Death of the Knight
Posted: Wed May 19, 2004 11:53 pm
From the earliest ages girls and boys are presented with role models to follow. From fairy tales to poems to prose, we learn male and female roles that we first see in a romantic light. This is a wonderful time of life, one in which we see ourselves being either the damsel in distress or the knight in shining armor, each eventually realizing their dreams and riding off into the sunset on a beautiful white stallion.
As we age the realities of life alter our expectations. We realize that life is different than fairy tales but we still hold onto many of these dreams. I have recently become aware of one such dream that seems to be part of the female psyche, the Knight in Shining Armor. No I’m not saying they thing some handsome young stud will ride up on a horse and save them from a mean ogre. What I am saying is many women still hold on strongly to the idea that their man will be there for them to protect and save them from whatever they cannot handle in life. It makes sense, he’s bigger and stronger so why not expect this?
The other day my daughter and I were talking. She made a comment that really opened my eyes. “Dad, I just have to accept that you’re not the macho guy I grew up to think you are.” The first thing I thought is, “I am the same person I have always been. Where did this come from?” Later after I thought about it I realized her knowledge that her dad was a crossdresser changed her image of me. I didn’t change. I’ve always been this way. In fact I know I’d be a different person had I not had this as part of me.
From there I thought of a comment by a wife of a crossdressser where she spoke of her Knight in Shining Armor not being there once she found he crossdressed. That’s when I saw the light, so to speak.
I have for a long time seen men as the end of the emotional food chain. As kids we have parents and maybe older siblings to save and protect us. As we get older our parents are still there as are grandparents to help us when we get in a bind. But there comes a time in every man’s life when he looks around and sees all the people he could go to are gone. Now he must assume the role of the head of the family, the Rock of Gibraltar. Everyone can come to him and expect him to help them through their difficulties but he cannot show this weakness because the effect of doing so means all those who look to him as this pillar of support will be devastated. After all, who will they go to now?
So what happens when a man admits to his SO he likes to dress in women’s clothing? The Knight dies a slow death. She sees that she no longer has this big strong man to lean on and go to when she is feeling vulnerable. The big strong man, the Knight, is dead. And as with any death there can be denial, adjustment or a long mourning period. These things take time.
As we are growing up almost none of us are asked, “Is this okay with you?” as we are told we need to do this or that so everyone will think the best of us. I was born in 1951. At that time there were only two roads to take, mother or father and your birth certificate determined that. I was taught I was to be the protector of the weaker sex, my mother, my sisters and any girls I knew. That’s just how it was.
Today I can say that almost no man I know thinks of himself in that light. Some women see the confident, aggressive male as that type of man. Most come to realize he is, in his basest sense, self-involved and goal oriented. What happens along the way is just a road that must be traveled. But your average man sees himself as being just as vulnerable as any woman. He just doesn’t talk about it.
The Knight in Shining Armor is a wonderful image but it is just a myth. The sooner the two sexes accept that, the sooner we can truly get to know one another.
As we age the realities of life alter our expectations. We realize that life is different than fairy tales but we still hold onto many of these dreams. I have recently become aware of one such dream that seems to be part of the female psyche, the Knight in Shining Armor. No I’m not saying they thing some handsome young stud will ride up on a horse and save them from a mean ogre. What I am saying is many women still hold on strongly to the idea that their man will be there for them to protect and save them from whatever they cannot handle in life. It makes sense, he’s bigger and stronger so why not expect this?
The other day my daughter and I were talking. She made a comment that really opened my eyes. “Dad, I just have to accept that you’re not the macho guy I grew up to think you are.” The first thing I thought is, “I am the same person I have always been. Where did this come from?” Later after I thought about it I realized her knowledge that her dad was a crossdresser changed her image of me. I didn’t change. I’ve always been this way. In fact I know I’d be a different person had I not had this as part of me.
From there I thought of a comment by a wife of a crossdressser where she spoke of her Knight in Shining Armor not being there once she found he crossdressed. That’s when I saw the light, so to speak.
I have for a long time seen men as the end of the emotional food chain. As kids we have parents and maybe older siblings to save and protect us. As we get older our parents are still there as are grandparents to help us when we get in a bind. But there comes a time in every man’s life when he looks around and sees all the people he could go to are gone. Now he must assume the role of the head of the family, the Rock of Gibraltar. Everyone can come to him and expect him to help them through their difficulties but he cannot show this weakness because the effect of doing so means all those who look to him as this pillar of support will be devastated. After all, who will they go to now?
So what happens when a man admits to his SO he likes to dress in women’s clothing? The Knight dies a slow death. She sees that she no longer has this big strong man to lean on and go to when she is feeling vulnerable. The big strong man, the Knight, is dead. And as with any death there can be denial, adjustment or a long mourning period. These things take time.
As we are growing up almost none of us are asked, “Is this okay with you?” as we are told we need to do this or that so everyone will think the best of us. I was born in 1951. At that time there were only two roads to take, mother or father and your birth certificate determined that. I was taught I was to be the protector of the weaker sex, my mother, my sisters and any girls I knew. That’s just how it was.
Today I can say that almost no man I know thinks of himself in that light. Some women see the confident, aggressive male as that type of man. Most come to realize he is, in his basest sense, self-involved and goal oriented. What happens along the way is just a road that must be traveled. But your average man sees himself as being just as vulnerable as any woman. He just doesn’t talk about it.
The Knight in Shining Armor is a wonderful image but it is just a myth. The sooner the two sexes accept that, the sooner we can truly get to know one another.
I want to make sure I'm right about what I said above about her feelings.
This thread has helped me a lot. I have always been not the Knight but the Redneck Ranger Sniper in my own mind. I can shot the flea off a dogs back at 900 yards and my wife knows it. So I have always worried when I tell her about everything in this thread about not being the protector of the family. 
), he just took care of things. I now know that he was holding back all of his emotions all his life, not on purpose, he just didn't feel them at the time (he said). After he told me of his CDing he is now letting his feelings out, he now says what he is feeling, and I couldn't be happier. Don't get me wrong, he isn't walking around everyday all weepy 
, I feel that he just feels more free. I feel that we have finally connected, I feel that we finally have what I have dreamed of all my llife 
. I have struggle for many years, trying to get him to open himself up to me, I have always felt that he wasn't really as connected to me as I felt connected to him. I never felt that I was a priority in his life, I never came first, I was always at the bottom of the list and sometimes I didn't feel that I was even on the list, I now feel differently, I am #1 to him now, I feel that way now, and he has always been my #1. 
, (hmmm, maybe that is intentional, he does like pink 
. If one is ill, the other is there to be the nurse (only now "he" may like to wear the nurse outfit too 
) if one is not as strong, the other is there with a shoulder to lean on and give a hug 
. But I do tend to look to him to be the stronger (most of the time). Even though he now lets his feelings show, I know that I am still much more emotional than he is and sometimes need his shoulder to cry on and sweep me up onto his horse.
My husband has told me that he never thought that he could love someone the way that he now loves me, and I now (finally) really do feel that he loves me deeply, like he never has before.