SO's

[Beauty]

Hi there,

I told my wife about myself before we got married, but when she didn't act like she knew I was very puzzled about how she didn't know. We had only been married about a year when this re-occurred. I think the miscommunication came when I showed her pictures from Halloween. I know I told her I hadn't worked it all out (being a CD or not). I also said I didn't do it much anymore. Which was the truth at the time, but I never said I'm not a CD. It's hard to be open about something you've never been that open with before. Does that make sense?

Before we re-addressed my CD side, my mood started getting rather foul and it was because I was trying to be someone I wasn't and I resented her for it. I also resented being in the hubby role and still having to do the "traditional" femme things around the house. When I realized I immediately asked her again about my CD'ing. She was in shock. SO WAS I!?? LOL :o

I thought I'd been through this already and she'd accepted me, but I had to go through a re-acceptance. She was cool with it very easily, then she went through a period of total acceptance. That turned into a rapid turn towards, "Hmmm? Is there more to this?" Now she's at a happy medium. Trust me, I know she's happy.

The weird part was because I had kept this secret for so long it was hard for me to "physically" share my CD'ing side with her. Talking about it wasn't a problem at all. But letting her see me dressed was a HUGE problem.

There were at least two reasons for this. One, I didn't want her to think of me as less than a man and the other was because it felt as if I was going to be judged when I dressed and not accepted. She would tell me she'd like me to dress and I'd go in my head, "YEAH RIGHT?!?" I thought she was just trying to make me feel better, but I could still tell she was way uneasy about it. Turns out that was all in my own mind. She was uneasy about it because she thought she was doing something wrong because I wasn't sharing this part of me with her.

Through long talks and stuff I began to feel more comfortable that she truly did accept this part of me and wanted to see dressed because it seemed to take the edge off. lol! Plus, she told me it made her feel special that I could share this with her. It reinforced she and I are best friends too.

So now it's almost how she prefers to see me. ::happy clap::

I also do the things Lynn(SO)'s husband does. I clean the house, do my best to always have dinner ready for her and do my best to fix things around the house. I think "one" of the reasons she married me is because I always had a femme side (the ability to listen and empathize with her femme feelings more than the macho fella's) .

I'm super duper interested in interaction between SO's and CD's. I hope our conversations will be both civil and productive.

How do you gals feel about your hubby's or boyfriends who dress? Do you still view them as men? Are you embarrassed about us?

Thank you for reading this loooong post!

Beauty

[Beauty]

Hi Sharon,

It's ok that you didn't see it.

I'm glad to know this is the place where you'd like both CD'ers and SO's to talk.

It was also interesting that you were like my wife at first. I have read things where women have said what they had experienced, but I haven't ever had someone read what my wife did and say, "Hey I did something like that." and then explain their situation. Thank you for that!

It's great that you and Shannon are communicating so well!!! I hope this joint project by you two, provides a boon in couples feeling this is a place where they can share stories vs. a separate each other.

I really liked when you said you've never had a problem seeing him dressed and in fact you insist on it. Why do you though? Is it more than you just want it out in the open? Insist is a very strong word. Meaning, it shows you really would like him to.

We all go through (hmm.. nevermind there's always someone who goes, "I DIDN'T") so let me say that as almost everyone who's a CD goes through the "hooker" phase. To be honest, I never really called it the hooker phase because I think it's the same as when you GG's think, when you're hitting the teens, wearing sexier outfits makes you look more like a woman. Then you all become women and realize dressing is "part" of it, but the way you carry yourself is more important and there are other things too.

For us, we can only see the man in the mirror at first. So we need to put on more make up, wear a sexier dress or higher heels to help us rid ourselves of the manly image we've seen for X years in the mirror. The more we dress the less we need that. In my experience with myself and CD'ing friends I've noticed this, at least.

Your post TOTALLY made sense and thank you for posting your reply!

Beauty

[Alexandra]

B sez: "We all go through (hmm.. nevermind there's always someone who goes, "I DIDN'T") so let me say that as almost everyone who's a CD goes through the "hooker" phase. To be honest, I never really called it the hooker phase because I think it's the same as when you GG's think, when you're hitting the teens, wearing sexier outfits makes you look more like a woman. Then you all become women and realize dressing is "part" of it, but the way you carry yourself is more important and there are other things too.

For us, we can only see the man in the mirror at first. So we need to put on more make up, wear a sexier dress or higher heels to help us rid ourselves of the manly image we've seen for X years in the mirror. The more we dress the less we need that. In my experience with myself and CD'ing friends I've noticed this, at least."

me: this is quite often true. the mini skirt is cool at first, but later ends up in the back of the closet.

[LeftyRainbow(SO)]

I prefer my SO to be dressed up. I was fortunate in that he was open about it right away and even before we lived together-that's how we spent most of our dates.He would come over my place and while he was getting dressed for me, I would cook him dinner and maybe a video(and maybe more if I got lucky HA!HA! )
I think your wife just had to accept things at her own comfort level.
As open minded as I seem there are still areas that I am uncomfortable with and I am trying to move forward.
See my question immediately following yours for example
It sounds like you are doing a lot to try to ease her comfort level with your CDing so things should go well for you.
Good Luck and I hope I helped some

[Kay(SO)]

I can still remember the first time I saw my husband dressed. I found it slightly confusing and he pretty much dressed by himself but he had me do his makeup. He wanted me to see that it's still him and not be afraid. I've known since before we even started dating but were friends. He told me so that I could choose whether or not I went out with him. Well, we've been together ever since. Together we have worked hard on his appearance, clothes, beard cover, hair, etc... and I am such a control freak that I LOVE getting to be in charge. We did pick through his wardrobe together and dump some things that I thought were "hookerish" looking and definately not appropriate for his age. He told me early on that his goal was to "blend". Those mini's up to the hoohah had to go. We now shop together, go out and when we do I get to dress up too. I wear clothes that I wouldn't normally wear and we both do makeup and wigs. It's quite fun. I sometimes crash emotionally afterward because I worry about her while we're out and it exhausts me. She's a nervous wreck! Confidence has been a big issue but getting better. Embarrassed? No way. And usually when we get back from our outings I am reminded yet again that he's the man I fell in love with.
Kay

[Beauty]

Thanks to everyone who posted, especially the GG's.

It's so cool to know you all aren't embarrassed about your mates.

What I didn't expect from the exchange is to observer some similarities about you all and some very distinct differences. It's great to see that like us, there are different SO personalities too.

I've never really responded to SO's before. There were a couple on the CDDF site, like KarenGG, but this has been an enlightenment of sorts (reading other SO posts).

I hope more SO's come here. Even the SO's who aren't happy in any capacity about there loved one dressing. It would be great to hear from them too.

Again, it's great to read other SO reactions, understand it wasn't easy for you to digest, and to be able to start understanding how you cope (now and back then) with this.

Take care!!!
Beauty