GLBT umbrella -- all-inclusive?

[Anthony Simon]

This is a recent video, where she does a transformation on "Anna", who is TG:

https://youtu.be/eldnQpZbkl4

I think you're probably right about her client base - and there is a very obvious sales-pitch element to what she's doing. But, on the other hand, it was noticeable to me about the way she got into this - as a response to what a client wanted and the way it touched those deep memories in her. I would guess that the demand is for Male to Female transformation services and she's focused on that so that her business can work. But, at the same time, my impression is her personal history means she has a very real (and deep) commitment to liberation for people to live their lives aligned with whatever their inner gender orientation is. So Anna, in the video above, works for her service (and they're obviously having a lot of fun together).

The way she describes her switching feelings just very much chimed with how I am now - like it can be from moment to moment that I go from female to male and back again. I didn't really have that as a child - in a conscious way - but it does kind of fit with what happened to me when I got into female clothes then.

I would say I felt way too feminine for a boy as a child - and yet I liked being a boy. It was odd. There were a few occasions when a girl would pop out of me and just a general sort of hum of being female that wasn't being expressed.

I think maybe my "box" was wrong. Like I didn't fit into the box of male - and I sort of kept (and keep) trying nevertheless - but then I didn't (and don't) fit into the box of female either.

[Diana Michelle]

Please don't think I was criticizing her or casting aspersions on her in any way! There is definitely a market for this type of service and she seems not only totally committed to it she offers it in a non judgmental and supportive environment.

I m still fascinated with how she describes "switching" from being a girl to a boy. Being TG and coming to that realization at a relatively young age I can't say I ever "switched" back and forth though there were definitely times I felt more one way than the other based on gender stereotypes but I was always female, granted a bit of an enigma but always female. I'm not sure I would use the word "blame" for my being "unique" but the fact I was born with male gender markers I am sure has a hand in it.

Anthony I am still intrigued by how you feel you go from male to female and back. Have you discussed this with a professional such as a therapist or counselor? If so what have they had to say if you are open to sharing that. Have you ever thought of "logging" these times in a diary or something like that? Not just when it happened but also what else was going on at the time? Your feelings? What you "experienced?" Maybe there is a link to these times you are not aware of.

Anthony said "I would say I felt way too feminine for a boy as a child - and yet I liked being a boy."

I understand what you're saying here based on gender stereotypes but as I have many asked "define feminine please?" As I said earlier I know I am an enigma. I am a car nut, love auto racing, American football, am highly competitive, have a grasp of "French" that could make a sailor blush, yet I enjoy cuddling with someone I love, hate spiders and snakes, love getting all dolled up and wined and dined, enjoy having a man open and hold the car door for me. There are many other things I could cite but I think you get my point here. It is not about whether you feel masculine, feminine, or somewhere in the middle rather you feel comfortable with who you are.

Guess that brings to my last point. "I think maybe my "box" was wrong. Like I didn't fit into the box of male - and I sort of kept (and keep) trying nevertheless - but then I didn't (and don't) fit into the box of female either.

I struggled for years trying to live up to the expectations of others, to fit into the "box." It goes way back to trying to be a boy, a son, then to being a woman, a daughter, a girlfriend, a wife, a stepmother, and others. In a way I attribute one of my dark periods to my trying to be what was expected of me. I take full responsibility for going there but in a way it was trying to live up to what was expected that took me there.

After my first husband passed away I went into grief therapy. As time went on, particularly as it neared the first anniversary of his passing a few hinted or even outright suggested it was time for me to move on and start dating. I was far from ready for it emotionally yet I thought about it. Not because I was ready for it rather it seemed to be what was expected of me. After all it's been a year I should be over Frank and ready to move on, right? I brought it up with my therapist as I heard what everyone was saying but I just wasn't anywhere near being ready for that. He told me it was not what everyone else thought but what I thought that mattered. He told me there is no right or wrong here for each of us is different as our circumstances.

It is not about the "box" you do or don't fit into. It is not about how feminine you do or don't feel. It is not about whether you do or don't live up to others expectations. It is about you and only you! Next time you are brushing your teeth or combing your hair take a good look in the mirror. Not a superficial glance but a long deep look beyond the obvious. Is there a smile or a scowl on your face? Is there a sparkle in your eyes or a blank stare? Are you looking forward to the day or dreading it? Are you happy with where you are at and if not what are you going to do to change that?

[Ralitsa]

The not fitting into a box really resonates with me, and why I like the term non-conforming. It doesn't say anything about what I am but says everything about what I am not. I guess, like everyone else here, I don't feel like being categorized is helpful at all to me, but I know that is the way the human brain works. Part of the data processing is to find a pattern and then put the object into the category. Sure, that's an efficient way for the brain to store information; but I'm not just an object and I don't get shoved into a category.
And I also like the term queer, because it's also pretty vague. It really only means: not what you would expect!

Of course, neither of those are inclusive terms because a lot of people do conform to some set of expectations. Happily we have a lot of new boxes in the last several decades for people who want to belong to a defined group. It's kind of lonely not being able to say "this group is what I'm part of".
And technology providing near instant global communication is great for making it easy for people to find others like themselves. I just got a copy of "Queer Ducks and Other Animals" and the author uses the term LGBTQIAP+, and I don't know what the last couple letters stand for. But at this point I'm wondering why we are trying to come up with a term that is everything except exclusively hetero. It's also beginning to look like the exclusively hetero group is bit unusual and quite probably a function of forcibly conforming to a dogma; not exactly a matter of free choice. Who knows? Anyway, lately I'm thinking that we don't need to be inclusive so much as we just need to be accepting and non-judgemental.

[Anthony Simon]

Would solve a lot of problems if people were accepting and non-judgmental. Or maybe an advance would be if people just *attempted* to be like that.

[Anthony Simon]

I was thinking about this some more today.

"What manner of a creature [am I]?"

Odd. I'm an odd kind of creature. I have these elements which don't really fit into any kind of box. I'm not a man in any traditional sense - and I'm not a woman. I have both these elements within me and I keep trying to fit myself into one or other box - and it doesn't work.

I have both square peg and round hole within me - and sometimes at the same time. And yet my life has kind of worked - that is the elements within me that seem mutually contradictory have, within the context of my life as a whole, been productive - or even mutually supportive, on occasion.

So really I need another box other than the normal I'm a male/I'm a female box - and I don't know what that box is except to say that I'm an odd bird that doesn't really fit into those boxes, yet because I feel more or less alright about my life there must be some kind of validity to it.

That's my new box, FWIW, I'm odd.

[Diana Michelle]

Anthony we are all odd creatures in our own right. We all have that unique quirk or phobia or personality trait or fetish or like or dislike or whatever that makes unique and personally I enjoy that. I treasure mine and hope you do as well. Can you imagine how boring it would be if we are all exactly the same?

The way I read what you are saying here is you are struggling with where you fit on the gender scale. I can fully grasp that and empathize with what you are saying. Make no mistake I was born female but having lived the first 26 years of my life as a male definitely skews my view on certain things as well makes me unique. I am all woman but I have no idea what it is like to have a period or suffer through the problems of menopause or experience childbirth or even to have mood swings due to hormones as my hormones are constant. Does that make less a woman? Not in my never to be humble opinion though there are may be some that disagree with me.

I am not a therapist nor do I play one on television however what I am reading here is you are struggling to find where you fit on the gender spectrum. First let us agree to toss aside the stereotypes for thankfully most of those have gone by the wayside. What I believe you are dealing with is you look in the mirror and see a male yet you feel female inside. Oh God do I know that one! I started to believe that maybe I was transsexual back in college when I took a class in human sexuality. Sorry for the use of an old term here but back then that is what we were called. Even though I had thoughts that could be me I kept telling myself I am not that. I was 23 when I started therapy and after several months my therapist told me yes I was a transsexual though it took me a while to accept it. Once I grasped the concept I knew there was only one path to happiness.

A point here you may want to consider Anthony is no one 100% male or 100% female on the inside. Physically or biologically yes but not mentally or emotionally. I will grant you some of the traits we identify as masculine or feminine are based on gender stereotypes however based on experience I can tare more subtle than many believe but they are there. IMHO the struggles you are experiencing are both sides of you inside are fighting. I as well as other TGs I have talked with go through the same.

I am happy you finally accepted the fact you do not need to fit into of the proverbial "boxes" rather have made a box that best fits you. For me I have had to make several boxes over my life as things change which can include my mood.

Now comes the disclaimer. I have said this elsewhere here and feel the need ro say it here. I will state here unequivocally I have never for a single second second regretted my choice nor my surgery for I truly believe it was the only path for me. That said it is not the path for all. It is not easy road for it can be lined with heartache and disappointment. Also along the roadside there are more than a few dead bodies of those who started down the road but never made it for whatever reason. Before any of you even think about taking even a single step on this journey please make sure you have consulted with professionals both medical and psychological as well as you have some form of a support system for that road can be very lonely at times.