unexpedted changing event.....

[Kelly]

Earlier this year I spent a week in agony in the local ICU, a few more days in a regular hospital bead. Trauma related - I'll spare you the details.

An interesting thing has happened. My Femme Side is nowhere to be found. Maybe I have been so focused on recovery that nothing else matters, maybe the recovery is harder for her, maybe she didn't survive; don't know.

There have been I few posts I have seen here and elsewhere the patient in similar circumstances has describe a realization that life is too short and have emerged willing and eager to express and experience their femininity.

I just realized today that just the opposite has happened - my inner girl just isn't there. I've tried to coax her out. Nothing.

Maybe it is still too early to get back to normal. I got off the narcotic pain killers as quick as I could, the daily intake of tylonl is down by half. I no longer need a walker. Every day I seem stronger - well that has been baby steps, I can now carry my laptop in either arm.

My Drs. and PTs have told that heavy activity (as in starting a lawn mower) is out of the question until late summer or fall. So I am stressing about how the house maintenance projects I had planned and the routine grounds tasks are going to happen. All I know is that I'm going to hemorrhage money contracting it out one way or another. That is a major distraction.

I'm starting to go stir crazy sitting around; I have the time to shop for shoes and dresses on the internet; but there isn't a bit of interest.

Has anybody had similar kind of experiences, or know of anyone who has. Have I changed forever, or is it still too early to tell?

Kelly

[Stephanie M]

Traumatic events can cause all kinds of changes in a person. Whether it's permanent or not only time will tell.
Try not to stress about it and just focus on recovering, perhaps you are in survival mode for now and survival is what your mind is working on and everything else is taking a back seat.

[Shelby]

I would tend to agree that you're so focused on your health as well as stressing over house maintenance responsibilities that there isn't room in your life at the moment for your feminine side to come forward.
I am certain once your life gets back to normal she will re-emerge; she might even come back stronger.

I was one of those people who you referenced in your post where I too went through a life changing event (cancer) and decided that life was too short not to allow myself to explore my feminine side. This event of yours may have similar results; be patient and look after your health first. Stress is not good for recovery so, if you can, lean on some close friends to help take care of some household chores that you may not be able to do right now.

Good luck and remember to be patient with yourself.

[Anthony Simon]

So I am stressing about how the house maintenance projects I had planned and the routine grounds tasks are going to happen.

There's a level of pain that kills off my ability to get anything out of the CDing. This kind of reminds me of that. And also there are some levels of stress that kind of go away when I dress up, but greater levels just overwhelm the experience and I don't go there.

[Anne Bonny]

I'll bite on this one...Kelly. A lot of things can effect us...Stress, worry, being busy with lots of distractions going here and there with little time to stop. Caitlyn Jenner in her book wrote about the focus and the distraction working for the Olympics, kept Caitlin out of the way. I can say my experience is that these things can seem to effect me but gender seems really to be somewhat independent and separate. All I can say is sometimes these things do seem to suppress our gender, sometimes not the only constant thing is that our gender is different and may seem to go away or to be just gone...give it several months...then several years..... If it does not return then you may be right but it is too soon to tell. I have never heard of this part of us just going away. Blue eyes do not turn green...Right handedness does not change to left handedness. I assert your gender has not changed just give it time and if you want to box your femm things away do so but do not discard them ...expensive mistake.

[April Rose]

Scary how life can turn on a dime. The important thing is; you're on the mend. Patience is the thing now. Follow your doctors advice and don't push too hard. It's cheaper to pay for a week of yard work than for another day in the hospital. The chores will be there waiting for you when you get to them.

As for your feminine side, maybe you will experience it in some way other than cross dressing. Or, maybe not. There are up sides and down sides to both.

[Amanda R]

It is not unusual for a life altering experience to have effects on people. They may be as simple as "I no longer like that color" to major personality shifts. While we know they exist there is no medical or psychological reasons as to why it occurs in some and not others. Whether your desires return we don't know.

I can tell you from reading your posts that opioids, both prescribed and OTC, have effects both physical and psychological on many individuals. That coupled with the physical discomfort and restraints can be weighing more on your mind than even you believe it to be, Also the stress of how do I accomplish the tasks including routine maintenance around the house has your mind occupied.

Will your desires to dress return? There is no answer to that other than time will tell. I do hope and pray for your quick recovery and please keep us posted on your physical progress as we worry about all our sisters, even if she no longer desires to be one.

[Kelly]

Thanks all for your feedback and support. I have read all the replies several times. Thank you.

As for my recovery. It is going well. My Dr is happy, and has to issue the don't push it warnings. It seems I can do/endure more things every day. I can get some simple chores done; but there are somethings that I still simply cannot do with out some pain. Mostly though it is just a constant soreness. Don't need as much sleep, I have to make an effort to get a couple hours extra in the morning. Mid-day naps aren't they are now just laying still with my eyes closed

A couple of years ago I my ankle was in a boot and I gained a lot of weight. Didn't want a repeat so I've been careful to avoid unnecessary calories eliminating sweets and beer (well this last week or so I'll have just one on occassion). The silver lining is that I have actually dropped 10+ pounds.

Love,
Kelly

[Hanna]

Kelly,
I believe--just the act that you are thinking about CD'ing, means it's still there. But if you are in pain, or physically unable to get around, I can understand why the urge is not there. I have had similar feelings, and things soon enough turn back to where the were.
If you had CD experiences like the rest o us, since you were a teen, I seriously don't think they will be deleted from you life.
You miss the joy of dressing. I'll bet you a lobster dinner that as soon as you come close to being mended, you'll be dressing again.
And I hope for you sake it' soon.
Keep the faith babe.
As a side thought, and I think Gaby mentioned this, that as soon as she is not able too pass, she thinks she will quit dressing. I hope it never happens. Someone mentioned also that the older we get the easier it is to pass.

Time will tell.
Cheers a heal super fast.
One more thing--Anne Bonnie said "Blue eyes do not turn green"-- when I was about 59 yo, my hazel eyes turned blue.