It's Going to Get Better

[CarlyAnn (SO)]

Good morning

I just want to say it took me about 6 hours yesterday to read everything you all have wrote in here and by the time i finished i had a better out look on what is going on in our lives. I'm not as scared as i was.I figured out i'm not loosing my best friend i'm gaining a better one. and yes i've asked Hailey to join so she can understand my fears.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, CarlyAnn -

Congratulations on Hailey joining, I just approved her membership this morning.

Just remember our motto here, and it applies to the CD *and* the GG/SO: Baby steps, honey . . . baby steps.

We're looking forward to your participation, so don't be shy.

Have a great day!

- SL

[CarlyAnn (SO)]

That is great I can't wait to tell her.

[Virginia]

Well CarlyAnn you made me cry!!! That is pretty easy to do, but I hope this was an epiphany for you and that, yes "she" can be a good friend, sister, lover, and all that comes with it.

I will offer one other piece of advice and you can take it for what it is worth. YOU have the control!!!! You can set the boundries for her. It takes communication by both of you to sit down and talk it out. But you can still set the bounderies, like how often she can dress, what she should wear, especially if she goes out amid the "great unwashed" and especially with you. You don't want her to embarrass you so tell her what to wear and not look like the proverbial $2.00 hooker! Blend in, don't stand out but still look like a lady, and act like a lady. Work with her on how to dress, make-up, how to stand, walk, sit!!!!!

Good luck, dear and keep us posted and we look forward to hearing from you "new girlfriend!"

Love,

Virginia

[CarlyAnn (SO)]

Hi Virginia,
I must start by saying Thank you all. You ladies have made me realize that i'm not selfish and I have a right to my feelings just as much as she does and with a little compromising we'll be seeing another 10yrs. of happy.

As to control what she is doing right now i don't think I should do that. I look at it this way she needs to explore this to find out who she really is. And if this was my husband and I was going through this he would not put boundries on me he would grab my hand and walk with me. With all of your hands I'll make it through and with my hand she will too.



So have a great day and thanks for being my friend

[Lori A]

Carly Ann, so glad you found this forum and invited Hailey to join. My wife actually found the site and signed me up though she doesn't want to join. That doesn't mean that she isn't reading post as a guest. Please, as the GG's suggested set limits and advise her on what is appropriate. I personally chose hooker red lip stick and the wrong eye shadow and my clothes looked like something my grandmother would wear, so please advise her lest she embarrass you.

[Stephanie W]

Hi CarlyAnn and a big welcome to the forum. Glad to know you're feeling better now since your first posting. A little understanding can go a long way and you've certainly had some great advice already, so I'm happy it has helped you. I agree with you about not wanting to be controlling. What is important are YOUR feeling in all this and with Hailey joining us too (welcome Hailey), I'm sure it won't be long before s/he understands that too.

Best of luck to you both and enjoy the forum.

Stephanie

[Absaroka]

Carly this is a lot to get used to. Men are always saying well what's the big deal, it's still me in this dress, the same person. But the truth is that if it wasn't important then we probably wouldn't go to the trouble of doing then would we. It is a big deal to us, why shouldn't it be a big deal to you?

Absaroka

[Ann Stef]

Hi Carlyann, my wife thought she was loosing a hubby, I convinced her that she was gaining a caring & thoughtful partner who now thinks like a female. Males can be so cold when time goes on.

[Lynn (GG)]

my husband told me about his cding about 2 weeks ago .I dont think he understands how I feel.This is not easy for me.We have been married 10 years and I feel like Im getting the short end of the stick here.I love him but I feel like hes a different person entirely now.Im trying to understand why he likes to do this.I dont know I have a lot of different emotions going on in my head right now part of me wants to be supportive the other part wants him to be the man I fell in love with.

[Absaroka]

Hi Lynn and welcome.

No in general we don't like to think about how this can make our spouses feel.

Best suggestion I can make is to really listen to your husband, and to let him know that you expect the same from him in return.

If you wanted to put on a false beard and similar things he'd probably have difficulties also.

Absaroka

[Georgia(SO)]

Carly,

I agree with you - that it isn't the SO's role to set limits on what the CD can do, or not do. As an SO, it's not my place to tell my sweetie what to do or not - It *is*, however, well within my place to set limits on what *I* will participate in. For myself, that line is at the bedroom, but other folks draw that line at different places.

I do, however, echo what the folks on this forum have said about advice concerning fashion, etc. Most GG's have been messing with their hair and makeup since 7th grade and we know a lot of tricks - most guys haven't had the opportunity of trying to learn to do this at a 12 year old slumber party. I would caution you, however, that the advice has to be given as gently as you would want to receive it. Preferably asked for by your sweetie, but sometimes a suggestion will go a long way. (It takes a long time, for example, for redheads to figure out they can't wear fire engine red lipstick).

I'm glad you are feeling better...

-georgia(so)