Self acceptance is the beginning of our new life

[Anne Bonny]

There are of course people who are mentally ill, and others who are troubled and there are people who are a bit eccentric or different. The difference is rationality and functionality or that you meet the tasks necessary so that you are able to lead a successful and independent life on your own. Able to learn, socialize, work, meet your obligations and advance over time. I think by that measure It is clear that I am not truly mentally ill. I have been troubled. I have been troubled and I have struggled with my issue related to gender and I have come to realize that I am nothing more than a man who is soft emotional and caring which does not make me a woman. I am heterosexual, was a husband, am a father, grandfather and I have helped to set our sons on a path to a successful life and they are succeeding. I have cared for my wife until her passing, who would not feel saddened and grieve the loss of their partner. I have lost both parents, grandmother, and a brother in law too. I retired and the life I had expected to live to the end with my wife and our retired years together ended with her death. I could have been crushed. But I have listened to advice from the Hospice Social worker, from psychologists, and Psychiatrists and not being social by nature, even having a poor self esteem and feeling lost and disconnected from life I have and am continuing to reach out and to make friends and to involve myself in activities of interest to me with others. I am beginning to see that you have to re establish a network of relationships and friendships with others who can begin to fill the embrace of those you lost. 



Yes, I may shave my legs, paint my toenails, wear lingerie and enjoy wearing pretty things and I enjoy being who I am inside why should it matter that I am a man and enjoy these things? Why can't men enjoy who they are when there are women on the other side who enjoy the ability to be manly and to wear what they desire and be who they are? It does not mean I never drift toward my male baseline but there is nothing wrong if I don't desire that and have a difference with men and women while sharing some of who I am with men and with women. Who sets up limitations on who we are allowed to be by social convention...they need to go away and what is acceptable especially for men has to be made wider just as it is for women. There is nothing wrong if a man happens to be as women are in some ways or even more fully and some transition the over lap is so great. 



So my desire is for understanding and acceptance of who I happen to be by everyone around me. Lao Tzu, the ancient Chinese philosopher (601-531 BC) the founder of Taoism stated "Because one believes in oneself one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need other's approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her." If I follow this advice then accepting who I am is all that I need to do...I doubt that the whole world will accept who I am but I while I should not desire the approval of others, do and the wonderful thing is that there are others around me who do. So now I am able to move on as I live what remains of a life hopefully well lived.