Reading other CD's...to approach or not approach, that...

Allena · Post by **Allena** » Tue Dec 30, 2003 10:22 pm

is the question!

I had an interesting experience Sunday.
My wife, daughter and I were returning home from vacation with a few more hours of driving left when we stopped at a Burger King for a bite.

Ordering alongside us was a couple of ladies, one of which caught my eye.
She was taller than the other, dressed in a nice white top and skirt, casual shoes, short dark hair, and with a pleasant smile.
Seeing as how there weren't but a couple of other people there, I had a chance to get a fairly good look at this lady.
I first noticed her feet, which seemed rather long. I wear a men's 13EE, so I feel like I know large feet when I see them. I also noticed her large hands and the way she held them.
Now, I did my best to "notice" these things through several looks instead of one long stare. I also had the opportunity to view her from different angles.
Fairly quickly I came to the conclusion that she was possibly a "he".
I had the chance to tell my wife my thoughts well away from the lady and my wife didn't seem to believe me at first.
The next time I dropped another clue to her she seemed a bit perturbed so I dropped it all together. Since we're still coming to grips with my crossdressing, I thought maybe I was pushing things a bit.
Back to the lady in question...
She looked really good, as in well dressed and nice looking.
Now, I'm not saying I DEFINITELY "read" her, I'm not totally convinced I did, but I "felt" like I was right.

To get to the point here;I really wanted to talk with her for a couple of reasons...
1)I REALLY wanted to know where she gets her shoes...I have enough trouble finding men's shoes to fit me!
2) If I was correct and she is a CD, I guess my recent outing has me longing to actually meet another CD in person. I most certainly DON'T want to either "out" another person by acting the fool and gabbing out loud in a public place, or insult a GG by saying something like, "I like to dress up in women's clothing too!".

What are your experiences with situations like this, and how do you all feel something like this should be handled?

I personally thought I might just tell her that I noticed her shoes and really liked them and wondered where she got them.
I might cover with something like, " I live in a small town and I know a girl who has a hard time finding shoes she likes and that is the style she has been looking for..."

Allena · Post by **Allena** » Thu Jan 01, 2004 11:07 am

Thanks for the info, I'll go check it out.
I've been trying to go back over all the different posts from before I arrived...that's alot of clicking,scrolling and reading!

Do you have any feelings/advice about my other issue?

I seriously would like to know from other girls out in the community if there is a general convention addressing how to approach another CD in public.

Is it right or wrong? (I realize we all may have different opinions here)
Have you been tempted or actually approached someone?
If so, how did it go and what would you do differently, if anything?

We have had notices for meetings of a GLBT group in a town North of me, but I don't always see it. Next time I see it I'll make a meeting.
But for now, I'm still unsure how I could best meet other crossdressers.
I see on the Tri-Ess website that there's a group about 3-4 hours away from me in the next state, and I plan on checking out how to visit with them during one of their meetings.

Anyway, I hope someone comes along with some positive critique.
Thanks!

Nancy · Post by **Nancy** » Thu Jan 01, 2004 3:18 pm

When in public and I notice a woman that I think may be TG I feel like I want to go up to her and meet her. However, I stop and think. What if I were out in public and someone walked up to me to let me know that even though it was alright with them that I was TG I was being read?

First off I do not make any bones about being read. I know with my highth and weight there is no way I am not being read. However, others I know really can get up tight if they felt they were being read. So I just tend to let things ride and let the girl go on about her way.

I do know a gal that has a card that she carries with her that explains how she is TG and could not help but wonder if the girl she is giving to is TG also?

One other thing is that some girls when they are out and about may in our eyes be presenting themselves very well but to them they are on the edge just waiting for someone to say or do something about it and before you could get it all out to her about who and what you are she just may lose it and go off on you.

Then again, if I were that girl you were looking at, at the Burger King and you came up to me I would hear you out and if things allowed I would love to talk with you . Guess it's really a play by ear kind of thing.

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Thu Jan 01, 2004 8:02 pm

Allen, I wondered about that too. The advice I was given (from an online source that I asked the question to) was that it was generally best not to approach, but it is situational. You might have eye contact with someone in a line like at the Burger place, and if the response was an un-embarrassed acknowledgement, then further discrete contact might be OK. If eye contact is refused, leave her alone and do nothing that might increase her nervousness and get her read by others. In other words, do unto others etc.

My source also pointed out that there are large and somewhat masculine women in the US, and your own interest in CD can lead you to incorrect conclusions, to the embarrassment of yourself and your subject despite your best intentions!

CJ · Post by CJ » Fri Jan 02, 2004 12:26 am

Hi Allen,

I'm with Nancy and Carolynn on this one, in that I wouldn't be overly upset at having been read, especially once you'd told me the reason for your own interest. In fact, I would find it thrilling that you'd feel comfortable enough to disclose this about yourself to me, a crossdressed stranger in a fast food line, and would look forward to a few hours of fascinating and soul-freeing conversation, conditions permitting.

Also, as Carolynn mentioned, it's a contextual matter, best handled on a case by case basis. I've been in your situation too and have also hesitated, being unsure how to approach another CD without having her miffed at being read. Actually, I don't think it's so much a matter of respecting a person's privacy and psychological space (she is out in public, after all) as it is one of respecting our own privacy, in that we hesitate because it's not easy telling a stranger we enjoy crossdressing. I think the best way to go about handling that kind of contact is, again, as Carolynn suggested, to go for friendly eye contact and perhaps a brief smile. If it's acknowledged and returned, that opens the door to a pleasant "Hello." Then you just take it from there, I guess. I don't know that I'd use the "nice shoes for a friend" routine, though; it's just too blatant and sounds patently false (no pun intended

). Perhaps a congenial comment on her appearance is safer (this is something I occasionally do when I feel the context and the atmosphere allow it; I've commented on a woman's beautiful nails or eyebrows or article of clothing without ever offending anyone--I expect T-girls are no different in that regard).

I wish you pleasant encounters, Allen.

Love,
CJ

Anne · Post by **Anne** » Fri Jan 02, 2004 11:42 am

I think the first time I read a TG was long ago in Seattle - I was in the car at a small strip mall waiting for my wife to do some shopping. A car pulled up and two ladies & a young girl got out & started to window shop. I then noticed the one lady was taller and it struck me. I tried not to be too obvious about watching - they got in their car eventually & left.

I wanted to ask questions but I never would - I was pretty deep in the closet then and most people want to pass which means they do not want to be read or made uncomfy.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sat Jan 03, 2004 12:36 am

Hi Allen,

I can't say it any better than CJ did. Even her including the words of others and their suggestions were perfect!

Beauty

Alexandra · Post by **Alexandra** » Sun Jan 04, 2004 1:04 pm

Would one normally approach a complete stranger at Burger King and strike up a conversation? Probably not. I'm not Ann Landers but perhaps same rule should apply.

However, I have asked complete strangers questions about where they got a certain item of clothing before, SO I would think if you REALLY need the shoe info, then perhaps (in a neutral and safe area -- lets say on the sidewalk, as opposed to at a restaurant among other people), you could ask about the shoes . . . and if you see one hint of hestitation, excuse yourself, thank them and leave.

One would think any T-girl eating at Burger King would have a bit of "girl-hours" logged and able to handle this kind of public interaction -- another thing to consider is if the t-girl isn't easily "read," she probably has several log books completely filled out.