I thought I'd start a thread of basic do's and don's for FIRST TIMERS. What may seem obvious to many of us may not be for first timers . . .
For example, don't spend your first few times out in public with that short skirt! Not only you'll get read immediately, it may short-ciricut your CD/TG experience for years!
wear classy clothes women your age are wearing and you'll fit in better. britney spears-style outfits should remain at the store and grandma's clothes and wig can stay in the closet!
I am also inexperienced in this area. I just really started pursuing this interest a short while ago and I've been taking baby steps toward the day when I can leave the house without excessive worries. (I think perhaps there may always be a slight concern but nothing that should prevent me from doing what I want to do.)
The things that have guided me on my first attempts are the following:
Don't be in a hurry to rush out into the public eye if you are new at crossdressing. Give yourself time to get accustomed with the basics of applying makeup, fixing your hair, dressing in a manner that flatters you, and behaving like a lady.
Choose a look that is age appropriate and take your body type/features into consideration when choosing stlyes to dress in. For example, if you have muscular shoulders and biceps you may want to choose dresses/shirts with sleeves to disguise your shoulders and biceps as much as possible.
If possible, seek out advice from a CD friendly GG who can help you determine what works well for you and what doesn't. This can be a great help in terms of choosing colors that work well for your complexion, hair, and eye color. It will also save you money in the long run by helping you not buy a lot of stuff that doesn't work.
Choose a time, place, and method that is not threatening. Depending on your level of fear, you may want to choose a time when you will not encounter many people and just savor the freedom of being outside of the house en femme. My first time out was at midnight when I was pretty sure no one would be out. I would also go to a location where you will not fall under a lot of scrutiny. The idea of those first few trips is to enjoy yourself. What I mean by method is how you are going out. I chose to go for a drive in my car for my second adventure. It was very liberating and non threatening.
Well, that's it for me. You have exhausted my crossdressing wisdom.
Looking forward to hear what others have to say on this subject. Especially those beautiful ladies we have among us who pass with ease and perhaps some of the SOs who have some good words of advice.
Later,
Brianna
Still trying to figure out who I am and how I fit in this crazy world...
In addition to (or along with) dressing for the occasion is to make sure your shoes match your outfit. I know many of us can't find that many shoes in our size but having the the wrong shoes on will also get you noticed fast! If you are not sure about this then go people watching sometime and pay attention to what shoes ladies are wearing. There is a reason the bottom of a lady's closet is covered! Shoes are as important as the dress!
Also coordinate your jewelry accordingly. Contrary to popular belief pearls do not go with everything. If you are dressed casually a simple silver or gold necklace will work nicely.
It's the little things that we as men don't really notice that will get you "clocked" as fast as anything else.
Hugs,
Stef
Live with memories of what you have done, not regrets over what you wish you had done.
Alexandra,
What a wonderful thread , I don"t have anything to add, just wanted to let you know that all of you, Stef, Brianna, Meranda, and Alexandra, I'm hanging on your every word, anything else you have I will take to heart. I'm ready to go out there as fem as I can get. ........ thanks for your assistance, greatly apperciated.
Brianna are there any places in Denver that I could go to, for some help with makeup? Greeley retail's is really is bad, I went into Dillards in the mall and didn't get much help, they showed me what is availible,and that's all. I would like to dress as a cowgirl for my first time in Greeley, Cow town USA.............Kristen
Do want you want to do, be who you want to be. * * Email address not current as of 10-07-2008! Please contact SilverLady(SO) immediately! See http://crossdressers-forum.com/forums/v ... php?t=9237 for further information. Thank You!! * *
Having read some of the recomendations from other posts, it seems that there are several options for the first few times. The car ride is good, first at night then daytime, then perhaps a swing through the drive-thru. The evening walk in the neighborhood or an evening walk in a "safe" park.
My first time and on several occasions since have been to afternoon movie matinees. It is usually not crowded, you can park close or far away to practice walking there usually isn't a lot of staff folks at the theater and you can "whisper" through the glass to get you ticket and actually do not have to speak to anyone else. If you have eye contact with anyone just
SMILE and look and act confident and ladylike. And if you get called a "slut" like I did, I would not recommend punching anyone out over it. I think it a compliment.
Deboah
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
Hi All--
Yes, I like this thread, Alexandra. A place to go on maybe the second time out is a small neighborhood library. You don't have to talk, and other people are not talking, either. Most people there are preoccupied with reading and browsing, and won't be noticing you that much.
A "don't" is to not wear heels the first few times. It's not that heels automatically say "CD." It's that ANY woman that wears heels draws attention to herself; it's not common to see them, and they draw the eye. A little attention is OK, but you don't want that much.
I know that many of us are so used to heels in our everyday dressing that we might feel incomplete without them--it's no fun to leave them behind. It will make it so much easier if you do, though, at least until you know how you're going over. If you get more confidence, then bring out te heels again.
Anita
wow, thanks for the comments and suggestions everybody . . .
I'd like to follow up on the car ride suggestion . . . I think this is what you ought to be doing first . . . it'll build up your confidence and gives you an opportunity to get the make-up/wig combination just right -- by judging people's reactions. If most people look at you and react wierdly, you need more work, but if they look and then just look away, you've got the make-up just right. "Cruising" the downtown area on a Fri-Sat night is a good way to get people's reactions as you stop for traffic lights and people are around. (keep the door locked and stay away from sleazy areas! )
Later on when you've built up confidence, you can focus more on clothing and get out of the car.
Good thinking Alexandra, the early days of getting out and about for some can be quite harrowing if it all goes wrong.
Some of the best advice is for people to just enjoy the experience and try as best they can to relax and be theirself. If people dress appropriately to their shape, age, location and the occaison then that all makes it a more comfortable and enjoyable experience.
The greatest potential problems arise with the use of public toilets. If one were to be pedantic, using female toilets is usually approved only on a site to site basis by management, but it causes less embarrassment and other problems by using the female toilets. It's best to enter and leave promptly, then there is less chance of confrontation. Try never to use a public toilet late at night in an isolated place, as nasty repercussions can occur in those circumstances, it's best to use toilets at night in business premises where there are people about. Our people do get killed and injured all over the world, self preservation is paramount.
Going out is a matter of using common sense. Stick where there are people, think as a female would and avoid dark places and loney lanes or streets. Don't think as you would normally as a male, don't go to places which as a male you would go without second thought, you are now in different circumstances. Don't stare at males as prolonged eye contact can send the wrong message.
If a member of the public speaks to you, then be polite and answer any questions they may have, to the best of your ability, be conscious of the fact that some people are genuinely interested and willing to be educated, but always be on guard as to peoples motives. Self preservation is paramount, that's why it's so important in the early days to be conscious of safe places to go, always avoid schools and childrens playgrounds, they are a no no.
Just remember, people usually aren't unduly interested in us, some may show a passing interest, but if we always act in a respectful and appropriate confident manner, then I've found I never have a problem and I go most anywhere anytime now, if anyone ever reads me and passes comment, it is usually young people, but a smile is always my best defence and it is many many years since I was ever in a compromising situation.
One thing I know which many people use successfuly as to eating in restaurants is to ring ahead and speak to the management and explain the situation and how you will be dressed. I can count the number of times on one hand where I've heard of our people ever being refused entry, as businesses need our money as much as anyone elses'. By doing this they staff can be prepared and they may have seating arrangements which may make your experience more comfortable. I know of restaurants which even go as far as providing an escort for people to use the toilet so as to avoid any harrassment or unpleasant situations, it's just a matter of informing them of the situation and they will do all they can to make the experience easier. They want our business and theyw ant us to come back again. After a few times it just becomes second nature, it's years since I ever experienced a problem with a restaurant.
Kind Regards.
Sally.
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
One other point for beginners. have you ever gone to the mall "en drab" and watched folks? Pay careful attention to groups of two - three or more teenage girls! Very dangerous in the "outting" sense. They have a pack mentality and can very easily spot us even the best of us! They are subsconsciously looking for role models and are detail oriented and will "out" you in a heart beat! Never been in that situation myself, but..... a word to the wise!
Oh, one other thing on riding in the car. Look at the other drivers, most either have a cell phone inplanted in there head or are so comotose that you could be green with three heads and they would not even see you!
Good luck!
Deborah
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
Take a spare set of car keys in your handbag in case you lock your self out
Take a set of male clothes in your car in case of breakdown.
Take a wet face washer in a plastic bag for emergency make up removal
My first experience was a park where people were present but at a safe distance, my car was close and I could judge reaction by slowly getting closer to people.
After that I drove to a nearby street and walked down it for a photosession with my daughter , we encountered a number of people and some quite close with no problem so we went to a shopping centre even though I hadn't planned it .
It went OK.
I would suggest starting in a small park with people at a distance , dont hang around looking suspicious , just walk through past a few people and back to your car.
Oh Alexandra ! the name of my first street walk was Alexandra street .
Chances are I will be repeating some of the previous advise, but that may even help somebody.
1. Very important... Do not allow CDing to be the most important thing in your life. Prioritize... Family, Work, Friends, etc. Whatever you set as your own priorities.
2. Remember that even though it would be interesting to know why you started CDing, it is not as important to realize that right now, you are the one who should decide if you do it or not.
3. Clothes... Dressing up to stay home is a cool thing. You can wear whatever you please, makeup doesn't need to be good, clothes do not need to match, etc. If it makes you happy, great!! More power to you.
4. However, if you plan is about going out... The best way to learn is by trial and error, I think. You need to find what works for you, and what doesn't. Please, find your right size of clothes!!! The fact you can squeeze yourself in a dress size 8 doesn't mean that you will look good in a size 8 dress. Don't pay much attention to the size tag. Pay attention to how the clothes fit you.
5. About makeup... You need to find the right light to check your makeup. What may look good under the flourescent light may look like... well, not good under the sunlight.
6. Find the right colors for you. Find the right styles for you. The dress you like so much in a catalog may look great on the model, but look terrible on you.
7. Most anybody can do a "glamour" look. However, a glam look doesn't work for going out to most places. Practice (a lot) on a more natural look.
8. Remember women come in all heights and weights, shapes, etc. Same with CDs. You can look good enough no matter if you are tall or heavy, etc.
9. Be realistic. Going out trying to "pass" is not about looking like a beautiful woman. It is just about looking like a woman.
10. Gaby's Main rule about going out. There is a big difference between being "read" and being "recognized". Being read is not a big deal. But, if you are not ready to deal with the possibility of being recognized, then do not go out.
11. Gaby's second rule about going out If you go out, do not go to any place you wouldn't want your wife/mom/daughter to go to. Sure, you may not want her to go to a club, but if you go to a club, try to go in and out with a group of friends. Ask them to walk you to your car, etc. BE SAFE!
12. When checking in into a hotel, always get 2 keys to your room. I was locked out from my room a couple times. First time, had to ask them for a new key. Didn't have a problem, because I had my Id with me. But could have made for a very embarrasing moment.
13. Always carry your real ID with you. If flying, please do not try to use a fake id. Same as if stopped by police while driving.
14. DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE, specially enfemme.
15. Shopping... Ah, shopping! I really don't like shopping for women's clothes as a guy, so... when shopping enfemme... Most Deparment stores will be ok with you, even if they read you. One thing you can do to avoid a potential problem... when selecting things to try on, ask the clerk "Where can I try this on?" If she reads you, she will then lead you to a more private dressing room, most likely. If you just take the clothes and head to the "main" dressing room, and the women there can read you, you may be up for trouble.
16. Personally, I think the best place for shopping is Nordstrom's. They are great! (Dillard's and Macy's are very good, too)
17. On using the ladies room... of course, be sure you SIT! and that you use some tissue paper, too. (at least get some). Also, remember most women will wash their hands before leaving the ladies room. Many times, you will find a line of women there... Try getting a notebook, agenda, or something else to read, write on, etc so you will look busy and women would be less likely to talk to you (of course, if you don't feel confident enough as to start some small talk). Also, a crowded restroom is not a good place to re-apply your makeup. Oh yes, check you don't have any tissue paper stuck in your hosiery or stuck on your shoe, etc. And, unless you are willing to make a scene... if a woman reads you and asks you to leave, be quick to leave. Not because she has the right to kick you out or not. Just to avoid the hassle.
18. High heels are nice, we know that. But not for being standing all day long, specially if you are not used to it.
19. Meeting other people... If you contact people over the 'net and you agree to meet in person, first be very. very clear about what you want, and be even more clear about what you don't want. And like it is for everybody... try to meet in a neutral place. DO NOT give your personal information to anybody you don't know really well.
20. again, be realistic. Not passing any judgement, but do remember that cheating is cheating, doesn't matter if it is with a woman, a man, or another CD. Cheating while CDind doesn't mean that you are not married anymore. And if you do, at least be safe... Also remember that flirting... if you flirt, be prepared for the reactions.
21. Passing is a lot better than not passing, in my book... but, it can be some sort of anti-climax.
22. General advise... do not get in debt to buy CDing stuff (or any stuff, by all means)
23. The likehood of being read increases exponentially by the number of CD's in a group. The more CD's, the most likely you are going to get read. Nothing bad in it, just be aware of it.
24. Please, avoid falsettos! Don't overdo the hip-sway, etc.
25. Unless you have been "blessed" with wider hips than most guys, use some padding... really, many women would like to have "boyish" hips,, but in a CD, boyish hips will increase the likehood of having people read her as a CD. Try to keep a proportioned figure... (hips and shoulders should be balanced, waist should be about 2/3's to 8/10's of the hips)
26. Even if you have a Credit card in your femme name, always carry some cash with you, just in case. And about the credit card, most likely you can get one in your femme name as an additional to your guy's card. But be sure you also carry the card with your name along with your ID, in case the cashier want's to see your Id when you use your femme card.
27. Rule of thumb about what to wear where... Just look around what other women will wear to that place/time. We don't see many well dressed women at the mall... however, there is a cool trick... get a small badge/plaque with your femme name on it, and use it like a pin on your lapel (you get the idea). Then, you can actually dress up a bit better, like in heels and hosiery, a skirt, a blazer, and people may think you work at some store at the mall.
28. If you don't feel like going out enfemme, then, don't. It is supposed to be something to enjoy.
29. Cell phone.. Either turn off or set it to vibrate. You don't want to have to answer the phone and having to use your guy's voice while being in the middle of a crowd who thinks you are a female.
30. if flying... I already mentioned using your real id. Also, avoid wearing lots of jewelry, or hair accessories, or even lingerie with underwires, etc. They will most likely set the metal detector alarms off. ~ if you are flying as a guy, don't worry about having them check your femme stuff in your bags. If they ask to whom your stuff belongs, just say "It is mine". Done deal. ~ And believe me... flying enfemme is just as boring as flying as a guy. But you have the potential of having a bad time, if you are read... having to seat for a couple hours next to some people who may hate CD's doesn't sound very appealing.
40. Thrift stores are great when you are trying to find your right sizes.
41. Telling people about your CDing... even if you really trust in somebody, it may be a really juicy piece of gossip. Unless you don't want everybody in your place of work to know, don't tell anybody. Once the cat is out of the bag, there is no way to put it back in.
42. CDing for halloween at the office... sounds like fun, but really... unless you do a terrible job in the way you look, move, sound, people will catch up, believe me.
43. The sooner you tell your girlfriend/fiance/wife, the easier it will be. Specially because as the time goes by, you may start meeting people, or going out, buying more stuff, and it will makes more difficult for her.
44. Those who start thinking or saying "I wish my wife would leave me alone so I could have more time for my cding" usually get their wish granted. Sadly, many times in the shape of a divorce.
45. Remember that tolerance/support/acceptance are not the same. And also, realize that it doesn't work like "If she really loves me, she will accept my cding". It is like her thinking "if he loves me, he will stop CDing forever". You may think "But that's part of who I am!" and she may think "That is something I just can't accept". And it may be true... her culture, education, religious beliefs, etc. She may just not be able to accept your cding, even if she really loves you.
46. If you are one of the lucky ones with an acceptant wife... do not think that acceptance means she is some sort of doormat. If you plan to take hormones (extreme example) don't unless you both agree on them. Why sneak around her? (And it does happen)
47. Getting back to "lighter" advise... Please! Do not wear hosiery with sandals!!
48. DO NOT wear white shoes with black hosiery!! ever!
49. Purses and shoes do not always have to match. The rule about no white shoes after labor day or before Memorial day is a bit outdated. Keep your accessories and jewelry under control. If you over-accessorize you will draw more attention than what you may be able to handle.
50. Moisturize!! Use moisturizing creams to keep a healthy skin.
One thing I forgot ,
If you take your daughter with you to the shops as I did , dont yell out for her to take her fingers away from the camera lens as I did
I forgot , lucky nobody was at close range at that moment.
Hmmmm... a lot of interesting advice, here, and I mean a lot! Thanks again for starting this whole thread, Alexandra. And thank you, Gaby, for that very lucid post! I assume you've had some experience with the subject of crossdressing? That was great.
Not only you'll get read immediately, it may short-ciricut your CD/TG experience for years! 
Shoes are as important as the dress!
I forgot , lucky nobody was at close range at that moment.
That was great.