Down and out

Jess(SO) · Post by **Jess(SO)** » Thu Aug 10, 2006 4:48 am

Lydia,
thanks, and yes I do love him and believe he loves me as much as I do him, crikes whats not to love about the guy (except in the odd moments )
Wouldn't dream of asking the why question, this is part of who he is, and his cding has not ever been the issue it's the lies that drive me up the wall.
As I said to jeannie I can talk to him about anything that is bothering me but try and get him to talk to you if things are bothering him!!!!!!!!!! it would be easier to stop all famine, fire and flood in the world.
The one limit that I am asking for at the moment seems to be the one he can't, won't stick to NO MORE LIES OR HALF TRUTHS - and yes I know that he has been hiding this for over twenty years and that it really must be hard to break that secrecy thing but this is the one thing that is giving me the bad moments.
Again thanks to every one for being there for each other
jess

Lydia · Post by **Lydia** » Thu Aug 10, 2006 6:16 am

Patience, Jess.

"You have told the truth a million times in your life,
but that one golden lie atones for it all. Persevere."

Mark Twain: "My First Lie, And How I Got Out Of It" - 1899

Lydia

Lydia · Post by **Lydia** » Thu Aug 10, 2006 6:47 am

Hi Jess,

I have been thinking further about what you said in you last post. An essential concept to me is that love and trust go together, and by that I mean a complete open relationship with anything open for discussion. However, I have reminded myself of the time when I disclosed my CD to my SO. She accepted it and cooperates, although basically she does not understand the “why.” I must admit that initially, I was not completely frank with her, and over the course of the past year, I have become more open with her. The years of concealment are hard to overcome, and there are probably some remnants of the guilt feelings that are part of this behavior - probably coming from my mother who responded violently to any hint of CD.

The freedom and frankness we now have with each other is wonderful, but it does take time to develop.

Hugs,

Lydia

Jess(SO) · Post by **Jess(SO)** » Thu Aug 10, 2006 8:25 am

lydia,
thanks again, have got ot go now am going away tonight instead of tommorow so have a bit to do. Will keep in mind all the advice given to me, and hopefully we will find some time together next week to be able to reach out and really talk to each other again. Will catch up with you all sometime next week
jess

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:58 pm

Hi Jess

Hope you had a great weekend.

As Lydia and Mark Twain said respectively - patience and perserverance. Two qualities I'm sure you usually have an abundant supply of. However, they can certainly get used up in a hurry under certain circumstances, that's for sure. Jess, I do feel for what you are going through in trying to get your SO to open up to you, but as you said, all those years of secrecy do take their toll and can make it a hard habit to break - not that it is an excuse. He needs to listen to you and be attentive to your concerns, because as you alluded to, he runs the risk of losing you if he doesn't. I hope you can find a way through. Unfortunately, lies make it so much more difficult. but if he truly values your relationship, your patience may pay off. Lies and deceit are such destructive influences but it's often selfishness that perpetuates them, so if you can somehow get him to see that, he may finally realize you really do love him for the person he is. I'm sure you do now but perhaps he doesn't believe it in himself?

I still have trouble with the trust thing so maybe just maybe he will be better off without me in his life

I doubt that. It's more a case of him not realizing how lucky he really is in having you. I truly hope you can work things out before he knows for sure - after it's too late.

Good luck.

Stephanie

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Fri Aug 11, 2006 4:30 pm

Carol Ann

Hope you're feeling better today. I can understand how frustrating it is when you can't dress when you want to. I'm sure most of us here have been there before at some time or another. As to the "why" we sometimes feel so overwhelmed in our desire to dress, who really knows the answer? It's just there! You shouldn't feel you're being selfish about it because we all have stresses in our lives and for so many of us, alleviation of stress through being able to dress is a common theme. We all need time for ourselves and an outlet to reduce the anxieties we have to deal with, be they unexpected visitors or other things that prevent us from living our lives as we want to, through our daily routine.

Alll you can do is remember that "Tomorrow is another day, to quote dear Scarlett, from the movie Gone With the Wind, and hope you feel better by then. Best of luck Carol Ann.

Stephanie.

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Sun Aug 13, 2006 9:46 am

Hi Stephanie W,
Well I'm coping with the situation and doing better. School starts on the 16th here so Carol Ann can come out on a limited basic for a while each day. I just got so used to being free and the wife gave me her blessings and I just loved every moment of it. There would be a problem or two but if the kids were not staying with us I believe I would try to go full time. Two years ago she went to Germandy for two weeks and I was Carol Ann full time, even when out everyday and after I got over my fear and I walked with my head up it was easy and I had no problems what so ever.
Oh dreams are make to dream. $\:D/$

Loy B(SO) · Post by **Loy B(SO)** » Sun Aug 13, 2006 7:16 pm

Not much longer till the kids are back in school.I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better-Before you know it you will be back to dressing!

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 10:00 am

Thanks LoyB, thanks to everyone for your kind words and advice. Maybe this down time is good for me and the wife. I know we all have dreams and wishes some come true some don't. To tell the truth I think Carol Ann needs to back down a little and not demand to much as I am learning things can get out of control. I'll be fine,

Loy B(SO) · Post by **Loy B(SO)** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 4:40 pm

Ya know what they say Carol Ann-
When life gives ya lemons,Make lemonaid!!

Jess(SO) · Post by **Jess(SO)** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 2:55 am

hi all,
just thought i'd drop in to say I am back after my weekend away
jess

Rose Darn · Post by **Rose Darn** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 3:33 pm

Little un and I are going away for the weekend to some great mates so it will give me time to really think this through. I still have trouble with the trust thing so maybe just maybe he will be better off without me in his life, anyway food for thought definatly
Jess(SO)

Having been with the same woman for over 30 years, I can understand your doubts, Jess(SO). I, personally, could not be without my wife and if she were to ask me to stop my CDing, I would. This is not to say that these feelings would ever go away, they won't. But this issue is not that different than anyother part of my life and she would be trying to change the person she fell in love with originally. This is why I have always been honest and up front with her, always. Now, sometimes I must be aware that this may not be the proper time and will wait for such an opportunity. I (and no one else here in this forum) can truely know how this affects you personally, and to advise you would be to do harm, but, think before you leap and make that attempt to tell your SO how you feel. Be honest to yourself first. Trust is formed by honesty.
With warm wishes,
Rose

Rose Darn · Post by **Rose Darn** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 4:29 pm

When life gives ya lemons,Make lemonaid!!

Loy B(SO)
in our case: "When life gives ya lemons, Dress as a Frenchmaid".
Rose

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Sat Aug 19, 2006 6:37 am

Now that is a good idea, I havn't had mine on in a while. Now there is always something that needs cleaning or dusting and the kids are away for the weekend.

Loy B(SO) · Post by **Loy B(SO)** » Sat Aug 19, 2006 10:37 am

LOL Absolutely When life gives you lemons through on a french maids outfit!