Why do we dress?

[Anne Bonny]

I do very much believe being "Transgender" has been made trendy and fashionable as teens tend to have raging hormones and there is a push for a gender neutral society to fight any discrimination females are perceived to suffer from. Hence teens have found it easy to "experiment" because it has become quite mainstream and acceptable...this whole construct of 50 odd "genders" floating around out there, is flat out ridiculous. They even come up with genderqueer which confuses gender and sexuality, what about nonbinary!? what is that if not a term to define a perception of this sense of who you are? Even genderfluid I recognize as nothing but a description of personal perception or observation that over time how one feels shifts back and forth or may even be nutral at times. There are two genders. I do not believe 90% of these so called gender variant children and teens, even some young adults are anything but immature, and they are being encouraged by pop culture. They want to wear dresses and pretend to be gender whatever... well check back with them about age 30-40 and see. Hell my son went through a goth phase, claimed to be gay and experimented with effeminate dressing and make up....I just waited him out...even told him about myself to let him know it was nothing to me I was not going to reject him. Where is he now!? A Fireman, married with two children and quite masculine. 

I agree anyone giving hormones or doing any gender affirming surgery to anyone under the age of 18 should be brought up on charges. Allow them to experiment and wear whatever they like, wear make up and play with the opposite gender.... but nothing further until the age of majority.

Sexuality...yes separate and hard wired...but I do see and have read what transsexuals have written of their experiences and they tell me once they are reconfigured and female hormones are flowing many have begun to evolve....it was interesting to read how they realized something like "oh, this is different...so this is how it is...." as they are having to adjust obviously to experiencing intercourse in their new sex, to learn and to experience pleasure differently I came across such frank sharing of their experience and was intrigued. With the hormones they also reported feeling very differently, calmer, their strength was no longer as it had been biking up hills or jogging up hills they found more difficult where formerly they were largely unaffected, how they began to appreciate male assistance loading things in their car that were heavy as strength is 30% lower than previously. They shared confusion and resentment when others asked questions about their preferences and they their selves reported some bi sexual experiences and in time ... seems they become largely heterosexual women? I have no further anecdotal information but seems they can evolve?? 

As a non op transgender male....at age 60 do I want to transition into being an old woman!? How sexy is that!? For what reason!? To experience bladder leakage? Osteoporosis!? Wrinkling and dry grey unmanageable hair!? UTI's!? The age of being attractive is waning do I want to be an unattractive old male...or an unattractive old female? Seems to be very little point to transitioning once ageing begins tweedle dee or tweedle dum.  It is sad but unless a way to reverse aging is ever found, there is little point in transitioning past the age of 60 in my mind though many do...there is no right or wrong. I can tinker around the edges with pierced ears, long hair, slender figure, shave legs, become competent with make up, perhaps even have my facial hair lasered away...perhaps have my teeth worked on to restore my smile...grooming.... I am a transgender man and as long as there is a breath within myself I will most definitely continue to strive to be the best looking woman that I am capable of being but it is a sense inside that varies stronger or weaker over time leading to resignation to the male side frequently...that will never end for me...but realistically it will never be full time I do not believe...who knows If I meet an incredibly accepting woman who is very attracted to me as a woman I believe it is possible that I could be inspired to transition in a sense...and live the rest of much more of my life that way. Inspiration and a desire to please, or the joy of being appreciated and encouraged can go a long long way with anyone. 

For myself unless age can be reversed there is no longer any point in transitioning if for myself there ever was...that bird has flown...

Perhaps the religious bastards have won in the end...they prevented me from ever being who I have always been inside myself because that is what they desired and now it it just too late...who knows what could have been.

[Pam T.]

I dress because the clothes feel so much better than my boring male clothes. Something very exciting slipping on a pair of panties and a bra and a blouse and then a nice dress or skirt that makes me feel like a totally different person and then putting on my wig and putting on some heels and going out in public just feels so right and like I leave the stress of my male self behind and go out and about as the woman that is hiding inside the mans body.

[ReneeElizabeth]

i dress because it relieves my stress levels, there are times that work and life make a lot of stressful demands, i love having that escape from my male life, i also love the look and feel of the fabrics and the colors that i don't get to experience as a male, men's clothes are so boring and constrictive to me, especially business and formal suits ugh,

[AileenT]

.... as far back as I can recall, I was always attracted to girls. I always loved them and always wanted to be close to them. I recall as a little boy always trying to work myself into situations where I could be close to and therefore able to hug and/or kiss the girls. I behaved like a playful and affectionate little puppy dog whenever I was with the girls.

I don’t recall anything ‘naughty’ or ‘dirty’ about my feelings, I simply thought that the girls were so pretty and were so friendly and smelled so wonderful and I totally loved being with them. Now that doesn’t mean that I was turned off by ‘guy’ things like sports or trucks or trains or any of the other things that little boys usually gravitate to. To the contrary, I fully participated in that part of being a young boy. I discovered that I could be attracted to ‘rugged’ as well as ‘pretty’ things at the same time. ......”
hugs, Debbie Jean

My little boy life was very much like that, with lots of crushes on little girls, and then "out of nowhere" wanting to be a girl for Halloween. That has continued all my life, dressing in the veil of a girl because I want to feel like them. That is one very wonderful reason. When I'm in that space, dressed or because I've been spending time as Aileen, I suddenly see the world differently, acutely aware of all the women around me, their feelings, movements, expressions. Someplace as mundane as a supermarket becomes alive and exciting. And I love being with people from that fountain of feminine love and kindness.

When I was a teen, my girlfriend left her bikini behind and at night in my room I slipped into it. It was an amazing experience, and energy coursed through me like never before. It was also sexual, but...in a different way. I've been told by many women that I'm an exceptional lover, not always the lover they want to give them children, but one that they share a well of erotic pleasure, a well that I now believe was first tapped that night, in my girlfriend's white bikini.

So those are my reasons, I dress because it puts me in touch with those feelings, and that state of mind that is both very pleasurable, and which I hold very dear.

[Robyn]

I believe that gender and sexual identity are not one in of the same. We are born each our own biological gender, male or female, but psychologically I feel our brains, character may to some degree be created different from our physical appearance. Since each person is unique in of themselves this degree of 'dysphoria' will be different and maybe even ebb and flow as each person grows and experiences life and the influence of life on the shaping of our innate character or being.

Well said, and it's quite simple from a logical perspective. We're fortunate that the the social constraints are being brought down and the expectations of conforming to a particular gender are widening. Cultures vary, but the overall increase of media exposure has broadened the acceptance and tolerance of the misinformed. This may be an arguable point depending on your particular circumstances, but for me it holds true.

Bravo Lacy, you articulate it all so well.

[Diana Michelle]

I tend to disagree with you Robyn and Lacey. IMO you are confusing gender and sex by associating the terms with reproductive organs. One can possess a penis and be totally female on the inside same as one can have a vagina and be 100% male on the inside. As for the feminine or masculine mind it does exist in some sense but it is more how one perceives and see things than how one acts. Most of what all of us think of as male and female minds or if you prefer masculine and feminine are a function of generations of stereotypes and society.

[Robyn]

I tend to disagree with you Robyn and Lacey. IMO you are confusing gender and sex by associating the terms with reproductive organs.

I apologize if you misunderstood Diana, but in no way was I defining gender and sex as the same thing. Gender is essentially how we represent. Biological sex, sexual orientation and gender are three completely different things. Additionally, although our Western culture has basically established two genders, many cultures around the world identify a third gender, and some have more than that. We're evolving here though, and in California you'll soon have the option to select "nonbinary" at the DMV.

I assure you, we are on the same page

[Anne Bonny]

I have come to understand that gender is nothing more than what I call the "This is who I am" sense. Gender cannot be confused with personality, or with sexuality. Men and women simply and quite naturally have this sense about theirselves....that "this is who I am" meaning Men get up clean up get into the clothes they pick out and go about their day being who they are...just as women do every single day. As we can see Men and Women are very different in how they sense who they are.

Gender is not sexuality...it is not sex....It is not personality....It is not really emotion either...it is a very very difficult concept to get one's mind around if you try to come up with some definition and that is because it is nothing more than a sense about who we are and what seems to fit with that sense of ourselves ... quite naturally Men and women are very different. Men do not think...ah...gotta put on my moisturizer...get my make up on...let's see going to work ... ah a blouse and a skirt and hose, heels...yeah..oh and jewelry..which ear rings and necklace would look good today? Blah...out the door! Nope! Men roll out of bed...hum...gee a few sit ups and push ups...gee shower and shave brush my teeth...ok...Pants look ok with that shirt, those loafers and belt...oh! socks! comb the hair...gee Coffee and something to eat for breakfast...damn! gonna be late if i don't hurry...gee I love driving this car.

[Diana Michelle]

So well put Anne! Gender is a state of mind and not defined how most do as when you start to explore those reasons they can be traced to stereotypes. Emotions, feelings, and actions cross those boundaries both ways. Even how we dress do as this is a CROSSdressing forum.

I do have to ask how do you know of my morning routine? Trust me I have mornings like that, many more of them before I retired. Granted it was does this blouse look OK with this skirt and it was shaving my legs and armpits rather than my face but the routine was the same in essence. You did forget "the hell with the curling iron, I'll just pull my hair back into a ponytail" though. For the record I cannot remember the last time I couldn't say:

...gee I love driving this car.

[Anne Bonny]

Glad you enjoyed that. As you know I am nearly where I should be...still having to tell myself to stop with stereotypes...and comparing differences....so I can just be who I happen to be today, or this morning or whatever.

If it is accurate it is because I do both routines...remembered getting up and my morning routine for going to work...in the military though did not have to think about what i was putting on unless it was the weekend or a holiday. So I simply imagined from my own experience projecting that into how I would get ready and what would go through Anne's mind in the morning if she were rushing to get ready so I could get to work on time...

Glad to know I was very close

Yeah...bad hair day!!! Where's the scrunchy!?

[Ralitsa]

yeah, I wonder though how many of those "differences" are innate and how many are a function of the culture in which we live.
I'm living out here in North Dakota now, spending quite a lot of time with people doing tough physical work - men and women both. I assure you that no woman (and there are many) who is going out on a rig, or driving a truck, working cattle, running a combine, etc. is worrying much about what jewelry to wear. So I don't buy the argument that these are natural properties of men and women.
I think they are a function of the role the person will be acting that day. A man doesn't usually bother with clothes that match or making themselves appear attractive simply because it's a lot of effort that will neither be rewarded for doing it, nor punished for not. When they are in a situation where their career and promotions depend on their appearance you can darn well bet they are going to do it. Anne, you spent plenty of years in the military - how many hours did you spend shining shoes, polishing buckles, starching and pressing a uniform, getting collar devices and shoulder boards in exactly the proper position, getting a hair cut whenever your hair was within a 1/4" of regs. Compared to that, coordinating shoes, pantyhose, skirt, top, and earrings is simplicity itself.
Now it's true that some of us (men and women both) do enjoy dressing nicely and looking good and those people probably self-select for jobs that expect it. I'm not entirely convinced, and I don't know that good data exist to show, that women are more likely than men to have those traits. But for whatever reason, it is more commonly expected of women, and consequently they live up to the expectations.

So why do we dress the way we do? Sometimes because we want to; usually because we have to.

[Diana Michelle]

So why do we dress the way we do? Sometimes because we want to; usually because we have to.

I think that sums it very well Ralitsa. What we wear the majority of the time is a function of what and where. I never had the "dirty" job and when I was working the unwritten dress code for my profession was skirted suits and heels. As time went on pant suits became acceptable but still the professional look. Yes we had choices such as color, style, and even slacks versus skirt but even there it was limited by what was what was expected or as you put it so well what we had to.

Even now in a way what I wear is dictated by what I am doing or going, consciously or unconsciously. If I am going to be home cleaning house, cutting the lawn, even just relaxing it is generally jeans or leggings and pretty much any top will do. However if I am going somewhere even if just to the grocery store I put more thought into what I put on. I think you all see where I am going here.

I tend to believe what we wear is a learned characteristic. Yes society's beliefs and stereotypes have an influence however environment has a greater influence. The example of the woman working in the oil field or the lady trucker are excellent. What they wear to work is a function of the tasks, the knowing you are going to get dirty how well they launder or are not expensive so you can toss them, and comfort. Also it is also somewhat influenced by the idea of "fitting in." Let us be honest girls if you saw a lady trucker climbing out of the cab wearing a skirt and heels how seriously would you take her? Those stereotypes swing both ways.

I think the issue we need to explore a little deeper here is the psychology of what we wear, especially as it relates to the CD. Like I said above when I am going somewhere out in public I put more thought into what I have on, will add some jewelry other than simple earrings, choose shoes that more go with the outfit. There are even times I may go with a casual skirt with tights and boots. Whatever I wear I do it for me because I want to look nice. OK yes this is probably influenced by stereotypes of what is expected of a woman. However regardless of what I have on I don't say to myself "I feel so feminine in this" or "I really feel like a woman now" or something similar, some CDs will think that though. I doubt those thoughts go through the minds of most women either. Oh yes we may have that outfit or two which we say to ourselves "This is so feminine" or "That makes me look so girly." However that is not our driving force for buying or wearing it at least consciously. If anything it is our mood that prompts that purchase not the desire to achieve that mood.

Maybe the question to you girls should be is it your mood that drives what you wear or what you wear drives you mood? I understand that there may be some interaction of these but it is an interesting question and I am curious if any of you have ever thought about it. I have always said it is the woman that makes the clothes not vice versa but that is from a woman's perspective. How do you girls see it?

[Anne Bonny]

Wow Diana! You hit it right on the head. That is it exactly and as I mature more as Anne...yes men (who are as we are) who begin to follow the woman inside their head do indeed go through a sort of maturing process...starting out trembling and shaking as immature with no idea of what is appropriate, of what will look good on our body, and no sense of style, or common sense...appropriateness as I said.

We do learn and mature in time sometimes it takes years to find our groove...

Women and men have physical differences it is a challenge for men like us to find what will work best.

Women and men do choose clothing that is appropriate for the day ahead and what they will be doing and even there there is still some choice having to do with mood, or favorites...gee I go mow the lawn it is a stained frayed shirt of some kind, and old worn ripped up jeans and worn out shoes...knowing what is coming...I will soon be soaked with sweat here in the deep simi tropics of the southern coast, covered with dust in floating bits of lawn debris...oh and an old Desert boonie hat for the sun and old sunglasses too... Yeah but later after a shower I may fix my hair and make up and slip into lingerie shorts and a top sandals or ladies tennis shoes and jewelry for around the house, or more probably that was prior to mowing, after showering off it will be guy version, underwear, jean shorts and a t shirt with deck shoes while I am replenishing several quarts of water I lost while mowing the lawn even after having hydrated a time or two in the midst of it all. It takes time to recover...I have started doing the lawn over 3 days because it is large and involves probably 8 hours to do...and I am a caregiver and have to stick to the care schedule which brakes it up so...I will do 2.5 hours, late afternoon over 3 days...

At some point...we simply get real and dress our only difference is we may dress one way or the other depending on where our sense of who we are happens to be, mine drifts where as for some it doesn't like Diana. Cool Yes that is why we dress simply because it happens to be who we are.

[Denice]

I'm a man, and like being a man. One reason I wear women's under garments is that I love and respect women. I have this crazy notion that by wearing them I might be able to understand women just a little bit better. Sort of like walking a mile in their shoes.

[Diana Michelle]

Interesting thought process Denice. I am curious have you ever discussed this with a woman be it a GG, an SO, or just a friend and what was their reaction?