It's been a while

[Eris Lunara]

Some years I was a member of this group and posted quite a bit. I worked alone at home and dressed much of the time, and looked forward to times when my family was away and could dress to my hearts content. It was pretty isolating but I didn't mind it, it felt like I was nurturing myself in some way.

Then things changed. One of my children moved back home, and my wife retired, and my family was home a lot, and I stopped dressing. Somewhat to my surprise, I didn't miss it. Eventually I gave my femme clothes away.

Conventional wisdom is that the desire to cross dress waxes and wanes but never completely leaves us. That seems to be true for me. I don't really have much desire to dress anymore, but the feelings do remain, even if mostly as a fond memory. It's been suggested that dressing was filling a void for me and I think that was partly true for me. Also there was just the aspect that I could finally do it a lot.

There was something else. It was like my girl persona became my imaginary friend in a way. I enjoyed taking her hiking and similar things. My inner woman was a real tomboy.

Anyway, I guess I wanted to make a couple of points, points that are true for me but with no assumptions as to their truth for anyone else. One is that I really did lose the desire for a number of years, even if it never completely disappeared. Another was that cross dressing was filling some needs for me, not all of them clear. Some were about creativity, some about loneliness, some about just having fun.

And tonight, tonight I am home alone. I've wanted to come chat here for a while, but never get around to it. Tonight I am enjoying all the memories of when my Femme alter would be here. It's a beautiful summer evening, and there was a sensuality about her that I enjoyed. If I had an old skirt, I'd dress her up tonight.

I do have a femme alter on facebook. Actually her gender is unspecified. I let people make up their own minds. Most arrive at the conclusion that she is feminine, in albeit a mama grizzly manner.

I'm not sure where I want to go with this. Just sharing some thoughts and feelings, and wondering if they resonate with anyone. Feel free to chime in.

Eris

[DonnaT]

Welcome back.

[Anthony Simon]

Anyway, I guess I wanted to make a couple of points, points that are true for me but with no assumptions as to their truth for anyone else. One is that I really did lose the desire for a number of years, even if it never completely disappeared. Another was that cross dressing was filling some needs for me, not all of them clear. Some were about creativity, some about loneliness, some about just having fun.

That happened to me - I just lost the desire to dress up for 7-8 years. Also it has to do with isolation - like a coping mechanism for that.

[KimberlyS]

Good to see you Eris. Hope to see you in the chat some time.

Kimberlys

[Anne Bonny]

My take is that there is no male side or female side that is not really possible when we are one person. We just happen to be who we are maybe somewhere along a spectrum. Maybe you exist along a more androgynous segment of the spectrum, or maybe you exist further along where you realize you are women with many interests that overlap with those of men. Or maybe you are a man with many interests that overlap with those of women.

I remember the pressure put on me by our culture which caused me to have to be a son, get my education as a man and on to a career as a husband, father and as a male in my chosen career field...we are really given no choice if we are to be successful because we are physically male. That pressure will exist until the day that I die but as a widower now with my sons out on their own I am now free to lead a more open life at home, and I have an inner circle of accepting friends but because I am also friends with many who would never accept the fact that I am a woman inside...I have little choice but to lead a double life if I do not want to lose a large number of people. I do have interests in common with men and I am able to put on a convincing front so that no one suspects who I am inside. With longer hair and pierced ears and shaved legs, soon I will employ a home laser to lessen the hair on my face and legs even more. I am sure that my nature is, and has always been somewhat feminine as well. Could be some will pick up on these clues...but because I am as I am inside it does not bother me.

Could be you are more masculine with interests that overlap greatly with the men around you much more so than with the women around you but that is there inside of you, you may be denying a nature that is somewhat androgynous even if you are male and mostly masculine.

You see when you were free to allow yourself to express yourself....and then years when you were forced to cover up who you really are inside....but who you are is and always has been there. Doesn't matter if you choose to lead a double life.

[Noeleena]

Hi,

Anne,

I would like you to expand on , There is no female or male side,that is not possible when we are one person.

So where does that leave me, Biologically body wise Psychologically and Emotionally how i,m hard wired then we look at the sexual organ,s as most people know i dont have any no male or female organ,s,

So this could make for an interesting high light of what make,s a person ...who they are how their body functions Endocrine system, Hormones and what run,s the body apart from the blood and yes i know can be very involved 40 A4 pages may just give an idear of whats what,

Hormones , i have both male / female set,s and my body functions well with both,with the homones there are over lap,s some are working normally and some recede they are still there just are in shut down mode, and yes could start up again so for us is allways a maybe,what makes those changes would go back to conception and the body does have that allowance possibale and i,m very aware of that, as far as i know i,m well with in the female range,s so doubt there will be a change or shift,

For a normal female or male their body does not have that same detail. unless some very powerfull drugs are used and that could be a life or death result,or like i am

Now , Im not going into like,s or dislike,s because any one has those, interests in any form can be male or female .

What is set at birth = conception is, females can have children men cant, and the differences between men and women allways a can of worm,s so what is inherant differences between men and women what makes those differences can they be changed or is the issue nurture or what we are given at conception from the male and what the female has, or is passed to the new child .

Your .... We happen to be who we are,,,,,,,,That is a ? that needs to be looked at in light of what i have just wrtten fact is we dont just ...Happen ... we are programed our bodys were programed at conception so with that in mind we are not some haphassard thing or just happen to be who we are, we become who each of us is as a person and we can take on things to our selfs as we live,

Okay some thing to think about consider and do some study .

...noeleena...

[Ralitsa]

I agree there is no female side or male side, there is just me. To some extent I adapt what I'm wearing to what I'm doing, but in recent years I've just avoided doing things that can't be done while wearing a dress.
I don't like being labeled as male or female, this isn't a characteristic that I either chose nor defines me. Labeling people as this or that is the first step toward treating them differently, and that always means better for one group and worse for the other.
Now clearly I have some specific anatomical features, but those are covered by my clothes and are of no concern to anyone. There is no reason at all that anyone needs to know or care "what I have down there."


But that's diverging from the intended direction of the thread. Welcome back Eris! Whatever your current situation in life we are always happy to hear from you. I find it interesting that you have no desire anymore to dress up. I suppose that's good if you also have little opportunity to do so now. Did your family know or care about that?

[Eris Lunara]

LOL it's been a while since I posted this, or have even come here. To answer your question, my spouse knew a little bit and preferred not to know any more. My children, now grown, knew very little except that I really liked Halloween. There were two men I discussed this with in great detail, and enjoyed talking about it. Over the years, long ago when I didn't do this very much, I disclosed what little there was to say to a couple of people, and one time in college I talked about it to a class of about 100 people that I didn't know under the heading of percieved power differences between men and women.

As to what I got out of it. First of all the was an endorphin rush. There was initially a huge sexual component to it, especially as a child. That went with the endorphin rush. But much later there was something else as well. Something perhaps a bit mystical, perhaps a bit fantasy/mysterious about it. All I can say is that walking across a field in the moonlight or sleeping alone in the forest under a tree seemed to be two of my favorite things to do while dressed. It felt like I was opening myself to the sensual mystery of nature. "Opening"... in woo woo circles the very word opening seems to have some sort of feminine mysticism to it.