me. They are really trying to understand. I just want to be there for them as they are for me.

There has also been a lot of sadness for those closest to me though. Sad that I felt the need to hide, sad of all the years not truly knowing who I was, but happy that I am now able to truly be myself without any fear of shame or guilt. It has brought me that much closer to those special people, and I know this was the best thing I could have ever done - for me.

I have been seeing a therapist as is my girlfriend. It has helped so much!!! We are also seeing a couples counsellor together as we try to work on new and past issues as our relationship dynamic has drastically changed. But we are still together and working things out. There have been some super highs and some unbelievable lows, but we are still here and to have her love is beyond words. On Tuesday, I go to see my family doctor for a referral for HRT. It will be at least six months before anything happens, so it will give me some time to figure things out, see if this is what I truly need - but I think I already know the answer.

[Diana Michelle]

Emma it is so wonderful you have found you have found the path for you. Having walked that path myself many years ago I will tell you it s not an easy one and there are a lot of booby traps and pitfalls along the way but if is it the correct one you will do fine I am sure.

That fact you have started therapy for yourself as well as your relationship was an excellent first step. It has to be difficult for the two of you and regardless of how the romantic part of your relationship turns out I am confident you will have a friend for life in her.

Enjoy the ride and keep us informed on your progress.

[Emily]

Thank you, Diana! The ride so far has been incredible and each day I realize more and more that this is the path that I am supposed to be on.

Without a doubt the relationship part has been the hardest. But the fact that we are still together speaks volumes. There will still be tough times, I am sure - but we are working though them one day at a time. And yes - through counselling as well.

During my next therapy session, I will review the draft letter so that I can get a consultation visit with the endo. I am also planning on coming out publicly on social media sometime this week. Most of the people on my friends list already know, but some still don't - either way, it will be another major step forward.

[Anne Bonny]

Wow! I am feeling that I am running behind you in your draft... (to drive closely behind a fast moving object so as to take advantage of the slipstream). Interested to see how coming out on FB goes...I feel myself as if I am close. I am seeing a counselor who knows all of this about me he is not a gender therapist however though I do plan once my wife has gone (Alzheimer's) to go see one. I will essentially not that I had any choice...sad...I didn't want this...I will be able...well my sons are doing well...to rebuild my life from these ashes I mean having lost my wife. Clinically depressed...clinically or technically who would not be? But anyway I feel as if I am about where you are. I am happy and experiencing the joy of living more openly and more than before though not entirely full time. I have looked into having my ears pierced...thought about facial lasering...anyway congratulations, hope it all goes well for you. I can say so far for myself it is also improving.

[Estefania]

Emma,

Excellent news! I'm happy for you, and I hope that the rest of the road will be smooth... but you know where to find us shall you encounter rough waters...

*hug*
Gaby

[Emily]

Thank you, Gabriela! This board has been a huge part of my self discovery - even though I may not always post, I will always know where to find it!!!

And thank you, Anne! Reading your posts Anne, I get that same feeling. Only you will know when the time is right for you, but from what I'm reading it seems like it might be sooner rather than later. And while my goal is to be out fully 100%, it does take time and patience. I only wonder why did I wait so long???

Get your ears pierced! Go see a professional piercer - it'll only take a few minutes, and they won't care why or who you are. Electrolysis or laser hair removal is a must - something that I have already been looking into too actually.

Good luck in your decision, Anne... whatever it may be: full or part time. All I know is that we all have one life to live and we need to live it to the fullest. We just need to be who we are meant to be... I guess for some of us, it just takes a little longer in figuring it out.

[Anne Bonny]

Thumbs Up! You know we really need that here would be nice oh well. Good luck fellow traveler...

[Emily]

Thanks, Anne!

Interested to see how coming out on FB goes...

I came out on FB last Thursday to an outpouring of "likes", "loves", lots of positive comments, lots of private messages too!

No, not everyone on my friends list reacted, but well over half did (the ones that really matter) and it feels pretty amazing to really be out, finally!

For the first time, it feels like I can just start to move on with life. One last hurdle to jump, which in all honesty I have been avoiding, but one that must be overcome and that is the coming out at work.

[KimberlyS]

Emma I am glad your coming out on FB went well.

[Anne Bonny]

I envy you! Right there are hurdles to jump.... seems we come out in stages when we are ready but sometimes...My oldest sister just joined FB I have not told her because I do not want to lose her just a traditional person....my other older sister...has sons as I do and then there are those online "friends" whose approval we do not need and if they do not approve...bye! I have lived with one foot out and one foot still hiding.

[Emily]

WOW!! Time flies!! There's a lot can happen...

I haven't been on here as much as I would have liked to, but I am hoping that can change. In the meantime, here's what a little summary of I've been up to since my last update in October when I came out on FB...

Early November 2017, I came out as Emily at work making me officially "full time". It was mostly positive, but some who refused to accept. Since then, they have accepted, though there were a couple of rough spots along the way. It's much better now!

Mid-November - My partner and I broke up. We were together for 15 years and it still saddens me to this day. But things were not working out. We had bigger issues to deal with than my transition, and we just could not come to a fair resolution. But, she was and continues to be the love of my life, just as I am hers. We have found a much deeper, stronger connection now as friends than what we ever had as a couple. We are the best of friends now and still spend a lot of time together and always there for each other.

Mid-December, I started HRT and six months in, I am starting to see and feel the changes. It has been an incredible journey so far and I am thankful everyday that I decided to have that initial conversation with my sister in March of 2017. I can't imagine what life would be like today had I not taken those first few steps towards living my life as my true self.

My experience thus far has been the adventure of a lifetime! I am happier, healthier, focused on friends and family and just being me. There is still a long way to go, but the future is wide open. I am working on changing my gender markers on my birth certificate and driver's license as well as the legal name change too. At some point I may consider a relationship, but that's probably a looooong ways away yet. Though I probably wouldn't say no to a casual date with an attractive single guy or girl if they asked.

Progress is being made each day, and each day, all I hope to be is a better version of myself - a strong, confident woman who believes in herself. I think I am finally on the right track.

[Anne Bonny]

Congratulations sounds as if your Journey is well on it's way so that you can finally have the inner peace and happiness inside you have always desired.

[KimberlyS]

Great to hear Emily that things are going well. Thanks for the update and hope to see more of you around.

kimberlys