Coming into who I am and moving forward

[Anne Bonny]

It is important to allow myself to be who I am as I can. I do have fear because part of who I am exposes me to very real emotional trauma potentially unless someone has already given me to know they think my being as women are is not a problem at all for them...allowing me to relax because I am accepted and feel confident and encouraged. Of course showing a male exterior is no problem at all and is accepted by everyone I already have confidence and comfort with who I am in that respect. It is just my feminine is not universally accepted at all and probably will never ever be...problem is this is a part of who I am!

Of course it is for this reason going forward from now on...having recognized all of this that I am allowing myself to be who I happen to be. Well at home and with some people who know... But it is not enough...I need more. I do not know if I will find more who will accept who I am once I let them know. People can be really wonderful I think even if their acceptance does not translate into encouraging me to be out and about with them out in real life...in the world. I need acceptance so I take it wherever I can find it and I am lucky I do have a couple out there.

[Diana Michelle]

The world can be a cold cruel place or it can be a warm loving one and much of what it is comes from how you want to see it. Not all are going to agree or be happy with whatever choice you make so be prepared for that. Been a long time but I still remember those first few times out in the world and what shocked me the most was that many really don't care. Don't know if they didn't notice or did and opted to make a scene or they didn't care or even they accepted but opted not to say anything. TBH their reasoning is immaterial, the fact they were willing to look the other way so to speak and let me live my life as I saw fit is.

Anne with time comes confidence and with confidence more confidence comes. No it is not going to all be peaches and cream nor is it all going to be bad either. Just go about your business and live your life as it makes you happy and enjoy the experience.

[Anne Bonny]

It is important to allow myself to be who I am as I can. I do have fear because part of who I am exposes me to very real emotional trauma potentially unless someone has already given me to know they think my being as women are is not a problem at all for them...allowing me to relax because I am accepted and feel confident and encouraged. Of course showing a male exterior is no problem at all and is accepted by everyone I already have confidence and comfort with who I am in that respect. It is just my feminine is not universally accepted at all and probably will never ever be...problem is this is a part of who I am!

Friend: Just remember that we all have parts of us that aren't universally accepted. There are so many contrasting and varying view points in the world. To some being a Christian or Muslim is abhorrent. Not everyone accepts all types of people. There is prejudice against race, religious affiliation, identity and sexual orientation... Piercings, tattoos, etc. You have to embrace yourself even though all do not accept. There will be those that do and you can be yourself around them without worry.

I have to go back to living without thinking about any of this...by just being who I am. Dressing one way or another should be based on how I feel, or what I want...where I am going...or what I am or will be doing as well. It should come without thinking a lot about it, it should come naturally...gaw I feel so really good...and grab whatever...the horrible is what I may like will subject me to a lot of negativity.

So I hear you Diana...Least I am no longer struggling with a back and forth and finally realized there really is no back and forth I am one person inside my head...this is who I am...all of the time. The external changes and that has to do with where I am emotionally...my friend has told me she feels "more girlie" at times and she will wear a dress and etc...she is a woman...What I am feeling inside is no different ... because I feel the same way at times. I have come to understand that a lot of what women wear as well as what men wear too happens to be boring...so yeah...depending on my mood just as most women most of the time dress for comfort...in clothing that is mundane...everyday for comfort or very casual and functional I am beginning to work it's way into my life too. It is cooler, sitting and watching TV and eating ...jeans a top and flats.... but could easily have been in boring around the house comfortable guy clothes if the feminine was not being perceived internally. I will probably always wear the full range of clothing...unless the feminine takes over and becomes full time...who knows? Whatever evolves or happens ...will happen but for now it will go back an forth for a long long time.

I really do want to be able to live my life freely...if I hide by not revealing how I feel inside or if I hide because of family, or neighbors, or strictly because I am full of fear...yes, I have a very real fear and it keeps me from being all of who I am inside I am really afraid the neighbor will see me, my son or son's and they know already! my sisters and brother in law though the sister and brother in law know, and any friends I have who would not approve or might see...and then reactions of people I do not know. Though I hear you Diana...and I did go to the Walmart Neighborhood market in boring clothes with a purse a couple times and NO ONE got in front of me or remarked or stared that I saw or confronted me...an old lady in a wheel chair in the pharmacy area smiled at me...I believe with approval in fact that it was ok. Why wouldn't most women be ok with it? It says I am not a toxic male...imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...though this is not an imitation it is who i am...

Friend:Definitely, just do what comes naturally. Wear what you want and don't worry about it. Enjoy it and do it the way you want to.