Why do we dress?

[Denice]

Interesting thought process Denice. I am curious have you ever discussed this with a woman be it a GG, an SO, or just a friend and what was their reaction?

I haven't told anyone yet. But if it did come up in a conversation I wonder what the reaction would be.

[Annie]

Since joining the site I have read so many of all your responses and questions to the posts. This kind of hit home for me and I have been able to structure (not sure if that is what I mean but..) my thoughts and feelings about why I want to dress. It is all about me.
Since I have progressed, I have just kind of been gone at it without really knowing why. Part of me says that is not so important, but the analytical part of says I have to pay attention to it. I do find that when I can dress it can reduce stress and help me to relax. I know that I would never be mistaken for a super model or even an attractive lady and really don't want to pass as one. I want to pass as me as Annie. Since I have not the confidence to go out en femme, that is not really an issue- yet.

Last week when my wife and I had a rare early morning arguement, i was really upset and as soon as she left the house i was dressed and soon was calm. I was able to relax and let it go. But why?

Over the past couple of days I have been trying to be observant about what i go through when i dress and what i like about it. Here is what I found:

1. Monday I realized I had not worn my heels in a few days. My concern was more I need to keep wearing them so I can improve my balance and my ability to walk in them. I find that it becomes if I don't wear them often, it is hard for me to walk in them and it just plain painful. It takes some effort walking them yet for me so I have to concentrate. Mmm- avoidance maybe?

2. I find the constriction of my bra and the weight of my forms seems to make me feel a little more secure. Can't explain it but somehow it does.

3. I was getting ready to leave the house this morning and as I was changing, i had taken off my blouse and I could feel my wig sitting on my bare shoulders and back. I have never really noticed how it felt on my bare skin and I wondered if my wife enjoys the feeling of her hair like that. I am not sure what makes that hair sitting on my shoulders make me feel more like Annie.

Diana in another post asked if it has all come down to the clothes. I understood the point of her question. There should be more to why we dress other than the clothes and really be more about how we feel as a woman. She's right but for those of us that are fairly new or really new to being en femme, the clothes are all we have right now-for whatever reason we do. I believe as Annie progresses the rest of the emotions will follow.

[Diana Michelle]

Lot of deep thoughts and questions there Annie. The one that struck me the most is:

There should be more to why we dress other than the clothes and really be more about how we feel as a woman.

Why? Cannot it just be something you enjoy? I love to play golf yet others look at as a waste of 50 acres of good pasture land. Does that make it any more right or wrong? There have been numerous studies into the whys of crossdressing and transgenderism and damned near almost as many conclusions. Personally I tend to side with genetic argument or IMO more specifically a combination of genes and potential mutations of those genes. Trust me I have thought long and hard for a lot of years as to the why I am transgendered yet to my knowledge no one else in the family is and have discussed it at length with other TGs. None of us really has an answer beyond because I am.

As to some of your other points, I got a chuckle out of your comment about practicing in your heels. Do you think just because they don't have a Y chromosome women instinctively know how to walk in them? We all learned, some the hard way. Just part of growing up same as learning to catch a baseball or drive a stick shift. As for them becoming difficult to walk in or painful, join the club!

I think every woman knows that constricting feeling of our bra but for us it is "I can't wait to get home and shuck this damned bra!" That feeling when coupled with being sweat soaked, the underwire is starting to chafe, and the straps are digging into my shoulders is magnified when it is just you in that bra not a silicone form. Don't know abouit your wife but a lot of women will lose the bra when home alone for the night or change to a more comfortable bra or bralette.

As for the hair on the bare shoulders never thought of it that way and nowadays my hair is not shoulder length. I do remember the days it was and longer and can remember being tickled by it or feeling icky as the sweat soaked hair brushed across my shoulder or even thinking tomorrow I am going to wear it up so it doesn't do that.

I am not making fun of you Annie as at one time we all have been there. We all had the same questions, feelings, and emotions once. For some of us that path went one way for others another. My best advice is try not to overthink all of this and enjoy!

[Satina]

On the subject of why do I dress, now let me think!..... To be honest, I haven't a scooby of why I like wearing dresses and lingerie etc... but what I do know is it just feels right when I do.

[Anne Bonny]

The elephant in the room which is ignored and denied and talked around...is Sexual the sexual compulsion and the pleasure derived from dressing because of how it plays with our mind.... forbidden...wrong...or for some sinful...vs humiliation...shame...embarrassment...fantasies of being forced or feminized or dominated by some more powerful female to strip us of our manhood.... For many cross dressers, transvestites it is probably a mild form or moderate form of BDSM (some do desire punishment shame humiliation) to "7 shades of grey" or in that realm especially if another person..a dominatrix is involved (and I have read about those who tie or lock theirselves up and freeze the key in ice or who's female friend orders them out of the car in a public location and locks the doors on them until they have performed some task or met some time limit, or...they desire to be a maid and have to serve their wife or complete a list of domestic chores before they will be allowed to change back into male clothing?).... Fetish, perversion, sexuality... fantasy...sex addiction... for a very large number of cross dressers this is how it started (perhaps a parent or parents dressed them as children? (that would be abuse potentially) and I am sure this has happened as many have stated that it happened to them), and continues throughout their entire life.

For some there is more to it... we are all very different and unique. For many the more to it actually comes from realizing that this is who we really are fully or in large part. Part of who we really are our identity...we are not able to separate out something that is hard wired...we are feminine because we are in reality.... There is no way out for us because part of our brain is female to greater or lesser extent. Those who transition to greater extent...those who don't find an ebb and flow that is middling...at times our balance is more male...other times the balance is more female. Why!? Beats the hell out of me but seems to be the limit of a lifetime of racking my brain. I am partly hard wired female...but I am not certain about my male side...I do think I have been conditioned male because of my sex, I am not certain if I am partly hard wired male too. It must be partly hardwired can't all be conditioning. Who the hell knows!?

I do know my dressing is well beyond the sexual...and the tactile....the core the main reason why I am who I am is because this is who I am...I would not be a woman if I were not a woman...in part. Does this mean I should seek to transition to fix my physical problem? I am not sure...I do as much as I can do without going under the knife...I pierced my ears...I may seek hair removal...but beyond that at age 61....pft! If I have not figured it out by now in my life what good is it to fit properly and to dress properly in clothing that actually is made to fit me because outwardly my physical form would have been surgically altered or tailored to fit female clothing...vs padding and doing what I am able so that my male body fits the female clothing!?

[Anthony Simon]

To be honest, I haven't a scooby of why I like wearing dresses and lingerie etc...

There's that uncertainty, at least to some extent, at the heart of most people who CD. It's there, and we kind of live our lives with it and around it.

But uncertainty brings its own problems. People fear the unknown - project their worst fears onto it. That's certainly the root of some of the antagonism that CDs face - and, speaking personally, it also makes me afraid.

[Requal Jo]

I dress to be comfortable. I have not other reason than I like the styles and colours of female apparel and the comfort of the textures against my body. It also relaxes me and rids me of the stresses of the day. I just enjoy being Requal when I can.

[Anne Bonny]

Yes, when "it's" present...I go change and just enjoy being able to be who I am, It is relaxing, and very nice to just be able to be who I am...usually I am sad to change back but when I need to get on with my day, I change to go run, get back sweaty, shower, and have edged over into the male side and relax into my at home attire jean, shorts, T shirt, and running shoes. for the duration unless I go out which is always as a male of course. Some evenings I find I am still there and so will change, and then to a nightgown for sleep.

It is so unfortunate that women are not geared to be as men are...to find a attraction...to put an arm around us...and to kind of have their way and find that satisfying. It is unfortunate that we are as women are desiring our partner to take the lead...but I am able to on my male side proceed as women desire, I do love women and do find them attractive...It is just sometimes I also desire to be on the receiving end to be loved, cherished, found attractive and etc... because I am a girl! at least in half part...

[Noeleena]

Hi Anne.

its unfortunate that women...….MYSELF..... are not geared like men to find attraction , WOW.... please let me get this right .

if I said...IF.... no its not a ...IF.... and I do get on heat...… would I not wont to have a guy I could basic jump on flip am I not sexy enough for that. oh heck I was climbing up the damn wall and did not have my friend with me, 3 days my body was so ……...wheres that bloody guy get him here ...and.... NOW.....


and … where the hell do you think your going I,m not done with you ...YET...its taken 2 1/2 years to get where I am now. and I cant find a guy who has the guts to stay with me longer than couple hours,

all ways work to busy be nice to spend time for a few days a week and longer.
I may not be the sexyest chic, I know I,m not yet those I know are very comfortable with me I know what I need getting it is like ,,,,,, where the hell do I go,,,,,,

I.ll take the lead lol,s …..OH DAMN …. well I will, just try me....


...noeleena...

[Diana Michelle]

I think you have a misconception about men here Anne. On an emotional level they are not as different than women than you are trying to think they are. They have a desire to feel and give love, be wanted and even desired same as women but societal stereotypes have conditioned them to be the aggressor, to take the lead and expect the woman to submit to those advances. I for one have no problem taking that first step if I so desire whether it be towards the bedroom or just simply give me a hug.

As I have said in many threads let loose of the stereotype concepts of male and female both as to how they should be as well as relationships. There is nothing wrong with a man who sheds a tear be out of happiness or sadness anymore than a female initiating foreplay because she is in the mood. There is nothing wrong with a man going to his partner and saying "I have had a bad, can I have a hug?" anymore than a woman reaching over and taking hold of his hand as they walk in public. There isn't even anything wrong with a man telling his partner "Not tonight I have a headache."

All that said as you know relationships are complicated and function on a multitude of levels. In order for a relationship to work needs of both have to be satisfied on at least the majority of those levels. You talk about how you have both sides in you but I want you to stop and think for a minute here. Are the emotional needs of both those sides truly that different or are you thinking in stereotypes and fantasies? IMO this is not as much about the differences between those two sides but rather a desire to find a partner who can openly accept both those sides.

[Anne Bonny]

Huh...Yeah, I see... Things are changing. I suppose because of who I am I would find it easy. I think the majority of women out there like my religious, 1950's mindset sister who just left this morning after 11 days...whew...what a relief! And ladies in the local FB social group...we go out meet at events of various kinds to socialize, primarily women which helps...but I do think women outnumber older men so...perhaps I should find that a nice thing...sad for them but nice for older men. Then again many older women are able to do perfectly fine without men.

I do believe the majority of women complain about men, but would find a house husband extremely unattractive, and a soft man who cries, who wants and yields and follows at times to be reason to walk away, let alone one who...is happy wearing a dress. I do believe most women would not be at all interested in a "new well rounded kind of man" One who without stereotypes or thinking openly flows wherever her emotions lead her to be. One who can be strong, and soft, stoic, and emotional, masculine and feminine.... who without stereotypical behavior just "is." Who openly happens to flow freely.

I worry because the woman who happens to meet all my criteria...I found out attends Baptist Church socially but stated the megachurch is too large to make social connections.... Hum. She is blonde, not sure if blue eyes?, is near my age but younger, Is also an RN, is working currently and is a Nurse Manager over a large clinic that works with those who have lost their vision helping them to adapt to technologies that will help them. She seems to be moral, independent, and standing on her own two feet she is independent and professional...

She has been messaging me some...I do like talking to her...but the chemistry, the sparks must absolutely be there and We have not really had the opportunity to see... Thing is what if!? I suppose This will be the first in a long line of potentials who will be gone in a flash, and the FB group too once I tell her I am trans.

Of course in a situation where we date and get together and live in our own homes, no marriage planned...unless it becomes really really...well, you know...then There is a point at which you have to tell her we need to talk... There will be of course no holding my secret from other women in that group as women would by way of looking out for each other relay... "pst!...You don't want anything to do with George...or should I say ANNE!!!!"

Tough having a heart, wanting someone to be with and to love and carry on in life with... and be who I am. I may never be able to find anyone.

[Linda S]

For me it comes down to feeling attractive, and the sense of empowerment and confidence that comes with that feeling.

As a man, I'm just a physically unattractive 60-year-old with no career and no outstanding abilities, so as you can imagine I have a lifetime of experience with being ignored and rejected by women. I long ago gave up on social activities because they just make my isolation more obvious and pajnful.

But as Linda I'm a different person, who can experience and enjoy aspects of life that I never could in my male form. In fact, I become the woman I've always wanted to have a relationship with, but never could.

Around here at this time of the year, there are lots of social events, and I go to as many as time (and money!) allow - charity and political fundraisers, after-hours parties at museums, networking events, etc. And when I'm not doing that, I might head to the mall for some shopping, maybe a drink or dinner. Even going to the supermarket, Home Depot or Target is a lot of fun. It's all about being out there, being seen and interacting with people.

I'm not a beautiful woman by any means, but I've gotten to the point of passing well and I know how to show off my best aspects. I'm aware - thanks to my "insider knowledge" - that guys are liking what they see, and that awareness is a huge thrill and confidence booster. I've even had men approach me for conversation at social events (I seem to become more desirable as their BAC increases), which is really a blast. And I always treat them the way I've dreamed of having a woman respond to me!