A question for spouses, girlfriends, and etc

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Mon Dec 11, 2006 1:11 pm

I have a question for the SOs here. Much of what is discussed here is portrayed as the CD getting in touch with their feminine side, and some of the CDs here have a primarily transgender orientation. But from what I have read elsewhere the more common motivation for CDing is often sexual-something along the lines of the clothes look exciting on a woman, why not feel them on my own body. One of the psychiatric explanations for this all being that it's pretty normal for boys at a certain age to be curious about whats under neath the lingerie and to confuse this with feelings about the lingerie itself.

To me it seems that sexual enjoyment of women's clothing has far fewer implications than discomfort with ones assigned gender.

So my question is this: which is more disturbing to you, the idea that your lover is somewhat transgendered and might feel that he is at least a little bit female (or feminine, not always the same thing) or that he has what is both medically and perjoratively known as a fetish, ranging from the completely innocuous he feels a bit warmer wearing your hoodie to the slightly trendy he feels like you are making love while apart because your panties are holding him still, all the way to he likes to pretend he is the seductress in black lace while he is either alone or with you.

Not trying to offend anyone here or suggest one scenario is better than another. Just interested in peoples reactions.

Absaroka

Curly(SO) · Post by **Curly(SO)** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 1:38 pm

Hi Absaroka,

It's difficult for me to answer that as my finding out about Ed's CDing has been a gradual process and incorporates both fetish and transgenderism.
Ed first told me he had fetishes for certain women's clothing a long time before telling me about his CDing (He denied any involvement in CDing when asked) I was not at all disturbed by this and did a lot of reading into fetishism. Obviously, I came across stuff about CDing while researching, so when he told me he did indeed partake in it, I had a little prior knowledge and had a pretty good idea he hadn't been telling me everything!

Since knowing about Ed's CDing, it has again been a gradual process of opening up and talking to me about more transgendered feelings. I have been here for three years now and done a lot of reading of elsewhere so I feel pretty clued up. This gradual learning process about Ed and issues surrounding CDing has meant I have never really felt disturbed about any aspect of it all. Only disturbed that certain aspects of him had been hidden, which made me feel like I didn't know who he was for a while. I suppose that may be the most disturbing thing for many SOs.

So, to recap...not disturbed by Fetishism or Transgenderism... and aware that these can overlap....just disturbed that my hubby had hidden away who he really was (Though I do appreciate the reasons behind the secrecy.) So, IMHO, I think that CDers have a responsibility to be honest and SOs have a responsibility to be open minded and educate themselves in all aspects of CDing, fetishism and transgenderism. A little knowledge can go a long way to allay fears and preconceptions!

Love,
Curly.

Amanda (SO) · Post by **Amanda (SO)** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 4:00 pm

Couldn't have said it better myself, Curly!

That is indeed a difficult question, and it took me a while to think the answer to it over. Neither of the choices I find terribly disturbing. A person is who that person is.

Adora is an absolutely beautiful person. How she dresses or what turns her on is, in my mind, petty stuff! What is important is the love that we share.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Tue Dec 12, 2006 8:11 pm

Can Virginia comment!?
I think I have at times supressed the sexual side of Virginia albeit subconsciously, I think! I have to admit I think she is a beautiful woman and yes she, shall I say, turns herself on, but what really turns her on is her SO. SL is accepting, if you will, of Virginia and loves her unconditionally. I realize too that SL is what I can only describe as the ultimate exception to the rule as to being accepting of "us."
Our relationship, ie, SL and Virginia, is, without a doubt, something unique. I don't wish to "keep it between us" only. I wish all my sisters here could experience the acceptance that SL has for Virginia and how, as a woman/Virginia, that acceptance of her existence as a woman makes Virginia feel. She, SL, truly brings out the woman in Virginia even more than just being a CD does and moves me to one of the most beautiful places on our continuum that I can be.
Not wishing to wax to emotional, but it has brought tears to my eyes on numerous occassions just trying to get my mind around how lucky a girl I am to have her in my life.
I can only wish for my sisters and the SO's here that they can find the love, empathy, sharing and understanding that we have to power our "Magical Mystery Tour."
Love you all, and especially you, my soulmate!
Virginia

Jess(SO) · Post by **Jess(SO)** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 5:51 am

I have to agree with Curly that I was disturbrd by not knowing who my partner truely was, and yes 4 months down the line I don't / he may not know where this is really going to be in a few years.

To be completely honest I know that should Claire Jane decide to go down the srs route, as heartbreaking as it would be, it would be without me, now that may mean that I am selfish, but I signed up to a MALE/female deal here with me being the female, and while I can and do accept cding as part of our relationship I really could not go the whole way, I don't know if I could even live with Claire being dressed 24/7, and the answer is probably not, I do so like my Man in Male mode.

Sorry if that upsets anyone but it is just my opinion

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 7:26 am

Hay Jess(SO),
I don't believe you will upset anyone on this forum as we are all here for one another. You spoke from your heart and said what you felt, nothing wrong with that.

My wife loves her man also but puts up with Carol and when she tells me she wants a man around for a while I get the message.
And if it makes any difference I ain't going the SRS thing,

Terri(SO) · Post by **Terri(SO)** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 9:27 am

I have to say that its easier for me as a partner to deal with CD as a fetish. I am cool with transness where it is expressed as a combining of the characteristics of both sexes, braveness, assertiveness, caring, gentleness, sensivity to others' feelings, etc. I have to say that, again as a partner, I would not be able to remain a partner if Maria were to decide to transition (friends yes, sexual partner no) and I consider 24/7 dressing transitioning. It was implied in a PM exchange with another SO that this adamant statement somehow made me less worthy as a partner to a CD.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 9:48 am

Thanks for the replies ladies. Truly I would say everyone here seems to be a gift to their partner.

Personally by the way, if my wife were to tell me she needed to transition to a man I do not think I would be able to remain married to her. I very much hope we would weather the storm and remain friends.

I don't think this makes me selfish at all. Lots of other things do but not that.

Absaroka

Jess(SO) · Post by **Jess(SO)** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 3:35 pm

Terri(SO) wrote: It was implied in a PM exchange with another SO that this adamant statement somehow made me less worthy as a partner to a CD.

Terri I am sorry that you recieved a PM saying that I guess that puts you and me in the same boat

Jess

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 9:46 pm

Virginia wrote:. . . but what really turns her on is her SO. SL is accepting, if you will, of Virginia and loves her unconditionally. I realize too that SL is what I can only describe as the ultimate exception to the rule as to being accepting of "us."

. . . Not wishing to wax to emotional, but it has brought tears to my eyes on numerous occassions just trying to get my mind around how lucky a girl I am to have her in my life.

. . . Love you all, and especially you, my soulmate!

Virginia, you took the words right out of my heart and soul; I couldn't have said it any better myself.

Virginia, my Soul Mate - - I Love You!!

- SL

PS: Terri, I am really sorry that someone, especially an SO, sent you that PM. You are entitled to live your life however it suits *you* best - only you know how much you can, or are willing to, handle. Shame on anyone who would dare imply that you are not worthy to be SO to a CD.