living...

[Anne Bonny]

I wonder if being alone and not really being engaged in life over two years after losing my wife, and years before that my parents and grandma...well, it does knock you for a loop. I am alone because I know that most people I am around would not accept who I am inside. I know most women have their domain, and find someone who desires a lot of the same things not acceptable as a mate. Women do indeed want what a man is, want what they represent, want or expect them to be a certain way in a relationship. Women I have read want to feel safe and protected and though they might deny it they do want to look to a man for these things who is larger and stronger...somewhat dominant in the relationship so they can be taken along for the ride in a position that they would deny is somewhat yielding and not so dominant. They want to depend on their man, and when lost for whatever reason many find their selves ill prepared because they have been so reliant on what the man in their life has been doing for them.

Being as I am...I believe I fall into desiring the very same things. That is going to be very difficult to find in a woman. Are those kind of women really out there? And what of friends ... so far I feel I am not able to let who I am inside show, especially on the outside...I keep finding the wrong kind of friends...or is it because I do not really see myself as being outside the mainstream so those I come across ...have traditional ideas which do not understand us or find us to be acceptable really.

I can only continue living and being who I am inside letting elements of who I am show on the outside in some ways... my legs are smooth, my ears are pierced and I may or may not wear small studs. my hair is longer and my fingernails are a bit too and if not clear coated are buffed. I am not one to push.

[Diana Michelle]

I wonder if being alone and not really being engaged in life over two years after losing my wife, and years before that my parents and grandma...well, it does knock you for a loop.

I buried my mother back in 1987. It was barely a year after we reconciled after my 7 year absence from the family and a little over 4 months after I married my first husband. It cut me to my soul and TBH had Frank not been there I am not sure I would have ever gotten over it. He kept reminding she would always be with me in my heart as long as I allowed her to be as well to cherish those I still had left. My father obviously and my brother and sister but also even though I was 34 at the time I still had 3 of my grandparents alive. Eventually my grandparents passed away one by one but not until living a long and full life. One at the age of 87, one at 89 and the other at 92. I lost my father in 2015. This is not to even mention burying 2 husbands along the way.

Anne we have all lost loved ones and while we never forget them we learn to go forward. You need to as well. Yes I admit to more than once sitting around and wondering what if but it was not to be. You don't need to tell me it takes time to grieve and everyone is different but if you spend your life looking back you are potentially going to miss the next great adventure and potential person in your life. No it is not easy and in a way it is like trying to climb a sand dune where for every two steps you take up the hill you slide back one. Still you keep trudging upward if for nothing more than the beautiful view at the top and the satisfaction of knowing you made it. I and others have done it and am confident you can as well.

Women I have read want to feel safe and protected and though they might deny it they do want to look to a man for these things who is larger and stronger...somewhat dominant in the relationship so they can be taken along for the ride in a position that they would deny is somewhat yielding and not so dominant. They want to depend on their man, and when lost for whatever reason many find their selves ill prepared because they have been so reliant on what the man in their life has been doing for them.

Being as I am...I believe I fall into desiring the very same things. That is going to be very difficult to find in a woman. Are those kind of women really out there?

As for what women want well let me say for someone with an alternative lifestyle you certainly revert back to old stereotypes. That may be what June saw in Ward Cleaver but give women of today a little credit. While I am sure there may be women out there looking for what you list today's woman is perfectly capable of taking care of herself and particularly mature women are more looking for a partner to spend time with, enjoy life with, and yes for at least some of us some bedroom action. I cannot speak for all women but this one and most I know are not looking for a security blanket! I am fully aware what you desire in a sexual relationship and while it may not be my thing I am certain there are some women who may not only welcome that but also have experience in that type of relationship.

I will say it is not going to be difficult in your case to find that woman who satisfies your needs and desires but it is going to be impossible. Not because that woman isn't out there but because you have already convinced yourself she isn't so why bother even looking? In the big baseball game of life sometimes you hit a single, maybe a double or a triple, and sometimes you even hit a home run. Sure there are times you hit a pop fly to the shortstop making an out even sometimes strike out but you know what? If you never take a turn at the plate you never know if you are going to strike out ending the game with the winning run at 3rd base or hit a home run and be the team hero. You do what you want here but I would rather go down swinging than not take a turn at bat.

I am not one to push.

My one husband always said "I chased Diana until she caught me!" It is not about pushing but more that of a gentle nudge. I know it has been a long time since you were in the dating scene and trust me it is a lot different this time around and at this phase of your life. It is not about finding that one and only but in a way more finding someone you are comfortable with. Maybe you fall in love and maybe you don't but is love what you are looking for at this moment? I was fortunate to find love again however I know others who while say they are in love with their partner it is more an extreme like and comfort level IMO but who am I to say what love is for someone else? I also know a few who have FWB. Not saying that is for you but never seal the door to anything until you have tried it.

[Noeleena]

Evening .
WOW....
Many men i know would not be able to defend them self,s they can not and never could look after me i,m just too bloody strong for them some would fear me and would never stand in my way i would take them down as i walked past. and make sure you belive it .

I dont need a man around me at any time , theres not much i can not do ,

yes i,m a strong female and had to be to do what i have done over my life, i,m not a wimp or softy i can be tough when needed, not all of us females need a man around us, many do wont a man to look after them to just be there, not as a controller not as a Boss just being some one nice a lover friend a good mate,

Yes your right some when they lose their mate and left in a postion of what now and never having had to do all the details and things men have done for them , yet lets be real here who gave birth to the children looked after them 24/7 when sick and still had to do the meal,s washing and every detail in running a house hold and to top it off at the end of the day be there and ready for sex, oh yes,

When a guy has a baby yes give birth to one they will change their mind ,s on who,s the strongest it,s about learning to be strong when you have to, just many women are not given credit due to them . the failing is on the mens part not working with women and both male female working together and both becoming strong together .

I pretty much lost all of my family when i was age 24, all of , my Mom and her family and a few years before nursing her as a care giver, age 10-11, hey you know what that hurt,s real deep, so one week after Mom past i had to become strong real quick and be able to sort a lot of details out in other words i had to wake up and get on with it, life changed and i had to learn now what,,,i did .

all through my life i looked at different things and details that would effect me in how i went about so much so i forged ahead my my plans made sure was right and went for it,.,

It was not about clothes or being different or changing who i was it was how do i live my life what do i need to do, yes took a while with other aspects of my back ground i knew i had to look ahead not look left or right , i became a strong woman because i knew where i was going and nothing was going to stop me , i grew i learned i was open i accepted who i was then years later and today is little different ,

I went to people i gave of myself to them still do, i opened up to them about myself = background , and why do i have so many LOVELY .... NEAT..... FRIENDS ..... is because they are part of my Life and they travel with me on the same road as i do.... You have to be a part of them to go on their,s its that simple , If you FAIL,,, it because you wont just get out and GO. no bloody excuse,s it,s that simple i have proved it so many time,s oh yes i could have stopped..and gone a different way what to please some one else who does not give a damn any way ,

I have a life with many 100,s of friends,

I have many disadvantage,s that you dont have yet none of those stop me in my Life at all yes as i,d say a bloody pain in the rear , and maybe because of that i have to keep going other wise it would or will crush me because it will catch up so i keep going, comes down to die, or Live, this is what i have said about being ...STRONG...

Mark this down, In two years time what will you tell me you are still in the Trogen horse and hiding or have you come out Fighting like a soldier and gained your Life, with 20 lovely friends around you who accept the way you are,

...noeleena...

[Anne Bonny]

I am very lucky to have a relative who has been a very real guide, mentor, a willing ear to listen, a hug....so lucky to have that. She I believe has finally gotten through to me that as I put it have to put myself into the right pool of women. Women who are already in our LGBT kind of area. They are out there so...that is what I have to do so that I can live in hope.

[Anne Bonny]

Yes, I hope two years on that I have 20 friends and a partner and am not still in a fetal position hiding inside the Trojan Horse! I am so lucky to have a relative who is there for me as a mentor, as a guide, as an ear to listen...and I listen to her as well so that I can also do my part to support her as well. A person has to live in hope or they are going to have a miserable life. She has told me not a few times in so many words ... that I need to be in the pool with the right kind of women...those who are in and are around our community because they are as we are more or less...This I need to do. Yep. It is the pride events time of the year....maybe I need to find one to attend.

Thanks! to both of you.