Coping...will I ever get out of this category?

[Anne Bonny]

The main criticism leveled at people like myself who are part time cross dressers is that every thought in our head centers around dressing. I have seen comments that we are basically dressing up in costume.

I am aware I really really enjoy and 90% of the time choose to put on a skirt and a top, or a dress over jeans, shorts and slacks...unless it is fairly cold. I really do believe this is because I desperately wanted to wear female clothes but had to do it secretly. I feel I had to deny my desires. It is like being thirsty in the desert with no water and all you want is what you are not allowed to have. I do hope this preferences for the more feminine side of women's clothing may calm down in time...but then again many women do prefer more feminine clothes.

I do have common sense though and will wear jeans shorts or slacks with tennis shoes or flats or sandals. My preference is for everyday mainstream dressing ... I follow the herd as most women do following common sense, individual preferences and current trends... I think had I been born and raised a woman...I would probably be dressing much more in slacks and jeans than in dresses which would be relegated to hot summer days, or for when I feel more feminine or when I want or need to dress up to look nice.

OK! This is what I have been working on lately...because the criticism I do find to be close to the truth. I have finally let it all go as in I am who I am. I am dressing much more at home...no I am not a full time dresser but this is a huge part of who I am...my more feminine thoughts cannot be separated and are there much of the time every day all day.

A friend has told me that I keep repeating the same issues over and over again and I told her she is absolutely correct.

I have also stated that once I have arrived to where I am, that it is time to carry on with my life and to just be who I am...to be myself.

I read on here about and know we are out there living our lives or should be once we get here. I think about Charlie Martin my hero who is a race car driver in the UK...she will attend and support the trans community in various ways from time to time but she is also living and working and racing and has returned to living a normal life as a person who happens to be a woman.

I suppose I need to follow that lead...It is time to begin to live my life as someone who just happens to be feminine in many respects and who dresses this way time to time. After all that is what all of my struggling has been about. I have indeed accepted that I am quasi a girl to a great extent and now it is about moving past all of that and beginning to move on living a normal life as a person who is somewhat female doing whatever I desire to do with the rest of my life. I do not know if I will ever go out with the outward expression of who I am inside all of the time...I mean in clothing that is appropriate for me to wear...but I am who I am on the inside right now all of the time even if I look male on the outside.

[KimberlyS]

The main criticism leveled at people like myself who are part time cross dressers is that every thought in our head centers around dressing. I have seen comments that we are basically dressing up in costume.

Anne, I have pointed this out many times to you. You like to generalize the negative. You say you accept yourself but you are often putting yourself down. Maybe it is time you start to look on the positive side of things instead of continuing to pull yourself down.

...90% of the time choose to put on a skirt and a top, or a dress.... ... because I desperately wanted to wear female clothes but had to do it secretly. .... My preference is for everyday mainstream dressing.... I am who I am. I am dressing much more at home... ...this is a huge part of who I am...my more feminine thoughts cannot be separated and are there much of the time every day all day. ...I do not know if I will ever go out with the outward expression of who I am inside all of the time.

Anne, I see a lot of conflict in your posting. You are feminine, you want to dress feminine, but you limit yourself. I am not saying that limits are not good, as limits are a good thing and we all have them. But you seem to be fighting your limit you have imposed on your self of the front door. I read one time that a closet is not just a small space we put clothes in within a bedroom. A closet can be any space we limit our self to. I am not going to push you to get out and about enfemme. But maybe you need to think about what you are doing to yourself by limiting your femme self to the front door.

kimberlys

[Diana Michelle]

Anne, coping is something we all do every day of our lives. It can be as simple as fighting the rush hour traffic on our daily commute or as deep and complex as dealing with the death of loved ones. It is not a question of coping for the day we no longer have to cope is the day we let them put us 6 feet under and allow some guy to shovel dirt in our face. The question is not of coping but how do we cope?

The greatest obstacle any of us faces is the 4 walls we construct in our own mind. Many years ago I made the choice to break free of those 4 walls and become the person I should have been born. Yes it was liberating and the life for me but it didn't mean I moved beyond coping, it just meant I had different issues to cope with. Somehow I made it through and had the life I wanted, even found the love of my life and yes life was good. Then for some reason unknown to me God felt he need him more than I did and again I was left to cope with that loss. I was blessed to find another love only to have him snatched from me and again I was left to cope. Do you see where I am going?

Those who make the choice to live their life as they see fit can be subjected to slings and arrows brought on by hate and ignorance. Some are more capable of allowing those projectiles to hit and even though they hurt they go on. Others cannot either handle that pain or do not even want to attempt to tolerate that pain so they continue down the path they were on never varying, that is their way of coping.

Over the past 20 plus years I have worked with more than a few girls who have elected to follow the path I did. One was in her late 40s, several were in their 30s, some in their 20s and one was 15 when I first met her. All at one point or another have asked me what took them so long to see it and I have told them it is not about when they saw it but rather it was now their time. When will you move beyond coping and to full acceptance of who you are? When it is your time!

Anne, I have pointed this out many times to you. You like to generalize the negative. You say you accept yourself but you are often putting yourself down. Maybe it is time you start to look on the positive side of things instead of continuing to pull yourself down.

Kimberly raises a very good point here. Acceptance begins with ourselves for if you cannot accept yourself how can you expect anyone else to accept you? Rather than to continue to ask why ask why not? I am not saying come bursting out of the closet nor am I not for it is up to you and only you. A while back a friend of mine posted something to the effect of rather than defining life as a glass half full or half empty why not tell the bartender to fill it back and see where it leads to. Obviously it is your choice to how you see life but for me "Fill it back up barkeep!"