Crossdressers-Haven.com

This is funny, really. If you want a cure for your guy's CDing, try spending a day like my honey and I did yesterday, LOL.

OK, so when we first started talking about his desire to fully dress, including wig and make up I asked if he wanted to GO anywhere? I guess at that time he had not even considered going out. I figured if he was going to go to all that effort, why not find a place to go while he was in drag? With that seed planted he found a local club for CDers and their spouses. It's a group that has at least one social gathering a month for couples, often to a "safe" restaurant. He filled out an application, with my blessing, and had a phone interview, which I had to be a part of. That went well so Friday we met one of the members for breakfast and an in person interview, in normal clothing. That also went well, so the founder invited the two of us to his home yesterday for some mentoring. The next meeting is in 2 weeks so he wanted to make sure my guy will be ready and presentable as a proper lady.

Literally he had to bring all his femme clothing (which isn't too much at this point), dresses, shoes, stockings, bras, forms, wigs, jewelry, and all his (and MY) make up! He said we would be there all day, as would his SO, and he did not exaggerate. We arrived around 9:30 am, had a nice visit and talk on the patio, and then the work began. This man has been a CD his entire life, and he is pushing 80 but he had so much energy and so much wisdom to share. He told my hubby that he had the wrong bras and stockings and especially wigs. Thank GOODNESS because I thought so too, but didn't want to hurt his feelings. This man put him into a real functional bra, a waist cincher, a padded girdle that gave him the hips/butt of a woman, to proportion to his shoulders & waist. It was really quite a transformation and made the look very believable. He had him wear normal (not sexy) pantyhose and had a TON of wigs for him to try. He tried to teach him how to walk and move like a lady and not to look like a cheap transvestite, LOL. He then spent several hours watching & tutoring him (and me) on proper make up application. I even learned a few things myself.

It was exhausting, really, but he/she got to try a number of beautiful dresses and period pieces with various hats, accessories and wigs. I even tried a few wigs myself! Picture multiple walk in closets full of women's clothing, wigs & shoes and a make up table that any woman would envy. While we were there another couple from the club stopped by (in normal clothing) so we met them too. They were all so friendly and "normal", it really helped put this into perspective.

After the fashion show and photo shoot (I took pictures of his different looks) he washed off the make up and got back into his normal clothes and our host then transformed himself into his female self, while we carefully watched and learned. Then the 4 of us went out to a very nice dinner at a regular restaurant where everyone knows them as both himself and HERself, where we were fawned over. It was great fun but we were dead tired by the time we left there at 10 PM!

Funny thing is, my SO is pretty well over the whole thing, LOL. A cure, perhaps? Just kidding. Today he did order a proper wig and waist cincher and is going to buy a padded girdle on Tuesday so he/we will be ready for our first official meeting in 2 weeks. I tell you what, life is NOT boring, that's for sure.

In less than a week we've met 3 transvestites in person, and 2 SOs. Prior to this, my SO had never even spoken to someone like himself, other than online. It's an altered reality for sure. What a crazy day it was, and the club is going to be a lot of fun.

WOW, I never had help like that. I am glad you both had a good day. It sounds like there is more fun for you both to come.

Well, other than its Southern California, I am almost, ALMOST speechless!

At this juncture, I can only say, I hope it all works out for the best.

Virginia

Well, you have somewhat of a point. But only somewhat.

First, glad you two had a great time. My equivalent was a full do by my wife, with pictures. Then coming out to my son, and then our friends at dress-up parties (everybody likes sexy clothes, right?) and on
Facebook. And then a dozen (okay, two dozen) essays on being, becoming, and paying for my CD, in my Facebook Notes and on my blog (both findable on my profile here, I think).

And then two years of presence on this forum and MHB, explaining myself ad nauseum, and reading about the trials, tribulations, fears, and triumphs of others here who are in much the same boat.

Maybe it's just my age (74), but I feel the need to dress less and less frequently these days. I'd like to think it's the lessened pressure of having thoroughly come out (as much as I want to) and no longer having to hide - especially from my wife. Similarly, your partner may have felt wonderfully relieved by learning best how to present herself. But there ain't no cure for the cross dresser's blues!

If one goes full time, maybe. Even though I could, I really don't want to - it's just so much more trouble being a girl, and I'd have to learn how to be so much more of a "real" girl. It's 60 years too late for that.

In any case, I'm glad you love your partner and she you, and are not freaked by his quirks.

It does sound pretty much like a dream from a CDs point of view. So I guess the mentor and his SO have really gone out of their way to construct an ideal experience for the novice CD. Apart from the cost of this wardrobe, which would fit all CDs (I mean it seems to have set up for CDs in general, rather than of just one size) and then that you get literally all day from someone who knows what they're doing. That's a big investment, both in terms of money and life-energies.

As a generality, I'm not too good at taking great chunks of stuff in at one go, I mean you do get overload and exhaustion. There are dressing services (like you pay for), where they'll dress you up and teach you, but they seem less intensive than this.

From a SO's point of view, I guess it would be decidedly less engaging than for the CD. I think, if I were a SO, at some points I might get a bit fed up of it.

Hi Anthony,

Actually, this was the personal wardrobe of the founder of this discreet CD group and his SO. They limit their group to about 20 members, and none can be single. This is a couples group. Since they go out in public they do as little as possible to stand out, and all the girls try to look completely authentic. I believe by helping us in this way they are trying to make sure he/we fit in.

He helps all new members, if they are wiling, before their first meeting. Both of us were surprised to have been given so much of their time, and that they were so generous with their things. I think they really liked us, as we did them, and that it was fun for them to show him what is possible with the right tools. They didn't have sizes to fit everyone, he was just fortunate to have been able to fit into what they had. Good thing he had his own shoes because neither of them were the same shoe size that he is. Yes, they have a life time's investment into this wardrobe and it shows.

It was a lot for both of us, but we appreciated the education and are looking forward to attending their meetings and getting to know people we don't have to keep secrets from.

Wow is all I can say , now the best part is yet to come as you and him try to out dress one another on date night .

AS far as groups go I was very active in Tri-Ess but never had that kind of schooling, now you and him have some fun together as the wife and I always did.

Sounds like a great group to be a part of. Nice to hear y'all had a fun learning experience.

It's an interesting experience for both of us. He is learning how much work it is to be a well dressed woman with beautiful make up and hair, and that shopping is hard work, and you often can't find what you're looking for !

I believe he has a new found respect for me as well, and is going to be much appreciative of me.

That does sound like a great experience, Nature Gal! For both of you. Helpful advise from a spouse carries less weight than a fellow, er sister cd'er. I am a bit surprised that after all the effort, your guy changed to male for a meal out with his/her new mentor.

Having a husband that likes to dress as a woman around the house is one thing to accept. Dressing good enough to pass as female in public is a whole new perspective. It becomes more serious a life style than a mere hobby. Are you ready for this?

Just to offer a different experience, my husband has been part of a group that meets once a month at an out of the way hotel conference room. Partners are not mandatory. Before and after meetings, they gather at the hotel bar to socialize. For those who are not ready to be in public, they just attend the meeting and go home.
Last year, I've found these meetings quite enjoyable. There are few spouses, but I end up talking with other gals about their selves.

There is a mother instinct in not wanting your hubby to be an embarrassment in public and watch over her. Full acceptance comes when you can just walk away and socialize.

Eileen

Hi Elieen,

He changed back into his male self mainly because he was not ready yet for his first public appearance. Getting fully en femme is a very new experience for him and he's quite shy about it. Maybe after a few meetings with the rest of the gals he will be more adventurous. Also, that's the way our host/hostess intended that dinner so we just went with it.

I'm looking forward to our first meeting. They decided they seriously wanted this group to be for couples and heterosexual CDers years ago when they established it. They wanted an environment that was not threatening to the wives in any way. I can appreciate that. That's the philosophy of this particular group.

Our meetings are open to all gender variances, but mainly the members are hetero cd's. In this aspect, wives are not threatened, as you say. More like realizing that this compulsion is much more prevalent than one would think.

You've said that you are rather new to this. If he was shy about being out in public enfemme, what were your feelings at the time? Would you be comfortable as the forth female in the group? His shyness might be because of you there. My guy as gal had been out several times before I knew. Well after the part of dressing as female in the first place, I was like, your out having fun without me?

You are a beautiful and accepting wife. Maybe more accepting than he is. For our guys, this is a very confusing situation that they grew up with. We can only give support.

Eileen

Eileen, Nature Gal



So proud of both of you!!!

Virginia

Eileen (SO) wrote:Our meetings are open to all gender variances, but mainly the members are hetero cd's. In this aspect, wives are not threatened, as you say.

The 2 major concerns wives have is worrying if their husbands are gay or if they want to transition into women. By limiting membership to only heterosexual men in committed relationships the concern about them being gay is eliminated, at least in reference to this club.

Eileen (SO) wrote:Would you be comfortable as the forth female in the group? His shyness might be because of you there. My guy as gal had been out several times before I knew.

That wouldn't have made me uncomfortable at all. He is a shy person and needs to feel passable before he will go out in public. He has never gone out on his own.

Eileen (SO) wrote:You are a beautiful and accepting wife. Maybe more accepting than he is. For our guys, this is a very confusing situation that they grew up with. We can only give support.

Thank you, and that's what I'm trying to do, be a supportive partner and confidant.

Thank you Virginia!