I've been poking around this website for a couple of days now, and I'm curious. Does *anybody* find life with or as a CD to be easy - no big deal? I read the posts from CDs who talk about fear and shame and embarrassment, and from the SOs who at least occasionally have problems dealing with that other woman in their lives and I found myself wondering if the lifestyle *always* has problems built into it? Not just normal living-life problems, but stuff that is indigenous to this lifestyle.
Of course, I do realize that people who don't have issues with it probably are not going to be on a support website, but just curious.
-georgia(so)
Does *anybody* find this easy?
Moderators: KimberlyS, Eileen (SO)
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Georgia(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
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Jessie
- Miss Ruby Goddess
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- Location: Eastern Washington
- Contact:
Georgia,
I have to say that I pretty much except it the only proble I have is that fact I still fell nervouise of what other people will think especialy when I want to buy clothes for my self. I come to the desion that I do not care what other people think as long as I like my self that is alright. Now I am not sure if I am completly being honest becuase I do not go out dressed so maybe I do care but that may have to with fact of fashion sense than any thing else I don't know.
I hope this kind of helps.
Jessie
I have to say that I pretty much except it the only proble I have is that fact I still fell nervouise of what other people will think especialy when I want to buy clothes for my self. I come to the desion that I do not care what other people think as long as I like my self that is alright. Now I am not sure if I am completly being honest becuase I do not go out dressed so maybe I do care but that may have to with fact of fashion sense than any thing else I don't know.
I hope this kind of helps.
Jessie
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Loretta Ann
- Permanently Banned
- Posts: 2199
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 11:30 pm
- Location: Vancouver, Canada
Georgia,
It is not a big deal to me. But that requires that one is prepared to live Unconditionally affected by how other people would prescribe one should live. I also don't dress in public, but that is only because I do not have a need to.
I throughly enjoy dressing the way I do. Which is all the time that I am at home.
Love Darlene.
It is not a big deal to me. But that requires that one is prepared to live Unconditionally affected by how other people would prescribe one should live. I also don't dress in public, but that is only because I do not have a need to.
I throughly enjoy dressing the way I do. Which is all the time that I am at home.
Love Darlene.
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Georgia(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
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- Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 8:58 am
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
Georgia,
First, thank you for participating! SO's input here is as I often refer to it "It is Solid Gold."
If memory serves, the ratio (scientifically speaking) for crossdressing is for men about 1 in 10 for women about 1 in 200. As you will or have found SO's acceptance run the same range as what crossdressers desire.
Some of "us' are content to maybe just wear panites under our en drab occassionally to those of us who dress completely and go out in public.
SO's seem to range from totally supportive to the roller coaster to those who terminate the relationship upon finding out! An article in today's Sunday paper referenced the fact that men and women are even much more different than previously thought. We men are pertty simple creatures: To quote Jeff Foxworthy,"All we want is a beer and to see something naked!" Women it is "discovered" are like, we (men) are the ox cart and women are like the Space Shuttle, the complexities are almost overwhelming! Now, throw into the mix a (no offense to any of my sisters here) but a TRUE crossdresser. It would seem to bring "us" the crossdressers closer to the complexity of the female as we not only wish to appear as she does but we try/do begin to "see things" as she does. To me, as they say "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." Kind of fits.
If I may, wax philosophical, most all my sisters here know my wife is at the end of the spectrum where she absolutely refuses to accept who I am and I did not hide it from her as I did not have a clue until a couple of years ago. Now, with the help of my sisters here, I have reached the conclusion that life is to short to be unhappy and if terminating a 28 year realtionship over my crossdressing is her choice so be it. I am not changing ( I could not anyway) I like me, I like Virginia and if my SO choses not to be part of my life from here on out so be it!!! I have many friends and I have "things to go and places to do!" So I will continue on my own "Magical Mystery Tour" withour her and I will enjoy myself!!!
Like yesterday, my "Weirdo Meter" was almost twisted off its spring!, but that is another story!
Love you all,
Virginia
First, thank you for participating! SO's input here is as I often refer to it "It is Solid Gold."
If memory serves, the ratio (scientifically speaking) for crossdressing is for men about 1 in 10 for women about 1 in 200. As you will or have found SO's acceptance run the same range as what crossdressers desire.
Some of "us' are content to maybe just wear panites under our en drab occassionally to those of us who dress completely and go out in public.
SO's seem to range from totally supportive to the roller coaster to those who terminate the relationship upon finding out! An article in today's Sunday paper referenced the fact that men and women are even much more different than previously thought. We men are pertty simple creatures: To quote Jeff Foxworthy,"All we want is a beer and to see something naked!" Women it is "discovered" are like, we (men) are the ox cart and women are like the Space Shuttle, the complexities are almost overwhelming! Now, throw into the mix a (no offense to any of my sisters here) but a TRUE crossdresser. It would seem to bring "us" the crossdressers closer to the complexity of the female as we not only wish to appear as she does but we try/do begin to "see things" as she does. To me, as they say "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." Kind of fits.
If I may, wax philosophical, most all my sisters here know my wife is at the end of the spectrum where she absolutely refuses to accept who I am and I did not hide it from her as I did not have a clue until a couple of years ago. Now, with the help of my sisters here, I have reached the conclusion that life is to short to be unhappy and if terminating a 28 year realtionship over my crossdressing is her choice so be it. I am not changing ( I could not anyway) I like me, I like Virginia and if my SO choses not to be part of my life from here on out so be it!!! I have many friends and I have "things to go and places to do!" So I will continue on my own "Magical Mystery Tour" withour her and I will enjoy myself!!!
Like yesterday, my "Weirdo Meter" was almost twisted off its spring!, but that is another story!
Love you all,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Georgia(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 416
- Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 8:58 am
Virginia,
So sorry to hear about your marriage.
In response to your quote from Maureen Dowd, whom I always have liked and respected, I just don't agree that men are all that frigging simplistic. In fact, I've always found *men* to be the most fascinatingly complex of creatures. Truth be told, in general, I like men far more than I like women because men are just so damned layered.
I suppose it is all in what you see -- I was talking with my best friend one day and we were discussing my attraction to men and her attraction to women. I said that men just fascinated me - I am always just mesmerized by the way their minds work, the way they think, the whole thing. At that point, I noticed her staring at me and starting to giggle. Seems that was what she was just fixing to say about why she likes girls!
I have to tell you that the thing I regret the most about how the feminist movement evolved, (I might add, I am a major supporter of everyone's right to be who they are and do what they want to do) is that men have gotten the short shrift of it. Even the most popular of TV shows now feature male leads who couldn't find their way out of a paper bag with a pair of scissors, a flashlight and some instructions.
I am a firm believer that there are significant differences between male and female (which theoretically ya'll all believe or you wouldn't be doing what you're doing...) and that these differences are a very good thing and that overall they are equitable and make for a sweet yen and yang thing in the world. But to hear that Ms. Dowd, who usually makes so much sense, would imply that guys are the ox carts of this world underestimates 50% of the population and some of my very best friends and loves. Oh, and it clearly underestimates all four of my sons too! Therefore, I must respectively disagree with her point of view!
-g, aka mom!
So sorry to hear about your marriage.
In response to your quote from Maureen Dowd, whom I always have liked and respected, I just don't agree that men are all that frigging simplistic. In fact, I've always found *men* to be the most fascinatingly complex of creatures. Truth be told, in general, I like men far more than I like women because men are just so damned layered.
I suppose it is all in what you see -- I was talking with my best friend one day and we were discussing my attraction to men and her attraction to women. I said that men just fascinated me - I am always just mesmerized by the way their minds work, the way they think, the whole thing. At that point, I noticed her staring at me and starting to giggle. Seems that was what she was just fixing to say about why she likes girls!
I have to tell you that the thing I regret the most about how the feminist movement evolved, (I might add, I am a major supporter of everyone's right to be who they are and do what they want to do) is that men have gotten the short shrift of it. Even the most popular of TV shows now feature male leads who couldn't find their way out of a paper bag with a pair of scissors, a flashlight and some instructions.
I am a firm believer that there are significant differences between male and female (which theoretically ya'll all believe or you wouldn't be doing what you're doing...) and that these differences are a very good thing and that overall they are equitable and make for a sweet yen and yang thing in the world. But to hear that Ms. Dowd, who usually makes so much sense, would imply that guys are the ox carts of this world underestimates 50% of the population and some of my very best friends and loves. Oh, and it clearly underestimates all four of my sons too! Therefore, I must respectively disagree with her point of view!
-g, aka mom!
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Elandra
- Miss Crystal Goddess
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2005 12:46 pm
Georgia, for me i think most of the problems caused by this lifestyle have been or revolve around judgement, of yourself, how others will perceive you, worrieing how the SO is handeling it all, once you get to the point that it just doesnt matter any more, it feels to good to know this more loveing femme side of yourself, verses trying to kill something that wont go away, all is fine. Sept for the SO, that just takes comunication, untill a way is found for her to be friends with the new lady. I am not intrested in men, or changeing my sex, but those were or are the bigest fears my SO is dealing with, i fear that she may want a man that is more mocho, decide that its to much for her, not what she wants, and i love her so much, we are very open and talk alot, i know how she really feels, but those lil fears of mine keep comeing back, i have accepted it all in me, no fears of judgement anymore, as time goes bye we are getting better at understanding. A lot of thanks to this site.
I hope shareing this with you Georgia helps your curiosity.
I hope shareing this with you Georgia helps your curiosity.
Love And Light Too All 
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Georgia(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 416
- Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 8:58 am
Elandra,
One of the major boosts of having talked to ya'll all weekend has been to find that you are all really concerned about what your SO will think and whether she'll continue to love you. I suppose we SOs should know that this is paramount on your minds, but we can be pretty dense sometimes too! If ya'll worry about it, then chances are my guy's worrying about it too! Thanks for reminding me of that!
-g
One of the major boosts of having talked to ya'll all weekend has been to find that you are all really concerned about what your SO will think and whether she'll continue to love you. I suppose we SOs should know that this is paramount on your minds, but we can be pretty dense sometimes too! If ya'll worry about it, then chances are my guy's worrying about it too! Thanks for reminding me of that!
-g
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Sinjoy(SO)
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 66
- Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2005 7:39 am
- Location: Canada
easy.
Dear Georgia,
I don't know if I have enough experiance to speak in the long term, but it the last month of knowing, yeah, it has gotten EASIER.
I'm still no where near ready to thought Jean-P a parade, or take out a full page ad in the local newspaper, but a little easier.
Sinjoy(so)
I don't know if I have enough experiance to speak in the long term, but it the last month of knowing, yeah, it has gotten EASIER.
I'm still no where near ready to thought Jean-P a parade, or take out a full page ad in the local newspaper, but a little easier.
Sinjoy(so)
I wish for you love, life, health and happiness.
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
Georgia,
First, thanks for you participation, I just can not let one of the things you alluded to go without comment. I beleive in equal pay for equal work and that you put the best person in a job regarless of sex. The "Women's Movement" has definitely put a strain on the work place relationships and I think it has spilled over to the home environment as well as socially. I site two cases I was involved with. First, a woman was placed in a position that she was unqualified for. Our entire marketing staff knew she was in way over her head, but most of us went out of our way to help her and guide her to do what was best, however she screwed up real bad on one case and the manager who was the receipent of the ire of the customers called her on the phone and told her in no uncertain terms what an incompetent idiot she was. (He as right) but he was soon in the unemployment line, not for what he had said but she filed a "sexual harrassement suit" and bingo - bye - bye!! The other was not as dramatic but totally (in my humble opinion) unnecessary. One of my friends and I walked by one of the "ladies" one morning whom we had know for years and he said in a very complimentary way. "Damn, you look nice today!"
Sexual harrassement suit and he was required to give a public apology in front of her and her entire department - some 30+ people, plus no raise and a letter of reprimand in his file!
Yes it appears that men are in a fog as to how to react to women now and women run around asking "Where are the real men??!!"
I am completely convienced that God is up in heaven laughing Her A.. off at how we try and relate to each other. And the lawyers just keep raking in the dough!
Love,
Virginia
First, thanks for you participation, I just can not let one of the things you alluded to go without comment. I beleive in equal pay for equal work and that you put the best person in a job regarless of sex. The "Women's Movement" has definitely put a strain on the work place relationships and I think it has spilled over to the home environment as well as socially. I site two cases I was involved with. First, a woman was placed in a position that she was unqualified for. Our entire marketing staff knew she was in way over her head, but most of us went out of our way to help her and guide her to do what was best, however she screwed up real bad on one case and the manager who was the receipent of the ire of the customers called her on the phone and told her in no uncertain terms what an incompetent idiot she was. (He as right) but he was soon in the unemployment line, not for what he had said but she filed a "sexual harrassement suit" and bingo - bye - bye!! The other was not as dramatic but totally (in my humble opinion) unnecessary. One of my friends and I walked by one of the "ladies" one morning whom we had know for years and he said in a very complimentary way. "Damn, you look nice today!"
Sexual harrassement suit and he was required to give a public apology in front of her and her entire department - some 30+ people, plus no raise and a letter of reprimand in his file!
Yes it appears that men are in a fog as to how to react to women now and women run around asking "Where are the real men??!!"
I am completely convienced that God is up in heaven laughing Her A.. off at how we try and relate to each other. And the lawyers just keep raking in the dough!
Love,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Georgia(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 416
- Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 8:58 am
Sexual Harrassment
Virginia,
Thanks for your thoughts. I can't tell whether you agree with me that the women's movement was a good thing but that our social view of men was a regrettable casualty of it, or whether you agree with me that men really are not the oxcarts of the world...I just sorta got lost in there somewhere!
RE: Sexual harrassment. I will probably get slammed for this, but women who use this very serious charge inappropriately really screw it all up for all of us. It's like crying rape when you weren't...
I've been truly sexually harrassed in the workplace - long ago before women had much of a right to do anything but quit and move on to a new job. Any woman worth her salt should be able to tell the difference between a compliment and harrassment. And any review board with any backbone at all should be able to weed out the power plays and focus only on true harrassment.
*And* men should be able to gather from a woman's deportment whether a compliment like "Damn you look nice today" is going to be truly offensive. Personally, you can tell me that all day long unless you've been playing grab backside with me at the water cooler... but that's just me.
As with any effort to de-discriminate, I suppose it has to wobble around a bit before it hits a balance...
-georgia
Thanks for your thoughts. I can't tell whether you agree with me that the women's movement was a good thing but that our social view of men was a regrettable casualty of it, or whether you agree with me that men really are not the oxcarts of the world...I just sorta got lost in there somewhere!
RE: Sexual harrassment. I will probably get slammed for this, but women who use this very serious charge inappropriately really screw it all up for all of us. It's like crying rape when you weren't...
I've been truly sexually harrassed in the workplace - long ago before women had much of a right to do anything but quit and move on to a new job. Any woman worth her salt should be able to tell the difference between a compliment and harrassment. And any review board with any backbone at all should be able to weed out the power plays and focus only on true harrassment.
*And* men should be able to gather from a woman's deportment whether a compliment like "Damn you look nice today" is going to be truly offensive. Personally, you can tell me that all day long unless you've been playing grab backside with me at the water cooler... but that's just me.
As with any effort to de-discriminate, I suppose it has to wobble around a bit before it hits a balance...
-georgia
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Sinjoy(SO)
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 66
- Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2005 7:39 am
- Location: Canada
womans movement
hi all,
I have been saying for years that woman's lib screwed it up for all of us.
I do think that weman can have it all. but when they try to have it all at the same time, and have a hard time they (we) feel like failers
The fight for equality would have helped more people.
Just my thoughts...
Sinjoy(so)
I have been saying for years that woman's lib screwed it up for all of us.
I do think that weman can have it all. but when they try to have it all at the same time, and have a hard time they (we) feel like failers
The fight for equality would have helped more people.
Just my thoughts...
Sinjoy(so)
I wish for you love, life, health and happiness.
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Georgia(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 416
- Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 8:58 am
Women's lib
Ok, this is probably stretching the on-topic thing, but you are right. We can have it all - in theory. We just can't have it all at once...
-g
-g
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
Georgia,
Quickly, yes, I think women should be able to attempt anything they want without any restrictions. Women are smart enough to know there are things that they can not currently do, just as there are things in general that a lot of men do not expecially wish to be involved in.
Love,
Virginia
Quickly, yes, I think women should be able to attempt anything they want without any restrictions. Women are smart enough to know there are things that they can not currently do, just as there are things in general that a lot of men do not expecially wish to be involved in.
Love,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Jabbela
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 100
- Joined: Thu Feb 03, 2005 11:08 am
- Location: Germany
- Contact:
Hi Georgia,
just to return to your topic.
Well, in one hand it is really easy, especially as now my wife "met" Jabbela and she turned out to be accepting, maybe also supporting in the future. Now I can freely switch to Jabbela whenever my kids are in bed. I don't have to be afraid, that my wife catches me. That is a big step forward for me.
With going outdoor - well currently I am not encouraged enough to do so and I am still looking for company, as either my wife or I have to stay with the children. And it is quite hard to find someone else I am comfortable with - who knows, if (s)he is just a "devil in disguise".
So far the theory.
What really is scaring me, is how to proceed with my wife. I gave her all CD related and (in my eyes) worthy documents I found in the internet. That was quite hard, as she prefers to read in her native language (german like mine), even her english would be good enough and of course I would help her with translating.
I always have CDing at my mind. I can hardly await, until I can get dressed. But I don't want to bust her with that. She doesn't mind when I CD, but this could change, when she recognizes, that I would like to do it every day, being en-femme whenever possible. How would she react when she recognizes, that dressing up is likely to be my first action, when the kids are asleep?
Of course I want envolve her with my CDing desire and I am glad that she is accepting (and hopefully more), but I don't want to put any pressure on her. I still need to talk with her a lot and I need to get her participatience (edited: well this was a typo - but now as I review it, I think it is a suitable new expression) in small steps. I know that, and that is IMHO the best way to enrich our lives with Jabbelas personality.
And I really dare to do the things she already suggested, like going shopping for us two "women", as she also would like to buy some new dressings and shoes - I guess she would be surprised how glad and supporting I would be then, at least as some items would also go to me. Mostly this is a problem to find a opportunity to do so. Same with a "women" weekend trip together.
But it is either hard to point her to this topics and also to be patient enough to find a comfortable balance for us both. Currently that means, that I dress, when she goes to bed (usually much earlier than I do) and then I spend a few hours as Jabbela, a time I really don't want to miss. But even my wife knows that (or at least wouldn't be surprised), it is still similar to hiding it - and I want her to be part of it.
But I am sure, with the right amount of balance, talks, patience and trust, we will be able to integrate Jabbela into our marriage. It will just take some time - and there is no shortcut, even I wish I already had found one.
Hugs, Jabbela
just to return to your topic.
Well, in one hand it is really easy, especially as now my wife "met" Jabbela and she turned out to be accepting, maybe also supporting in the future. Now I can freely switch to Jabbela whenever my kids are in bed. I don't have to be afraid, that my wife catches me. That is a big step forward for me.
With going outdoor - well currently I am not encouraged enough to do so and I am still looking for company, as either my wife or I have to stay with the children. And it is quite hard to find someone else I am comfortable with - who knows, if (s)he is just a "devil in disguise".
So far the theory.
What really is scaring me, is how to proceed with my wife. I gave her all CD related and (in my eyes) worthy documents I found in the internet. That was quite hard, as she prefers to read in her native language (german like mine), even her english would be good enough and of course I would help her with translating.
I always have CDing at my mind. I can hardly await, until I can get dressed. But I don't want to bust her with that. She doesn't mind when I CD, but this could change, when she recognizes, that I would like to do it every day, being en-femme whenever possible. How would she react when she recognizes, that dressing up is likely to be my first action, when the kids are asleep?
Of course I want envolve her with my CDing desire and I am glad that she is accepting (and hopefully more), but I don't want to put any pressure on her. I still need to talk with her a lot and I need to get her participatience (edited: well this was a typo - but now as I review it, I think it is a suitable new expression) in small steps. I know that, and that is IMHO the best way to enrich our lives with Jabbelas personality.
And I really dare to do the things she already suggested, like going shopping for us two "women", as she also would like to buy some new dressings and shoes - I guess she would be surprised how glad and supporting I would be then, at least as some items would also go to me. Mostly this is a problem to find a opportunity to do so. Same with a "women" weekend trip together.
But it is either hard to point her to this topics and also to be patient enough to find a comfortable balance for us both. Currently that means, that I dress, when she goes to bed (usually much earlier than I do) and then I spend a few hours as Jabbela, a time I really don't want to miss. But even my wife knows that (or at least wouldn't be surprised), it is still similar to hiding it - and I want her to be part of it.
But I am sure, with the right amount of balance, talks, patience and trust, we will be able to integrate Jabbela into our marriage. It will just take some time - and there is no shortcut, even I wish I already had found one.
Hugs, Jabbela