Yeah! It is way past time to be worrying about all of this.

[Anne Bonny]

You know? I do finally feel ok about who I am inside. It is alright to wear whatever I like based on how I feel. I do share a lot of interests with women. And recalling times I have been dressed with women present and was seen this way...it was nice. I remember the caregiver I hired for my wife dropping by to show me an outfit she was going to be wearing that evening to a special occasion because she knew she we shared this interest in common and that she could share it with me as she could with any other female friend.. So...I think it is settled. And why can't I have an open minded girlfriend? I can!

Yeah, I really do and deep down inside like who I am. I like that with a medium frame at 5'9...I am smaller than most guys and at 154 a lot lighter. In dancing there are even a few women who are taller and bigger than I am! So for a girl...I am above average but I am in the right range. The inverted triangle with narrow hips is also a female body shape...so I am not alone!

Yeah! It is way past time to be worrying about all of this and to begin to enjoy my life and hope that I can indeed find the right woman to spend the rest of my life with.

May Be...Maybe I ... could begin to open up about myself to ... people!? I do think that it is important....to be allowed to be who I truly am. Sometimes I am and do appear male...as a man inside...but I have never been this inside all of the time... I do need to share it more...at the risk of losing people and being rejected... will everyone reject me? maybe everyone who I know who do not currently know...yeah...that is the way things are.

[KimberlyS]

Anne, one thing you and many others seem to struggle with is the all or nothing concept. Your posts make it seem like you have to open up to everyone and share with everyone. If you were doing a full outward transition it would be an all or nothing type of change. But there are a lot of points in the middle between all male and all femme type of sharing with others. You have to do what is right for you and your situation. Just because you are not presenting a full femme look to the world all the time should not change who you are within. It is ok to be a male person with many feminine traits that some times look more masculine and other times look more feminine. How you balance out for yourself and others is up to you and maybe your situation at time time. Even GG's do not dress full feminine to the max all the time. There is nothing wrong with sharing with different people or different groups differently. It is what works for you and maybe others. If you think others may struggle with your more femme presentations it is ok to keep those interactions dialed back. I am personally often in full femme clothing but presenting a male image to others. This does not change how I feel inside. Also some times I may be in all or mostly masculine clothes. This does not change who I am on the inside either. It is just a presentation to the world. Yes maybe I like some clothing better than others. But I am not going to let the clothing I need to wear for the task or the interaction to change who I am on the inside.

Kimberlys

[Noeleena]

Evening ,

yesterday i went out with my dance partner she is a female to pick up an organ one of those that have pedals, is air operated type so there was a guy and another woman there and the guy helped me load it on the trailer plus a chair and off we went back to my house,

Now i had my skirt a jean type colour my jumper my white head wear, no makeup no eyebrow liner and no lippy just basic work clothe,s as i normaly do most day,s

While i was roping it on the guy asked Pam dance partner was i a guy or female , she answered she is a female. Now why would he ask that because i have aspects and detail about myself that is something in how i was born , so do i go through life with this issue all the time ....YES.... i do i.m 73 what has changed for me , like people know i,m different,,,, most likely not normal .... yet hang on how many friends do i have well over 2000. from our different groups i,m a member of plus many 1000,s more i know and of cause my really close female friends ,

Now ask this ? how the hell or why do i have so many friends ..... okay ....

This female though she is weird as hell nutty as a fruit cake and so bloody different yet i,m accepted where ever i go guys dance with me and many other,s like me to do things for them yes i was trained i learnt ....HOW.... to do things i got off my backside and did it,

Because some one does not know me they can ask who the hell is she . answer go and ask her find out what she is about learn to understand why i,m different what makes me tick what motivates me what turns my key on and that covers a lot,

I have a life and i make sure i live it. if some one cant hack me then bugger off i dont give a damn i wont waste my time with fool,s if i get some one who cant accept me tough i,m gone life is for people who wont to live ,

I made friends......is that true .... no they made me thier friend and thats why i have so many neat lovely friends , to get close to some one like i have is a two way between both people , though you have to show your self you have to be open you have to be so open you cant hide any thing you bear all, i have this is what a true friendship is about, they know my weakness where i fail what i cant do what ever it is sexually work who my friends are, where i go,

I never pined my hope on some one else to make me happy i,m ether happy or i,m not one has to rethink what you are about i can stand in front of other,s with nothing on no clothes no makeup or adornments nudy as , that is bearing all and be infront of our group 37 people male and female if you have body differences you cant hide them , what i,m saying is it,s not a show and tell because you are looking for acceptance,

it,s about being honist with your self in all aspects of your life plus talking about it,

One of the hardest details was to stand infront of a guy and guys and let other,s see me i,m not so different from other females yet i had to go through this and not hide behind a masquerade and being covered, is like i said i can go any where and be happy in myself for who i am and not being what i,m not.

...noeleena...

[Diana Michelle]

Anne, one thing you and many others seem to struggle with is the all or nothing concept. Your posts make it seem like you have to open up to everyone and share with everyone.

Very well put Kim! Life is not black and white but shades of gray IMO. Why should gender be any different? I believe we all know women who are "less" feminine than the stereotype be it looks, attire, actions, thoughts, even language same as we know all know men who fall short of the masculine stereotype. Does that make them any less a woman or man? Not in my never to be humble opinion!

Three points I would like to make here. First somehow most seem to believe man and woman and feminine and masculine are interchangable. They are not! From a purely technical point woman and man are nouns and feminine and masculine are adjectives. A noun is a thing while an adjective further describes a noun if you remember your high school English, like jumbo in jumbo shrimp.

I freely admit to being a girly girl. I like to get dressed up, wear cute colorful clothes, have a man hold the door or my chair for me, get complimented on my appearance, etc. Furthermore I prefer my men masculine with a soft side even if that part of them is only known to me. That leads me to my second point. While being a girly girl I also love fast cars and most forms of auto racing, not a huge fan of drag racing, and have been told by more than a few I can make a sailor blush with my language at times. I enjoy dark beer and my preferred alcoholic beverage is bourbon on the rocks. Does that make less a woman or less feminine? No it just makes me me! A unique individual same as all of you are. We are a product of our genetics, upbringing, circumstances, and life experiences which make us what we are.

Don't know how many of you have siblings but I have a younger brother and sister. In some ways we are virtually alike and in others polar opposites. I take after the women on my mother's side of the family being taller than average, I'm 5'8" and Mom was 5'7", long waisted, and not awfully endowed up top. Have had many tell me I am the spitting image of her. My sister on the other hand takes after the women on Dad's side of the family. 5'4" on a good day, short waisted, and blessed by the booby fairy. Yet we both hate coconut, even the smell of it turns my stomach, and when posing for a full length photo we both generally pose with our hands on our hips. I am blonde. natural of course, and she has dark auburn hair. I am more apt to speak my mind while she tends to keep things inside. I am outgoing while she is more on the quiet side until she gets to know you. Does that make me more a woman or more feminine than her or vice versa? No it just makes us individuals!

Last but not least as I have said many times clothes do not make the woman, the woman makes the clothes! Being a woman is not about skirts or heels or make up or polished nails or even being diminutive rather than forceful. It is just what you are or are not! It comes from within and emanates outward not the other way around! As I said above I enjoy getting all dolled up and going nice places however I am just as much a woman in jeans, t shirt and my old Nikes with my hair pulled back in a ponytail and wearing minimal make up cutting the grass atop the garden tractor as I am in a $400 dress wearing heels and dripping in diamonds and jewels.

As I have said before here in other threads as well to you directly in private discussions Anne the greatest obstacle we all face is the 4 walls we build in our own mind. Full disclosure here I have been as guilty of this as anyone more than a couple of times in my own life so I speak from experience here. From a feeling of total frustration over my gender issues in my youth to vowing I could never love again after the untimely passing of my first husband to vowing well maybe I could love but never get married again to again to vowing I could never love again after the tragic death of my second husband among others I have somehow found the courage to break down those walls though not without the help of others. It is not easy nor does it just happen! You have to work at it every day and there are setbacks along the way but it can be done.

You talk about feeling "more comfortable" around women than men. TBH I can I feel comfortable around both and depending on the topic I am just as apt to being in a discussion with the guys as the girls. You can call it women's intuition or whatever but at least in my experience women tend to be more aware of feelings of others than men are. I guess that leads us to what at least to me is the obvious question of:

"Seeing as you desire or perhaps crave is a better word exposure and acceptance what is your action plan to make it happen?"