Family

Jessie · Post by **Jessie** » Sat Mar 26, 2005 11:34 am

While this term can be used loosly, as the family of friends I have and love on this forum, it is also used directly to our own personal family. I will say my family was no better than any one elses but I will say is that I love them so much.

Yesterday my mom came over, usualy she gives me grief about how I do not keep my apartment clean, but since I knew she was comming I cleaned up and made here happy about how well I did. This made it possable for the two us to sit down and talk about things from my and her pass. My father back in the was an SOB he had told my mom that she contested the divorce agreement, in which he got custody of me, he would kid nap me and she would never see me again. It kind of hurts me to know my father would do something like this but at the time he was a control freak.

I did find that they had some good times but they where not as much as the bad times. Still I sat down with my mom and we talked and it good to be able to that. I love her so much as it so much easier to talk with her than any one else. She worries about me being so social inempt (sp?) I just wanted to share this with all you.

Love Jessie

Georgia(SO) · Post by **Georgia(SO)** » Sat Mar 26, 2005 6:11 pm

Jessie, as a non-custodial mother of 4 boys, I am thrilled that you and your mom got a chance to talk. Without going into far more details than are necessary, I believe I've lived your mom's life for about 14 years now. My sons are just now getting old enough to get out of their dads' house and to come find me -- all but the baby who is just now 17. We have begun to develop very nice mother/son relationships now and *that* is the biggest miracle I ever experienced.

I can tell you that the chances are very good that there was not a single day that went by that your mom didn't think of you. Not one single day in all those years.

Hope ya'll have great fun together...
-g

Jessie · Post by **Jessie** » Sun Mar 27, 2005 7:50 pm

I wanted to add something and hopping to get some responses before it happens. Today I called my step-mom (the other closest woman in my life) and asked I could meet her tommor for a coffee or lunch and she said sure. I am thinking of (and want to tell her) about my cd life style I am not sure a I keep spreading my wings of telling people. The more people that know the more scared I get somewhat but I feel she being the other person in my life I used to go to talk to I belive I can talk with. The thing is I am not sure how to. With my mom it was mom I want to show you something and I showed her closet of clothes and went from there. With step-mom I am hooping to test the waters a little more. She is anouther cool woman like my mom. Still I worry and need advice?

Love and Scared Jessie

Charlie (SO) · Post by **Charlie (SO)** » Sun Mar 27, 2005 8:46 pm

Jessie

Last year my oldest son who had just turned 20 took me out for a day of shopping and lunch. We had a great time during our shopping but I could sense there was something on his mind.
After we finished lunch he said "Mom what would make you not love me or Adam anymore? " I was shocked that he would even think that there was anything he could do that would make me feel that way. My reply was "Well Trev absoultley NOTHING. I love you and Adam unconditionally, and nothing would ever make me stop loving you".

I could tell by my response that there was a weight lifted off his shoulders. His next words were "Well I have something that I need to tell you, I'm gay" His words didnt shock me at all. I knew being his mom and we are so close that he may be gay. My response to him was to give him a huge hug and kiss and say " Its OK Trev I love you for who you are, and my love for you hasnt changed".

I can only imagine what went through his head to tell me something so personal and him opening up like that for fear of getting hurt and rejected.

When I read your posting about telling your stepmom all I could think about was how Trevor must have felt when he told me. I feel very priviledged that he has the trust in me to tell me.

So with this all said I think that when the time is right whether it be tomorrow the next day or a year from now I think your stepmom will still welcome you. She may feel the anxiety from you and ask if there is something on your mind which may just open up for you to tell her.

Good luck Jessie and I hope things go well and that I helped in some little way.

Hugs

Charlie (SO)

Georgia(SO) · Post by **Georgia(SO)** » Sun Mar 27, 2005 10:16 pm

Jessie,

I too feel for you and the fear that you have. I know that nothing would change my love for my sons, but I am really hesitant to give an opinion about a woman I've never met. So, I will say this - you know this woman really well -- do *you* think it will matter to her? Take your advice from your own heart. You'll know what to do!

-g

Jessie · Post by **Jessie** » Sun Mar 27, 2005 11:46 pm

Thank you both for your words of encouragement. I have now Dian (my step-mom) since I was just about 14 years old before then I had little to no real strong female view in my life. My dad would date many different women in the 7 or so years since he got divorced from my mom and my mom was not that strong of influence on me until later on in my life. Still this will be a lot harder I think than it was telling my mom.

Jessie

Jessie · Post by **Jessie** » Mon Mar 28, 2005 11:08 pm

Ok I wanted to fill everyone in on how it went with my step-mom today. We went to starbucks (I know but I like them anyway) and found a couch in the back to sit at and talk together. At first I was feeling how I did when I talked with my mom but for some reason it was so much easier with my step-mom. Maybe it becuase I had already told some people about it who knows. Well I finaly told her and it was intersting she did not ask any questions at least not for a while she just listened and let me talk. She did not bring up the gay question (I unfortantly did by telling her I had no interset men that way) and she told me that maybe this is a way for me to be happy with who I am. It was profondly good. I was speechless (ok not really but you get the idea) we talked about everthing about my dad my mom and all sorts of things. It was a really nice talk I had with her. We even talked about going shopping some time together I am not sure what next but this was a fantastic day for me.

Jessie

Georgia(SO) · Post by **Georgia(SO)** » Mon Mar 28, 2005 11:11 pm

Very cool........ Three cheers for both your good day and your step-mom! What a classy lady...

-g, who's sleepy now and headed off to the pillow!

Charlie (SO) · Post by **Charlie (SO)** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 12:46 am

That's great Jessie !!!

I am so happy that you got to talk to her and tell her.
You are soooo brave and I admire that.

I am so glad you had such a great day !!!

Hugs

Charlie (SO)

Sally · Post by **Sally** » Tue Apr 05, 2005 1:42 am

Hi Jessie,

I just wanted to post a response to your original message which I've just read.
I too didn't have the model childhood, in the fact that our father was a complete SOB too and I can feel for you in what you went through. I feel that some people should never become parents, but having said that I know that if it wasn't for my father, whatever he was, then I wouldn't exist, but he was a womanising mongrel who ran off and left our mother with 5 small children and no means of support so as small children we were all shovelled off to relatives to be looked after.

At our mothers funeral two years ago we suddenly realised that even in death the dear lady was exerting her influence over us as it was the first time in 50 years and since we were all tiny tots that the five of her children had all been in the same room together and when that was said, along with my 3 sisters and brother we all burst into tears, it was one of those rare touching intimate moments in our lives where something touched our spirits.

My one huge regret in life will always be that I never told my mother the truth about myself. The time never seemed to be right and her second husband disliked me more than my father did even though he didn't know the truth about me. I know she would have been ok with it all as she was one of those women who always said that nothing was all bad, there was always some good in everything and she accepted all people as equal. I could honestly say they she died peacefully without one enemy in the world and I miss her so much.

I guess the good which came out of the predicament our father put us all in was in having that experience of growing up without parental guidance and love just made me more determined to keep my family together and give our children the love and warmth of a family atmosphere to grow up in. That is one paramount reason why I stopped my gender journey short. I could never inflict the pain on my family of the threat of possibly breaking the family up and to lose the father they know and grew up with would just be a selfish decision on my part as our children have two thirds of their expected life left, whereas I have only a third at the most, so it wasn't really that hard of a decision on my part.

I'm so very happy that things are falling into place for you with your family, it's always so wonderful to see a good news story as there are so many of the other kind about.

Kind Regards,

Sally.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Tue Apr 05, 2005 6:15 am

Hi Jessie,

Congratulations on telling your step mother!

That was a wonderful and brave act. It shows how much you love yourself.

Beauty

Kersten Lee · Post by **Kersten Lee** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 8:12 pm

Hi,

Jessie, it is so good to hear that this is going great for you.

Sally, thanks for sharing.

Kersten

Jessie · Post by **Jessie** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 10:10 pm

I would like to add some stuff to this. First my mom was going through some clothes that she had gathered from rumage and garage sales over the years and she asked me if any them would fit. A couple did. Next my godmother (I believe) is getting married this weekend. Unfortunately I will be unable to attend the wedding. Now what is so unusual about that well the "man" she is marrying is transgendered about a year or so off from having the procedure. My mom tells me that both of them are going to wear gowns at the wedding. Boy do I wish I could be there (other side of state and got to work this whole weekend). Anyway I will ask my mom and my step-mom who both happen to be going about the wedding when they get back and tell all you how it went.

Love Jessie

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Fri Apr 08, 2005 3:03 am

Hi Jessie,

Very cool!

I'll look forward to hearing about the wedding. I think it's great too that they'll both be able to understand a little better because of who you've shown them you are.

Beauty

Jessie · Post by **Jessie** » Sat May 21, 2005 3:37 am

I though I would just add to this post rather than adding a new one. I have a family problem. My father wants to know about my new friends that I made while I was in Las Vegas. I tried to tell him that they are just some people that I met, but he keeps probing for more info and I am not very comfortable lying to him out right. I have found that can come back haunt him from things that I have done as kid. Yet I am not sure what to do. I am not sure what to tell him? It is getting harder the more times I see him as I told him that I had a great time in Vegas with some new friends that I made and he wants to know how I meet this new friends. I suddenly am going out every night and staying out tell 2am in the morning some nights. These are all things that not normal for me. Yet I am not sure what to do.

Please advice is needed this getting harder the more times he ask about it.

Jessie