Hello to all the SO's on this site.
I was wondering, for you SO's who have struggled with their men dressing up but have come to accept it now either in part or unconditionally...
- What benefit, if any, do you get from your man dressing up?
- What does it do for you?
- How does it make you feel now?
O and post any other positive comment you feel is also relevant.
A Question For The SO's Only Please
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Melissa
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Curly(SO)
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They are hard questions! I don't really think of it in terms of how I benefit. On a relatively shallow level, I benefit from my husband being good company when out shopping, as most men I know hate shopping with with! He is also extremely good at choosing and buying me clothes as presents 
I have a huge makeup collection, and extra clothes to wear, as certain things we can both fit into.
On a deeper level, I have benefitted immensely from finding out about my husband's CDing. I now see my husband as a more complete human being, I have a closeness with him that I never thought possible. I feel privileged that he has shared something so personal with me.
I have a whole new understanding of Gender and Sexuality, it has certainly made me look at these things from a totally different perspective. It has also made me look at myself and challenge my own views, and deal with insecurities, because when I first found out, I did have a huge amount of worries and doubts floating around my brain. I had to struggle with the idea of my husband in female clothes because it was a totally alien concept to me.
What does it do for me?...I don't have a particular fetish for it, it doesn't matter to me which way my husband is dressed, he's still my husband, the clothes are not important to me, having said that, we do have fun with it, and it can be sensual. It makes me happy that my husband is happy and relaxed when dressed (he can, of course, be happy and relaxed when not dressed enfemme
).
How does it make me feel now?...I have got used to seeing him enfemme, now it's just 'normal', I feel happy that he isn't hiding a big chunk of himself from me, and happy that he trusts me enough to share his CDing with me.
We were already a close couple, but this has brought us close together, we both understand each other a lot more than before.
I know that doesn't sound like I've had much of a struggle with it, I never had to struggle to accept it. That just came easy, out of love and respect, but I have had to struggle with understanding it, and the way it raised insecurities in myself.
Curly(SO)
I have a huge makeup collection, and extra clothes to wear, as certain things we can both fit into.On a deeper level, I have benefitted immensely from finding out about my husband's CDing. I now see my husband as a more complete human being, I have a closeness with him that I never thought possible. I feel privileged that he has shared something so personal with me.
I have a whole new understanding of Gender and Sexuality, it has certainly made me look at these things from a totally different perspective. It has also made me look at myself and challenge my own views, and deal with insecurities, because when I first found out, I did have a huge amount of worries and doubts floating around my brain. I had to struggle with the idea of my husband in female clothes because it was a totally alien concept to me.
What does it do for me?...I don't have a particular fetish for it, it doesn't matter to me which way my husband is dressed, he's still my husband, the clothes are not important to me, having said that, we do have fun with it, and it can be sensual. It makes me happy that my husband is happy and relaxed when dressed (he can, of course, be happy and relaxed when not dressed enfemme
).How does it make me feel now?...I have got used to seeing him enfemme, now it's just 'normal', I feel happy that he isn't hiding a big chunk of himself from me, and happy that he trusts me enough to share his CDing with me.
We were already a close couple, but this has brought us close together, we both understand each other a lot more than before.
I know that doesn't sound like I've had much of a struggle with it, I never had to struggle to accept it. That just came easy, out of love and respect, but I have had to struggle with understanding it, and the way it raised insecurities in myself.
Curly(SO)
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Kay(SO)
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Here are the questions:
-What benefit, if any, do you get from your man dressing up?
- What does it do for you?
- How does it make you feel now?
Okay, here go the answers. a.) There is no benefit what so ever in my man dressing up, other than it makes him feel good and happy. Sometimes that's not enough for me to be accepting about it. Sometimes I feel like, hey but what about me? Where is my payoff or where are my goodies? Then I feel selfish for thinking it.
b.) It does absolutely nothing for me at all that is positive, other than he's happy. I'm not the one getting the "buzz, high, good feelings...". I once told him that I don't get anything out of it and he was crushed. It made him feel bad and though it was not my intention I felt horrible but I was being honest.
c.) Sometimes it's fun, sometimes I hate it and wish it wasn't a part of our lives or him, sometimes I could care less one way or the other. Sometimes I feel good seeing the smile on his face when we dress up together and I go out with him. Other times I feel disgusted at myself and him. I know that part will probably ruffle some feathers but again, I'm just being honest. And you would probably be an SO to understand it.
Here's more, I think alot of times when a CD'r asks his wife to be accepting and supportive, he doesn't always understand the gist of what he's asking of her. The depth or the magnitude. Or what happens to us as women, mentally and emotionally. I'm not saying NO one understands, I'm saying I've seen it alot where CD'rs get frustrated when their wives can't just jump right in. They've been dealing with it most of their lives. Also, I think that ya'll need to realize that not every wife is going to be accepting. That's when you have to figure out how to deal with it. I show my husband nothing but love and support but he knows that I still struggle with it on a daily basis and it's been 7 years.
Kay(SO)
-What benefit, if any, do you get from your man dressing up?
- What does it do for you?
- How does it make you feel now?
Okay, here go the answers. a.) There is no benefit what so ever in my man dressing up, other than it makes him feel good and happy. Sometimes that's not enough for me to be accepting about it. Sometimes I feel like, hey but what about me? Where is my payoff or where are my goodies? Then I feel selfish for thinking it.
b.) It does absolutely nothing for me at all that is positive, other than he's happy. I'm not the one getting the "buzz, high, good feelings...". I once told him that I don't get anything out of it and he was crushed. It made him feel bad and though it was not my intention I felt horrible but I was being honest.
c.) Sometimes it's fun, sometimes I hate it and wish it wasn't a part of our lives or him, sometimes I could care less one way or the other. Sometimes I feel good seeing the smile on his face when we dress up together and I go out with him. Other times I feel disgusted at myself and him. I know that part will probably ruffle some feathers but again, I'm just being honest. And you would probably be an SO to understand it.
Here's more, I think alot of times when a CD'r asks his wife to be accepting and supportive, he doesn't always understand the gist of what he's asking of her. The depth or the magnitude. Or what happens to us as women, mentally and emotionally. I'm not saying NO one understands, I'm saying I've seen it alot where CD'rs get frustrated when their wives can't just jump right in. They've been dealing with it most of their lives. Also, I think that ya'll need to realize that not every wife is going to be accepting. That's when you have to figure out how to deal with it. I show my husband nothing but love and support but he knows that I still struggle with it on a daily basis and it's been 7 years.
Kay(SO)
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Amber(SO)
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I am relatively new to knowing about my husbands CDing but I can think of several things right off the top of my head...
What benefit, if any, do you get from your man dressing up?
Now He knows what it feels like to wear 4 inch heels and underwire bras!! Also, he's fun to shop with and spends more on me if he's getting stuff too.
What does it do for you?
thigh high stockings and thong panties...well we'll just say we don't go to sleep early anymore.
- How does it make you feel now?
I still feel confused about why, but then I can also say that about why does the sky look so cool when you see a rainbow.
I kind of think about CDing like a rainbow, every color only makes it look more beautiful. Accept things as they are and be happy about things you cherish. If you try to change them, you are only going to make them tarnished and ugly.
XOXO Amber
What benefit, if any, do you get from your man dressing up?
Now He knows what it feels like to wear 4 inch heels and underwire bras!! Also, he's fun to shop with and spends more on me if he's getting stuff too.
What does it do for you?
thigh high stockings and thong panties...well we'll just say we don't go to sleep early anymore.
- How does it make you feel now?
I still feel confused about why, but then I can also say that about why does the sky look so cool when you see a rainbow.
I kind of think about CDing like a rainbow, every color only makes it look more beautiful. Accept things as they are and be happy about things you cherish. If you try to change them, you are only going to make them tarnished and ugly.
XOXO Amber
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
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Amber(SO)
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LeftyRainbow(SO)
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Melissa,
I'm not really sure if I should answer this as I never really had to struggle to accept things but here goes anyway
Benefits- a happier partner
Does for me- (Sorry, can't print it on a public website without embarrassing myself)
How I Feel Now- The more I talk to others about this subject the more I realize how much my SO and I have going for us and I can't ask for more than that.
Lefty
I'm not really sure if I should answer this as I never really had to struggle to accept things but here goes anyway
Benefits- a happier partner
Does for me- (Sorry, can't print it on a public website without embarrassing myself)
How I Feel Now- The more I talk to others about this subject the more I realize how much my SO and I have going for us and I can't ask for more than that.
Lefty
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Lorna(SO)
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Hi there.
Its been a while since I visited the site so now I have returned to see how things are going this caught my eye. The questions Melissa you have asked are spot on I think...my answers are however not quite the same.
What benefit do I get? None personally, I am happy that he feels able to share such personal feelings with me but there is nothing I gain from it. He is fulfilled and I feel awkward around him. It causes no end of trouble if I am honest with him...as such I keep my truthful opinions to myself when he asks...I hate not being truthful but I don't want to hurt him anymore than I have already.......
What does it do for me? It actually turns me off him sexually. I try to think of someone else when it comes to sex together, I role play with him in body to please him but emotionally inside I am a million miles away. I do all I can to speed up the process so I can go to sleep or get on with something else....anything else to block out how I truly feel! I know its a part of him, I know I have to accept the whole person and I do try but don't ask me to accept the crossdressing as something I have to like. For the sake of our relationship I am hanging in there but its DARN HARD!!
How does it make me feel now? As above really! I am the SO who seems to be on the other end of the scale to those SO here who have accepted and now encourage/support their CDr. I do have a faith like some have mentioned and I battle with my feelings and what I believe to be right and true.
I don't share the thought that God has made these people like this, my partner was not born this way! I think that circumstances and relationships in childhood have swayed them into finding a comfort in CDing that they could not find elsewhere, and its grown from there....I am sure many will disagree and I apologise if I offend anyone!
I am yet again at odds with my partner. Unfortunately its because I miss having sex with him without him being dressed up, if only for the odd occasion, and he says he can't do it without being CD as he feels something is missing. What can I do? Why does my life suddenly feel like its spiralling downwards with no safety net?
Sorry for rambling, things are a little hectic and I knew I could let off steam here and hopefully get some support....oh for friends nearby!
My partner is away next week for a trip with his male friends from work so I am sure I will benefit from time out!! LOL
I hope I have been honest but also not upset anyone....I don't mean to!
Hopefully next time you hear from me it will be better news....
Ciao for now.
Lorna (so)
Its been a while since I visited the site so now I have returned to see how things are going this caught my eye. The questions Melissa you have asked are spot on I think...my answers are however not quite the same.
What benefit do I get? None personally, I am happy that he feels able to share such personal feelings with me but there is nothing I gain from it. He is fulfilled and I feel awkward around him. It causes no end of trouble if I am honest with him...as such I keep my truthful opinions to myself when he asks...I hate not being truthful but I don't want to hurt him anymore than I have already.......
What does it do for me? It actually turns me off him sexually. I try to think of someone else when it comes to sex together, I role play with him in body to please him but emotionally inside I am a million miles away. I do all I can to speed up the process so I can go to sleep or get on with something else....anything else to block out how I truly feel! I know its a part of him, I know I have to accept the whole person and I do try but don't ask me to accept the crossdressing as something I have to like. For the sake of our relationship I am hanging in there but its DARN HARD!!
How does it make me feel now? As above really! I am the SO who seems to be on the other end of the scale to those SO here who have accepted and now encourage/support their CDr. I do have a faith like some have mentioned and I battle with my feelings and what I believe to be right and true.
I don't share the thought that God has made these people like this, my partner was not born this way! I think that circumstances and relationships in childhood have swayed them into finding a comfort in CDing that they could not find elsewhere, and its grown from there....I am sure many will disagree and I apologise if I offend anyone!
I am yet again at odds with my partner. Unfortunately its because I miss having sex with him without him being dressed up, if only for the odd occasion, and he says he can't do it without being CD as he feels something is missing. What can I do? Why does my life suddenly feel like its spiralling downwards with no safety net?
Sorry for rambling, things are a little hectic and I knew I could let off steam here and hopefully get some support....oh for friends nearby!
My partner is away next week for a trip with his male friends from work so I am sure I will benefit from time out!! LOL
I hope I have been honest but also not upset anyone....I don't mean to!
Hopefully next time you hear from me it will be better news....
Ciao for now.
Lorna (so)
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LeftyRainbow(SO)
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Lorna,
Actually, your view point is quite the norm in most of my other SO support groups. It is ironic that you are feeling isolated here as I'm usually the one feeling that way in some of my other groups, so try not to feel so alone knowing that there are many women out there who might feel similiar to you (like Nancy's wife )
I think that you are doing the best that you can and dealing with your own limitations.
There is something to be said for that in itself....kudos to you
If there is anything that we can help you with in particular in this forum (SO's or the entire forum collectively) , please let us know.
I understand the point where you are at and it is well respected without judgement here.
Thank you for being so honest and open with your feelings,
Lefty
Actually, your view point is quite the norm in most of my other SO support groups. It is ironic that you are feeling isolated here as I'm usually the one feeling that way in some of my other groups, so try not to feel so alone knowing that there are many women out there who might feel similiar to you (like Nancy's wife
)I think that you are doing the best that you can and dealing with your own limitations.
There is something to be said for that in itself....kudos to you
If there is anything that we can help you with in particular in this forum (SO's or the entire forum collectively) , please let us know.
I understand the point where you are at and it is well respected without judgement here.
Thank you for being so honest and open with your feelings,
Lefty
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Curly(SO)
- Miss Golden Goddess
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- Location: UK
Lorna,
Just keep talking and talking. My hubby has never made any demands on me with the crossdressing. All he did was to admit crossdressing in secret, and left it with me, so we just talked, to see how we both felt about it. He said that he would just carry on as before, just dress occasionally, in secret, if that would be easier for me. I was unhappy about that, it made me feel insecure, I said I would rather integrate it slowly into our shared life, which is what we have been doing. Hubby has also never requested to have sex while crossdressed, that is just something that I said I was OK with, and have suggested, on occasion. He has said it is not something he needs to do all the time.
I think the point I am trying to make, is that because my husband has been so undemanding and respectful of me, that it has made it a lot easier for me to accept his crossdressing. I was worried at first, that the CDing was more important than me, but this has proved to be untrue.
Really, I need to be having a word with your partner! Talk to him, and see if he is willing to go a lot slower, not to push you into accepting. You need to feel the most important thing in his life, not the crossdressing.
Good Luck!
Curly(SO)
Just keep talking and talking. My hubby has never made any demands on me with the crossdressing. All he did was to admit crossdressing in secret, and left it with me, so we just talked, to see how we both felt about it. He said that he would just carry on as before, just dress occasionally, in secret, if that would be easier for me. I was unhappy about that, it made me feel insecure, I said I would rather integrate it slowly into our shared life, which is what we have been doing. Hubby has also never requested to have sex while crossdressed, that is just something that I said I was OK with, and have suggested, on occasion. He has said it is not something he needs to do all the time.
I think the point I am trying to make, is that because my husband has been so undemanding and respectful of me, that it has made it a lot easier for me to accept his crossdressing. I was worried at first, that the CDing was more important than me, but this has proved to be untrue.
Really, I need to be having a word with your partner! Talk to him, and see if he is willing to go a lot slower, not to push you into accepting. You need to feel the most important thing in his life, not the crossdressing.
Good Luck!
Curly(SO)
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Lorna(SO)
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- Location: USA
Thanks Curly for your honest reply.
I only wish my partner would make ME more inportant than Crossdressing....I know he says I am but it doesn't really come across that way and sure don't feel like it either!
I can only hope that he takes time to think about it all from my point of view, maybe then it wouldn't be such a tense subject between us! :|
Will keep you posted no doubt,
Lorna (SO)
I only wish my partner would make ME more inportant than Crossdressing....I know he says I am but it doesn't really come across that way and sure don't feel like it either!
I can only hope that he takes time to think about it all from my point of view, maybe then it wouldn't be such a tense subject between us! :|
Will keep you posted no doubt,
Lorna (SO)
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Kay(SO)
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Lorna,
I just wanted to tell you that you are definately not alone. Not every spouse feels accepting and supportive about CDing and there are a billion reasons why. It's not an easy road for us and it takes work, compromise, compassion and patience with not only husband's but ourselves. Don't feel bad if you can't deal with it. It's a roller coaster ride and even though I do my best to be supportive, there are times I wish it would all just go away. Since this isn't about to happen, I hang in there because I love him. Thanks for your honesty, it's refreshing.
Kay(SO)
I just wanted to tell you that you are definately not alone. Not every spouse feels accepting and supportive about CDing and there are a billion reasons why. It's not an easy road for us and it takes work, compromise, compassion and patience with not only husband's but ourselves. Don't feel bad if you can't deal with it. It's a roller coaster ride and even though I do my best to be supportive, there are times I wish it would all just go away. Since this isn't about to happen, I hang in there because I love him. Thanks for your honesty, it's refreshing.
Kay(SO)
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Tammy(SO)
- Miss Silver Goddess
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What benefit, if any, do you get from your man dressing up? none really that I can think of, it is for him, not for me.
- What does it do for you? that is very complicated. Sometimes it is fun and sexy, allow me to explore my sexuality with out cheating. Ihave always been a bit attracted to women, but you know I love men, so it never occured to me explore that side until now.
- How does it make you feel now? Okay I guess, I mean it really isn't the clothes that bother me.
The only thing that really bothers is just not knowing if things will change.
- What does it do for you? that is very complicated. Sometimes it is fun and sexy, allow me to explore my sexuality with out cheating. Ihave always been a bit attracted to women, but you know I love men, so it never occured to me explore that side until now.
- How does it make you feel now? Okay I guess, I mean it really isn't the clothes that bother me.
The only thing that really bothers is just not knowing if things will change.
Last edited by Tammy(SO) on Thu May 27, 2004 10:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Rebecca(SO)
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- What benefit, if any, do you get from your man dressing up?
He seems to be very relaxed and content when he is dressed...almost like he is at peace with himself. As far as me benefiting from it...none really.
- What does it do for you?
It creates the need for me to keep secrets from my family, because we believe they would never understand. Always keeps me on edge in case someone stops by the house unexpected...as she scampers down the hallway to the bedroom to hide.
- How does it make you feel now?
I can honestly say that I have had my ups and downs over the past 8 years. I'm usually comfortable with her dressed, but it also makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes because she becomes so incredibly self-absorbed. In the beginning, I had no idea that her crossdressing was all encompassing. I understand that she has had to hide this from so many people her entire life...and she has felt isolated in doing so.
I guess I am on the fence on this last question.
He seems to be very relaxed and content when he is dressed...almost like he is at peace with himself. As far as me benefiting from it...none really.
- What does it do for you?
It creates the need for me to keep secrets from my family, because we believe they would never understand. Always keeps me on edge in case someone stops by the house unexpected...as she scampers down the hallway to the bedroom to hide.
- How does it make you feel now?
I can honestly say that I have had my ups and downs over the past 8 years. I'm usually comfortable with her dressed, but it also makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes because she becomes so incredibly self-absorbed. In the beginning, I had no idea that her crossdressing was all encompassing. I understand that she has had to hide this from so many people her entire life...and she has felt isolated in doing so.
I guess I am on the fence on this last question.