Desires and dream of coming out

[Anne Bonny]

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Yeah...neighbor is outside working on the hedges...hum wonder if he can see here inside...do not think so, whenever I am outside the house and try to look in you would have to walk up and cup your hands to the window to do that...kind of un nerving...few days back I was in a full length sundress and he was looking right at me from across the street doing something or other...it does make me want to go change...but there is nothing wrong with me and there is nothing wrong with what I happen to fancy wearing just as anyone does every day without much thought about it and if George was not at work...well if he were not living here now...I would probably be wearing what I would rather much more ...every day. I will say like Eddie...I do dress male equally if not more? But I am always who I am inside of my head. And I really do want to work up towards being able to infront of Brittany...my new quasi? well the person George should probably have married she is 180 degrees different and is everything Pat was to me...to him which is a good thing. Why shouldn't people be able to deal with my wearing what I desire? Just like that Nurse Practitioner who asked me "Are you happy like that?" "Yes I am" was my reply and the visit went on as usual... It is a huge hurdle to so many and it makes it hard for me to be able to feel at ease when I know so many around me are going to judge me because I enjoy being who I happen to be inside...openly. Should not be an issue at all...yeah Ok I have driven over wearing a dress carrying my purse and in full make up to visit...when could that happen without my having to be concerned about the reactions I would receive knowing the possibility is I would be told to leave? When was the last time a woman wearing anything within the limits of appropriateness including male clothing was told to leave!? I am working to become more open...I have hidden enough my entire life but the reality and the difficulties of that will be there until I break the ice and let the chips fall where they will... Am I ready for that? Closer than I have ever been...but no....Wellll...we will see...in some ways and with some people I am!