no more lies

[Jess(SO)]

Absaroka,
maybe just maybe hun, I wish u luck.
The ? i posed about the lies n half truthes was about me, it doesen't mean that every SO wants to know everything, just that I am better at dealing with facts rather than letting my imagination run away with me (and I do have a vivid imagination though it ain't always or anywhere nearly always right).

Have u tried to get ur wife to look at posts on here? if she isn't comfortable with that she could always email me or any of the other SO's

thinking of you both
Jess

[Elizabeth]

Absaroka,

I guess the point is that sometimes the best we can do with the truth is to say that the truth is that I am not comfortable telling you everything about this. And that when this is the truth the person asking for the truth must be prepared to hear the truth.

While we all have our own truths, we can not have truth by exclusion. The truth can not be defined as the truth minus what I am embarassed or afraid to tell someone.

If the truth is so bad, in our own mind, that we fear rejection or dismay at revealing it, this is precisely the kind of information a prospective suitor is entitled to know. I don't agree with the logic that we are entitled to keep important imformation from those we have relationships with, simply because it's embarassing.

Not because it is so harmful to the person we are keeping the truth from, but because it is so harmful to ourselves. The secret I carried all those years harmed me far worse than the loss of relationships I suffered as a result of coming clean. Not having a secret has freed me.

I used to think it would be impossible to live in the open. I thought there was no way I could be happy if I lost everything, which is what I presumed would happen if everyone knew about me. However, I did not lose everything and living in the open has freed me to really live my life.

My new wife Raven(SO) was/is free to make informed choices about her relationship with me. Headed into the future there are no surprises in store for her, at least that I know of. No baby steps, no permission slips, no begging, negotiating or embarassing surprises.

If one's loved one feels they have been open and honest with us, while we took the posture that they are not entitled to the truth, this creates a disparity in the relationship and can be a recipe for disaster.

Just my two cents worth.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Jess(SO)]

Absaroka,

While we all have our own truths, we can not have truth by exclusion. The truth can not be defined as the truth minus what I am embarassed or afraid to tell someone.

If the truth is so bad, in our own mind, that we fear rejection or dismay at revealing it, this is precisely the kind of information a prospective suitor is entitled to know. I don't agree with the logic that we are entitled to keep important imformation from those we have relationships with, simply because it's embarassing.

If one's loved one feels they have been open and honest with us, while we took the posture that they are not entitled to the truth, this creates a disparity in the relationship and can be a recipe for disaster.

Just my two cents worth.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Had I known before we embarked on our relationship (or at least as soon as it became obvious things were serious between us) I honestly don't think it would have made a difference to me ( but I / we will never know that )).

I particuraly like -------------"While we all have our own truths, we can not have truth by exclusion. The truth can not be defined as the truth minus what I am embarassed or afraid to tell someone" --------------and that is what i feel he did, exclude me, becuase it wasn't comfortable for him. like i said in one othe rpost i feel he was saying , probably wasn't but is how I feel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So many peeps have helped over this issue of lies and half truths, but for me especially the cdr's themselves, and for that alone I thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart. You have all made a difference thanks