CHRISTMAS JOKES

[DonnaT]

Sara opened her Xmas package from her husband, John and found a parrot inside.

"Thank you John, but why a parrot?"

"Oh, it's a special parrot. It's a Christmas parrot!" he replied. "His names Chet."

"What makes Chet a Christmas parrot?" she asked.

"Watch," answered John, and he held a lit match under the parrot's left foot.

Chet started singing, "Jingle bells, jingle bells . . ."

Then John said, "Now watch what he does if I hold the match under his right foot."

Chet started singing, "Holy night, silent night . . ."

"Marvelous!" exclamed Sara. "What happens if you hold it under both feet?"

"I don't know, lets see," John answered.

"Chet's nuts roasting over an open fire . . ."

[Eloise Goth]

[DonnaT]

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A nice young man wanted to purchase a Christmas gift for his new sweetheart. As they had not been dating very long, after some careful consideration, he decided that a pair of elegant winter gloves would strike just the right note - romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to a
fine department store and chose a pair of lovely white fur-lined gloves. The sister did her own shopping, buying a pair of panties for herself.

While the clerk was wrapping the items, she got the boxes mixed up, and gave the gloves to the sister and gift-wrapped the panties for the young man.

The young man sealed the package without noticing and sent it to his sweetheart, who opened it on Christmas to find his enclosed note:

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she demonstrated the short ones she wears that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked very sharp.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love.

P.S... The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

[Ahzz]

*WINCE*

Poor guy. He's going to be in quite a bit of pain for a while.

[DonnaT]

Blonde Christmas Story


There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods
searching for a Christmas tree.

After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with
hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm
chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's
decorated or not!"

[SilverLady(SO)]

You're bad, Donna - - good, but very bad!

Thanks for the humor - - I really needed it today!

[Carolynn]

Johnny was drawing a picture of Santa and his Reindeer. He was a good little artist and hic coloration was usually accurate. All his reindeer in the picture were shades of brown, but one was green. The teacher, curious, asked about it.

Oh, he said. "just like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer song says",

"Olive, the other reindeer"!!.

[Curly(SO)]

I like that, Carolynn

[Maria]

What happens if the fresh holiday turkey and your best porcelain serving platter falls on the kitchen floor?

1. The downfall of Turkey.

2. The breakup of China.

3. The splattering of Greece.

Maria

[Kyra]

Sorry, couldn't resist: