Crossdressers-Haven.com

Very cool. Big for you understanding and him learning something new about how you feel.

Whether the same outcome would be reached with other SOs and DHs is hard to say. Not wanting to put a damper on things, but what if he played out the role reversal?

Hi all,

Love,



To both you and your hubby (does this person have a name? )

The gaining of insight is often a minor miracle. Love, I'm not sure; is this the effect you were hoping your little surprise would have? or was it just an unintended consequence of this jest?

Love's DH,

Bravo to you, for being such a good sport about this, to the extent that you could. SO's do, indeed, have a hard time sometimes dealing with our dressing. But, as all of them, without exception, unwaveringly point out, that never means they love us any the less. You hold on to this Little Bo-Peep with a heart of gold--she's very special. There's a possibility she loves you more than you realize.
It would be fun if you had a chance to participate, even if only occasionally, on the forum. Okay, so you would have to deal with the odd (in more ways than one) "Love-fit." It's a very small price to pay (and should be gladly paid) to have an opportunity to connect with other CD's, with Love, with yourself.

Take care. (Oh! and give them eyebrows a chance, eh? )

Love,
CJ

Hi Love,

Like the Bo-Peep outfit, seen it before and its my favourite. It can only be worn to effect by a RG.

I'm not sure if having my wife dress in male attire would have any effect on me. See, Rg's have a very distinct advantage in that they can wear what they want, when they want, without anybody batting an eyelid.

But I understand the sentiment or spirit of what you were trying to achieve.

I do trim my eyebrows but they never look feminine, they just loose their hedgerow appearance. Externally I dont have any permanent modifications. Other than a large Eagle tattoo which I had in Portsmouth Naval Dockyard a long time ago.
I have asked my wife to consider letting me have my ears pierced, a big No, was the answer. I have respected that, I dont wear any earrings since I hate clip-ons. (they hurt).

I gather from what was said by your other-half that he sometimes leaves things lying around, and this makes you angry. Does this mean that the act of dressing will be closetted when the children get older?
That is what happened to me, and it was hard to cope with.

I agree totally with your non-acceptance of the femme name. I use the name Kerri for this forum and other internet sites. But I dont use a femme name in any other circumstance.

I recall my first public meeting, it was a Beaumont Society doo in the Tudor Lodge, Bow, East London 1984. I attended wearing a short red dress, silk stockings, the works.
I joined a group of other Gurls at a Table. Soon I was being criticized for calling myself Jim, smoking my Pipe, and supping a pint of Best Bitter.

Your other-half is lucky to have a woman like you. I hope he realises it!

Take care

Jim

Most Interesting! As I have said my So initially said, as long as she did not have to meet Virginia and she never has. I told my father-in-law that I lied, I am not a crossdresser, he looked surprised then I said, have you ever seen me dressed, he said, "No". I asked am I any different now than I was ten years ago, he said "No" Then I asked am I or am I not a crossdresser, you have never ssen me dressed you say I am the same person - what has changed??" No answer!! Unfortunately my wife has seen my wardrobe but I told her, maybe I ma just weird and collect women's clothing?? Well she is not that easily fooled as she mentioned the make-up, shoes, underware, etc.
Anyway my point is that I am impressed with the reaction to the F > M approach. If in fact, CD'ing is a part of us and does not go away, yet we can supress it , repress it, ignore it, It is my considered opinion, that even the "shock" of seeing your SO dressed "en drab" will not cause total termination of the "CD gene!"
It has made me wonder if I could supress Virginia from now on?? I have accepted the fact that I have this gift, but could I infact and under what circumstance could I repress or supress this for some given time?
Thanks, now we both have a headache, we will think about this.
Love,
Virginia

Hi Virginia,

In a word don't suppress it, that is my advce.
I suppressed it for seven years, all the way from Feb 1997 to April 2004.

I ended up being treated for depression twice in that period. The second time was so bad I was referred to a psychiatrist. I left nothing out of our discussions. He astonished me by saying early on, Dont suppress your crossdressing!

Well putting on a dress again after all those years didn't cure me, but six months later, I am working again after a long absense...

Its your call.. but why add to the stress of modern life!

hugs

Kerri

Hi Virginia,

I, too, have had to see a psychologist for stress related depression. It is not an experience I ever want to repeat. While mine was not caused by crossdressing, I do believe now that it had a contributing role.

As Kerri said, it is your choice; but I cannot recommend it.

Love,
Thats such a great story ! I imagine the initial look on your husbands face was priceless !
Im wondering if you expected your (message) to take hold so well ?
And also wondering how I would have reacted to a similar surprise ?
Thanks for sharing that !!
Cindy

Love, I think you may have hit on an excellent idea. Perhaps more SOs should try this.

Although the explicit aim was to give your husband some insight and empathy into how you feel, perhaps the reverse was true as well? Maybe a hidden part of you wanted to dress as a male and use this as an opportunity.

Jungian psychology (and other theories) suggests that all people are both male and female, and that females desire to express their latent maleness as much as males desire to express their latent femaleness. The difference is that men are more confident, have more social power, and are less fear of criticism, so that they are less reluctant to crossdress.

Cathy

Hi Love--
It seems like a really humorous idea, and like you, I would have had a great time with the planning of it.

I continue to be glad that CDing was not an issue for me during the years I had relationships. I can feel the pain of trying to integrate it into a marriage everytime I read a post like yours (Even though yours was a more positive spin on it all).

Looking back I can see how I handled it. I had CDed as a teen, and then stopped. Whenever any CD feelings came up, I almost immediately channeled them into wanting the girlfriend more. On the surface, this seems to be an ideal solution. I have mixed feelings about this "solution" now--I can see the ways that it didn't work very well. I wasn't suppressing the "girl," but I was ignoring her, and not giving her much expression at all. She eventually rebelled, but it took thirty-some years for it to happen.

It almost seems like in some way, I didn't reach "critical mass" with CDing when I was a teen, and so I was able to just stop, with no apparent ill effect. But I don't think as an adult that I could do this, and I'm not sure what the difference was/is.

I have not seen very many other CD stories like mine, so it doesn't seem like my "solution"--focusing the feelings on the GF--is doable for most CDs. I think many of us would do that, if it worked long-term. I am not sure how healthy it is, though.

In the short term, many of us have done it! It's why we think we're "cured" when we first meet someone new, especially when we're younger and don't have much experience with falling in love. We put all our need for female expression into the partner. This works for about, oh, two months. Why it seemed to work for me for longer is a mystery, at this point.

Love,

I don't think it would have affected me like that. I learned in therapy and from all of you how I affected my wife negatively. We have learned to talk a lot. I always shared my feelings, but she would suffer in silence. I know it is a terrible burden for those who are caught unaware many years later. I have always see Honey SO as the exception. I need to talk with her sometime again. She like you helped me to see so much I did not understand from the otherside.

I understand I will probably never quit. My wife knows that now and has come to terms with it pretty much. This is something we have to be open about daily so that it don't become a blistering sore again.

Thank you and husband for sharing such an intimate part of your lives.
You are both very special people!

Kersten

Well I nearly peed my pants when I read this! This was just great; a sign of the greatness of your partnership. It is just wonderful that you two obviously love each other so much and have fun with each other.

Chantelle