Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hello,
It was just posed to me that helping our CD'r get ready and going out with him may not be viewed as "participation" by some. Any comments on this one? I see it as participation because I am doing these things with and for him, we are intimately together emotionally and physically. If I were not present I guess one could say that's not participating but I just didn't get it when this was put to me. Help.
Kay

Hi Kay,

I'd love to give more input. I need your help though.

How was the question phrased or posed to you? I ask because I'm with you on this. You have to be participating if you help someone get dressed to go out. If you're getting ready at the same time and don't pay any attention to him then you're not.

So that's where I need help understanding before I answer. Is it when you are dressing together to go out or when you are dressing him to go out and then you get dressed yourself? Or is there another way you're talking about that I missed?

Beauty

Okay, what was said to me is this: Being with my CD, helping him during transformation and going out is not "participating" because how can you be participating if you aren't the one getting the payoff. Enjoying the "feelings" that he is by dressing.
My response was that I DO get a payoff and that I DO view it as participating because of the friendship, intimacy, seeing how happy he is, playing with all the "stuff" (makeup, hair, picking outfits, etc...) I felt annoyed by the idea of it NOT being participation. How could that not be participation??

As for my being used, no way. I'm choosing to do all of these things. Half the time it's my idea about what I'm going to do for him. I do it because I completely enjoy that intimate time and closeness together. And yes, when I go out with my girlfriends we do help each other dress, do each other's hair, etc... In no way is my CD'r using me. I'm a volunteer who is happy to do anything I can to help him, make him look beautiful and he appreciates every single bit of it and let's me know in many ways. He is grateful and so am I that we have the relationship that we have and I support him 150%. Thanks for the replies and I look forward to more.
Kay

Kay(SO),

I was curious as to who would pose such a question?
It doesn't sound like it was your spouse/partner.

I have one friend who is very skeptical in a similiar fashion as to what she feels I'm "missing out on" in my relationship.

I understand that she actually feels that I can somehow benefit by her criticism but take what she has to say with a grain of salt.

The most important opinion would be yours.
By your veiws expressed in this forum ,you sound like you are involved in a wonderful and fulfilling relationship for both you and your spouse/partner.

Thats all that really matters !:)

Hi Kay,

Now I understand. Thank you for clarifying what you were saying, even more.

Yes, you are totally participating AND you are enjoying yourself. So I think this means others have a problem with helping their SO's dress.

You understand doing this bonds you with your hubby. Some others feel like it's a chore. I know women who like to give makeovers and some who like to do nails for people for fun. Then there are others who totally hate doing it and feel like it's a chore. Do you think these ladies are in that boat? Meaning, do you think they would rather pull teeth than help someone get dressed or made up? Therefore they don't feel like it's participating, they feel like it's a type of forced servitude?

Regardless, you're super cool Kay for NOT ONLY helping your hubby, but loving, accepting, and validating him with your affection and love. You're truly a beautiful woman, a great friend, and wife to you hubby.

Beauty

Thank you all so much for the support and input. It was posed to me by another SO who pushed my buttons so to speak with the comment. I know that perspectives are different and what became most clear to me is that her view is at the opposite end of the spectrum from mine. She later added that she feels CDing is selfish and clarified that she meant we SO's can't REALLY participate because we arent' getting the "high" that the CD'rs get. Poohey, I say. And you're right, I'm happy with the way things are with us. And my husband deeply appreciates the way I see things and all that I do for him and for us.
Kay(SO)

Good for you Kay(SO)!

I'm glad you decided not to let her comment get to you!

Did you talk to the other SO in a forum or a group meeting or do you actually know her personally?

The person I know has been my friend for years and by a strange coincidence she also met someone who happened to CD after I had met my partner.
She had a bad experience ,however, and not knowing the person she was involved with I'm not sure what really happened.
All I know is that it left a bad taste in her mouth for the whole idea of CDing.
I realize that she is still hurting from whatever happened in the relationship and is still bitter.

I'm glad that you were able to share this with us and we might have helped in some way.