What is MY Authentic Self?

[Anne Bonny]

What is my authentic self? It is unique to each of us I believe. I have settled for my being a male...but with a softer side. I do share interests. Some traits, and inclinations with women but I think I have given up thinking my brain is partially female...I am not female and never will be. I may not be able to escape all of this...it comes and I feel female inside. I love being able to express myself, love the clothes. The beauty the make up and jewelry and the consistency inside and out...feeling I can relate with the women around me because I feel as if am able to...as If I am also a woman...but I know I am not. Men are not supposed to want or to enjoy or to feel any of this but I do and always have and cannot do anything about it. In this mysogenistic male dominated world...insecure men viciously, and supported even by most women, enforce their status attacking any men who are seen as stepping out of line because they believe we are a threat to the status of men in this world by showing some men share a lot in common with women at times...calling their dominant status into question by showing men and women are more similar than what they insist is an absolute truth. Women are also like men...they can also be strong, dominant leaders. There are differences. Most men and women are quite different but there is overlap in both directions. I do mostly slide more to my male side...but fear I am not able to fully conceil part of who I am...which is "feminine" and cannot help it. I will add that when here in my head I still think of myself as a woman, and I love being a "girl" even with that caveat.

[KimberlyS]

Glad you are finding who you are. It is ok to be a guy with feminine and softer traits. And ok to clothe those traits to feel and look more feminine at times.

Enjoy,

Kimberlys

[Noeleena]

Hi Anne,

being a male is not the issue from what I have learned and seen, its what a male does how he interacts with other,s both men and women and some I know are gentle loving kind and a all round lovely person to be around , so what ...make,s... a man like that,is what they have seen learned from their own Mother.

Or did they learn that from their own Father, to get at the crux of the matter you have to ask ?,s to see what factors are at work in the child from day 1 to …….

There are traits inherent in us from birth I cant say what they are for other,s unless I am close to that child 3 in our case, and till age 44 so far, as you go back you can see how I was and am now age 72 ,

Could other,s around me see in myself different detail aspect,s what I like and do, or did you see we build on what we learn from our folk,s and other,s and I was told much later on in life, because we are our own person we grow into who we are and what other,s see in us in how they treat us and accept us
do we measure up to their expections , are we accepted just the way we are regardless of … dispite
our self,s ,I wonder some time,s .

A case in point Dancing and dancing partner,s

A guy will never ever ask me to dance with him and it showed up 2 weeks ago as the circle dance was going along nicely some 20 of us change partner,s as we go around when it was his time to dance with me he keeps a distance from me and does not like holding my hands any way we sort of did the dance and went round again so 2 nd time he walked off the dance floor and left me standing there,.

Oh ,,,, other,s took note and told me later what A.....//////?????? …. what ever, I said oh well , straight after and for the next dance he goes and asked another female to dance with, last night was almost the same ,yet all the other men will dance with me any time,

So he cant accept I,m a born female so this gives you an idear of how it is for myself and I know other females do have the same issue,s from men ,

So there you have the contrast for us.

relating to women - female-many men do and some don't. is no different for us most men I don't relate with and a few I get on so well. comes down to attitude and being accepting ,
some men do like makeup and dressing lovely and why not ,men did and do wear dress,s and skirt,s you know what I have written about that,

Been in the Millitary so I know what men can do.... yes there are things I like in a man and other details I just cant abide talk about being driven up the wall...yes I know ,

Now getting along with each other comes down to being accepting I also have to look at how would / will a guy see me as in a close relationship are there details things attitudes and how I do things you know the list would he climb the wall with me like am I such a bloody minded female stuck up git ,

You know I,m not perfect ether, so I look at those differences from well try to from ...both … side,s .

I,m not a girly girl tough a ...BRAT...some time,s pig headed ,over all I would rate as a pretty reasonable normal female who did grow into a woman with a clued up attitude to know what I can do and what I,m like ,,,,most of the time.

Comes down to look at the best aspects quality,s and what makes the person who she is, or in your case what makes you ...YOU...

...noeleena...

[Ralitsa]

It's been said a gazillion time before, but I'll repeat it. Aside from the incontrovertible biologic features, most of the supposed differences between men and women are just societal constructs.
I was doing an interview a few months ago and the newspaper reporter asked me which pronouns I prefer, a question I was NOT prepared for. So I stumbled through an answer. But I've been giving that question some thought since, and I don't like any of the options. I would really prefer a gender non-specific term that is also singular (they, them, their will always be plural to me). Unfortunately there are several competing groups and most people are not familiar with any of them.
So on the question of one's authentic self, I sort of feel like it's counterproductive to find categories that fit you. My authentic self is just a random collection of a bunch of different properties, most of which seemingly do not fit together. But then I take issue with the "fit together" judgement; what does that even mean and who gets to decide and why do I care what they think?
Outside of the subject of reproduction, I feel like what anatomy I have is not important. And since I will not be doing any reproduction again, the question of anatomy would be irrelevant. I say this, but then at the same time I do wish to have bigger breasts, and I spend enough time on my hair that it's not irrelevant, and use makeup to improve my appearance. So my saying it's irrelevant may be wishful thinking.

[Diana Michelle]

Spot on Ralista! I have been saying for years what most think of as masculine or feminine are in reality stereotypes forced upon us my generations of "How things are supposed to be." The truth is we are all individuals and are what we are. Granted that can be a affected somewhat by heredity and even more so by environment but we are all unique. Think what a boring place this would be if we were all alike. Celebrate those differences!

Anne you ask "What is MY Authentic Self?" It is what ever you feel comfortable it is! It is not what I or your neighbor or anyone else thinks it is but rather what you think it is. Embrace that person and celebrate that individual .

[Anne Bonny]

It really is alright for a man to be a woman and to enjoy the same things, to like and desire the same things, and to be inclined in the same way. I really do like being a girl, I love to wear dresses and skirts and I really do enjoy escaping into my feminine side. I really do want the same things for myself. I would love to have a husband and I would support and look to and desire to please her. I really could see living this out in a committed relationship.

I do realize that I am a man. I was not sure for a long time if my brain was partly female ... took a while but I have come to see that I am a male and that does include my brain. All of the wiring of my brain.... Men and women are and can be very much alike ... we can be interested in and desire the same things. We can share the same thoughts and feelings on many many things and we can even have a nature that is very similar and yet still be male and female. Long live the difference (vive la differance...in my best french accent). That very real difference exists because there are very real differences even between a male like myself and women and that difference I believe is why I am attracted to women so very much. It is my sexual orientation. But even this does not mean that I have to be as most other men are if that is not who I am. I am a man and no one has ever questioned that about me when I assume my male clothing and take up the expectations people have of me as a man. Thing is I am, I do have differences, I differ from most men in many ways as well.... the stereotypical interests we are supposed to have, some of those inclinations as well and desires. I think as a woman I step back passively and desire to look to and to lean on any woman who would be there for me at times...even though at times she may need to kick me out there because I am supposed to be the man in the relationship to go and to be the point man...and even though I can and have gone and done that...it is more of an assumed role and while my heart is not really in it I have taken up the steely nerve to carry out my duty and to if needed stick up aggressively as a man for my wife. Yes, I have fulfilled that role meeting full expectations. Yes, I can and was and have been a husband...but I feel I was a failure really. I was not a competitor ... I did give effort but beyond the automatic promotions in the officer corps which will...if you are not really inept and do work hard will get you to Captain. I feel I am lacking ...it is a sinking feeling and I do feel awful about it...but then I realize it may have been because I am not a man in some ways. Women do compete, they are ambitious, and yes they do get ahead so I am not slighting women but women do these things in a different way and perhaps they help each other to succeed but feminine men would not be taken in and helped in a similar way because we are not seen to be as women are... men do not really have the same kind of networks. Or it could just be I was not ambitious and did not have the self confidence or the desire. Even so I am as women are ...or maybe I am just lazy and am satisfied where I am? I will always feel I disappointed my parents as well as my wife and let them all down. Suppose I would rather look to another to be my champion and be supportive and I am even willing to give...to yield and be submissive at times and in some ways but what is wrong with being this way in a relationship where there is true equality.

Thing is Objective Reality is that we are confronted by a world in which men simply are not and never will be accepted or allowed to be who we are if who we are is as I am inside and at times out as well. Which is why I simply opt for keeping Anne in the privacy of my own home most all of the time. I know the likelihood I would ever find a female husband or a woman who would find me to be exactly the woman she has always dreamed of to be practically...non existent and so I accept it and am able to be who I am inside and only inside and out at home and even that is part time. It is just a sad reality. I do feel I must provide my sons the father they desire even though they know because I have told them how I am. and My sisters one that I know I cannot tell or lose her. And most all of any acquaintances or tenuous friends I have ever been able to have.

I am not able to change who I am inside... This is who I am! Even though I am a man mentally and physically and differ from those who really are women because they were naturally born and raised that way because mentally and physically it is the reality of their birth.

[Anne Bonny]

Thanks to all....

I have settled and this is where I am. I wish I could be one way or the other but I am all of who I am together. Yeah I can dress and settle into a guy mode and be taken as a guy even if I am different from what is I suppose the typical guy, then...I am also inextricably feminine and absolutely love being as I am I just wish I could find a woman who would love this part of who I am as well. I may fight and doubt and believe I would rather be one way or the other but the fact is that I am not ...I can only be who I am and this is it in spite of all of my emotional protestations and doubts and periodic desires It comes down to my being as I am. So I do need to work on dropping it all, to stop doing this to myself and to just get on with living my life.