I am a man who mentally at times is nearly bi-gender

[Anne Bonny]

I am not transgender, I am not a cross dresser, and I am not a transvestite. I am a man, I am fully male and I am also heterosexual [I am a widower who was married 27 years and together I fathered two sons. I was faithful and true and I still love my wife very much though the is gone, love is forever] but from time to time I am mentally somewhat or nearly bi-gender. I wonder if that is a new term? If people in their sexuality can be bisexual...then can people in their gender be bi-gendered, if so then mentally at times I am nearly so.

I cannot explain myself to anyone...I am in a small percentage of the male population who feel feminine and female from time to time and who then prefer underscoring that by moving into our female kit so that we look our best as women. What more can be said really? It has taken a long time for me to come to the realization that I need to drop all of the bull manure about being partly female mentally as if my brain were partly female at birth, my body certainly isn't. [Let me clarify here that I am not generalizing as this applies to myself and may apply to others if they find they are as I am] I came to realize that I am not female mentally at all, I am a man. What happens is men and women can be alike in some ways mentally and that that is really all that is happening to me. Just as personality and personality traits are not related to gender...neither are these shared mental inclinations! I am in a small percentage of the male population that prefers the same things women do at times, shared perceptions and emotions and feelings and desires and outlook on the world.

I love women and I love being one at times in a sense because I love who they are so much. I think that is all. The clothing simply enhances and underscores and fulfills what I am feeling mentally when I drift in the female direction. Yes I have a female side and yes I love everything about it. Why can't men like us express our femininity it is a wonderful place to be and when I am there I feel at peace, relaxed, open, as I said yesterday "In my female I find myself soaking in the feeling of relief, peace, and I am happy to have the ability to simply relax and be this other part of who I am from time to time.

I wonder what is wrong with society that they object so strongly to men as we are when we are expressing our femininity? I have no idea, hopefully this will change over time but I am nearly 62 and may not see it all come to pass until I am very old if ever.

This is not the majority of who I am because most of the time I am a man, presenting as my masculine self. I am probably a more considerate sweeter, kinder, gentler and more accepting and loving man. Women I believe love that...until they find that we are part time women...it is sad but few are able to wrap their head around that and still find that they love and are attracted to us because they feel internally the same aberration any heterosexual person feels inside when confronted with someone of the same sex causing them to cringe and to feel revulsion for us. I cannot fault anyone for feeling revulsion if they are heterosexual I suppose it only means that I need to find a woman who is bisexual who would not have a problem with my seeking to wear female clothes and wanting her to find me attractive while taking the lead from me because I am prepared to yield to her as my lover... This does not make me a weak and worthless person, as a man I do not see women as weak and worthless I simply celebrate them and I love them with all of my heart and I find it all very attractive.

For the first time in my life I finally feel that I have this right...I'll probably be here until I have to go to dancing class...I have finally got this. I think I now see female clothes are appropriate for me. I confess It used to lead me somewhere.. but not anymore. The prostate scare has ended that... and now I am like this because I am like this...nearly bi-gender. Genderfluid is retired...it was not really accurate...because I never presented a mixed presentation. I have always been male...or female in presentation depending on where I am mentally..Soooooo still think of me as Anne when I'm here...I really like where I am and who I am. Hum...my new dress all except make up I switched from my court shoe pumps to my 3" heels and I feel simply wonderful in a way that I cannot adequately describe....