Can't help how I feel!

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 7:57 am

I am going to post this here, don't know how many will read it - not important, guess it is more for my own benefit to see my feelings in writing.
I spoke to my wife on the phone after we left court on Wednesday. I asked her, "well, how do you think we did?" She said "fine!, but he (her attorney) was just waiting for me to say something stupid!" Whatever that means - anyway since she admitted in court that she had had another seizure and had not even told her doctor I asked her to ask her attorney if she shoud report it in that it may lead to her having her driver's license revoked - again! She said she was not sure what to do. Then - then I did it!!!
"Susan, honey, please just give this up! come home and let me take care of you, I still love you and I think I can do a better job of providing for you than your 80 + years old parents." Her reply was something to the affect that, well thanks, but it has gone to far at this point (I protested that it has not) but she said that she just can not deal with the crossdressing, so she would not consider it! You ave to remember she has never seen me dressed, asked to never see me dressed and know that I follow her wishes while she lived in this house. Also it is imperative to understand that she knows absolutely nothing - NOTHING about crossdressing and does not want to know ANYTHING AT ALL about it which leads me to the conclusion that she subscribes to her attorney's "diagnosis that I (we) as crossdressers are all "insane perverts."
Well, I am me and I can't look back and say I lived with this woman for 28 + years and still not have feelings for her - good,bad or indifferent I still have feelings for her, they may be diminishing, but they are there, so what can I do??
Love you all!
Virginia

Charlotte · Post by **Charlotte** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 9:45 am

Hi Virginia, I feel your pain girl and my heart goes out to you. There probably isn't much you can do at this stage except finish out the divorce process. Right now I think your wife is in the clutches of her greedy lawyer and taking advice and instructions from him so she won't or can't think clearly. Once the lawyer realizes he can't suck any more money out of your wife than he will be out of the picture and she will be more or less on her own. Only then will she be in a position to think back, reflect and realize what a good thing she had living with you. I suspect when those outside negative influences are gone she will look at things much differently. I'm sure so knows deep in her heart that you are NOT some perverted evil person. Keep your chin up girl and I'm sure there will be better days ahead.

Luv Charlotte

Post by **DonnaT** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 9:46 am

Sounds like you've done all you can do, short of making a promise that you can't keep, like quitting.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do to show someone how much you still love them, is to let them go.

Jessica_Karen · Post by **Jessica_Karen** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 5:36 pm

Oh, Virginia, how I feel for you! Twenty-eight years! It feels like someone is ripping you up by the roots, I'm sure. And such a hole left behind! I have some sense of what you must be going through...from some of the posts you have written, of course, but also because I am only a step or two behind you in your journey. (You've been so kind in your responses when I have posted!) I know it's going to be hard for you. How much it hurts to have your love thrown back in your face like that. The people here, I know will always be ready to listen and to send you their support. But you know that. I know from personal experience how important that can be. I hope that you also have someone you can talk to face to face when you need to. That's important, too.

Meanwhile, I'm sending you my love. I know your support has been a comfort to me. Please let me return the favor.
Karen

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 6:06 pm

Virginia wrote: but he (her attorney) was just waiting for me to say something stupid!" Whatever that means - anyway since she admitted in court that she had had another seizure and had not even told her doctor I asked her to ask her attorney if she should report it in that it may lead to her having her driver's license revoked - again! She said she was not sure what to do. Then - then I did it!!!

Hey Sis,

That means if he (her attorney) can get you to say something stupid, "that would serve to discredit you". That is his job. The fight is not between you and him, he can pretty well say what he wants to. As I said earlier it appears that he attempted to push your buttons in order to make that happen. It is really pretty simple hon. not a lot more to it than that.

Virginia also wrote:"Susan, honey, please just give this up! come home and let me take care of you, I still love you and I think I can do a better job of providing for you than your 80 + years old parents."

Yes Sis,

Letting go is something that can not be done at the drop of the hat, It takes time. A lot of time. If your wife is ever able to change her mind about divorcing you, it will come after the time you stop pressuring her. Which is what you have done by the statements you made to her about you being able to take care of her. Sorry hon but that is just how it works. She will run from that kind of thing.

The best you can hope for is that down the road she will regret her actions. but it is often to late by the time that happens.

Your focus needs to be in the opposite direction, as much as is humanly possible for you at this time. The more you do that the more you will be able to do that in the future. That means: First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin! He (her lawyer) will only attempt to exploit any good intentions you might have such as becoming involved with whether or not she reports her seizure. That will be seen as being none of your business.

Kyra · Post by **Kyra** » Thu Oct 20, 2005 9:15 pm

Virginia,
Sweetie, with as much as you've done (from what I can ascertain), no one can expect any more from you. You've followed your heart and poured out your soul.

Remember, it takes two to make a marriage. One person can't do it alone.

I know it has to be tough for you. I've never walked down the path you're on, and I can't imagine what you're going through. But my heart aches. It aches because of the difficulty you're facing. You are living through what I feared would one day happen to me. I hope, I truly hope everything will work out well for you. Be courageous dear, just a little longer. Time does indeed heal all wounds.

Sincerely,
Kyra

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Fri Oct 21, 2005 9:38 pm