Brave New World

[Justine Mee]

Hello,
This is my first time posting. So thank you for being here. I have found myself in a difficult position. About a month ago I expressed to my wife an interest in crossdressing. At first she was all about it (she identifies as bisexual and has been in relationships with women) as she would say "it is the best of both worlds". So we explored, she was encouraging for me to get my own outfits and wanted to go shopping together, we where more intimate and I finally felt free. Now all that has changed and it looks like she is leaving me and our family is breaking up. We have 2 small children and 2 businesses together. I don't know what to do and I don't have any friends to turn to as I still haven't told anyone in my life about this part of me. Does anyone have experience with this?

[Diana Michelle]

Justine, relationships and marriages sadly break up and end all the time over a wide range of issues from financial to infidelity and everything else in between. When children are involved it is especially sad and while both of you are entitled to happy lives those lives you brought into the world are the ones that lose the most and require extra attention from both sides.

I am far from a professional therapist however with the way you describe that the crossdressing came into your relationship only recently I doubt this is the reason for the sudden end to everything. If it is it may be because it only reinforced the bi or even lesbian tendencies within your wife you describe, Usually the reasons for the demise of a relationship have been festering for a while at least in the eyes of one partner. Take a step back from your anger and hurt and honestly assess the relationship for signs of issues from her side. I have a feeling if you are honest with yourself you will see the signs there.

As for the two businesses that I am sure will become part of court orders and be settled in court as to ownership and control. The two small children are the issue you need to worry about most and although their custody and support will probably become part of a divorce decree it is your obligation to see your children are taken care of, properly supported and loved, and not become pawns in a battle between two adults!

I wish you luck in wherever this and life leads you but please for the sake of the children you love make sure that all decisions are made in their best interest!

[Emily]

Hi Justine and welcome!



I am sorry to hear of this position you are finding yourself in, but I hope that things will work out.

My SO is also bi, but her reaction was mostly the opposite... if she wanted to be with a woman, she would be with a woman. But she did try to accept at first. And for now, I keep this part side of me hidden. It seems a little strange that after only one month (and from what sounds like mutual exploration) that your wife would suddenly leave you and your children over this.

Looking back, I think part of my problem was that I expected too much too soon. Is it possible that you may have been too "pushy" when your wife seemed on board? Lots of the girls here will say that you need to take your time with this... and they are absolutely right! Just because a wife accepts doesn't mean she's ready to be in a relationship with a woman.

Have there been other marital problems? Maybe this was just that extra needed excuse to leave? I've never been married, but I would suspect that if crossdressing were the sole reason she was leaving, then would she not have said something about it? Is it possible that while she may have been accepting at first, decided afterwards that she didn't like it after all?

Wishing you all the best through this period, Justine. The best advise I can give is to talk this over with your wife - be open and honest. The urge to crossdress will likely never go away - that's another thing I learned from the girls here and it is so very true. Hope you and your wife can work things out and maybe find a balance that works for you both.

Again, welcome to the forum. Please keep us posted as to how things are going! I'm sure there are other ladies here who might have some other insight and experiences to share - and that's what we're here for... to help each other out.

[Anthony Simon]

I'm an outsider to marriage. So take this with as much salt as you need. It looks to me, maybe, as though something's come up out of the CDing (though not necessarily to do with you) and she's plain rejecting you. It doesn't seem like she's telling you what the reason is, she's just rejecting you.

[Eileen (SO)]

Just because a woman is bisexual, that doesn't mean she will accept cross dressing. But after just one month, I doubt CDing is her issue. She was thinking of leaving you before this. The intensity of intimacy on your part may have pushed her decision. Dressing you was more fulfilling than either of you expected. She's more lesbian than bi and doesn't want an aroused man in her life.

She's used you and childbirth to deny her true orientation. A poor excuse of a mother.

Eileen

[Gina L.]

Justine, it strikes me that there was unhappiness on her part in the relationship before you started CDing. Maybe she went along with it, so that she could use it against you in any negotiations you have to make regarding the custody of the children. If she paid for any of the clothes by card, that were bought, keep the receipts as proof that she encouraged you.

[Amanda R]

With your crossdressing only being in the relationship a month Justine IMO it is highly doubtful that is the reason for the break up unless you dove in head first and started dressing constantly and talked about transition. There were underlying issues there long before all of this but what they are you will never know unless you and she sit down and talk.

Gender orientation or sexual preference have never been a factor on the parenting ability of an individual and to even suggest that it has is very short sighted. I know several lesbians and one gay male who have and are raising their children. IMO they are all excellent parents, loving and nurturing as a good parent should.

[Eileen (SO)]

I don't anyone to misconstrue my meaning.

A poor excuse of a mother. Eileen

I believe this woman used her husband and children to deny her lesbian orientation. Divorce denies her children a relationship with their father. She's lived all this time as bi-sexual, suck it up honey and continue being so. Besides, maybe Justine might enjoy a third partner. Seems every man's fantasy anyway.

I or any other responders may be wrong, but a family should not be split up without a real and stated reason. Counseling should be pursued with honest dialog from both patners.

Eileen

[Ralitsa]

I agree with Eileen. I think she was already planning to leave you and now this gives her a really good excuse. She can leave, and have it all be your fault.
Same thing happened to me once.
So there's really nothing you can do to stop it, she already has a new lover and a new life planned and has all of her "proceeds" from the divorce more or less spent.
What you need now is a really good lawyer who can prevent her from pinning all the blame on you, because that is her plan. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a good lawyer.
I really feel for you girl, I really do.

[Amanda R]

As someone studying clinical psychologist I agree with you about the need for counseling Eileen. It may work, it may not, At least if both partners are open and honest it will bring the root cause(s) to the surface so at least both sides can understand and hopefully grow.

My own parents divorced when I was 8 and yes it was hard on me and my sister but it was no picnic living them that last year or so. I have not seen my father in 10 years now but that is another subject. I do know that children who grow up in homes where the parents stay together for "the sake of the children" have higher rates of drug abuse, juvenile delinquency, and even suicide.