what is my femme side anyway?

[Eris Lunara]

This will likely be a kind of confused post as it may go in a couple of different directions.

I read a lot here about our dressing expressing our feminine side. My crossdressing expressed something, that's for sure. But I'm not sure it addressed my feminine side. Because I'm not sure what is my feminine side, as opposed to my masculine side.

I belong to a couple of woo woo groups on line and have a number of friends as well who subscribe to woo woo ideas. A big one is the "sacred duality" of feminine and masculine energy. The whole person being the result of divine union of the sacred masculine and divine feminine in terms of energetics. It sounds far too much like marriage is between one man and one woman for my taste, but supposedly it's about our energies. Just about everything gets divided into masculine and feminine. Masculine is protective, feminine is nurturing, masculine is rational, but feminine is intuitive, masculine is active while feminine is reflective, and so on, And of course, although everyone says we all have both, an awful lot of people like to say that men should be more masculine and women more feminine. You can start a great fight in such groups by asking does this mean it's feminine for a man to be nurturing or masculine for a woman to be rational.......the conclusion was reached one time in discussion that a woman actively pushing a baby out of her womb is an expression of her masculine energy, in other words giving birth is masculine, which is pretty silly, I think. They are also fond of saying that in a relationship, one must be more masculine and one more feminine for the relationship to be balanced, which can bring up all sorts of unpleasant stereotypes in non heterosexual relationships.


But to get more to the topic, I think we might agree that at least in our society some personality traits are considered more feminine, and some are more masculine, even if we didn't always agree on what they are.


I like to think of myself as just being the person I am, without labeling all my character traits in these terms. But when I accept some of the labels, I find I'm okay with it. Like I was a very nurturing father. That would get called feminine energy, but I don't really care about the label. I am pretty empathic. That's also considered feminine. I'm very creative and attuned to nature. All feminine energy things. But they are just me.

So I guess my question is this. Leaving our clothing out of this for a moment, how do the men here feel they express other personality characteristics that might be labeled feminine?

As I said, there isn't complete agreement about what are masculine and feminine qualities. Protective for example. The most protective creature on this planet is a mother guarding her young. So I think I'd call protectiveness feminine, but because it's the men who get sent off to war or become firefighters and similar things (mostly, and this is changing) protectiveness is labeled masculine. I don't think I agree with that.

Looking forward to hearing about this from others.

[Anthony Simon]

I think female energy is a valid concept. I think there is a distinct place women come from and it's different from men. There's like a nexus of what you could call female traits that seem to coalesce in a way that seems indelibly characteristic of a woman. It's the whole rather than individual traits.

[DonnaT]

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[Shelby]

What is a "woo woo" site?

[Eris Lunara]

It refers to new age folks who go in for a variety of mysticism. It's a pretty vague term. The important thing about it in terms of what I was talking about is that they refer to masculine and feminine as energy. So for example, masculine energy is penetrating and feminine energy is receptive. You can guess where that idea came from More to the point, masculine is rational, feminine is intuitive. By extension, masculine is not so intuitive, and more destructively, a rational and non intuitive woman is not feminine. It can get very bizarre very quickly. They are big on redefining words to have other meanings which can make for very confusing discussions.

You can find all sorts of sites about this on faceebook. A very popular one was called The Goddess of Sacred Sex but someone stole the whole site from it's owner, don't know if it's still around. An interesting group was called The Sacred Masculine, you have to join the group in order to read the posts.

[Heather W]

All the attributes you cite Eris are in reality stereotypes perpetuated for generations of society. As a TG I have always questioned and challenged these. Until the day comes the genders are viewed as true equals they will prevail.

[Amanda R]

Eris as to what is your femme side the answer is perhaps more simple than you might expect. It is whatever and however you feel comfortable. Some CDs are quite open yet others closeted. While some of those closeted may desire to be in the open the truth is in the closet is their comfort level. As for where do you fit into the mythical scale of CD again wherever you feel you do. While we know many of the whats of crossdressing we have yet to get to the actual why some feel the urge and others do not. Yes there are many theories and I have my personal opinion but it is not germane to this discussion.

Yes there are male and female energy however much of what people think of these are in essence nothing more than a perpetuation of stereotypes. I know of many relationships where both sides are strong people, I like to think my own is like that, as well as relationships where both sides are what would be considered weak. They say opposites attract but I believe it is more people seek a partner who fits their personality and style. IMO it is not about strength or weakness but rather love which knows no rules, ideals, or adages.

You are correct in it is society that defines feminine or masculine. However your outlook of disregarding labels and stereotypes is refreshing, particularly in the CD community. It is not about feminine or masculine but rather what you feel comfortable with. Each of us is an individual with our own beliefs, experiences, and opinions. In terms of CD s think of how some emulate the stereotype of the 50's housewife yet others the modern woman. IMO it is somewhat a generational thing along with influences of how they were raised. Neither is right or wrong just our individualism coming out.

[Anne Bonny]

I do not believe personality and different traits and preferences can be demarcated because all of them are expressed and held no mater what sex you were born. Why do we perceive ourselves one way or the other, that is the question and about all that I can say about that is that I am who I am! I am just who I am all of the time to one degree or to another!

So...just living and being colors how I happen to be seen by others. perception amazingly I believe is what colors our expression of who we are through and through! simple as that, it leads to what I desire and want for myself how I converse and feel and like wearing and like being without really giving any of that much thought.
That's pretty amazing and wonderful isn't it!? New agie enough for ya? pretty wild ...huh?

Or maybe I am hormonal today!? ha!

[Eris Lunara]

I like your use of the words colors. As far as I'm concerned, talking about personality attributes in terms of masculine and feminine is like talking about a rainbow in terms of black and white.

[Ralitsa]

I agree with those who object to categorizing certain traits as masculine or feminine; like they said those are definitions concocted by elitist dead white guys to keep everyone in their place.
Interestingly, Scientific American has been running a lot of articles in the last couple years that overturn many of the myths about gender roles. They have more women on their staff now, so I guess they're sick and tired of hearing that nonsense.
That being said, there is data to show that testosterone and estrogen do affect behavior differently. The most notorious example of course is that testosterone promotes aggression, fighting, ignoring danger, and doing ridiculous things to get attention. Not what I'd call rational!! The reason men go off to wars is because they are the ones who started the war in the first place.

I like what my doctor said when I started on hormones, "your body will start to become more estrogen controlled and less testosterone controlled." It's not about masculine / feminine. All people have both (as well as a million other) hormones. So maybe one could say some people tend toward estrogen control and others toward testosterone control. But then if you're going to do that then we should really get an endocrinologist involved in the discussion.